Raph took a deep breath and clenched his fists. He felt like he should be holding his familiar weapons, but he hadn't gotten around to getting new tonfas. As for his sais, Raph had started his training trying to use them, but after one misstep and a painful slash in his arm, he wasn't going to make that mistake again. Raph just needed to train weaponless, which was fine.
"Come on, Raph, you can do this." Raph muttered to himself as he eyed the training dummy in front of him. It wasn't something that they had used since they were little kids, but he knew that he needed to get used to the basics before he threw himself into the heavy leagues.
Raph lunged forward and grabbed the training dummy, throwing it into the air. He turned his body so he was focusing his right side towards the dummy as he watched it fly up and begin to fall. Raph waited for just the right time before he jumped up to meet the dummy halfway. He reached up to grab and intercept it, only for his fingers to move right past the dummy. It fell and hit him in the face, throwing him off his balance.
Raph yelped as he tried to right himself enough to catch himself in a graceful landing. Raph wasn't graceful at the best of times, and especially not now. Raph just managed to adjust himself midair so he would land solidly on his chest. It knocked the breath out of him, but at least he didn't twist or sprain one of his limbs by landing on it wrong, he didn't land on his head, and he didn't put additional pressure on his sore shell.
Raph groaned and picked himself up off the ground. "Gah, everything hurts." Raph rubbed his eye, and then rubbed it some more, and then again with good measure. It wasn't that it hurt or anything, but Raph would almost prefer that. It wasn't that Raph liked being in pain, but it was scary to know that something was badly hurt but to not feel a thing.
Raph set the training dummy aside. Maybe he should try something else. Raph looked around the pipes and ramps in the room. He remembered when they were younger Mikey and Leo would make obstacle courses and games of the floor is lava. Raph had used to be really bad at those games, because his larger form made him less coordinated than his brothers, but with practice he'd been able to grow into his body.
Maybe it was time to do that old practice again.
Raph climbed to the top ledges and pulled the lever that Donnie had installed to bring out the ropes hanging across and down across and through the room. Raph took a deep breath and stepped onto the thin rope to begin to tread across it. Raph had figured out years ago how to find his balance, even when he was so top heavy, but he found himself struggling to find his balance anyway. No matter how closely he stared at the rope, he kept on edging just a little too much to the left, making him almost fall multiple times.
Raph tread slowly and carefully across the rope before he was able to jump onto the other side. Raph felt proud, relieved, and incredibly disappointed. He wasn't a completely useless ninja. He could still do the basics. The thing was, he could barely do it. It had taken him forever to just cross a rope, and he'd almost fallen multiple times. This was something he'd been able to do flawlessly for five years, and in one day he was failing.
Raph slapped his cheeks to try to focus. "Come on, big guy. We don't got time for moping. Are you a ninja or not?" Raph eyed the ropes hanging down from the ceiling, all of them of different lengths and thicknesses for some variety. They were there to practice swinging. "You can do this."
Raph let out a battle cry as he ran forward and jumped off the ledge, reaching for the closest was able to grab it, no problem, and Raph laughed triumphantly. Finally! He was able to do something right. Pulled by Raph's weight and momentum the rope began to swing, and he used that to fly towards the next rope. Raph was feeling confident in his first success, but as he reached for the next rope all he was met with was air.
Raph started plummeting to the ground, and this time he didn't have the chance to twist himself to land just right. He fell right onto his back, almost on his shoulders. Raph's vision went white as he was blinded with pain. He didn't land directly on the hole in his shell, but he hit it enough to make it hurt badly.
Tears came to Raph's eyes, but he didn't make a sound of pain. As a big brother he knew that it was okay to cry, because he needed to show his brothers that it was okay for them to cry, but he didn't feel like he could actually sob or make crying noises, because those sounds really freaked his brothers out, and there was no reason to needlessly worry them.
Raph rolled off of his back and put his hand against his shell, clutching it tightly. He could feel that it hadn't started bleeding again, but that knowledge didn't make it hurt any less.
"Raphael?" He stiffened and sniffled as he rubbed his eyes before turning to face Splinter.
"Oh, hey, Pops." Raph said with forced casualness
"What are you doing in here?" Splinter asked. He walked closer to Raph. "I heard crashes."
"I was just training." Raph grunted. He rolled his shoulder, which did nothing to alleviate the pain. "It didn't really work."
"Perhaps you boys should rest more before jumping back into training." Splinter said. Raph knew he was probably right, and he would definitely encourage all of his bros to take it easy, but Raph couldn't wait. They weren't in the same position that he was. Their injuries would heal, and Raph really didn't think that his would. The sooner he was able to adjust, the better.
"I'll think about it." Raph said.
"Where are your brothers?" Splinter asked. He looked around, as though he'd be able to see them in the room.
"Donnie's in his lab." Raph said. When they'd all woken up the first thing that Donnie had jumped into was giving them all a deep check-up. None of them were given the clean bill of health, exactly, but they weren't really on their deathbed. Donnie had just forbidden them from getting into any more fights, and no making unnecessary and stupid risks.
After checking up on them, Donnie had escaped into his room and hadn't come out yet.
"And Mikey and Leo went out a bit ago with Casey and April." Raph said. Mikey had been ecstatic to introduce Casey to Cassandra. Leo hadn't seemed interested in going at first, but Mikey had badgered him until he gave in. Mikey seemed to think that Casey needed to get to know Leo as he was instead of expecting him to be the way he was in the future.
Splinter frowned slightly. "Did Leonardo talk to you already?"
"I mean, we've talked." Raph gave his dad a confused look. "Was he supposed to talk to me about something specific?"
Splinter shook his head. "That's for Leonardo to discuss with you." Raph was feeling concerned. Leo rarely went out of his way to talk about something important, but it had to be important if Splinter knew about it before Raph did. He was about to ask his dad what was going on when Splinter continued. "Did you hurt your shell again?"
Raph didn't bother denying it. His dad could probably see the tears in his eyes and he definitely saw the way that he was clutching at the injury. "I just fell on it." Raph said.
Splinter looked pained. It was weird for Raph to see his dad show his care and sympathy so blatantly. All while growing up Splinter had been distant and dismissive. Very suddenly he had become much more open and accepting of his feelings and theirs.
"If your shell hurts even a little, you should get it taken care of." Splinter said. "Doesn't Purple have that ointment of his?"
Donnie definitely had that ointment. Leo had put some on Raph's shell last night. By the time Donnie had checked up on him the ointment had only just started to wear off, so Raph hadn't thought much of it when Donnie hadn't given him more. He probably could use some now.
"Yeah, he does." Raph said. "I'll go ask him."
"See that you do." Splinter gave him a critical look. "And no more training."
"Okay, Pops." Raph said. He planned on keeping true to his word. He had some work he needed to do to recover, but he didn't have to keep hurting his shell. There were plenty of exercises that he could do that wouldn't count as training.
As Raph made his way out of the room he failed to notice a step and almost ended up tripping. He managed to catch himself, but it made it more clear than before that he needed to work on these things, not just to be a good ninja, but to even just walk around his home without hurting himself, apparently.
Raph went to Donnie's lab and knocked gently against the wall next to the entrance. He didn't want to startle Donnie if he was working on something dangerous. Donnie was working with some chemicals, but when he saw Raph he put them down and turned to face him.
"Hey, bro, I was wondering if I could have some of that shell stuff." Raph said.
Donnie frowned. "Is your shell bothering you?" He came to stand behind Raph to examine his shell himself. As he was walking past Raph noticed that Donnie's soft shell was bare.
"Is yours?" Raph frowned. "Where's your battle shell?"
"Hm?" Donnie was so focused on Raph's shell that he barely registered the question. "Oh, it's over there." He gestured vaguely towards the other side of the room. "My shell's just a little sore. Nothing serious, it's just a little uncomfortable to have my battle shell on it."
Raph wasn't so sure that it wasn't serious. Donnie never went without his battle shell. Especially if he was feeling sore and hurt. It made him feel less fragile. Raph was about to dig deeper about how hurt Donnie actually was when he felt some sharp pressure against his injury. Raph gasped and pulled away from Donnie's touch.
"You've agitated the injury." Donnie frowned at Raph, giving him a judgmental look. "What did you do?"
"I fell." Raph said honestly. He just didn't specify from what height he fell from, and why he'd been up there.
"Well, don't fall again." Donnie went deeper into his room. "Your shell is hard, but not impenetrable, obviously. It will take some time for the sensitive parts to heal over, and that won't happen if you don't let it."
"I'll take it easy." Raph said. He watched as Donnie grabbed the shell ointment. The scientist opened it and looked inside with a small frown. He looked conflicted. "Is something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, per se," Donnie said. "I'm just running a little low."
"Low?" Raph frowned in confusion. "There was plenty last night."
Donnie shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, well, all of us have been pretty hurt, and we've gone through a lot today."
"Well, how much is left?" Raph asked.
Donnie cleared his throat. "A little less than half." That still sounded like plenty to Raph, but Donnie still looked very uncomfortable and conflicted. Something was bothering him. Raph looked at Donnie's shell. He could see that it was hurt.
Raph felt a familiar feeling in his chest that was hard to describe. It wasn't exactly regret or resignation. It was the feeling that Raph had when he gave up the chance to spend one-on-one time with Pops so that one of his brothers could have some personal time instead. It was the feeling that Raph had when there was one last piece of his favorite pizza, but he let one of the others have it because he knew they were having a bad day. It was the feeling of wanting something, but knowing that somebody else needed it more.
It was the feeling of being a big brother.
They may not be out of ointment yet, but Donnie felt like he needed all of it for himself. Raph's shell hurt, and he would like the relief of the ointment, but he wasn't going to take that comfort from Donnie. It didn't really matter who actually needed it more, Raph was the older brother, which meant that it was his job to make sure that his brother was taken care of before he even thought about doing something for himself.
"I don't really need it." Raph shrugged.
Donnie clearly didn't believe him. "Don't try to tell me your shell doesn't hurt."
"It does, but that's just 'cause I was stupid. It's already feeling better." Raph said, and he wasn't lying. His shell still hurt, but nowhere near as much as it had when he'd first fell on it.
Donnie was quiet for a long moment. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, bro, I'm sure." Raph smiled at Donnie. "If you think you need the stuff, then you need the stuff. I'm fine."
Donnie still looked conflicted, but also relieved, and Raph knew he'd made the right choice. His shell would be just fine. Physically, he was naturally tougher than Donnie was. He could push through this pain, no problem.
"I'm working on making more." Donnie said quickly. "It's just going to be a few days." Donnie could usually whip things out like nobody's business, but when it came to any medical thing he made he really took his time because he knew that the smallest mistake could turn a cure into a poison.
"Hey, I can wait." Raph said. "Take care of yourself, Don."
"No more falling." Donnie warned. "I'm watching you."
"You always are." Raph smirked. He turned to walk out of the room, but he was still looking over his shoulder at Donnie. Because of this, Raph didn't see the entrance and he ended up walking right into it. It wasn't nearly hard enough to hurt, but it was a bit humiliating, and Donnie narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him. Raph chuckled sheepishly and hurriedly left before Donnie started getting any ideas.
Raph practically ran to the bathroom, pulling the curtain that acted as the door for privacy. He sighed and pulled his red bandana off, setting it down on the sink. Raph leaned close to the mirror and looked at his right eye. The scratches across it were still there, but they seemed to be healing fine and he barely even felt them beyond just a slight tickle. But it wasn't the scratches that he was worried about.
Raph took a deep breath and brought his hand up to cover his left eye. Immediately he was plunged into a world of darkness, and it struck fear into his heart. Raph had to take several calming breaths and tell himself that he was fine. He blinked rapidly, hoping for some vision to return, but it didn't. Not even a very blurry image. Raph saw nothing.
Raph swore in a way that he never wanted his dad to hear him use, and he never wanted to hear his brother's repeat. He brought his shaking hand away from his left eye and just stared at his reflection.
His right eye looked completely normal. Visually, it was identical to his left eye, but Raph knew that something had gone wrong with it. He didn't know if he had damaged something when he had pulled the bit of Kraang away, or if this was a lingering infection caused by the Kraang, but he guessed that it didn't really matter why it happened.
Raph couldn't see anything out of his right eye. He was half blind, and it terrified him. He hoped that it was just temporary, but he wasn't holding his breath. Raph wasn't a doctor, but he thought that if this was something that would wear off then he would feel pain in his eye, or his vision would be blurry instead of completely gone.
Maybe he should talk to an actual doctor about this, but Raph didn't really have that option. The closest thing they had was Donnie, and Raph didn't want to stress his little brother out with this. Donnie had a lot more to worry about than trying to cure something that probably couldn't even be fixed.
No, this was Raph's problem and he intended to keep it to himself as long as he could. He knew that his family would find out what was going on eventually, but Raph hoped that by that point he could figure out how to get this decreased depth perception under control and he wouldn't be completely useless and a liability to his brothers.
Raph knew that they wouldn't worry about him holding them back. They would be way too busy worrying about him. Raph was trying to think about the whole team, not just himself. He was the family's protector. How was he supposed to protect them if he couldn't even walk around the lair without tripping over his own feet and running into walls.
Raph would adjust and figure out this whole thing, and then he'd be able to show his brothers that they had nothing to worry about. He was fine. Really. He was the oldest. It was his job to be okay.