Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 14 – Back to now.

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The last several chapters were one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from Buffyworld Now, back to the present.

Words in Italics indicate thoughts.

Now, back to the present:

Xander stared at Angel after he finished recounting the tale. He was a jumble of confused emotions: anger, betrayal, fear, love, sorrow, pity…Wait, back it up, Pity? Love? What's that about?

Angel looked up at him, a tear streaming down his face, loss emanating from every pore.

"You just let me walk away? Without saying anything? We could still have… had something, even with the happiness clause. At least I would've known…that somebody…felt like that about me…maybe I wouldn't have…with Anya." Xander was lost in his own thoughts for a moment, "maybe I wouldn't have gotten her involved, broken her heart, gotten her killed."

"You should have told me Angel. I had a right to know." Xander whispered.

"What could I have said, you didn't even remember liking me, much less loving me. Would you have believed me? Would it have changed anything? At the time, I thought I still had to worry about the clause and we couldn't have been together. The temptation would have been too great. Why do you think I avoided you after that? Not because I regretted loving you, but because looking at you tore me apart. It was all I could do not to grab you and kiss you whenever I saw you after that. It hurt so much, to look into your eyes and not see your love reflected there." Angel had tears streaming down his face at this point.

"When I heard that you and Anya were together so soon afterwards, I wanted to rip her to shreds for daring to touch 'My Boy'. Cordy had to remind me that I gave up every right to you when I took back that day. I stayed in bed for a week." Angel tried to smile at that, but didn't succeed.

Xander looked at him, every emotion that he was feeling reflected in his eye.

"Every time Cordy talked to Willow or one of you, every piece of news I heard…I savored any information about you, but…knowing you were getting on with your life and that it didn't include me…that ripped me to shreds." Angel said sadly.

He waited patiently for some response from Xander, some indication as to what he was thinking.

"You always make the same mistake, making decisions for people instead of with them. Always thinking you know better. That's what got Willow in trouble, you know? She thought she knew better than anyone else and used magic to get her way, no matter the cost. She ripped Buffy out of heaven because of that. She got addicted to dark Magic for awhile, because of it. She lost Tara for awhile because of it. Then lost her forever, just when she'd gotten her back. She almost ended the world because she was too lost in grief, power and ego to realize what she was doing." Xander said sadly, remembering that day on the cliff.

Angel ached at the pain he saw in Xander's eye, and admitted to himself the truth of the boy's words. He had made the same mistake over and over. He kept arranging people's lives for "their own good" or "the fate of the world" without stopping to ask what they wanted. All in all, the world was still here, but the people he loved had been greatly injured, if not killed by his hubris.

"Have you learned from your mistakes Angel, or will you keep playing God?" Xander asked quietly.

Angel looked at him and knew that he had to answer carefully and truthfully.

"I think this last debacle finally drove the point home. I am really trying to change. I may, however, occasionally need someone to remind me to pull my head out of my ass and learn to ask for help." Angel said with honesty and a smile.

"I'm told I'm really good at that." Xander offered hesitantly.

Angel eyes shot to his, not daring to hope.

"Do you think, maybe, that we could, you know, get to know each other again?" Angel stumbled over his words.

Xander considered him for a moment. Thinking over all that had been revealed and pondering Angel's resolve to stop playing God.

"Are you asking me for friendship, or more?" Xander questioned.

"Last time things went pretty quickly. I'd like to start with friendship and see if it could be something more. I don't want to rush this time. And if I can never be more than your friend, I'll gladly accept that and try not to push for more." Angel said, not daring to meet Xander's gaze.

"I think our whole relationship, starting from when we were first introduced, was shaped by assumptions and snap decisions. Even before you came here, I was regretting not having tried to get to know you, without my own confusion and insecurity getting in the way. I don't really know you Angel, not as a real friend, and I think I would like to. If it develops into something more, that would be pretty awesome. But, I'm still kinda reeling from the whole Anya thing and I think you're still reeling from Cordy. So why don't we just take our time. I mean, hey, I'm still young and you're not going to age, so we got plenty of time."

"So, friends?" Angel asked.

"Friends." Xander agreed. "And besides, I've been telling myself I need to make some guy friends anyway. I have been hanging out with the girls for way too long. I mean, the other day one of the girls asked me what I thought about someone's dress at the Oscar's and I actually had an opinion, and it wasn't, wow, she looks hot. My response involved the words 'I thought that look was so last season' I mean, I had to watch three 'Die Hard' movies just to get over it." Xander looked at Angel, the horror of the memory reflected in his eye.

Angel just smiled. This whole friendship thing was going to be fun.