Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 2 – Dreams Not Forgotten
Author: Xanfan27 R/NC-17 for future chapters
Pairing: Xander/Angel
Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.
Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats
Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Words in Italics indicate thoughts.
"Don't do this."
"I have to, I can't risk you."
"Every day is a risk. I won't forget, no matter what you say, what you've done, I won't forget one moment."
"Yes, you will."
"How much time do we have?"
"A few moments."
"Tell me one more time."
"I love you, Xander."
"You're the first person who ever told me that, the first one to really mean it. I love you too…"
Angel jolted awake as the plane started to make it's descent. He settled back in his seat as he tried to forget THAT dream. That same dream that had plagued him on a regular basis since THAT DAY, the day that everyone but him had forgotten. The dream that always left him with tears in his eyes and an ache in his chest. The dream that wasn't a dream, so much, as a memory.
Angel often wondered if he had made the right choice, if things would have been different. Would Cordy, Doyle, Fred & Wesley still have been lost to the fight? Wondered, might not be the right word, more like brooded about.
His boy loved to tease him about his "broodiness."
But, he wasn't "His boy" now was he.
And now, with Cordy gone, he was the only one who knew that Xander ever had been Angel's.
When he had told Doyle and Cordy about that day, he had expected Cordy to be mad about Angel being "with" her ex-boyfriend. He hadn't expected her to be mad about breaking Xander's heart and ruining the best thing that had ever happened to either of them. When Angel explained that Xander wouldn't remember the heart break, Cordy hadn't relented, saying that was even worse. Even Doyle had been confused by this conversation and had asked Cordy what she was talking about. What she said next, had broken Angel's heart all over again.
"No one has ever really shown Xander love. Not his parents, not his friends, not his best friend, not his "first," not even me." Cordy said sadly.
"What do you mean?" Angel asked.
"His parents are mean drunks, who yell at him constantly about being useless and worthless. His friends always push him aside and tell him he can't really help them. Willow pretty much abandoned him after "The Fluke" and had been pushing him aside since way before that, which is probably why "The Fluke" happened in the first place. Faith used him and kicked him out of her room, before the sweat was even dry."
"And what about you?"
"Me, I hid our relationship in a broom closet, too afraid of losing my social status. Then, when things got hard I dumped him and told him that he was worthless to everybody. I called him Donut Boy & Zeppo and told him nobody really wanted him around." Cordy winced are her own recap of the relationship.
"He said I was the only person who ever meant it," Angel whispered
"Meant what?" Doyle asked, having picked up the quiet remark with his half-demon hearing.
"Meant it when I said I loved him. I thought he was just being dramatic." Angel admitted.
"You were and he wasn't." Cordelia stated harshly, "He really needed to know, at least once, that someone really cared about him. You took that away from him. You may have been the first, but I hope for his sake, you're not the last. Because, if ever someone deserves to be loved, it's Xander."
It had taken Cordy awhile to forgive him. She had told him that he needed to stop playing God and making decisions for people, instead of with people. He knew that he had repeatedly failed to learn that lesson and had made similar mistakes with her. Now, he would never be able to make that up to her.
He had avoided Sunnydale, and particularly Xander, after that day.
Cordy had kept in contact with Willow and had taken great pains to repeat every word she learned of Xander's life. Eventually, Cordy and Willow had both gotten too busy to communicate much and contact between the gang had been pretty non-existent. He had managed to hear about Anya and that relationship, as well as the aborted wedding. He had hurt for the boy, but a part of him had been a little relieved. Of course, when he heard that Anya had died with the collapse of Sunnydale, he had felt guilty about feeling relief. That had started a whole other broodfest that had lasted for days.
Of course, hearing about all of Xander's exploits from Spike, and the grudging friendship the two had developed towards the end of Sunnydale, had been an experiment in torture. He wondered if Spike suspected something. He wondered if he got extra redemption points for not dusting his annoying childe.
The jolt of the tires hitting the tarmac jerked Angel's thoughts back to the present.
What was it going to be like, seeing Xander again? Would it be hard to wince at the term "Deadboy" instead of smiling? Did Xander remember anything? Would Xander be hostile and insulting? Would he be able to resist grabbing and kissing the boy within an inch of his life? When had he started babbling in his head?
"Oi, Peaches, you comin' or what?" his ever so eloquent childe called, from the front of the plane.
Angel took an unneeded breath and stood up. As he exited the privet jet, a perk he had kept from Wolfram & Hart, he spotted Faith waiting for them next to big SUV.
"Fang!"
"Hello Faith, looking wonderful as always," Angel replied to her enthusiastic greeting.
"Thanks. Hi, Gunn, Ilyria, Spike. Come on, put your bags in the back and saddle up." Faith gestures to the SUV.
A half hour later and several miles later, Faith looks over at Angel, "You look like crap."
"Thank you." Angel says wryly.
"The bints right Peaches, you look like shite."
"I've had a hard couple of …. years." Angel says, in his own defense.
"Yeah well, you can rest when we get back to HQ. Xander made sure your rooms don't get any sunlight and even sun proofed some of the common rooms. Actually, he'll probably still be finishing when we get there." Faith said.
"Oh, that's nice," Angel tried to sound casual.
Apparently, he wasn't that successful, because he heard a sub-vocal snicker coming from Spike's direction, in the back.
A few minutes later they were pulling into a very large estate. When they stopped in front of the main building, Andrew rushed out and Giles followed at a rather more sedate pace.
"Yo, G, what's up." Faith greeted.
"Faith, that is almost worse that Xander's G-man nickname."
Faith smirked unrepentantly.
"I see you work successful in your excursion."
"If that means I managed to pick them up at the landing strip and get them here mostly in one piece, then yes, I was." Faith smiled at Giles.
"Welcome Angel & company, let's get you inside and Faith will show you to your rooms." Giles said.
"Yo, Andy, do you know what rooms Xander got ready for Fang and Little Fang?" Faith asked.
"Oi, I'm not little!" Spike muttered.
"No Slayer Faith, I am not sure what rooms he prepared, perhaps we should go ask him."
"Andy, chill with the Slayer Faith crap."
"Sorry Faith."
"So where is Xander?" Faith asked the younger boy.
"Working on something, somewhere. It shouldn't be that hard to find him."
"No kidding, I'll just follow the crowd." Faith smirked.
"The crowd?" Gunn asked, before Angel got the chance.
"Yeah, 20something man doing sweaty, manual labor in a house full of teenage girls? You gotta believe there'll be a crowd." Faith laughed.
Angel took another unneeded breath. Oh God, a sweaty Xander, how was he going to survive that?
As they walked into the building, a low hum of whispering and giggling could be heard coming from a doorway to the left.
"Ah, he must be working on those cabinets in the training room." Giles stated.
"Come on, let's go ask him where your rooms are." Andrew said, excitedly. Not because he wanted to see a sweaty Xander, at least, that is what he told himself.
They made their way down the stairs and the giggling and whispering grew louder and eventually became what some would call a din.
A group of girls were crowded around and in a doorway. The occasional dramatic sigh could be heard.
"Break it up ladies, we need to ask Xander something." Faith called over the din.
The girls began to scatter, and the group made their way to what was apparently the training room.
Once inside they saw what the girls had been sighing over. Xander, in a sweat dampened t-shirt, jeans, work boots and a carpenter's belt, maneuvering a somewhat large cabinet into place. His head was bopping along to whatever music was coming through his head phones.
"Yo, Boytoy, we got guests." Faith shouted, to be heard over his music.
Xander let go of the cabinet and turned around, raking his eye over the group at the doorway.
Wait! His eye? Since when did Xander only have one eye?
Angel turned to Spike and said sub-vocally, "Was there something you forgot to tell me?"
Spike looked slightly panicked and replied just as quietly, "I'll explain later."