You can't be two-timing if you haven't even one-timed can you?
Tuesday (9:00 pm) - Rubbing alcohol hurts. A lot. BUT the skin is my normal color (more or less) and when it starts turning purple or blue...that's when I worry. Right now its...okay I guess. I mean, a daily pouring of disinfectant is a good idea (no matter how much I loath it). I can tell he's done that before. I have not moved my hand in days. It has just occurred to me that if my hand gets infected and I get gangrene, Johnny would have no misgivings about chopping it off.
I went up to him today as he was lounging around on the couch and sniffed his shirt. I buried my face in his chest and sniffed his goddamn shirt.
"May I help you?" he asked me, tapping the remote against the arm of the couch irritated.
"You smell like girl," I said accusingly.
He picked at his shirt with his index finger and thumb and sniffed it.
"So I do," he said lazily and shrugged.
"Why do you smell like girl?"
"I dunno."
"You lie."
"Because Ive been around girls?"
"Who?"
He raised an eyebrow at me. He was jutting out his lower jaw. I don't know what that meant, but the way he ran a hair through his hair again meant he was nervous about something. I watched his eyes because Ive read that your pupils contract if you're looking, thinking, or hearing about something unpleasant. I wasn't anywhere near enough to make that assessment.
"Why the interest in my social life?" he said with a perfectly straight face.
"What social life?" I asked him. He narrowed his eyes dangerously. "What I meant," I said hastily, "is who have you been touching that smells like cheap, musty perfume?" I was blocking the television but he didn't seem to particularly mind. I was beginning to think that this funk he was in was tiring him out as well as me.
"I don't know. I've been around these last few days," he leaned his head back against the couch back and sighed. "God, I need a new hobby."
"You need a life," I said helpfully. He didn't even seem to hear this. That ended the conversation pretty quick.
Thursday ( 10:00 am) - Yesterday, me and Johnny went out. Around 2 am, he woke me up (violently, by shaking me so hard I bit my tongue), and we got ready (I actually wore make up) and went out.
Johnny has a cardboard box filled with stuff from...people. I found multiple bags filled with girly items. Not wanting to take a dead person's purse with me, I settled on using their makeup. I went out in yellow florescent eyeliner and lime green eye shadow, and pink lipstick. It was an odd look, but I had worn nothing but black eyeliner, minimally, when I was by myself. With Johnny, I could pretend I was a normal person out with her date on a night on the town. A town that only had a single night club open at 2 am and it wasn't a raver club.
It was this dark, dusty little club where they played bad music and everyone wore all black. There was this HEAVY sent of incense in the room and the drinks were horrible, but only because I don't like alcohol. Actually...I have never actually ordered or drank a full cup of anything with alcohol in it. It makes me...sickish. Johnny didn't like the stuff either, but downed a single cup in 10 seconds flat.
We sat at a table amid some pretty evil looking couples. One guy had fangs and red eyeshadow. His date was this really flamboyant looking teenager with no shirt on, and his face was so pierced up that even I was disgusted. The older one had a chain around his dates pierced nose.
The club itself wasn't a very bad place to be...a little dark but hey...I used to hang around these places when I was a younger teen.
Johnny was sitting across from me, back to the crowd, leaning back on his chair in that way of his, arms crossed. He had a far away look on his face.
Here's where things got strange. This black girl appears behind him, the only other person there with come COLOR (haha...ha...I'm not racist). She had both arms full of rainbow bracelets and bright baby blue eyeshadow.
"Hi!" she said cheerfully, "I'm Tenna! I'm pretty much the only welcoming party this place has!" She spoke as though every one of her sentences ended with about a dozen exclamation points.
"Hi." I said, glad for human contact. I glanced at Johnny but he had turned his head and was glaring across the room at something.
"You don't look like you belong here," she said pulling out a chair next to Johnny. Her eyes were wide and clear, and even in the dim lighting I could see the glitter covering her face. I smiled as wide as I could.
"I'm new," I said, "and my date here isn't paying very much attention to me, is he?" Tenna elbowed Johnny playfully. He turned his head swiftly towards her but his eyes never left wherever he was looking at. I thought he was being quite the anti-social jerk. He turned back.
"Whatever," she said with a grin and a shrug, "Here!" she pulled a bracelet off her arm and slid it across the table. It was a handmade plastic rainbow "kandy" bracelet with alphabet beads across it saying "PLUR". "For you! Welcome!"
She turned her head and screamed a name across the room, I didn't catch what it was. Out of the crowd a girl was pushing her way through. I saw Johnny almost leap out of his chair when she had made it more or less to our table, and turn his head very quickly towards me again. I saw his pupils had contracted and he was hunching his shoulders strangely. The girl, a pretty goth girl with deep purple hair (and brown roots, how gross), gave me a very demeaning look.
"This is Devi," Tenna squealed, "she's my best friend." The girl looked as though she wanted to spike Tenna through the head for saying that.
"Nice to meet you," I said uncomfortably aware that Johnny was breathing a little harder than Ive ever seen him do without some form of activity to tire him...Tenna and Devi seemed oblivious to his presence, as his back was to them. He was clenching and unclenching his jaw. "I'm...Mackenzie." That was my middle name that I used to be called by friends back home. I decided to adopt Hailey, my first name, when moving but I realized tonight I missed having people call me Mackie.
"Well, its been nice meeting you," Devi said a little angrily, but I have some things to do and stuff and...yeah, I'll see you later, Tenna." She nodded at me, "Mackenzie."
Tenna watched her go and turned back to me with a raised eyebrow.
"Don't mind her," she said friendly, "she's always that grumpy. She's just a puss. Um...is your friend okay?"
Johnny had slammed his head down on the table and now got up and simply walked away, leaving me at the table alone with Tenna.
"He gets grumpy too," I told her and jumped up to follow Johnny, waving to her as I passed.
Friday: (11:55 pm) - So today I get another rude awakening because suddenly, there's this hideous screaming coming from downstairs around 6 am.
I haven't really heard anything bad happen for a while...and I really didn't want to venture downstairs again and see what was up, but I did anyway, mostly because the front door was wide open and it was cold and I was awake anyway.
Johnny was actually talking this time, and I heard his calm, dangerously soft voice above the crying.
"Shallow, selfish, vain little bitch," he was breathing to a young looking teenage girl in wide pants and a fishnet tank top. Her bra, fully visible under the net, was awkwardly positioned and she was exposing more then I think she planned. She was smearing her black eyeliner down her face and her purple lipstick was smudged almost comically around her mouth.
Johnny was kneeing in front of her, gloved hands locked around her bejeweled wrists and pinning her to a wall. Her legs were useless with his weight on them...and even as I watched front the top of the stairs, he taped her arms and legs together, talking, crooning to her all the while.
"...where is your boyfriend now? Where are your little friends now?" I beginning to get a bit sick. I don't think I ever really...witnessed him being this way. Ive seen the result but somehow seeing it now...blew my mind. The girl was pleading pathetically. My god, I didn't think she actually did him any wrong. I felt sick. I felt dizzy. I sat down on the stairs.
Once the girl was fully restrained ("I don't know you! Oh my god, who are you? Why me! GET AWAY FROM ME! OH GOD!") I almost swallowed my tongue to see him raise a knife above his head. I screamed louder than her.
Johnny looked up, still with his weapon raised, and his eyes locked on mine. I bounded down the stairs, tripped, and luckily remembered to do a tuck-and-roll ninja move on my way down or I would have cracked my head open on the cement flooring. Instead, I landed on my back, staring up into the dizzying yellow lights.
The girl began to plead with me too. I was crying. I sat up crying. I cried at Nny to leave her alone. He had two hysterical women yelling at him front two directions. He grabbed his head and ran further into his tortured chamber house, leaving me to deal with the poor girl he was torturing.