Disclaimer- JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and all trademarked characters affiliated with it. I obviously don't. End of story.
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Today is the day. From this moment on, I truly believe that I will never love again. You see, my heart is broken, and I don't know how to fix it. It hurts as if a blade has just sliced open my heart. But these wounds will make me stronger, and less of the weakling that I was for so long.
I remember I once heard a fairly odd little expression. It went something along the lines of 'What hurts most is to love, but to not be loved in return'. At the time, I laughed at the foolish expression, thinking that if anyone was so idiotic as to love in the first place, it would be their own fault for getting hurt.
Allow me to explain. I'm Draco Malfoy, the son of Lucius Malfoy, and the grandson of the great Abraxas Malfoy. I descend from a long and ancient line of powerful wizards. Ever since I was a small boy, my father has drilled into me the importance of staying strong. A Malfoy never shows any signs of weakness. And a Malfoy never, under any circumstances falls in love.
Can a Malfoy get married; have a girlfriend or a lover? Why certainly, after all it is only natural as well as necessary to preserve the bloodline. But a Malfoy can never get emotionally attached or fall in love. For to fall in love is a weakness, and any proper Malfoy can not compromise the family by displaying any signs of weakness. It is simply forbidden. However, I had never understood how slowly love can sneak up to you until you are consumed in its burning flames.
Throughout my first years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I was an exemplary little Malfoy. I was proud of my family, and our strong pureblood ties. I despised mudbloods, even going a step further to hate halfbloods and those tattered Weasley's. I didn't trust Dumbledore, and I antagonized Potter and his friends. Often speaking with pride for my powerful father, my arrogance consumed me.
Yet in my fourth year, things began to change. Oh, I was still the same conceited snob that I had always been. But something was different. For the first time in my life, I had started to notice that she was not the stuck-up little mudblood bookworm that I had always thought her to be.
Hermione Granger. I began to see her in a different light, not as the filthy mudblood any more. She was kind, sweet, and considerate; something that I could never be. It wasn't that she was beautiful by normal standards, in fact, she was average at best. But the shimmer in her warm brown eyes had their own special beauty.
Each day, I looked forward to seeing her. A glance of her in the hallway, or momentary look in the classroom. Either way, neither one of them could satisfy my dreams. I didn't necessarily have any sort of dishonorable intentions for her. I just wanted her to love me, that's all.
As each year passed, my hunger for love grew stronger. She became my obsession. But I didn't dare show any signs of my true feelings. I was a coward, too afraid of everyone's reactions. My father; he would simply kill me. To love is shameful enough, but to love a mudblood? Now that is justifiable of murder. And Hermione's reaction? I was too afraid of rejection to find out.
Each year, I kept silent. But in my sixth year, I was being torn apart inside. I had joined the ranks of the Death Eaters, and was now a full fledged supporter of everything that Hermione stood against. But by the end of the year, I couldn't take it any more. Keeping it bottled up inside was killing me. I had to tell her.
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The evening of June 13.
It was the night that everything would change forever. I had lured Potter and Dumbledore out of Hogwarts, and let my fellow Death Eaters in. They were wreaking havoc upon the ancient castle. But yet I had other things on my mind.
It was hard to find her. So many people were running, screaming. But Hermione was no where to be found. I searched everywhere, until at long last, I found her. She was in the now deserted Gryffindor tower, gazing out at the grounds I dismay, trying to cast a protective spell.
"Hermione," I said softly, trying not to startle her. This has after all, been the moment that I have been waiting for.
None the less, she jumped and spun around when she heard her name, apparently I did startle her. Her eyes first widened in surprise at seeing my standing before her, then they narrowed in rage.
"Malfoy!" She spat my name out as if it burned her tongue just to speak it, "What are you doing here?"
So far, thing were not at all going the way that I had planned. But then again, of course she would be surprised.
"I just wanted to talk to you," I said as I closed the door to make sure she didn't bolt.
"And why exactly aren't you out there, trying to kill people with your Death Eater friends, Malfoy?" She snapped, anger flashing in her lovely brown eyes.
"And what seems to make you think that I happen to be a Death Eater?" I asked.
"Oh please, Malfoy," She snorted, finding the idea ridiculous, "You are, and always have been, a prime candidate."
"Hermione, please believe me, I had no choice," I pleaded. Merlin, what a pathetic fool I had been reduced to.
"No choice? Bull, Malfoy," She laughed. For once, there was no kindness in her eyes..
"Please Hermione, I... I love you," I whispered. If I was waiting for the right time, that was not it. But I couldn't help it, I couldn't bare to keep it inside any longer.
Her laughter immediately stopped as she looked at me as if she had not quite heard correctly, and quietly asked in a shocked voice, "What did you say?"
"I said... I said that I love you, Hermione," I said. There was no turning back now, "I have for a long time now. I love you."
Her eyes had lost there laughter and turned hard and cold.
"You must be joking Malfoy," She said, looking at me as if I were some sort of insect.
This startled me. She must be the one who was joking, right? I mean, I had thought that I had made it pretty clear that I was not joking. But there seemed to be some confusion. I should have taken it as a sign right there, but I couldn't help myself.
"Why would I be joking, Hermione?" I asked, the emotion rising in my voice, "I just told you that I love you... last time I checked, that usually merits some kind of response."
She stared at me. Her eyes were not filled with the same kindness that Draco had seen so many times. No, apparently that kindness was only reserved for her friends. Instead they flashed with anger, searing holes into my heart.
"You love me?" She asked in disbelief, "You love me? You are seriously saying that you love me?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to know what I find funny about that, Malfoy?" She questioned, not giving me a chance to respond, "You cause all of this chaos outside and you want me to say that I love you? For one thing, we hardly even know each other! Oh wait, you know, I do remember al of those times that you teased me and my friends relentlessly!"
"Hermione, now that was only because I couldn't risk anyone-" I began to protest. This isn't fair; it's not the way that things were meant to be.
"I don't want to hear it," she interrupted furiously, "People could be outside dying right now all because of you, and yet you still expect me to tell you that I love you. Well let me tell you something, Draco Malfoy. You are the last person who I could ever bring myself to love! You bring death and destruction all around you, and I could never love you. You mean as much to me as Voldemort does. I hate you both with a passion, and I always will."
When she finished her speech, her hair was in her face, which was now tinged pink from all of the shouting. Her eyes were still sparkling. But they weren't sparkling for love of me, it was of hatred. And that is how I will always remember her.
With out another word, I walked out and into the astronomy tower where I later went on to meet Potter and Dumbledore. I was supposed to kill he old man, but all the fight was drained out of me. Then, I left the school, and with it I left a piece of my heart forever.
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The present
Now I am a true Malfoy. My father always told me that to love is a weakness. And weaknesses are of course unacceptable in a family such as the Malfoy's. Weaknesses are forbidden.
Well, I had disobeyed the rules. I had fallen in love. I had played with fire and had gotten burnt. And now I fully understand. All those years that I had secretly snickered when father went on about how destructive love could be. Now I understand that he was right. Love is a weakness, something that is intolerable.
So my father wanted me to be a true Malfoy. He wanted me to be someone incapable of love, some one who has no heart. A perfect Malfoy, that was to be my destiny.
Well, my father's wish has just come true.
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Authors note: this ws my first one-shot, I hope you liked it. I hope it didn't really sound emo or anything. Thanks for reading. PLEASE REVIEW