Summary: Mom buys Calvin a camera. What happens? One can guess...

And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series.

The Photo Man

Snow dropped steadily down to the ground. Trees were covered in white, sticky, wet snow. If you looked off into the distance, you would see tiny bits of snow floating to the ground against a background of white.

Everything was so quiet... For the moment.

Footprints in the snow led up to a short boy called Calvin. Calvin stood over a mass of snowmen.

Calvin, in all the ice and snow, wasn't wearing his usual outfit of red T-shirt, black pants, or red sneakers. Today, in this wintery scene, Calvin wore a red winter hat with a white puff on top, a buttoned up blue jacket, silver winter gloves, shiny black snow boots, and navy blue snow pants.

It had been seven months since Calvin had caught Hobbes on that hot July day.

And now, in early March, Calvin decided to celebrate the coming of spring (even though it didn't look like it), by making some disfigured Snowmen, each one holding a picket sign saying, "THE END IS NEAR!" or "SPRING IS COMING!"

Hobbes, Calvin's faithful tiger friend, walked out of the house, wearing a red scarf, and trudged through the snow over to where Calvin was standing.

"This doesn't look much like spring coming, Calvin." Hobbes said looking around the snowy setting.

"That doesn't matter," Calvin said, rolling up another snowman. "I don't plan on displaying these to the general public until all the snow's melted."

Hobbes stared at him.

"But when that happens, the snowmen will have melted." He said.

"That's where this comes in." Replied Calvin holding up the hose.

Hobbes rolled his eyes as Calvin sprayed the snowmen with the icy blue water.

SSSSSSSSSSS!

Calvin sprayed the signs, the faces, the bodies, the arms, and a small area of snow around them.

Then, he dropped the hose, and walked away, returning moments later with a green tarp that was in the tool shed.

Calvin explained on how he would throw the tarp over the snowmen until spring.

"Your just gonna leave 'em there?" Hobbes asked.

"Heck, no!" Calvin laughed. "your gonna help me heave these frozen statues onto the wagon to a safe place."

"I am?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin ignored him.

"We'll put it in the garage for the rest of the winter." Said Calvin.

"Calvin, snow like that won't come off the ground without breaking." Said Hobbes.

Calvin stared at him.

"Hobbes, it's snow. How heavy can it be?" He said.

"Calvin," Hobbes said. "Lets put this into perspective. One book with about 50 pages is light. Fifteen thousand books, each with 50 pages, are impossible to pick up. It took a lot of snowflakes to build those four snowmen."

Calvin stared at Hobbes in disbelief. "You're comparing my snowmen to books? You're crazy. Go get the wagon."

Hobbes sighed, and walked away to get the wagon.

Moments later, he returned with the wagon in tow.

"Now, help me." Said Calvin.

Calvin and Hobbes both tugged at the frozen snow.

It didn't budge.

"...pull... harder..." Calvin wheezed.

Calvin and Hobbes grunted and groaned as they attempted to yank the snowmen away from mother Earth.

Hobbes' eyes crossed, and Calvin's arms ached.

But then, they heard a loud CRUNCH!

"Good." Said Calvin, keeping his eyes closed. "Now put in the wagon."

"Calvin, open your eyes." Said Hobbes.

Calvin opened his eyes.

Oops.

Calvin had pulled it in half.

"Place it carefully back down." Said Calvin.

The two lowered the snowmen half back onto the other half.

Then Calvin sprayed it with the hose again, and "glued" it back on.

"Well," Said Hobbes. "That won't work. Lets go watch TV."

"Not so fast!" Calvin said, holding up an arm. "Little old Calvin has many tricks up his sleeve!"

"E-gad!" Said Hobbes. "Did you just talk in a fourth person?"

Calvin ignored him.

"C'mere, Hobbes," He said. "I wanna show you something."

Calvin started to walk away when the mailman drove up to Calvin's house.

The mailman, dressed up for winter got out, and carried a package over to the house.

Calvin and Hobbes watched him. The mailman rung the doorbell, and Mom answered.

Calvin and Hobbes couldn't hear anything they were saying, but they saw mom take the small box, sign one of those papers mailmen give to you to sign for some reason, then they went their separate ways.

"Shall we?" Asked Calvin.

"Even if I said 'no' you'd still do it." Said Hobbes.

"Correct." Said Calvin running off.

Calvin burst through the doors and screamed, "WHAT IS IT! I DEMAND TO KNOW!"

Mom gave him a grin.

"I bought you a camera." She said.

Calvin's eyes widened.

"REALLY? A CAMERA! COOL!"

Calvin started jumping up and down as Mom cut the strings on the box off.

Calvin grabbed the box, and started tearing into it.

"Be careful with it." Said Mom. "It's very fragile."

Calvin ignored her, and pulled the camera out.

"WOW!" He said, holding it up. "This is cool!"

Yes, it was quite the camera. It had a Sony logo on it, a bunch a little buttons that Calvin didn't want to look at right now, a wonderful camera lens that had zoom in and out features, and a bright silver style.

Calvin and Hobbes ran outside with it.

"Hobbes stand on your head and bug your eyes out!"

Hobbes stood on his head and made a face.

CLICK.

Calvin and Hobbes watch the picture slip out of the camera, then they laughed.

"Wait!" Said Calvin. "I have another idea!"

Calvin and Hobbes raced down the sidewalk.

"With this camera, we can SPY on people!" Said Calvin.

"How so?" Asked Hobbes.

"Listen to this." Calvin whispered. "If we can somehow make it so these things sense movement and such, we could make it so that we can SPY on some of the people on this block.

"How are you going to do that?" Asked Hobbes.

"If I can invent a time machine and duplicator, I can make a motion sensor, can't I?"

"One would suppose so." Said Hobbes.

Calvin worked for weeks on his motion sensor. By the time he had finished it, the snow had all melted, and spring was here.

"So how'd you do it?" Asked Hobbes.

"Well, Dad showed me a timer on the thing. I can make it so it takes a picture at particular time, but I can't do anything else with it."

"Huh." Said Hobbes. "You spent three months trying to master a timer?"

Calvin ignored him.

"Come on." He said. Calvin and Hobbes rushed over to Susie's house.

Calvin took out the camera and said, "Susie's usually over here playing at two o'clock, so I'll just set it to go off then and then for 2:05 and 2:10 and..."

"Why do you want to take pictures of Susie playing?" Asked Hobbes.

"Because there's a chance we could use it as evidence if we ever sue her, now move."

Hobbes, trying to figure out what Calvin had just said, moved so Calvin could plant the camera in a bush next to the sidewalk.

After Calvin had planted it, they both ran away, back to their house.

Sure enough, when Calvin looked out the window of his house, next, he saw Susie playing on the sidewalk with her dolls.

"This will be perfect, Hobbes." Calvin said. "Slimy girls in their natural habitat. This will go straight into the G.R.O.S.S. database so we'll know what we'll be facing in the future."

"Mmmmm." Said Hobbes, not looking up from his comic book.

"Give me that!" Calvin said, swiping the book away from Hobbes.

By 3:00, Susie had went in.

"Ok," Said Calvin, walking over to the bush. "Prepare for the ultimate spy picture."

Calvin held up the pictures.

"Ah, yes." Said Hobbes, as Calvin's face fell. "The all mighty spy-on-a-bush technique."

All the pictures were of the same thing: bush branches and leaves.

"Ok, so maybe I put the camera to far into the bush!" Said Calvin. "There's always tomorrow.

The next day, Calvin took a rope and hung the camera from a tree.

Calvin just got upside down pictures of birds.

Next, Calvin placed it atop Susie's house.

He got only a bunch of tree leaves since a tree was a few feet away from the spot Calvin put it.

It went on like this for days.

Until, finally, Calvin got sick of it.

Calvin had finally decided that the only way he could spy on Susie, was if he did it on his own.

It all started in July.

Calvin had had the camera for four months now, and so far he had taken up three bits of film on trees and bushes.

It was 1:00 in the morning.

Calvin seemed to be asleep.

Until, that is, that his eyes popped open, and he grinned.

He sat up, and nudged at Hobbes.

Hobbes snorted and snored.

"Zzzz... why yes I would love some... zzzzz... cookies. Back the truck up into my garage... Zzzzz... I'll go get my...zzzz... slave... Oh Calvin?"

Calvin's eyes bulged.

Was this what Hobbes dreamt about at night?

"Wake up fuzz ball!" Calvin spat.

Hobbes' eyes drifted open.

"Tuna?" He muttered.

"WAKE UP!"

Hobbes jumped.

"CALVIN! Its one in the morning!"

"We must prepare!" Calvin said. "Now shut up, and get up."

Calvin and Hobbes spent the next few hours doing completely useless things to prepare for their spying operation. First, they had to make a secret code, then they had to get walkie talkies, then they had to memorize the secret code, then they had to sit around thinking about what to do next, so they made paper hats for OPERATION SPY ON THE SLIMY GIRL.

By 1:45PM, they had completely done all their useless unrequirements.

Calvin stood behind the tree by the sidewalk.

"Fanged Terror?" Calvin whispered into the Walkie Talkie. "Ging the flopping ping dong with extra mayo and 4,001."

"Are we talking in secret code?" Asked Hobbes' voice.

"Yes!" Spat Calvin.

"OH, ok. Ten thousand teddy bears brush their teeth with apple sauce."

Calvin blinked.

"Peanut butter sandwiches. Are slightly higher west of Mount Rushmore."

Over the crackle of the radio, Hobbes' reply came.

"If you took the 'cat' out of 'catastrophe' the motor won't start without peanut butter."

Calvin chuckled at that statement.

"Heh, heh, Zebras wear pajamas, but you couldn't spot a leopard with a spy glass!" He said.

"There are no pully bones in a chicken sandwich." Hobbes argued.

Calvin sighed, and shook his head.

"When the sun rises in the morning in the east, the biscuits rise in the oven in the yeast!" He clashed.

Hobbes answered, sounding a little irritated. "Mumbo Jumbo!"

"Jumbo Mumbo!" Calvin shot back.

"Mumbo hocus-pocus!" Spat Hobbes.

"What happened to Jumbo?" Asked Calvin.

"Jumbo hocus-pocus!" Said Hobbes.

"Wait... sshhhh! Susie's coming outside."

"I thought we were speaking in code." Said Hobbes' voice. "And I was having a lovely conversation."

"Shut up!" Spat Calvin.

Calvin watched Susie walk outside with her doll set.

Calvin pulled out his camera.

"Code yellow." Calvin whispered.

Calvin saw Hobbes climb down from a tree behind Susie.

Calvin chuckled.

Susie was right where he wanted her.

Calvin took a picture of Susie's doll.

"Perfect for advertising." He thought.

Then Calvin took a picture of Susie setting the dolls up at the table.

"Excellent example of a slimy girl's behavior in the wild!" Calvin thought.

Hobbes was sitting on Calvin's front porch, rolling his eyes, and reading a comic book.

Calvin ignored him.

Calvin took out a notepad, and wrote,

Bred in the wild, this strange creature known to us only as the girl performs a strange ritual! She appears to be sacrificing a doll to their god, Sli-me

Calvin continued to write down nonsense, while taking pictures of several activities that Susie was doing.

Hobbes was now eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich while continuing to watch Calvin act like an idiot.

At last, Calvin was about to wrap it up because he was so bored, but just then, he saw something.

There was a spider on his notepad!

"Shoo!" Calvin whispered. "Go sit on a tuffet, or something! Go bother Little Miss Muffet!"

The spider didn't move.

Calvin glared at the spider.

"Why don't you go bother Susie? She'd respect you!"

Mr Spider just stared at Calvin.

Calvin leaned his head over, and attempted to blow the spider off the notepad.

He hung on.

"You dumb insect! MOVE!"

The spider tilted its head, and didn't budge.

"You better leave!" Calvin said. "Or I'll get my Dad's shampoo!"

Susie looked up.

Calvin didn't notice.

"How am I supposed to spy on the wildlife with THIS THING on my observation pad!"

The spider opened its pinchers up as if it was yawning.

Susie had gotton up, and was stalking for Calvin.

Calvin still didn't notice.

"Ok, buddy! You asked for it!" Calvin raised his foot, but just then, Calvin heard something.

He turned around.

"GEEEYAAAAAHHH!"

Susie was ripping up the pictures, and kicking the camera that was on the ground.

"NO! STOP! HELP!" Calvin rushed over to Susie and... Well, she was pretty fast, and could corner on a dime and uh... She somehow reached Calvin's notes, shooed the spider away, then ripped up his notes.

Calvin ignored the notes.

He was too busy fretting over the camera.

Hobbes walked up.

"I can't believe she did that!" Calvin yelled, as Susie glared at him, and walked away.

"Well, she is pretty private about her alone plays." Said Hobbes.

"How do you know that?" Asked Calvin holding up his broken camera.

"Well, for one thing she destroyed your camera." Said Hobbes. "And when someone destroys your thing before you do, that would be a little suspicious."

Calvin glared at him.

"How could anyone stand doing this?" He said, ignoring Hobbes.

"Well, Calvin, I hate to stop your mourning, but there's only ten more seconds in this episode."

Calvin turned to the television camera.

"Shall we end it off interestingly?" Asked Calvin.

"Lets." Siad Hobbes. Calvin and Hobbes rushed off screen, returning wearing top hats, and holding canes.

They started tap dancing around the yard.

Afterward, they went back into the house, looking for another insane adventure.

The End

Swing123: Probably not the best, but then again, not all that bad... right? tell me what you think. The World's Greatest Calvin episode is coming up!

Voice Work:

Pamela Segal: Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Dakota Fanning: Susie

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom

Dee Bradley Baker: Miscellaneous voice work

Coming up next: The World's Greatest Calvin