Summary: Calvin tries to make a World Record. Can he do it? Read to find out! Don't expect me to tell you!
And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
The World's Greatest Calvin
Calvin and Hobbes were watching The Ultimate Record on TV.
Calvin seemed to enjoy it greatly.
They showed people from all over the world who had done something to make a world record.
When it was done, Calvin sighed.
"Wow. I wish I could do stuff like that."
"Mmm." Hobbes replied. "Why would you? Those people are just dummies that are so desperate to get on TV, that they'll tug at their ear lobes until they stretch four feet, or that they'll hit the back of their heads long enough until their eyes literally pop out of their sockets."
"Nothing physical!" Calvin yelled. "But something like a collection or a best-at-this thing. Like that."
"Mmm." Said Hobbes, picking up a comic book.
"Tomorrow," Calvin said, "I'm going to be best at everything!"
And that's just want he did.
Early the next morning, Calvin got up, and jogged around the block with Dad.
On the way, Dad was huffing and puffing.
"I'm happy, you decided to come with me!" He puffed. "Jogging is an excellent source of physical activ..."
"Shut up!" Huffed Calvin. "I'm only doing this for TV!"
When he got home, Calvin woke Hobbes up, and insisted that they start playing Basketball.
Dad happily put up the hoop, telling how happy he was that Calvin was getting outside for once instead of watching TV.
Calvin and Hobbes ignored him, as they attempted to shoot some hoops.
Calvin looked up, and saw Hobbes blocking the hoop, as Calvin attempted to dribble the ball across the driveway.
Calvin started running back and forth trying to confuse Hobbes.
Hobbes simply swayed back and forth with Calvin, not missing a beat as Calvin turned directions.
Calvin shot the ball into the air. Hobbes watched it go over his head, and... Well, it more or less bounced off the rim of the hoop.
Calvin was terrible at Basketball. So, they tried out baseball.
Hobbes pitched the ball, and it went over Calvin's head.
"YOU DUMBBELL! YOU THREW IT TO HIGH!"
"It was a perfect pitch." Said Hobbes. "Your just to short."
Calvin and Hobbes fought for five minutes, until Hobbes just set Calvin on a step ladder.
Hobbes pitched the ball again.
WHACK!
Whoops.
Hobbes aimed a little high, and kinda... um... Smaked Calvin in the head.
So, then, when Calvin regained consciousness, they ran over to the park to try out football.
Calvin was doing a pretty good job... until the football crashed into Calvin's ankle and he had to be rushed to an ice pack. After that, Calvin and Hobbes tried out racing each other.
Calvin and Hobbes raced all around town, trying to beat each other.
They zoomed past the bakery. They flew down Main street. They bolted down the isles at the grocery store. They ran through the allies. They raced through Crazy Mike's Video. They climbed up on top of a roof, and raced off.
Calvin felt his legs give way, and he crashed to the ground.
Hobbes kept running.
Hobbes won.
Calvin got back up, and gasped "aren't I good at anything!"
They tried everything that had to do with sports, but Calvin couldn't do it.
Hobbes on the other hand seemed quite successful.
So, Calvin decided he wanted to beat someone a collection.
"The current marble collection record is at about ten million." Said Hobbes flipping through the Guinness World Record 2006 book.
"Piece of cake!" Calvin laughed. "Mom, I'm starting a marble collection. Where can I get some?"
"The dollar store sells them with 100 marbles in each package." Said Mom.
"Bingo." Said Calvin.
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
Back at the dollar store, Calvin and Hobbes were counting how much money they had.
"I have about eight bucks." Said Calvin.
"Lucky you." Said Hobbes holding up some quarters. "I have about two dollars and twenty five cents."
"Great," Said Calvin grabbing some marble bags. "That gets us up to a thousand marbles. Great start."
Calvin paid for the marbles, and they walked outside.
"Of corse, this leaves you penniless." Said Hobbes.
"Oh shut up." Said Calvin. "When I make eleven thousand marbles I'll have the prize money."
"They give away prize money?" Asked Hobbes, blinking.
"shut up!" Calvin spat.
Back at home, Calvin was putting the marbles in a large box.
Hobbes walked up just then.
"So what are you going to do, to get more money for marbles?" Asked Hobbes.
"I might try begging." Said Calvin.
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
Later that day, Calvin asked Dad about marbles.
"Why yes, I did have a marble collection when I was your age, Calvin!" Laughed Dad. "I'm so happy to hear your finally..."
"Just get it!" Calvin sighed.
Dad, looking annoyed, led Calvin up the stairs into the attic.
"I used my marbles for all sorts of games." Dad droned on talking about games and explaining on how Calvin could play them. "...It's stuff like this that really builds your character, Calvin! Why, when I was your age..."
Calvin however, was not listening.
The darkness and spookiness in the attic had caused Calvin to float off into laa laa land.
"A vicious Velociraptor stalks a stupid, boring Protoceratops, who at the moment is trying to bore himself to death by giving himself a lecture on the future invention of marbles!"
Dad held a jar filled with marbles up.
"...Some of these I collected in college when I was studying to be lawyer. See, this one is made of a type of material that American Indians used to..."
"THE VELOCIRAPTOR LEAPS THROUGH THE AIR!" Calvin screamed, as he jumped on top of his dad, and began chewing on his neck.
The next thing Calvin knew, He was laying face down on the carpet in his room, and Dad was screaming in his ears to never jump him, again.
The door slammed, and Calvin was left on the ground with Hobbes continuing to read his comic book.
"There, there, Calvin." Hobbes said. "I'm sure you can break the record for the longest skid mark made by a face in a six-year old's room."
"The Velociraptor will soon have his revenge on the stupid saber tooth tiger, and the idiot Protoceratops!" Calvin muttered.
The next day, Calvin had decided to give up the idea of a marble collection.
"Well," Hobbes said. "I guess all you can do now to break a record is to make an obstacle course."
Immediately, Hobbes slapped his mouth as if he could not believe he had just said that.
"Great idea, Hobbes!" Calvin thought out loud.
"I was kidding." Hobbes said quickly, but Calvin was already running for the house.
Calvin spent the next few hours planing for his obstacle course.
He took a piece of paper, and colored it blue to make it look like blueprints.
Then he started making it. First, Calvin took a load of bricks, and placed them all around the Calvinball field.
Then he took some chalk, and drew a humongous maze on the bricks.
When he was done, he had made the first part.
Next, Calvin broke a limb off a tree, and placed it over the creek.
Then, he took a handkerchief, and marked the next part.
After the next few hours, the obstacle course was complete.
"Ok." Said Calvin to Hobbes. "Here's how it works."
Calvin walked over to the bricks with the maze on it and said, "I'll start going through the maze from this side, and you go from the other side. We'll continue through the maze. Only you won't be looking for the exit. You'll be trying to get to ME. If you catch me in the maze, then we'll have to start over. "
"The Monster Maze, huh?" Hobbes observed. "Nice touch."
"Isn't it, though?" Said Calvin. "Anyway, after that, I have to cross that stick without falling into the creek, then I have to grab the flag, and race it over to the other side of the place. Then, you and I will have a race through town, and try to get to Dad's office. After that, We'll race back here, and into the tree house, and... You might want to be taking notes."
"Continue." Said Hobbes.
Calvin rolled his eyes and continued.
"Then we'll swing from the ropes I tied up there from tree from tree. Then we'll land on the house, and jump from house to house. We'll cross the street, carry that mattress to other side of the highway, and finally, have a race through the entire house, and to the flag hung in my room!"
"Let us begin!" Hobbes said.
"Heh, heh!" Calvin said. "Prepare to meet your downfall, Hobbes!"
"I'll bet." Hobbes muttered under his breath.
"But first," Calvin held a small remote control up. "Just to make sure nobody cheats in the maze..."
Calvin put the antenna on the tip of the maze, and raised it upward. A huge brick wall raised from the ground from the tip of the remote!
Calvin stood on his tip toes, and held his arm up high.
The brick wall was now twice as big as Calvin, and just tipped Hobbes' head.
"How did you do that?" Hobbes asked.
"My magic maker thing." Calvin said. "Now we really have a maze."
Calvin and Hobbes stood at opposite ends of the maze.
Hobbes narrowed his eyes, and flexed his claws, and Calvin clenched his fists, and grinned, evilly.
Calvin's alarm clock was set on a tree stump next to the maze.
five...four...three...two...one... BRI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-NG!
Calvin and Hobbes both shot into the maze.
Calvin didn't know what Hobbes was doing but right now, Calvin just wanted to get out of the maze.
He zoomed through the winding brick walls.
He was panting as he raced through the place.
Hobbes, on the other hand, was causally strolling down the tunnel.
Pausing every now and again to smell a rose at the ground.
Calvin tripped. He jumped back up, and zoomed down the winding corridor, again.
Hobbes looked at his watch, and yawned.
He got back up from his break, and walked back to the exit of the maze.
He had no intention of going very deep into the maze.
Calvin peeked around the corners for Hobbes, and continued running through the maze like a mad cheetah.
Hobbes entertained himself, by counting the bricks on the wall.
"Four thousand five hundred sixty-two." He said. "Four thousand five hundred sixty-three. Hmmm lost count. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six..."
Calvin crawled through the maze totally exhausted.
Then he saw a light ahead.
Calvin screamed in victory, and raced for the exit.
"Opps." Said Hobbes. "Here comes Hyper: The maniac of tomorrow. Better hide."
Hobbes walked behind a wall, as Calvin zoomed for the exit.
Just then Hobbes put his finger out, and tagged Calvin.
"Whoop! Too late." He said. "I win."
Calvin screamed with frustration, and headed back for the start.
It went on like this for the next few hours.
Until Calvin figured out Hobbes' strategy.
"Why that sneaky little tiger! I'll show him!"
Calvin quietly peeked over the corner.
Hobbes was sitting at the exit, reading a comic book.
Calvin looked around.
Quickly, he ran back out of the maze, and into the house.
He grabbed his duplicator, and quickly duplicated himself.
He and the duplicate ran into the maze.
Calvin peered over the corner.
Yes, Hobbes was still reading the comic book.
Calvin gave orders to the duplicate, and it screamed in victory, and raced for the exit.
Hobbes hid behind the wall, and tagged the clone.
But as soon as Hobbes did that, the real Calvin zoomed toward the exit.
Hobbes glared daggers at the clone, and raced after Calvin.
They were due for the next event.
Calvin carefully started across the small log laid across the creek, and held his arms out so he wouldn't fall.
Hobbes waited impatiently on the other side of the bank.
"Earthquake test!" Hobbes yelled suddenly.
He grabbed the log, and started violently shaking it.
Calvin screamed and raced across to the other side.
"That's more like it." Hobbes said, prancing across the log.
Calvin glared at Hobbes for a moment, then he and Hobbes raced for the lone flag that was sitting in the field.
Calvin grabbed it, and ran. Hobbes followed him, trying to get the flag.
Calvin raced through a field of weeds.
Hobbes followed.
Through the creek.
Hobbes followed.
Calvin raced through tall grass, open fields, more creeks, and several large rocks.
Hobbes still followed.
At last Calvin reached the tree.
He frantically climbed up the tree, while Hobbes climbed after him.
Calvin ripped his shirt, blamed Hobbes, and continued his wild climb.
A purple flag was in sight at the top.
Calvin grabbed the purple flag, and switched it with the red one.
Success!
Calvin then jumped out of the tree.
He didn't climb down. He JUMPED.
Hobbes watched with great interest, as Calvin hit the ground and rolled through the creek, through the weeds, through the tall grass and so on.
Afterward, Calvin stood up looking wet and annoyed.
Hobbes climbed down the tree, and the race began.
Calvin and Hobbes raced through the allies, through Crazy Mike's Video, again, through Taco Bell, through Wal-Mart, and other places like that. Calvin and Hobbes raced through hotels and motels, and department stores like JC Penny and Target. They raced through Conoco gas station. They ran through so many places that this episode would be a movie if I mentioned all of them.
But at last, they reached the tall building where dad worked.
This was a weekend, so the building was closed, but that didn't stop Calvin and Hobbes.
Hobbes picked the lock, and they raced inside.
The scattered papers, and knocked computers over, in their frantic search for Dad's office.
They climbed the winding staircase, and searched all the offices.
They destroyed Mr Ring's office, Obliterated Miss Freeman's office, and wrecked Ms. Airkien's office.
At last they found Dad's office on floor five.
"FIRST ONE THAT TOUCHES THE COMPUTER WINS!" Calvin screamed.
Calvin and Hobbes flew for the desk in which the computer sat.
Hobbes pulled Calvin backward, and Calvin pulled Hobbes backward.
Soon they got into a big fight, and started tearing the place apart.
Papers, pens, desks, telephones, and keyboards went flying in all directions.
At last Calvin triumphed, and touched the computer monitor.
"...I...Win..." He gasped.
"Last one back to the tree house is a rotten loser!" Hobbes screamed racing out of the wrecked office.
Since no one was there, nobody noticed Calvin and Hobbes wreaking everything as they bolted out.
They ran back outside and ran through the allies, through Crazy Mike's Video, again, through Taco Bell, through Wal-Mart, through hotels and motels, and department stores like JC Penny and Target. Through Conoco gas station. Again.
Then they reached home, and bolted up the tree house.
Calvin grabbed the first rope, and swung off.
Hobbes shortly followed.
Calvin was first to land on his house.
Then he and Hobbes, raced across it, and jumped onto Susie's house. From there, to Miss Wormwood's house. Then to Moe's house, then to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
Once at Mrs. Omment's house, Calvin and Hobbes jumped off the roof and raced across the street where Calvin had put his parents' mattress.
Calvin grabbed one end, and Hobbes grabbed the other, and they hauled it across the street frantically.
A man on the other side of the street watched as a six year old tied a stuffed animal to a mattress, and wildly hauled it across the street while screaming like an idiot.
"Mmm-HMMMM." The man said turning away.
After hauling the mattress across the street, Calvin and Hobbes raced back home.
They dove in the house.
They were now in the kitchen where mom was fixing dinner.
Calvin and Hobbes ran past Mom into the living room, where Dad was reading a book on the couch. The raced up the stairs, and into the first door. The bathroom. They flew out of there, and zooomed into the door next to it. Mom and Dad's room. Calvin and Hobbes then ran out of there, and into the NEXT door. This one had a sign on it that said, Calvin's room, enter and die.
Calvin and Hobbes zoomed past the bed, and toward the red flag hung on Calvin's window.
Hobbes won.
Panting, he held the flag over his head, so Calvin couldn't get it.
"I win." Hobbes said, simply.
Calvin stopped trying to get the flag.
"Oh, who am I fooling? I can't break a record!" Calvin laid down on his bed in agony. "I guess I'll just go back to my boring life."
Hobbes walked up, and patted Calvin on the back.
"There, there, Calvin. Breaking a record isn't everything. People won't exactly care if you get your name in a book." Calvin thought about that.
"Ya know, Hobbes? Your Right! Now, I'm going to soak Susie with a mud balloon, and play three hours of Calvinball!"
"That's the spirit!" Hobbes said.
Calvin jumped off the bed with happiness.
Then he stopped.
"Wait a minute. That's it! I'm not the world's greatest Calvin just because I collect marbles, or do races! I'm great because I'm me!"
"Mmmm-hmmm." Said Hobbes.
"I mean think of it Hobbes? history left its mark! ME! Millions of people, my ancestors, died in civil wars and Revolutionary Wars, and all that to make ME!"
"Uh." Said Hobbes, no longer listening.
"I'm not great because I broke a world record! I'm great because I'm Calvin!"
And he was right.
Just then, Mom and Dad burst into Calvin's room.
"CALVIN!" They both screamed.
"Calvin put on some toy glasses, and said, "Who ees theese Calveen?"
"Calvin our mattress is missing, and Mr. Toyn said he saw it laying in the field across the street!" Mom Spat.
"And my boss called, telling me that a crazed boy tied to a stuffed tiger wreaked his entire building, ESPECIALLY AS WORSE IN MY OFFICE!" Dad screamed.
"So tell me," Calvin said taking the glasses off. "What makes you think I did it?"
Calvin spent three weeks in his room.
THE END
Swing123: Well, that's that. Hope you liked it. Coming up next, A brand new Calvin and Hobbes! Calvin and Hobbes in: NIGHTY SHUT UP! By the way, Independence Day is coming up, so NAUGHTY FIREWORKS Will be up soon, too. Maybe even before NSU. Stay tuned.
VOICE WORK:
Pamela Segal: Calvin
Tom Hanks: Hobbes
Bill Murray: Dad
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom
Ben Stine: Guy that goes "Mmmmm-hmmmm"
Dee Bradley Baker: Miscellaneous voice work
Coming up Next: Naughty Fireworks!