I haven't seen Nny in about a day but I know he's hanging around here somewhere. He has to come up for air eventually. Meanwhile, I occupied myself by sweeping some of the glass and stuff off the floor since I cut the soles of my feet every time I walk across the living room. I don't have shoes yet.
Sunday (8:27 pm) - I actually went outside today. Nny keeps a wad of cash inside this box in his drawer (I don't ask where he gets it) and I pulled out enough to buy myself a decent pair of sneakers at the local thrift store. They are clean, almost new, and thick soled, so I don't hurt myself anymore. Nny appeared about 5 hours ago and we had a more or less polite conversation about the mess of his house. He hauled a mattress up the stairs and now I sleep in a corner of the living room. I have my own egg crate night table.
Monday (3:33 am) - The talk went like this:
"Hey...I'm sorry for like...trying to kiss you that night," He shakes his head pityingly at me and picks out a piece of corn from his Ramen soup with his fingers. "I was just...temporarily insane. I didn't mean it." He sighs and throws his head back. This is happening on my mattress by the way, as we are having a civilized lunch. Dinner. Something.
"You left yesterday didn't you?" He finally asked me. I looked down and my new shoes and swallowed. "Why did you come back? I thought you didn't really like it here. I thought you weren't too fond of me. You know...despite your occasional sign of affection." He turned to look at me, leaning back on my blanket. He looked genuinely curious.
"I dunno," I said defensively. But didn't have a good comeback for it.
"Its real weird having you around though," he admits. "I just kind of expect you to be gone one day. " Our conversation is interrupted by the doorbell. Johnny very slowly gets up to answer it and just our luck, it's a pair of police officers.
I hadn't seen an actual Man of Authority for longer than I cared to remember. It was very weird seeing them at the door. They stood at guard, armed with a picture of me. I felt both fear at being caught for stabbing the homeless guy and relief because I had been wishing for them to appear for so long...
They asked Nny some polite question and when the blond one notices me sitting with my Ramen cup on the mattress in torn jeans and a men's shirt, he pulls out a gun so fast Nny actually jerks his head back as though he was shot already.
"Freeze," the older, dark haired one said once he's caught on as well. He had his own gun out and was already reaching for his belt to get at the walkie-talkie. He never made it. Nny grabs for the gun and the cop fires. The bullet misses him by three feet. The younger cop fires as well but miraculously, no shots hit Johnny. He's pulled the dark haired cop's gun on him and suddenly, one is dead and the other is on the ground screaming with a bullet through his calf.
I don't know what Johnny did with their bodies. I heard the younger one screaming for a good hour before he went silent, in the basement, but the older cop...he just disappeared. I was already hiding under my pillow, crying my makeup off. I wasn't sad, I just got hit with reality a little too hard. They were here to either rescue me to hurt me, but they didn't get to do either. I felt a little sick as usual.
Nny came upstairs once the younger one was quiet, covered in a red, shiny, wet coat of body fluid and looking weary. Really weary. His eyes were dulled and dark. He came over and sat down on the mattress where I was huddled and wiped the blood into his hair again, slicking it back. He looked like Dracula for a second.
"You didn't have to shoot them," I said tearfully. I didn't mean to whine but it felt sick. I realized some time ago that I didn't have the same feelings of horror as I should.
He said nothing but patted my arm almost comfortingly. He tugged on my shirt sleeve weakly and stared off into space. Then got up and left, leaving a fresh, bloody hand print on me.
Tuesday (5:22 am) - I walked in on Nny wrapping pieces of the older policeman in plastic wrap. He had a steel drum next to him and was very carefully, as though they were kittens, placing the red-stained arms and legs inside. He was humming some song to himself.
I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was on an airplane with Nny and we were flying over an ocean. He opened his window and stuck his head out like a dog in a car and went he pulled it back, his face had no skin because the wind had pulled it off. I wasn't creeped out though (until I woke up). I realized then that I had bugs in my mouth. I spit some out and I saw that they were small black shiny bugs that looked like fleas. They were between my lips and gums on my top and bottom jaw, so I had to scoop them out with my fingers and they werestill there no matter how many time I spit. When I did get them out, they flew away out the window. They were hurting anything though, so I didn't really care that they were there...I just wanted to show Nny that they could fly.
It was real weird though.