Chapter Four
Conundrum
Zoe shook her head. "It doesn't make any sense," she said. "Book and Nishka, working together?"
"I know. It makes my head spin too. But that wave footage looked real enough for me to take notice." Mal slouched in the chair at River's terminal. He glanced over at Zoe, who was sitting lightly in the chair that still wore Wash's imprint. "What I don't understand though, is why Book didn't just kill us all."
"Attack of conscience?"
Mal snorted. "I don't think that's the preacher's way, Zoe. Got to know Book quite well during his time on board. You know as well as I do, he called a spade whenever he saw one."
"Perhaps. But I can't help thinking that if he was working with Nishka, and managed to hide it from us, well then maybe he was hiding something else, too."
Mal stood up, and went to stand next to the bridge door. Head hung, he said, "So what we've got here, is a preacher who was against us, or an enemy who was protecting us. It's an odd question to pose, Zoe."
River entered the bridge, sneaking under Mal's outstretched arm. "It's a conundrum."
Mal nodded absently. "It sure is…" He walked through the door, headed for the engine room.
River moved to her terminal, reached up, and flicked three switches. Zoe smiled. "You remind me of Wash, the way you do that," she said.
The young pilot sat in her chair, and bent over the radar screen. "Do you miss him?"
Zoe averted her eye from River's form. She focused on the toy stegosaurus still standing on top of Wash's terminal. She smiled. "Every moment of every day."
River allowed the room to go silent. She made sure the autopilot was still on course, and then she checked the override controls, making sure they were still in working order. Without looking at Zoe, she said, "I'm sorry."
Zoe turned to face River. "What?"
River looked Zoe in the eye. "I'm sorry about Wash. I'm sorry about making you all go to Miranda. If we hadn't of gone, he wouldn't be dead, and you wouldn't be sad." Zoe simply stared at River. As one, tears formed in both their eyes. "I hear you, you know," said River, softly. "I hear you in my dreams, when I'm sleeping…when I'm awake. I hear your misery, and you loneliness, and I'm sorry for putting you through that, Zoe…"
Zoe stood and walked over to River's terminal, putting a comforting arm around her. "It's not your fault, River. Wash died horribly, and cruelly, but he lives still. He lives with you, with me…he lives with all of us, because nothing can erase memories."
River smiled. "Not even the Alliance."
Together, the pilot and the lieutenant cried softly, sharing each other's sadness at the destruction of their lives.
- - - -
The images race around and there's nothing I can do about them. They're simply there: I don't ask them to be, I don't want them to be but they persist. They stay and they haunt me, worse than the images of Reavers that I had on Miranda.
Simon Says used to be a fun game. Now, I find it hard to play, because Simon keeps saying silly things, like, it'll be alright, or, I'm gonna find out what they did. I don't think he can help, it's not his area – after all, he's a doctor of standard medicine and though he may be very intelligent, he lacks the full understanding of the brain's processing abilities.
I wish he'd ask me about them. I'd tell him all I learnt while I was watching the scientists open my skull and pierce my brain with their shiny scalpels of torture. I'd tell him what I saw when Jerrod finally died, screaming and twisting his body in agony even as the lifeblood seeped from the lacerations he had inflicted on himself.
- - - -
"I mean, what else are we meant to glean from it?" Jayne's eyes were adamantly trying to convince Simon that what the mouth was saying was true. "We all saw it, even your crazy sister saw it. I'm telling you, that gorram bastard was working with Nishka."
Simon shook his head. "But it makes no sense," he said. "If that was true, why didn't Book just kill us and be done with it?"
"Wave led us to believe that the preacher was a spy."
Simon stared at Jayne in disbelief. "And you believed the wave of a pimp?"
Jayne shrugged. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"
Simon laughed. "The man is ankle deep in crime, he's a renowned thief and he is probably being chased by the Alliance just as much as we are, and you're trying to tell me that the wave of this man's was credible?"
Jayne considered. "Well, no one else knew of our assault on Nishka's station, now, did they?" Jayne grinned. "Just us, Nishka himself and those bastards in Alliance pay that are meant to know."
Simon went to retort when Mal walked in to the infirmary. "It's true. Just got a wave from the Alliance, picked it up on the scanner. It was coded but the override that Zeke gave us before we left managed to decode it for us. Bridge, now, both of you."
In the bridge, River and Zoe were now bent over the command console, hastily trying to fix a small problem with the picture. A short tap on the monitor from Zoe instantly caused all the monitors on the bridge to light up simultaneously. "Got it," Zoe said, and River grinned at her.
Mal, Jayne and Simon walked in just as Kaylee appeared from her room. Inara came in last. All seven crew members gazed at any screen that was available to them, and watched as the transmission played.
- - - -
Blood is interesting – the way it feeds your body even as it infects it. It was the principle that the scientists on Ariel founded their entire bank of research on. Blood may be thicker than water but the water they put in me had the same consistency, the same basic properties of blood. It had its own cells, red and white, just like blood. Only, this new blood stayed in the brain, feeding my intellect relentlessly. What the scientists wanted to know was how the blood-chemical affected the brains' ability to gather information for itself
Haemoglobic transcendentalism, referred to in the lab as HGT, is the process where the new blood cells, known as the transcendent cells, take root in the brain. The old blood supplies the new blood with the necessary ingredients that the brain needs, just like normal blood does, like nothing had ever happened. What the transcendent cells do is take that energy coming in, multiply it, and supply the brain with just enough to survive. Then, the rest of the energy is spent by converting it into waves, similar to those emitted to wavescreens all over the 'verse. In fact, the waves are so similar that messages hidden in wavescreen shows or advertisements can be used as triggers in the HGT infected individual.
The transcendent cells, upon creating this wave energy, send it out of the host body, bouncing the waves off other brains throughout the verse. Once the waves hit a mind, they bounce back, and that is where my 'psychic' ability comes from.
- - - -
"—can't quite make out the message, but it would appear to be a message from our contact on board Serenity. The blood makes it a little hard to read, I'm afraid, but it says that the Alliance attack on the moon of Haven was a mistake. I don't know what that lunatic was thinking ordering that attack, but it just may have jeopardised the entire capture effort. If Serenity had been allowed to go to ground on Haven things could have been stopped before the Miranda incident even happened and then I would not be under the pressure I am under."
The Alliance official talking paused for breath, obviously trying to stop rambling. He was nervous, Mal noted. It soon became clear why. The same raspy voice that had been under the black cloak in the wave Zeke had shown them suddenly spoke.
"I understand the pressure, Captain, but understand, the reason my colleague destroyed the preacher's base was so that the crew could not have sanctuary. It was a plan designed to make Malcolm Reynolds make a rash decision and it failed. These things happen."
"Sir, with all due respect…"
"No, this has gone on long enough. It is time the ship was captured. If the preacher is useless to us, then we shall employ different methods to meet our end. Send a wave to Alliance command. Tell them to carry out my order."
The screens went black. Simon nodded in the dark. "Yep, definitely real alright. I know that man in the picture."
Jayne grunted. "So? We all do. Hot-shot Cain Baxter, Captain of the Alliance Fleet."
"Alright, enough talk. River, get on the controls."
Zoe looked at Mal. "Where to, sir?"
Mal did not return Zoe's gaze. "We're going back to Haven."
- - - -
The hard part is trying to tell Simon about it. I know he means well, and he just wants me to be rid of this curse, but I can't bring myself to tell him about the procedure. I don't know why. Once I got close, but then I stopped and couldn't say another word. It makes no sense. And when I think of telling him I tell myself no, that he's going to sort it out himself anyway, shortly, and he's more interested in Kaylee at the moment, and there is the rest of the crew getting shot at occasionally. He can't be tending to me every second of every day. The problem is that I feel like a pile of go se every time I don't tell him, and it infuriates me inside that my vocals can't articulate what my mind screams at him.
I can't control it. I suspect I never will. It is like a disease – that is why I referred to it as an infection. But sometimes, I feel glad that I have this ability.
But now, these new minds that I am touching are beginning to intrude upon my thoughts. I think they can control their abilities, but I can't be certain. It will take some time before I will know that for certain.