I Don't Know You

Impossible

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no…" he murmured over and over.

I ruined it. Now I'll never have that feeling again. When I'm with her…

It was unbearable to think she didn't feel the same way. Was he just dreaming? Was she just standing there while he kissed her? Did she feel anything at all?

Of course not. You're using her, Draco, a small voice inside his mind said. If she had felt the same way, she wouldn't have stopped kissing you.

It hurt Draco immensely to force himself to understand his own words.

But then again, maybe she did feel it. Maybe she was swept away just like he was. He felt selfish and mentally slapped himself for even thinking these words, but he still couldn't prevent the thought from surfacing to the front of his mind…

I guess I'll never know.

But if she did, how on earth did she find the strength to do the right thing? Fuck! She's such a damned good person. He couldn't help but admire her for this remarkable trait.

Krum and Weasley. His blood boiled at the thought of Hermione's previous lovers. How could she have been thinking of them in a time like that?

He knew perfectly well of the love-hate relationship involving Ron and Hermione. Everyone did. It was painfully obvious that he had been completely head over heels in love with her for years, but too stupid to do anything about it. And when she had finally realized, he let it slip through his fingers, blaming her for never reaching out to him. The entire great hall was present when the fiasco took place. She had been so mortified. It was funny how it seemed that every one of their blazing rows took place in front of the whole school.

Some people just don't understand how women tick. Draco prided himself in his expertise in that very area.

They did, however, have a week or two of going out together, but it immediately ended when they could not stand one another anymore. But, over eight months later, Draco was pretty sure that the Weasel never stopped having feelings for her.

And then Krum, as well. Without warning a blazing anger took hold of him. KRUM! Damn him, I HATE him! He had probably already stolen Hermione's virginity, and then he dumped her like a sack of mud without looking back. Draco remembered how she had cried in class for weeks following.

To think that he actually used to try to suck up to Krum, and almost idolized him in a sick jealous way… It was unbelievable nowadays.

This anger did not solve anything for Draco. He still didn't know how Hermione felt about everything. It would never be put to rest unless he did something about it.

He needed to see her again… Needed her to look in her eyes… Needed her to understand… His love was so strong that-

What?

His LOVE?

Now that's crazy. In no way possible. Absolutely, undeniably, completely, totally-

"True."

Then Draco saw light as he verbalized it. He understood. It made sense. Everything fit. So this is what it feels like.

It's odd what you can reveal to yourself just by thinking clearly. The real truth swept over him, and instead of delighting him, it devastated him.

Now I know what they mean when they say 'Love Sucks'.

He sunk into the armchair, Hermione's armchair, and breathed in her scent. She would never love him. And it was his fault. Perhaps if he hadn't swallowed in everything his father had told him as a child, she would have given him a chance. Maybe they'd even by together right now- telling each other those three little words that were ripping the present Draco apart little by little.

He couldn't believe how drastically his opinion towards Hermione had changed. It had simply started with an interest, a harmless wonderment about what made Hermione tick. Just in a matter of weeks of getting to know her, he found that absolutely everything about her was beautiful. Physically, mentally, emotionally…

Dammit! Why hadn't he realized this earlier? If only, if only…

But the past no longer mattered. What was done was done, and Draco had to make due with what he had. He loved Hermione, and he knew that it would be a waste of time to try to fight these feelings. There was too much truth in them.

iHisHHH

So what am I going to do about it?

He let these words hang in the air for a while, knowing that he couldn't just sit here with the reality. It would eat him from the inside until he was nothing but skin- hollow.

He scanned the possibilities of which none were appealing.

Eventually he decided he should make a list. He reached for his bag and took out a black quill and a scroll of spare parchment. Messily, he scrawled out a title and began to list the options for his future.

What to do

1. I throw myself off the North Tower. (!)

2. I get back with Pansy to try to forget about H.

3. I force myself on H, make her love me.

4. I drop out of school to try to turn my life around.

5. I kill my father in sweet vengeance!

6. I tell her.

He didn't really want to do any of them. There were only two rational options. One was to drop out, but he really didn't want to do that. NEWTS were near, and if he left now, his seven years of hard work would go to waste.

And then option six stood out.

Tell her.

It was the only thing he could do that made sense. It at least did not involve suicide and/or murder. (He really was tempted to make his father pay, if he weren't currently residing in Azkaban.)

She would probably slap him and stomp off, but at least he would know he tried. At least he wouldn't have to live with the regret that he had never told her. When she says no, which is definite, I'll just have to live with it, and try to move on.

That led to another string of problems. Where and when was he going to do it? Corner her after class, or in their common room?

And by Gods, HOW? What was he going to say? Just blurt it out? "I love you Hermione, uhh, just thought you should know?"

This is going to be impossible.

(A/N: Sorry that wasn't a very eventful chapter, but lots will happen in the next one. Right now I'm looking at eleven chapters total. Let me know in your reviews if you would rather me extend this story, or start a brand new one, which will probably also be Draco/Hermione.)