Donnie wasn't used to problems that lingered. If he saw that something was wrong, he put together a solution, and went on with his life until the next problem arose. The Kraang coming had complicated things. Donnie was hit with the reality that there was a problem so large and impossible that he and his brothers in the future alternate timeline hadn't been able to solve it. The only solution they'd been able to think of was to send Casey back in time to prevent the Kraang from invading in the first place.
They'd taken care of the Kraang, but Donnie still saw numerous problems that he just didn't know how to solve. The most annoying one, just because he couldn't avoid it, was his shell. It didn't hurt, exactly, it was just a little sore, but Donnie felt hyper aware of every little bump, nudge, and pressure against his shell, and it all sent shivers down his spine.
The shell ointment helped a little bit, and Donnie came to rely on it so much more than he really needed to, and it was humiliating. It just wasn't logical. The ointment was a proper cure for real injuries. If Donnie's shell actually hurt beyond the miniscule scratches, then he'd be fine with using the ointment, because at least it would be doing some physical good. That was the whole reason why he had made it.
This ointment was medicine, not some unnecessary sugar pill or placebo. It wasn't supposed to make him feel emotionally better. That wasn't the point of it. But his head didn't seem to get the idea. If Donnie didn't use the ointment he had phantom tingles down his shell that felt like dozens of spiders tap dancing across it at once.
He tried to be rational about it. He knew that it wasn't a literal feeling. Nothing was on his shell. He just had shivers going down his spine because his shell was vulnerable and he was remembering all of the slimy and pressing textures it'd been subjected to when they'd been fighting the Kraang.
Donnie had loved being a spaceship. It was invigorating and a one of a kind experience that he wouldn't give up for anything. Physically though, it had been very uncomfortable. Donnie could still remember how it had felt when he had become one with the Kraang's ship. It was as though all of the nerves in his body had turned on at once, and it was overwhelming.
Donnie's shell had always been more sensitive than the rest of his body. That was part of the reason why he wore his battle shell, so he wouldn't be distracted by constant sudden and unwanted touch. He couldn't wear his battle shell, because he was just barely too swollen to feel comfortable in it, but without it he felt vulnerable and he was sure that feeling of weakness was what was making him feel the tingles across his shell.
His one relief was to use the shell ointment. Donnie normally couldn't stand slimy textures, but his ointment was an exception. He'd spent a lot of time and trial and error to get the mixture just right. He could put the ointment on his shell, and he was relieved at least briefly from the phantom tingles.
Donnie knew that he was using far more of the ointment than was necessary. He wasn't using it because his shell hurt, but for the sake of his sanity. That was all. It was completely unnecessary, and yet he was relying on it. It would be bad enough if his reliance was just needless, but it was also incredibly selfish.
His brothers were hurt. Leo had been assaulted by the Kraang. Raph had been in their hands for several hours, and who knew what they had done to him in that time. The two of them needed the ointment, but Donnie was reluctant to give it to them because at the rate that he was going through it he would already run out far before he was able to make more. Donnie already dreaded the constant tingling he would be feeling at just the thought of getting hurt.
Donnie felt bad for hoarding the shell ointment, but he wasn't completely heartless. Just because he didn't want to give his brothers the ointment didn't mean that he wanted to just let them suffer. There was a lot he could do for his brothers. He started keeping close eyes on them, even more than before, and he began to notice something that had slipped under his radar before.
Something was going on with Raph. He had always been pretty clumsy, but this was just ridiculous. Raph would frequently walk into walls, or stumble while going up or down steps because he kept on missing the first or last step. These things on their own wouldn't be too concerning, but as Donnie paid attention he started to notice more and more. Soon Donnie started to put together a mental list, and as he noticed more he turned it into a physical list.
On top of the increased clumsiness, Raph was favoring his left side more. When they sat down to eat, Raph would keep his cups and utensils on the left side of his plate, even though he still worked them with his right hand. It was only after Donnie noticed this did he realize that Raph's plate was an inch or two to the left to where it normally was. It wasn't enough to be noticeable unless someone was looking for it, and Donnie was, indeed, looking for it.
Donnie knew that this might not be anything to be concerned about. For all he knew, Raph had just been given a dare by Leo. It would be far from the first time that one of them had done something unusual because of a dare.
Although, if it was a dare, Donnie knew that Leo would be rubbing it in this whole time, and none of the others seemed to be even remotely aware that something was going on.
At first Donnie thought it was because his brothers were just that oblivious, but even Splinter, who had become much more attentive lately, and especially after their match against the Kraang, didn't seem to think that anything was wrong. No, the reason why nobody else noticed was because Raph was going out of his way to act like he was fine.
More than anything, that was what tipped Donnie off that this was something serious. Raph took his role as the oldest brother seriously. If he could come up with any reason to sacrifice himself for his brothers' sake, he would do it. Raph was hiding something because he didn't want them to worry.
Well, it was too late for that. Donnie was worried, and he wasn't going to stop worrying until he found out what was wrong and how to fix it.
Donnie watched Raph carefully over the next several days. He had so many clues, but not quite enough pieces to put together a distinct picture. He had dozens of logical theories, and a dozen more that had mystical explanations. Maybe he should just talk to Raph about what was wrong, but that felt like giving up. No, he would figure this out on his own, and then he could properly make it up to Raph that he was saving all of the shell ointment for himself.
Donnie was so busy observing Raph's behavior that he failed to notice Leo's increased unease and tempermentalness. He was surprised and unnerved when, ast least to Donnie, Leo seemed to have an outburst out of nowhere.
Raph and Mikey had just been playing their dance game. Mikey was dominating, like he usually did in this game, but Raph was doing just slightly worse than usual. His steps were fine, but Raph kept on slightly misjudging where the pads for his feet were, so even though he made the right move he would miss the step. Raph also kept on knocking into the railing and stumbling in his steps. It wasn't obvious, but it was enough for Donnie to notice.
As they played Leo came up behind them and crossed his arms as he waited for them to finish. He couldn't have been waiting for too long, but Leo had never been too patient. Especially not when he was anxious about something. Mikey and Raph's round was almost done when Leo came up from the side and reached for Raph's arm.
It would have been irritating and distracting for any of them, but Raph jumped like he was caught completely off guard. He fell back and stumbled into Leo.
"Dude, give a guy a little warning next time." Raph scowled.
"I have to talk to you." Leo said seriously. He sounded tense and frustrated, and his tone made it sound like he had been trying to talk about Raph for a while, but had been avoided the whole time. Donnie knew that wasn't the case. He'd been keeping an eye on Raph. He would have noticed if Raph was avoiding Leo.
"Okay, so talk." Raph said simply. "Nobody's stopping you."
"You've been stopping me." Leo threw his hands up in the air. "I've been trying to talk to you all week, but whenever I ask if you want to hang out you say that you're busy with training every time."
Donnie frowned slightly. That wasn't quite right. Raph hadn't said training, he said practicing. Their dad still wasn't letting them train, and Raph was keeping true to that. He practiced instead, but Donnie still didn't know just what he was practicing. Raph mostly just walked around the lair, sometimes while wearing a blindfold, sometimes without.
Donnie didn't know just what Raph was practicing, but he knew that his brother was taking it seriously. It probably had something to do with what was bothering him. The best that Donnie could figure was that Raph was trying to regain his confidence after the disaster with the Kraang.
Donnie didn't understand what Raph's practicing was for, but he understood that it was important to his brother. Leo didn't get that much. The way that Leo saw it, Raph was lying to him to get out of talking.
"If you want to talk, why did you say that you wanted to hang out?" Donnie frowned. He didn't think it was fair to not be completely honest with your words, and then get upset at others for reacting to what you said instead of what you meant.
"Because I wanted to talk to Raph alone, but I didn't want to make you guys worry and think that something's wrong, because nothing's wrong." Leo said. He glared at Raph like this was all his fault.
"What's the big deal?" Raph frowned.
Leo looked at Mikey and Donnie, frowning when they didn't do anything to leave the room. If both Leo and Raph wanted privacy that was one thing, but if Donnie didn't have to leave he didn't want to. There wasn't any guarantee that this had anything to do with what was bothering Raph, but it might, and this might be the very chance that Donnie needed to find out what was going on.
"Alright, you know what, fine." Leo scoffed. He seemed unreasonably irritated. "Look, Raph, you win, alright? This whole leadership thing, the thing that you think I'm the absolute worst at, I'm giving it back to you."
"Whoa, whoa, hang on, what?" Raph blinked. He looked as stunned and Mikey and Donnie were. "First of all, I never said I thought you were a bad leader, let alone the worst. And what do you mean I win? Whatever game you think I've been playing, I haven't."
"Who are you kidding?" Leo crossed his arms. He looked ready for a fight that none of them wanted to have. "You've been critiquing my leadership decisions from the moment that dad chose me to be in charge."
Raph scowled. He was starting to look mad himself. "I was trying to help you do better. I was thinking about the good of the family."
Leo was looking defensive, but he took a deep breath and muttered something about it not being about him. He looked much calmer. "Look, I don't want to fight about this. It doesn't really matter what you thought and what you were doing and why. We gave it our best shot, but this isn't working out. I'm not cut out to be a leader. It's not my thing."
Raph looked stunned, which turned to a look of discomfort, and then straight up fear. "What are you saying?" Why did Raph sound so nervous?
"I'm saying I want you to be the leader again." Leo said. Donnie's first thought was, well, it's about time. He had nothing against Leo, but a leader, he was not. That was nothing against Leo personally. Donnie didn't consider himself a leader either. It took a very specific type of person to lead a chaotic group like theirs.
Raph didn't seem to agree. He started to bring a hand up to his eye before he stopped himself and quickly lowered his hand to clench it into a fist. "I'm not cut out to be a leader."
"Since when?" Leo narrowed his eyes at Raph. "You're a great leader. The only times you got something wrong was when you were trying to do something for our sake."
"We all know that's not true." Raph said. "I appreciate your confidence in me, but if you trust me so much, trust that I know what I'm saying when I say that I can't lead you guys anymore."
Donnie felt like he had found another piece to this puzzle. It wasn't very clear, but it was a piece nonetheless, and Donnie thought that he knew how to start putting things together. Raph didn't say that he wouldn't lead them, he said he couldn't lead them. They all knew that Raph was more than mentally capable of this, so what if this was more of a physical thing?
Raph had instinctively reached for his eye when he'd said that he couldn't be the leader, and this was far from the first time that he'd done something like that. The gears in Donnie's head were starting to spin. One of the possibilities that he'd thought of, but hadn't thought was very probable, was sticking out to him now. It was time for a little experiment to test this new theory.
Leo and Raph continued arguing, with their voices getting gradually louder and louder until they were almost yelling at each other. Donnie didn't pay any attention to their words. Raph and Leo's fights had never been the most investing for him. Instead Donnie focused completely as he started to approach Raph from his right side.
Donnie started to reach a hand out to Raph, keeping just in his periphery. Raph really shouldn't have any issue seeing him. Unless, of course, Donnie's theory was right, in which case they had a much bigger problem than who would be their leader.
Donnie's hand was only an inch away from Raph's face, and there was no reaction from him. Leo stopped his shouting mid-rant and gave him a confused look. Donnie shook his head and put a finger to his mouth, silently asking for quiet. Leo was clearly confused, but when Raph said that he needed to get out of his own head and start taking some responsibility he got right back into the fight.
Donnie was feeling a pit in his stomach. His suspicion was stronger than before, but it was far from confirmed. He needed to go further. Donnie waved his hand and made gestures at Raph right next to his face, just trying to be noticed and get a reaction out of him. Raph could be pretty good at ignoring their strangeness, but this seemed too far. It wasn't that Raph was ignoring him, he just hadn't noticed him, and there were only so many reasons that Donnie could think of that could be the case, and none of them were good.
"Raph?" Donnie said quietly. His older brother jolted and turned to look at him with wide eyes, just like he had when Leo had come up to him. Donnie wanted to cross his arms and scold his brother. If his suspicions were correct, how dare Raph had kept something like this a secret from them? They were brothers. They were supposed to talk to each other about things like this.
Donnie couldn't bring himself to scold Raph though. He was too scared to be angry. That fear must have shown in his face, because Raph's face softened, like it always did when one of them was scared. Raph was worried about him, even though he was the one who was hurt right now.
"What's wrong?" Raph asked.
Donnie lowered his hand, which was still shaking. He was staring at Raph's right eye, trying to see an sign that something was wrong or out of place. It looked fine, but that didn't fool Donnie, but it did make him feel like a fool. Raph had been suffering with this on his own all because Donnie had let his eyes deceive him.
Donnie swallowed thickly. "W-why didn't you tell us that you couldn't see out of your right eye?"
He wanted Raph to be confused. He wanted his brother to roll his eyes and call him ridiculous. Donnie wanted any reason to think that his theory was off and he was wrong. He didn't get it. Instead Raph's eyes widened in alarm and Donnie could smell the distinct scent of his fear stink.
"Okay, hang on, back up." Leo shook his hands. "You can't what? You're blind? Since when? Why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't say anything because it's none of your business." Raph said sternly. "I'm figuring it out."
"Figuring it out? You're half blind!" Leo shouted. "And you didn't think it was any of our business?"
"How did it happen?" Donnie asked. "Does it hurt? Is it just your right eye, or is your left affected too? Can you see anything at all from that eye?" He needed more information. This was a very serious problem, and Donnie knew nothing about it. How was he supposed to fix things that he didn't understand?
Raph didn't answer him, because he was listening to Leo still shouting at him.
"We're supposed to be a team!" Leo said.
"I did this for the good of the team." Raph said.
"You lied to us." Leo said. "Brothers don't lie to each other."
"They also don't project their own insecurities onto each other." Raph said. "I don't think you're a bad leader. Stop telling yourself that you not thinking you're good enough is about me."
"We're just worried about you, Raph." Donnie said. "You've been running into walls, and tripping over your own feet. I know you're trying to adjust, but we can help if you'd just talk to us."
"I didn't want to worry you." Raph said gently. "Leo got mauled by the Kraang. Your shell's still bothering you. You've got your own stuff to worry about. If I have to be okay so that you guys can worry about yourselves, then I'll be okay."
"But you're not." Donnie said. "You don't have to be."
"I'm the oldest. Even if I'm not okay, which I am, that's fine, because it's my job." Raph said.
"Don't be absurd." Donnie rolled his eyes. "By that logic, Leo and I aren't allowed to ever think about ourselves unless Mikey is completely okay, because we're older than him." Donnie turned towards Mikey, because if anybody could tackle this emotional constipation it would be the youngest. However, when Donnie turned to Mikey he saw that their brother wasn't there.
"Mikey?" Donnie looked around the room. There was no sign of him. "Angelo?"
"Mikey?" Raph started looking around too with wide, panicked eyes. "Where'd he go? He was just here!"
"I don't know." Leo looked frustrated, but he reluctantly dropped his discussion with Raph. "Maybe he's hiding in his room, or talking to dad or something."
"Speaking of talking to dad, we need to tell him, Raph." Donnie said.
"Hang on, no, we don't got to do anything." Raph said with his leader 'listen to what I say' voice, but Donnie was way more concerned about his brother than he was obligated to listen to him.
"He's our dad." Donnie said. "If you're hurt he needs to know."
"We can tell him later." Raph said. "We have to find Mikey first."
"Mikey's fine." Leo said. "He probably went to see April." He pulled out his cellphone even as he grabbed Raph's arm and began to pull him towards their dad's room. "I'll call her and see if she's seen Mikey just as soon as you talk to dad about this and let Donnie look you over." Bribery. One of Donnie's favorite ways to convince people to do things, right alongside guilt-tripping and blackmail. Leo was using Raph's concern for Mikey against him to make sure he gets taken care of.
Donnie was vaguely worried about Mikey, but of all of them Mikey was the least likely to just stumble upon dangerous situations, let alone go looking for them. He'd be fine for a little bit while they made sure that Raph was fine. Mikey would be okay until then.
Besides, what kind of trouble could Mikey get himself into in the next few minutes?