Tohmana
Tohmana was the one place to be. I knew it as soon as I arrived there. It was different. It was sunny,
Atrus made himself comfortable in his study; I needed a field of work myself. I didn't feel like writing Ages the first year there, so I felt like studying plants. Tohmana had a lot of interesting plants and I was busy. With Myst Island and its "copy" gone from my life I could also move on with my thoughts about my purpose. It became clear: My sons were a tragedy in my life, but I still missed being a family.
Two years passed. I never found the strength in all the years since returning from Riven to see my boys. I think I needed another child before being able to face them. At the same time I hated myself for my weakness. They must miss their mother I thought. Atrus occasionally visited them. They wished to see me. But he always returned crying and telling me about how much hatred they showed towards him. His stories made it impossible for me to gather the strength to see them.
We became friends again, Atrus and me. But I wasn't ready to be more then a friend. Not for the first two years on Tohmana. Not in 9 years since returning. But there was still no pressure from his side. Not really. But he had changed. He looked at me differently a year after moving here. And the he tried a few times - in his clumsy way - to signalise that he desired me. The first time it made me panic. Where came that change from? He had never looked at me in Chroma'Agana! Did I want to be a couple again? But it wasn't only him who was changing, although in the first two years I never responded to him. Occasionally I hugged him but the wounds were too deep. Still when I looked at him, studying and writing, there was a warmth inside of me. A warmth I never expected to feel again. That was how I fell for Atrus... again. Much slower than the first time, but much harder.
A year before Yeesha was born I realized that I wanted a family. My plants weren't enough. And the new world of Serenia, a very spiritual place I visited many times made it clear to me: I needed a child and I wanted it with no other man than Atrus.
I remember it clearly: It was a quiet and peaceful evening. Atrus had finished some devices in his study and looked content, I was tired after the good meal I had. Since arriving on Tohmana I slept in the small house which will probably later become Yeeshas' room. As for now she still sleeps in a small bed in our room. She is already too big for her first crib.
But on that particular evening before Yeesha was born and to the day 10 years since returning from Riven I felt fine for the first time since my days as a family on Myst island. 10 years is not as much time in our lives as it is for human beings. We live much longer. But still, it was enough time.
That evening, I felt fine. I sat outside of the kitchen eating fruit with Atrus and talking about a world he had linked to. His eyes were full of happiness and pride, like they used to be in his early days of writing Ages. I liked his smile and didn't listen much to his words, as I was too tired. I checked my knitting. "And there are a lot of trees, not like those in Haven, you know, much greener, and friendlier-" "Atrus I'm going to sleep in your room tonight", I simply said, concentrating back on the knitting. I shot a short glance at him and had a hard time not to start laughing. He looked completely taken by surprise and looked as terrified as if I had said there was a camoudile standing behind him. That was so typical for him. Finally he found his voice again: "Are you sure...I mean, why now?" I shrugged my shoulders. "I needed time...I just I'd like to. Now, tonight, because it's you." He looked very touched. He got the message. This was not about feeding a desire. It was about us. About me, being in love with him
He got up. He looked me in the eye. I smiled. Not, that he didn't wanted to, He took my hand, he pulled the lever, we crossed the bridge to his room. We fell on the bed. "Catherine, what..." "Shhh. I think it's the perfect time. I am still able to conceive very well. Please Atrus, let's start over." He had tears in his eyes. "Yes, let's start again. I just..." I shushed him again. And then we forgot all around us.
Later that night, after hours of making love and being completely spent I watched him sleep and I knew that the last step to our new beginning was made. The next morning I moved my clothes and belongings to his room. It became our room.
Two weeks later I started decorating my former sleeping chamber for the arriving of a child.
9 months later, Yeesha was born. She is 1 year old now. We have visited our sons together for the first time. It is a difficult experience for us. But having a little girl helps. Still, our relationship as a couple isn't the same. I am happy with him but there are clouds that weren't there before. We are not sure about the degree of the terror our sons have caused to other people like the people of the five Ages Atrus once made for our sons to practice the Art. Both of them are not eager to tell, but they say they're sorry. I don't know. The mother in me would love to believe it. But I don't really do. Maybe we have to wait a little longer until we can talk about their fate.
Before Exile... the clouds before the storm
Sorry, I talked a lot. But now you know why we are here in Tohmana. But hurry now, my friend get into the study, Atrus awaits you. I shouldn't have filled your head like that. Go inside now. Yeesha, let's sit down on that bench until your daddy is ready. Okay? That's it. Are you hungry Go ahead my friend! Atrus is in his study"
EDIT:
4th edit: Thanks to Cactus Wren to help me get the time frame right. Complicated family! Can't they just stay in one place and have a quiet life /b :eyebrow: If you ask yourself why this fic has doubled in length... well it's because of Teroglahn who thought the two of them found together waaaayyy to easily. Satisfied now?
I also let "Word" check the (horrible!) spelling.But well its 5 am here and I'm still working on it