A/N: Um, I thought of this…while doing something, I forgot. Anyways, I'm procrastinating form my other fic…so you know. :D Inspiration comes in weirdest ways. Told in little vignettes, this is the story of Eriol and Tomoyo's relationship.
Refract - to alter the appearance of something by viewing or showing it through a different medium.
Disclaimer: You know I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura. Belongs to CLAMP, you know the drill.
Refract
ooo
i. Kaho - So Sure
Eriol had said to me, "Even I do not know anymore, what the future holds. I guess we will have to wait and see." I held on to that belief, hoping he might see me as I see him. But sometimes, I still get lost in that mansion of his and sometimes, I feel that Nakuru and Suppi-chan don't like me and they're kind of stiff around me, like I was a stranger. And sometimes, even Eriol isn't as kind to me as I know he really is. And I was so sure that maybe it would work.
I kind of see it now. I always knew I would never be as dear to him as Ruby Moon, Spinel Sun, Yue or Cereberus were to him. They were his creations, his companions, and I never dreamed I could compete with him. I always knew that he would love Sakura-chan more than me, her, who was like his own daughter. I also knew that he would understand Fujitaka-san more than he understood me, or that I would ever understand him, for he was half his reincarnation. But I never knew that the small characters in his life, Tomoyo-chan and Syaoran-kun, would mean as much.
I was so sure before, but I see it now. This is why, that sometimes, I get lost still, in his mansion, like I get lost in his heart, but that girl, having only been there once, can always find her way.
ii. Nakuru – Lying
I didn't know then, but I know now. He was lying then. He thought it was his duty love Kaho, and I hated her for that. He thought it was his duty to love her because she was the only person who had called him kind. I didn't know then, but I realize now. She used to say that too.
Tomoyo-chan was always such a nice little girl. She cared for Sakura-chan so much that it had hurt me to see that Sakura-chan would never love her as more than just a friend. Eriol was right, she always did watch over them with such kind eyes. But she wasn't wrong either, he also watched them, and her, with kindness in his eyes. Sometimes, I lie to Eriol too. I tell him that there's nothing wrong with Kaho, when it's so obvious that she could never fit. That she would never belong like Tomoyo-chan could.
Tomoyo-chan was always such a nice little girl. She used to call him kind too.
iii. Spinel Sun – Humans
Humans are very complicated creatures. Humans also come in many categories, nice, mean, clever, smart, stupid and so much more. Most humans are stupid. Then again, there are some humans, like my master, who isn't.
However, it is in their nature to be stupid. Kaho-san is like that. She is elegant, yes and she can carry on an intelligent conversation with me on the ancient runes, but she is stupid to not notice that my master doesn't love her. My master is always thinking of a girl still in Tomoeda, Japan. Always asking about her well-being and rereading her letters. She is a nice girl, that Tomoyo-san. But oblivious. Ah. There's another one.
Humans are oblivious as well.
iv. Kero – Crumbs
I love cake. I love sweets too. I don't need to eat, but I, unlike Yue, appreciate the finer things in life. I like Tomoyo-chan's cakes the most. They're just the right blend of sweet, moist and delicious. Tomoyo-chan's very good at making things. She's a little like Eriol.
I wish that they would hurry up and fall in love already. I knew, the moment I met Kaho, that whoever she was, she had someone else waiting for her. She might be too late though, clinging to Eriol and Touya. Eriol wasn't meant for her and neither was Touya. You could see it in their eyes. Tomoyo-chan is very pretty and she has great reflexes, great senses. If ever given magic, she could reach great lengths.
But those are the crumbs of life. You don't always get everything and everything delicious, even cakes, always crumbles to an end.
But if you savor every bite, you might come to realize something.
v. Yue – Belonging
I wish my master had told me he would be reincarnated. I wouldn't have had to choose a new master. But Sakura's nice enough, and I don't hate her. So it's all okay, but I still wish that he could have told me. My master tends to get lonely. I wish he had someone, like Sakura has Syaoran and like how Yukito has Touya.
There's a little girl that my new mistress is friends with. Her name is Tomoyo. She's very nice, always smiling, rather like Eriol. It's hard to tell what she's thinking, since she's gotten so good at masking her true feelings. I have realized one thing though. The person that she loves, will never return her love and somehow, she feels that it's okay. My master's a bit like that too. Except he's never gotten close enough to anyone to really love them. He hides behind his smile, all his cunningness so people don't see that all he wants is to belong somewhere.
She deserves better, that girl. She's one of those sorts of people. The sort that gives her all and doesn't care if she's given nothing back, the sort that just takes the scraps thrown at them because they've never realized that they deserve more. That girl, she needs belongs somewhere. To be told that they are the greatest and be showered with what she deserves. She's many years overdue.
She and my master, they belong together.
vi. Fujitaka – Confusing
I always thought that Eriol-san was such a nice boy. I don't understand why Touya grumbles at the mention of his name and that nice Syaoran Li-kun always bangs his head against the wall, the table or any hard surface actually, when his name is said. I really don't understand.
Nadeshiko-san asked me once if I thought Tomoyo-chan and Eriol-san would make a nice couple. She declared that they were both a bit like Sonomi-kun. A bit stubborn really, not to notice what was in front of their very eyes. I started watching them, to see if Nadeshiko-san was right. She was. She usually is.
Tomoyo-chan and Eriol-san must really love each other.
vii. Sonomi – Overprotective
I've always been a bit overprotective with my daughter. Especially when it came to boys. I didn't want some nasty little boy to break her heart, or ever make her cry. But deep down, I knew that the only reason I didn't want her to fall in love was because I was afraid she might be taken away, like Nadeshiko-chan was, by Fujitaka-sensei. I like Li-kun, because he was so in love with Sakura-chan, that I knew there was no way he could fall in love with my daughter and that my daughter could ever fall in love with him.
I guess that sometimes, an overprotective mother will glaze over the finer details. If I hadn't, I might have realized that she was in love. But that it would have been impossible for that boy to break her heart, because I could tell he loved her too.
I guess I wouldn't mind giving her up to that Hiiragizawa-kun, as long as he let her visit me on weekends.
viii. Touya – Frustration
I've never liked people who were smarter than me, especially if they were younger than me too. That smart aleck, Hiiragizawa, better watch his back, because one day, I swear, I'm going to corner him in a dark alleyway and jump him. I can't deny that he's nice to my little sister however, and that redeems him, only a little though, in my eyes. I wish that stupid Chinese gaki would take after him.
The only one who can combat against his sarcastic comments and overall cleverness, and even throw in a few blows, is Tomoyo. Tomoyo was always good at that sort of thing, getting me to agree to things I never would have agreed to otherwise, all in a business-like manner. She was so good at it that sometimes, after she left, I would just sit there and try to pinpoint exactly where she got me. Most of the time, I couldn't, even though it sounded so simple when she had explained it to me.
Tomoyo and that Hiiragizawa, they drive each other crazy, but you can tell that he enjoys it and that she enjoys snapping at him.
ix. Yamazaki – The Truth
I don't tell lies. I'm shocked you would think so. I tell great stories, some with a bit of exaggeration. Hiiragizawa-kun's great at telling stories too. He has thought of so many that even I haven't thought up of. No matter what Chiharu-chan says, I don't lie.
That Naoko-chan isn't any fun though. She somehow knows that I've been exaggerating. Rika-chan's too mature for my stories, so I prefer not to let her overhear. But Tomoyo-chan, now she's really nice. She likes my stories, and thinks them romantic. I like that Tomoyo-chan. I like Hiiragizawa-kun too.
They're both such nice people. Maybe they should realize that for once, the lie in his heart is actually true.
x. Syaoran – I Know
I know that Eriol is supposedly the reincarnation, well half anyways, of the great magician Clow Reed. But I never knew that he was so…cunning. If you can call it that anyways. He somehow manages to think of the stupidest tricks and makes them work. Like that time he decided it would "be interesting, I swear, that's ALL I meant, Syaoran-kun" to /accidentally/ lock me and Touya together in a music room and "oops, I lost the key". Do you know how much flutes can hurt?
I know Daidouji…loves Sakura. I never doubted it; you could see it in her eyes. But, and I'm not gloating or anything, Sakura loves me. I know Sakura loves Daidouji, too, to a certain degree. But she doesn't love Daidouji like Daidouji loves her. I like Daidouji though, because she's so smart and clever, because whenever she and Eriol bump heads, most of the time, she comes out the winner.
I know that Daidouji loves Sakura. But I think it's changing now. Because sometimes, I see him looking at her the same way I look at Sakura.
xi. Sakura – She Needs
Sometimes, I catch Tomoyo-chan looking at me in a...funny way. I think that the person she loves must be very special and must feel very lucky, because she's so nice to me and so nice to Syaoran-kun even though I know she doesn't love us like that. Tomoyo-chan is always looking out for us, and even though the outfits she makes me wear are a little bit embarrassing, I know that she poured her love in every action. Tomoyo-chan is just so nice and pretty and smart.
Sometimes, I think that Tomoyo-chan needs a person like I need Syaoran-kun. Eriol-kun is very nice to her and I think that he loves her like she loves him. He never says it, of course, but he's always nicer when she's around and gives up his little toys and plans because she asks him to. Also, whenever she walks, he follows her movements with such a kind look in his eyes. I'm not sure she knows it yet either, but whenever he's around, she's a little bit sharper and whenever she sings, her voice always hits that high note that she is never able to hit otherwise.
Sometimes, I catch Eriol-kun looking at Tomoyo-chan so kindly, so wistfully, that I can almost feel it. He looks at her kind of funny too.
Tomoyo-chan, she needs Eriol-kun.
xii. Eriol – Believe
Kaho-san's very nice. She's a very nice lady, but I'm not sure I love her. When I see her, my heart doesn't get all jumpy and I don't get tongue-tied. Instead, it's just this very nice warmth that spreads throughout my body. Kaho-san's very nice. But I think she believes a lie. I think I'm living the biggest lie of all.
Tomoyo-san's very pretty. She has such nice, long hair, so different from Kaho-san's. Tomoyo-san's very sharp too, she catches things even I don't see. Tomoyo-san believes that she is in love with Sakura-chan. Except I'm not sure why she hasn't realized yet.
She hasn't realized that I love her.
xiii. Tomoyo – Turning
All it took really, was a step backwards. One step backwards and he would walk into me, his arms instinctively going around my waist, to catch me if I fall. But it's hard to. It's hard, to force myself back, just one step. But I know he's behind me, stepping into the imprints I leave behind.
I've known for a long time now. I've known for along time that I'm no longer in love with Sakura. I've turned around now. I was always chasing after something that I could never catch. I stopped myself and turned back to the start. I wanted to begin again.
Now I know who makes my heart beat, who makes me warm up completely. All it takes is one step back, or for me to turn around. The words are easy enough to form.
I love you.
ooo
End
A/N: Okay, this is a story I wrote…I'm not sure why. But I was bored. So, this is dedicated to you. This story is dedicated to everyone out there. The ones who want to take one step back, to turn around and say just three words. This is for you.