Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 3b - More Daydreams and Manly Screams

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in Italics indicate thoughts.

Angel stood in the doorway, chuckling over the curses Xander was using, as well as the obvious internal ramble.

"I didn't realize that you knew some of THOSE words, Xander."

"Deadboy, good to see you still enjoy my suffering. And THOSE words I learned mostly from Spike."

"I never enjoyed your suffering, really. Well, maybe a couple of times, but, only in the early days. You know, until I realized all the snark was just a defense mechanism."

"Defense Mechanism! Please, do not start psychoanalyzing me. I have enough problems with that from Wills."

"How is Willow? Where is Willow?"

"Willow is fine, great even. She and her girl, Kennedy, are on their way back here from Hawaii as we speak."

"Hawaii?"

"Searching out new slayers."

"Really?" Angel asked, doubtfully.

"Yeah, I didn't buy that either. I'm pretty sure they just went for the beaches. I don't think Giles was fooled either, but, he hasn't said anything, so, I'll just torment her in private about it later."

"That's my boy."

"YOUR boy?"

"Uh, as in, uh, my friend, Xander. Yeah. Anyway. So, when do they get in?"

"Whatever. They are getting in tomorrow morning."

"How is she doing, with the magic and all?" Angel asked, more to extend the conversation than anything else.

"Shes doing really well. I'm not sure exactly how, but the slayer spell pretty much cleansed her magic of the dark taint. Not completely, but mostly." Xander replied, smiling a little at the thought of his Wills.

Look at that smile. How can anyone not fall in love with that smile?

"We didn't really get a chance to talk yesterday evening." Angel began.

"Nope, we didn't." Xander said absently, his mind having gone back to his poor thumb. He popped the digit back in his mouth, hoping that would help.

Oh God! Look at him sucking on that thumb. NO, wait, don't look. Looking will only cause trouble. Looking will only cause you to grab him and kiss him and then pick him up and sling him over your shoulder and …. Stop that Angel! Okay, I really need to stop talking to myself in the third person. Why is Xander staring at me like that? Could it be because I'm staring at his mouth and not talking? Maybe I should start talking now.

"So. How are you doing?" Angel said, in a choked voice.

"I'm good."

"Good, that's good." Angel returned lamely.

"Actually, I could use your help."

"Really?" Angel asked eagerly.

Xander looked down at his feet and muttered, "Couldyoutellmeifthecabinetiscentered?"

"What? Could you repeat that out loud and at a slower pace?" Angel asked, with no hint of exasperation that you would think he would feel. No, he almost sounded amused and indulgent.

Xander looked up, but didn't make eye contact.

"Could you tell me if the cabinet is centered? It's sometimes hard for me to judge distances and depth." Xander asked, speaking to Angel's shoulder.

Angel swallowed a painful lump in his throat, knowing it had to be hard for Xander to ask, not to mention, hard for Xander to ask Angel.

"Sure, I can do that." Angel managed.

"Looks centered to me." Angel said after a few moments.

"Thanks man." Xander said, grateful that Angel wasn't making a big deal over it.

"Spike told me what happened with your eye. No one had told me before, not even Buffy, when I saw her in Sunnydale before the battle. If I had known I would have…"

"Would have what?" Xander interrupted, half curious, half frustrated.

"I don't know, but I would have done something, I'm sure." Angel said sheepishly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to jump down your throat. It's just..." Xander paused.

"Just what?" Angel asked softly.

"Everyone does the whole pity thing, and it gets kinda old. Which is amusing, because sometimes, I forget I only have one eye, and then, when I remember, it's like it just happened." Xander couldn't believe he was opening up to Angel, of all people. For some reason, he felt safe, like he could tell Angel anything and he wouldn't get mad or ridicule.

"Your allowed to feel frustrated and your allowed to have a hard time adjusting." Angel said kindly.

"I know. I just…sometimes, people won't even look at my face. And when they do…Willow gets this sad look in her eyes and her lip quivers. Giles just looks guilty, I don't know why, it's not like he could have done anything. And Buffy, well, she ran away to Rome, so that she wouldn't have to look at me anymore."

"I'm sure that's not…" Angel began lamely.

"And the worst part is, she took Dawn with her. Dawn was the only one, other than Faith, who would look at me like I'm still Xander, like I'm a regular person." Xander's voice was a mixture of sadness and anger.

Angel felt a little guilty for the intense rush of anger he felt for Buffy at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to yell at her for hurting His Boy.

Angel also wanted nothing more than to take His Boy in his arms and hold on to him and never let him go. He settled for placing a hand on Xander's shoulder.

What happened next surprised them both.

Xander, at the touch of Angel's hand on his shoulder, leaned into it. And then, stepped into Angel's arms, which immediately wrapped around him.

Angel was very glad that the whole happiness clause was no longer an issue, because, the feel of His Boy, in his arms again, was as close to "Pure Happiness" as he had been in a very long time.

Xander had never felt so safe or whole.

Whole! What is that about? Why do I have a sudden urge to say, "You complete me." or "You had me at hello?" Why does this feel so right? Why am I not completely wigged by the thought of Angel holding me? Why am I still letting Angel hold me? Why haven't I jumped away, clinging to the last remnants of my heterosexuality? Why do I keep asking myself questions in my head?

Xander had never felt this way before, but, for some reason, this felt very familiar, very right.

Xander rested his head on the broad shoulder of the man who held him close. Luxuriating in the comfort and safety to be found there. He nuzzled a bit against the shoulder before speaking.

"Can we stay here, like this, forever?"

A warm chuckle rumbled from the chest pressed against him.

"Well, we could, but, I think eventually, our various body functions would make it difficult and embarrassing," was the amused reply.

"Very funny Deadboy," he paused, "I guess I can't call you that anymore. What should I call you now, Liveboy? "

"Or not," came the sardonic reply.

"Or, I could just call you My Love." He said, with an uncharacteristic display of gooey feelings.

"I really like the sound of that," Angel replied," I can't call you "Harris" anymore either. What should I call you? Honey? Sweetums?" Angel teased.

"Uh, that would be a BIG no." Xander grumbled.

"Or, I could just call you Mine." Angel said, filling the endearment with all the love he felt for this amazing man in his arms.

Both Angel and Xander jerked away from each other.

"What was that?" Xander practically yelled. Okay, no practically about it, he did yell, loudly.

"What was what?" Angel hedged.

"That daydream thingy. That apparently shared daydream thingy." Xander said in a lower, but no less intense, tone.

"Uh. I don't know what you're talking about." Angel said, still refusing to make eye contact.

"Angel. Why did we share a daydream? Why did it feel real? And why did you have a heartbeat and a body temperature?" Apparently I don't just ask numerous questions in my head, Xander thought. "And why does the daydream feel more like a memory than anything else?"

Angel gulped. Loudly. Comically.

"Angel," Xander started menacingly, "you got some 'splainin to do."