AN: first of all, a big SORRY. I know I said that this chapter would be posted nearly two weeks ago. The only thing I can say in my defence is that it has been really hard to write, and it kept growing and growing… The original version of this conversation was a third part of what I'm posting! Mmm… well I won't make spoilers to myself, so, more AN at the end of the chapter :)
And now, as usual, I'm gonna reply to all my wonderful reviewers!
Thanks to everybody who answered my grammar dilemma. Yes: that was what I was asking for, as ridiculous as it may seem. So, thank you all, and I hope I'm doing it properly, because I'm pretty sure that's the kind of errors that hurt in the eyes…
Firefairy42: I'm flattered about your liking my writing style, though I must say I fear for your sanity… I personally consider my style quite "erratic". Thanks anyway!
MyOriginalIntent: Mmm… you're right, James is a bastard, isn't he? Though, I haven't written anything on his POV… They're not THAT bad, none of them. As for Peter… well, I have lot's of ideas for him, but I'm not going to tell them now ;) He'll have a moment of glory in next chapter. Thank you!
Original: mmm… I think I didn't use the word in this chapter, but thanks anyway for answering. Hope you'll like this chapter! (Hell, I really do, it was hard to write!)
Dark lil Draco: Does James have any consideration? (thinks for a moment) Mmmm… Well, he couldn't possibly fathom what he was doing to Harry… But still, I'd say: NO. LOL. Don't worry, someday, things will get better XD Hope you'll like this chapter!
Moonwolf: James will find out in the end, but: he's a Potter. He's dense. I don't like arrogant!James either, but I'm trying to show the change he went through before he started going out with Lily in the cannon, and the process has just started. Thanks!
Enchantress of the dark: I'm afraid, James is going to develop a one-sided feud against his son in the first chapters… though, if it comforts you, I don't think I'll write Sirius mocking Harry at his face. I don't know if Harry could stand it, but I surely wouldn't! Thank you!
Silverfox1999: Well, I barely play the tambourine, and only at Christmas, but this is Bill we're talking about! He's cool. As for Harry and James… Well, you're right, he's seeing his father at 17. Key word being "17". Actually, Harry is more mature than his father… Mmm… I'll have to do something to rectify the situation… Thank you!
Anon: Look what you did! You damned me, and it took me twice as usual to write the damn chapter! ;) Sorry for getting you technical, (fea puts in a small voice) I won't do it again… Thank you!
Terri: You maybe won't believe it, but every time I post a chapter, I end up checking continuously the reviews, waiting to get yours. It's one of those things that remind me of why I always feel so identified with the characters of Amélie Nothomb… Aaaah! (sighs happily) I can't wait to see what you write next! ;)
Lost in NYC: James's expression when he sees Harry's face: chapter 8 or 9. That will be 2 or 3 weeks to wait… But it'll be worth it! (I'm particularly proud of that scene). Thank you!
Zina: I would be more than happy if you could beta this story! I would be grateful! The world would be grateful! Now, seriously: you'd do me a great favour if you could beta my fic. So, I'm going to display my e-mail on my author's page, and if you still want to do it, contact me… Thank you!
Roslyn Knight: Glad you liked it! You're right, Harry doesn't deserve it, but he has never deserve anything that happened in the other years, so, why would this one be different:P About the danger… well, I think that everything that's awaiting for them, the trio will miss it… But no, no action in this fic (I've promised myself), though there will be references to the war they lived through.
Logi: Thank you! The payment of the life debt will have to wait until the Marauders are settled in 1997, but I will get to it…
Ice Blue Rose: YES! A nice, long review! You made me think with your Narcissa comment… Well, I suppose at some point Draco will get to think about her, so yes, we'll find out eventually. I'm really happy you liked the 'James trying to apologize' moment, it feels good to know that there's someone who still like him despite what I made him do! (I feel evil). I liked you to point out the 'war veteran' attitude of the 'future guys', because they're all carrying a heavy background that will show. Actually, you'll see in this chapter that Harry acts or talks sometimes like some people he got close during his sixth year… About James and Lily… I have an entire subplot dedicate to James's broken heart… jijiji! (still evil) So, I'll let you read about Harry and Remus! (still worrying about the potatoes)
Sesiliá: Oh, little lost butterfly, I read your review (yes: I read things before I answer to them, not as other people), and I hope you'll someday find your sanity and understand the beauty and morbo of slash… Silla, nieta! - That was my "grand-daughter". She's sweet, but stupid.
Mimis Galaxia: I felt so sorry when you told me you had lost your review! So many words of wisdom lost forever! I don't know how to interpret your "deeper and more profound" comment… Well, maybe. But I'm afraid next one will break the chain! You know I can't keep serious for long periods of time… Thank you for liking my 'marauder way of write'… and yes, Latino is beside the point. Actually he's beside El Hada, eating cherries. Thought I should warn you… About the sequence you choose as your favourite… jejejejejeejejejeje! I'm going to make you enjoy every single appearance of Draco, until you're begging for slash! Silla! En el msn! Ahora! - My other "grand-daughter". She's sweet, but HHr… Poor thing.
ABOUT LYCANTHROPY & ANIMAGI
As Remus and his curse will occupy a significant part of this chapter, I feel this is the moment to explain my particular vision of the curse.
First of all, I'm NOT onto 'schizophrenic Remus'. I consider that a lycanthrope has two separate beings sharing one body, but they never interfere with each other. During the full moon, Remus remains conscious, but has no power at all over the wolf's body. Same goes for the wolf during the rest of the month. So, no 'Remus feeling the wolf growing inside him' nor fights for control in this fic. Remus gets all the credit for any anger he might feel.
Secondly, about the nicknames the Marauders give to each other, for me, Remus is Moony, while the wolf is a nameless beast. Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs do have fun with it, but they never completely forget that their mission is to tame it.
And as I was talking about consciousness, this is the moment to point out that, even if the animagi develop the required instincts to take care of their animagus forms, they never loose consciousness of humanity. When 'Padfoot' sees 'Prongs', it's still Sirius seeing James (and probably making fun at his friends antlers), never a dog-brained Sirius looking at a stag friend of his.
Finally, if this was a 'serious fic', Remus wouldn't have any kind of super-power and his eyes would be light green, but, as it isn't, I've allowed myself to fall in some clichés. As it is, in this fic Remus has amber eyes that miraculously turn gold when I feel like it, he's got a fierce protectiveness for his pack, mates for life, and he'll probably go through a heat period on later chapters.
I'm open to all suggestions of lycanthropy side-effects ;)
Midnight Revelations
Privateo Beddum – muttered finally Remus.
He noticed that he had somehow moved from his original position, sitting uncomfortably at the furthest side of the bed, to the middle of it, were he was sitting actually in the Indian way, both hands holding his forehead. Last year, his fellow Marauders still called it the Arithmancy Position. Now, the problems he had to think about used to involve his friends in one way or another and his conclusions used to lead to depression or open hostility towards them. In any case, his so called friends lost all thought of making fun of his current position.
But he was avoiding the subject. The matter at hand, right now, was Harry. James's son.
James's son?
Too weird.
He looked at the bundle that lay near the pillow, thinking that he should say something to him. But what? 'Harry, mate, I'm sorry, but I think you should keep hiding. You see, your daddy here, he's absolutely against human reproduction.'. Not the best way to break the ice.
Oh, fuck. He thought, head collapsing again on his hands. James didn't want children, not even in the most remote of the futures. How was he supposed to accept a weird father/son relationship in which both individuals were the same age? In the best of the scenarios, Sirius and him would take the guy as the new mascot of the Marauders. It was plain depressing.
Poor Harry.
He took a look through his fingers at the now trembling bundle. Okay, Remus, time to act like a true Gryffindor! Act first, think later. And so he opened his mouth, not really sure of what would come out of it.
"Harry?" He called. The trembling stopped, but otherwise he got no answer. He decided to try again. "Harry Potter?"
Again, there wasn't any visible reaction, though, come to think of it, the air seemed to have acquired a density that it didn't have two minutes before. Suddenly, the sheets were thrown away, revealing a carbon copy of James in which stood out the most amazing green eyes.
It made him forgot any precaution he might have had, for he only knew one person with that particular shade of green on her eyes, and the thought was enough to brighten his day. He smiled fondly at the boy.
"I take it that James managed to marry Lily in the end…" he said.
The other just looked at him in the shadows for a while.
And then the shouting started.
"You told me he had changed!" he accused, furious tears running freely through his strained face. "You told me his head had deflated by seventh year! Tell me: does he still hex anything that moves? Did you lie about that too? Was I right when I thought he forced mum to marry him? 'Cause right now I can't fathom how the hell she fell in love with such an ARROGANT JERK!"
He had moved towards Remus during his tirade, and the last two words were shouted at his face. He stayed like this for a moment, breathing heavily, and suddenly fell back on the bed, whining "And Snape was right all along!"
Rrrright… rolled the 'r' Remus in his thoughts. What am I supposed to say now?
Well… The Map had been finished at the beginning of their seventh year… Maybe James had went through a drastic personality change through the year? He wondered briefly what kind of conversation his 'future self' had had with the guy, but pushed those thoughts aside for the moment. He should say something…
"When I was in first year" said Harry suddenly. The tears had stopped long ago, and he was now blankly looking at the ceiling. His voice was so low and monotonous that for everyone else it would have seemed like he was humming, but the werewolf could hear it perfectly. It was a shock for him to realize that the other boy knew it perfectly and was counting on it. "I found that mirror in the castle. Mirror of Erised. Have you heard of it? 'not your face but your heart's desire'…"
He paused a moment. When he talked again, his voice was void of emotions.
"I saw them. My mum, my dad, my grandparents… All my family."
Remus tried to swallow the lump that was forming on his throat. God… The boy just wanted to see his parents. And James…
"I was with them" finished Harry with a sad whisper.
A silent tear fell through the werewolf's cheek.
"All my life" added the other drawling the words in anger and standing up to look at his father's friend "All my fucking life I've dreamt I met them. That my parents were alive! That they came to rescue me! Do you know how stupid I feel right know? I never believed what Snape said! Not even after seeing the OWL day! Because you told me he changed!"
Again, Harry's face was at mere inches from Remus', panting heavily. The werewolf had unconsciously crawled backwards at this intrusion of his personal space, and nearly fell of the bed when he put a hand behind him to help him to stand up and regain a more dignified position.
Seeing this, the green-eyed Prongs straightened and closed his eyes to calm down a bit. It was strange. It was James' face, but the feelings it was showing had never been seen in his friend's features. Pain and self-control.
Harry opened his eyes and spoke again, in a voice so cold that it sent a shiver down his spine. "But you lied to me, didn't you? He's still the same bullying bastard that he was at fifteen."
He paused, as to give the werewolf an opportunity to deny it, but Remus was at loss of words. What could he say? After all, he'd been thinking along the same way for the last months, whether he admitted it or not.
A void laugh startled him from his thoughts, and he turned to look at Harry. He was sitting with his legs crossed at the ankles, leaning on his arms and staring at the ceiling with empty eyes and a bitter smile. His next words came as a sad chuckle.
"I was so proud of him" he mused "He gave his life for mum and I, and saved his Malfoy from under the willow. His friends were like the Weasley twins… I used to imagine him sending mum flowers and lavatory seats…"
Remus couldn't help a chuckle "He would do something like this." He said, smiling at the thought. "And Sirius, Peter and I would have gone under his cloak to see her face!"
"What would she do?" asked Harry dreamily despite himself.
"Probably tell him that it was a pretty accurate metaphor of the feelings they had for each other"
The boy gave him a small smile, and Remus took it as a cue to keep talking. "You know, the image you had of James might not be as far from the truth as you think right now. James is very brave, loyal, clever and caring to his friends. And I don't doubt that he… his 'future self', was completely devoted to his family. But he's also a spoiled brat, used to have anything he wants, and when he doesn't get it, he doesn't seem to understand why. Merlin, you can't start to imagine how many times we've laughed at him about Lily!" he chuckled at the thought, but Harry didn't grace him with the tiniest of the smiles.
"He's still an arrogant" he said coldly "And I still can't see any excuse for the hexes"
Remus blushed and looked at his feet uneasily. "I've never liked it either." He muttered "And I don't think there is any excuse. The only thing I can say in their behalf is that the same persons that hex all this people are the same that spent two years studying to become illegal animagus, to help a friend." He finished to say this red as a tomato. He didn't like to talk about himself, but knowing that the other one knew about both his lycanthropy and his friends special transfiguration skills, he felt that this was the best thing he could say to change Harry's opinion.
He looked up at the other boy, his eyes full of hope, but what he saw in his face surprised him. He looked horrified.
"I don't know what's worse" he told him, wide eyed. "The 'all these people' or the present tense in 'hex'. What kind of person are you?"
His eyes were begging for him to say that it wasn't true, that he had formulated his sentence wrongly, or something like that, and Remus' embarrassment grew to heights never reached before neither by men nor werewolves.
"I know it's not right…" he tried to explain. "But…"
"Look" cut him off Harry, avoiding his eyes. Was he blushing? "You… you don't have to explain yourself. Really. I… I understand."
They stayed in silence for a while, both flustered and fidgeting with the sheets. Remus was trying hard to concentrate, to find something, anything, that would make James look better at his son's eyes. He didn't even notice that he had acknowledged the boy as his friend's child.
"Harry…" he sighed finally. The other looked back at him reluctantly. "I know that Prongs is not your favourite person in the world at this moment, but I'd like you to give him a chance. Don't hold on spite at him for his words tonight. He… Try to put yourself in his skin! This morning, we were in 1977, where he's the Head Boy, Captain of the Quidditch team and basically the most popular guy of the school. And suddenly we're here, and everybody holds you in a pedestal, and… did you really kill Voldemort?"
He stopped his tirade abruptly, giving Harry the cue to explain how he did it, but the other boy just blushed and nodded. Seeing that he wouldn't get more information, Remus tried to go back to his defence of James.
"So." He said, unable to stop staring in awe at the other boy "I think he's just jealous. He'll get over it."
They fell in silence for some minutes, Remus staring at Harry and Harry trying to avoid his stare uncomfortably. Finally, the Boy Who Lived had to ask it.
"Can you stop looking at me this way?"
He was so shy. His voice held both a beg and an apology, two things that he wouldn't have expected from the hero of the wizarding world. And above all this, one thing kept coming back to his mind.
"You're nothing like your father"
"That's what I keep telling everyone"
Remus frowned, thinking quickly. "Then you maybe are." he smiled "Maybe you're brave, loyal, clever and caring too"
Harry rolled his eyes at this, and the werewolf decided to add "Look. You can't judge a person over one single fact. You need to get the whole picture. The best I can tell you is that he's my friend, and if he was the evil git you think he is, I wouldn't even want him near me. So, I suggest you try to know him. Right?"
"Yeah" he said, turning his head away from him. He didn't seem very eager.
"As for the changes you talk about" he added in a moment of inspiration "He probably did change. I wouldn't have lied to you. And Lily wouldn't have married him otherwise. Everyone grows up at some point. And, actually, James has already started to change." He sighed sadly. "We all have."
Harry looked at him for a moment and finally decided to ask "What do you mean?"
The werewolf pondered what to answer, and finally settled to give him their own medicine. "There was an… 'incident'"
"Oh. Yeah. The Prank"
"So much for our mysterious aura" muttered the frustrated Marauder. And Harry had the nerve to snigger at him! He shook his head in playful disbelief, and then, he felt it. A weird warmth overtook his body, and he looked at the boy in front of him in amazement. In recognition. A thought struck his mind. "Cub".
Harry gifted him with the warmest smile ever.
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It was so good to have him back. They had become close during the summer after Sirius' death, more than he would ever had expected, and to be able to hold onto him again, even if he was now younger and didn't knew him…
He was crying again. Tears of happiness, this time, but tears anyway. Geez, I'm turning into a drama queen! He whipped his tears and suddenly realized their position. They had moved to the head of the bed, where the werewolf was hugging awkwardly the boy that clung desperately to him.
"Sorry" he smiled shyly, releasing him.
"Don't worry about it." Said the other good-naturedly "Handkerchief?"
"Yeah. Thanks"
He blew his nose vigorously and leaned back on Remus' shoulder, who putted an arm around his waist, smiling despite the weirdness of the situation.
They had sit like this so many times. Remus would talk him about Sirius, about the things they had done together or the beauty of his eyes. They shared their thoughts and feelings, their fears, hopes, everything. The dying werewolf had become his friend and confident, and so much more than this…
It was then that Remus had started to call him 'cub'. The animal instincts had grown stronger due to his 'disease', and he had started to express himself in a way that would have made him blush madly in other circumstances. The pieces of wolfish wisdom that he sometimes shared with him were particularly funny. Or weird.
"You are an Alpha, cub" was the usual prelude for a long tirade about the war and Voldemort. Remus was the only one he had really talked about the prophecy, the only one that knew how he felt about it instead of what the damn thing had said. And Harry was the only one who had ever heard about the feelings that were behind the three words 'dying of love'.
Yes, he had fully understood the meaning of 'pack', and when the werewolf had finally gone, he had left his legacy to Harry, who became the last of the Marauders.
He had been with him that day, like he had been there every day of the last two months, since he came back from the Dursley's. He had renounced to go back to Hogwarts, leaving his friend, his 'elder', alone. And so he had been there on the 27 of September, and the werewolf had died peacefully sleeping in his arms.
And now he was back.
He took one of Remus's hands in his and stroke it warmly.
"Fancy a butterbeer?"
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"Hullo Hermione!"
If the scar on his forehead wasn't so perfectly visible, she wouldn't have recognised him.
"Harry?" she asked uncertainly. The sandy haired boy nodded. She thought quickly of something to say that wouldn't give up her friend's glamour "Why are your eyes pink?"
"Mmm…" he feigned to think for a moment and offered: "There was an incident?"
Someone snorted, and Harry finally noticed the presence of his seventeen year old godfather, who was sitting on the couch opposite to Hermione's, but was saved from a most uncomfortable conversation by the sound of someone apparating in the room.
"Harry Potter, sir!" squeaked the exited voice of an elf. "Dobby is very much happy! Dobby is in the kitchen hoping he sees Harry Potter, but Dobby does not think he will find him here!"
"Hello, Dobby!" replied politely her friend "Actually, I came here to see you…"
Hermione didn't listen anymore, lost in her own terrified thoughts.
To say she was shocked would be an understatement. Harry's glamour lost it's intrigue, her delicate conversation with Sirius lay forgotten in a corner of her mind and not even a naked Ron would have been able to claim her attention. Because she was now seeing, swaying precariously on the head of the elf, all of her hard work of the last two years.
"Dobby!" she whined.
The other three turned to look at her, Sirius curiously, Harry wincing (which made her realise that he knew) and the poor elf turning into a bundle of nerves, muttering possible punishments to inflict himself for whatever it was he had done.
Fortunately, her friend reacted quickly, and went to the Harry Potter Crisis Mode™ (he had registered it last Christmas), which means that he started giving orders.
"Dobby, it's the first day, the Common Room doesn't need to be cleaned. Would you be so kind to go back to the kitchens and send two butterbeers to my room and a bottle of firewhisky with two glasses here?"
"Yes, Harry Potter, sir!" said the elf warily, before disappearing.
"Sirius, talk to her. Tell her your life, your stupid pranks, whatever. Just keep her distracted." The other looked at him like he had gone mad, but Harry ignored him, and gave the Order That Turns Out To Be A Huge Mistake (in capital letters) "Hermione… Drink and forget" Then he turned back the way he had came.
Five minutes of uncomfortable one-sided conversation later, she finally turned her teary eyes to Sirius and whined her thoughts: "My hats!"
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"Can I ask you something?" asked Harry.
They were laying comfortably on his bed, sipping on their butterbeers, enjoying each other company. Dobby had, of course, done more than asked for, and sent him a jar of self-replenishing butterbeer and a plate of pastries and sweets.
"I could tell you you've already done it" replied the werewolf "but that would be a bit old, wouldn't it?"
"Yeah" smiled Harry, biting on a Strawpearly Pie (that actually looked like a muffin), and getting back to his first train of thoughts, told the other "It's a bit personal"
"Well. We'll never know if you don't ask" encouraged him Remus.
"It's about… the Prank?" he said tentatively. The werewolf shifted uncomfortably, and Harry decided to let it go. "I'm sorry. It's not my business"
"No!" tried to reassure him the other boy. "It's not this, it's just… It's difficult." He sighed "But Poppy keeps telling me that I should talk to someone, so, why not you? ….What did you want to ask?"
Harry blushed furiously, realising how close in time they were from that fatidic day from Remus's point of view. And now, he really didn't knew how to ask his question. It wasn't that important, really.
Oh, God. Remus wanted to talk to him. Like in 'sharing the deepest feelings of one's heart' talk. Of course, he had done it before, but the werewolf seemed so uncomfortable with the idea that it made him uneasy too.
Well. His original question wasn't that bad. At least it could be a good place to start. He'd just have to reformulate it… He offered the werewolf a Chip Choco Cheese and waited to see him swallow the first bit of the warming sweet to make his question.
"Well, it's just that Sirius and you…" He started, managing to make it sound as if Sirius and him were together. It wasn't true, of course, but it wouldn't hurt to give Remus some confidence in their possibilities. After all, they were meant to be. "…you didn't like to talk about it…" he lied. At least Sirius hadn't seemed that much bothered by the 'trick' the only time he heard them talk of it. But then again, Remus would feel better if he thought that twenty years in the future, his 'lover' was still repentant. "…so, I never understood… why? I mean, what kind of joke was that supposed to be? I can't imagine how it could have been funny." He finished. I'm on your side, Remus. Please, tell me why…
He had been worried about it. He needed to know, he needed him to tell him that it really was a joke turned bad, because the thought that Sirius sent another person to the claws of a werewolf was to much for him to stand. Even more now that he knew that his father was really an ass. He looked at Remus pleadingly.
"It was a joke" he answered bitterly after finishing his butterbeer, replenishing his goblet and drinking half of it. He took a deep breath, and tried to explain. "The first thing you'll have to know is that… well, his way of thinking is quite peculiar. See, his got all that knowledge (it never ceases to amaze me), and he's got that bright mind of his… He will come to you with that brilliant plan, with every little detail taken care of. It will invariantly have a flaw, always the same. He doesn't count on the reaction of those involved in his plan."
Seeing the other's questioning look, he tried again "Okay. I'll put you an example. Let's say you have to… err… You're flying on a broom and one of your most important possessions, let's say some kind of family jewel, falls on a dragon nest."
Harry couldn't help a chuckle. "Make it a Hungarian Horntail"
Remus arched an eyebrow, but asked no further questions "Okay. Well, Sirius will take a look at your Hungarian Horntail and tell you that a dragon's eyes are his weakest point. He will then suggest you a spell to use in his eyes…"
"Conjunctivitis Curse?" smiled Harry knowingly.
"Yes!" shouted enthusiastically Remus, who had by now downed nearly three butterbeers in less than half an hour "Oh, yes, that would be so Sirius! Guess what would happen then?"
Harry shrugged, restraining from telling him that the dragon would squash his eggs and make him loose points.
"We have three options, depending on the dragon's temperament.. On the best of the scenarios, your dragon will sit down on his nest, and you'll have to wait until the end of the curse to try another thing. The second possibility is that our dear Hungarian Horntail will get mad, and start throwing fire all around him. And, believe me, with Sirius' luck, you might be able to avoid the fire, but your precious relic will get melted. Third option, and this one is my favourite, the poor dragon will go trampling around in agony and squash you on his way."
Harry laughed, sending bits of some unidentified pastry in Remus's general direction, as an image of Krum getting squashed and Sirius shaking his head in disbelief, revising his notes, appeared in his mind. " 'owreh" he tried to apologize, showering the werewolf again.
"Never mind" said the other, cleaning himself "Chocolate-banana? Which one is it? So. See what I meant, now?" asked Remus, picking the pastry that Harry was pointing at. "He tends to think of everything involved in his plan as inanimate objects… He's so precise that he forgets the obvious… I don't know how to explain it…"
"So, what happened with Snape?" asked Harry cheerfully, hoping that getting to the heart of the matter wouldn't upset the werewolf and taking a long gulp of his drink to reinforce his courage.
Remus visibly thought along the same lines. "Well, he had this perfect plan" he started "Snape had been asking questions about my 'mum's disease' and… well, the guy is an annoying prat" Harry nodded emphatically, and he smiled in return "Don't like him?"
"After six years of irrational hatred? The man has taken more points from me than from the rest of Gryffindor put together!" he said, rolling his eyes.
The werewolf laughed at this, but praying inwardly that Snape didn't teach any subject he would be taking. A sudden thought came to his mind.
"He's not teaching DADA, is he?" he asked in alarm.
"Not for lack of trying" smirked Harry, and then mocked "He's The Potion's Master"
Remus let out a very expressive sigh of relief before saying slyly "Sirius will be most pleased…"
A frown appeared on the other boy's face "Why? He's not taking potions, is he?"
"You didn't knew?" he questioned back, the slightest hint of disappointment in his voice "Well, Sirius came back this year with a sudden healer vocation…"
"Healer?" repeated Harry, chocking on his butterbeer. He straightened on the bed to look better at the other's face.
"But I see it's just a phase" he shook his head, sighing. "Anyway" he said suddenly with a little smile "Sirius had this perfect plan"
Green eyes rolled emphatically at this declaration.
"See" said Remus, chuckling "He wrote a riddle for Snape, saying that if he solved it he would know where I was going, but at the same time making sure that my secret would be safe" His voice was becoming bitter by seconds. Harry, who was now sited facing him, took one of his hands and stroke it, smiling sadly. He let the minutes pass by, waiting for the werewolf to be ready to talk.
"I suppose it was a good riddle" he finally said. "Sirius is good with those things"
"You never saw it?" asked Harry with his gentlest voice.
"It self-destroyed before I had the chance. Part of his perfect plan." He muttered. As an afterthought, he added "That's why he's still here, you know? Snape didn't have any proof that he had been tricked into the Willow."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Doesn't seem fair, does it? I mean, I didn't want Sirius to be expelled then and I don't want it now, but if we are objective…" he trailed. Harry shifted uncomfortably, but the werewolf, lost in his thoughts, didn't notice it. "The parchment was heavily charmed. It had a version of the Fidelio on it, it's a charm that…"
"I know it." Cut him Harry. For a fraction of second, his features tensed, to be quickly replaced by a neutral mask.
"Oh. Do you want to talk about it?"
The raven-haired boy sighed, shaking his head. "Not now." He sighed again "So, I suppose only Sirius and Snape were able to see the parchment"
"Yes…" answered absently the werewolf, still wondering about the other boy's reaction at the mention of Fidelio. Dismissing those thoughts for a later moment, he continued. "Yes, and he couldn't talk to anyone about it. It also had a combination of Incendio and Obliviate, timed for ten thirty, so that the parchment would burn and Snape would forget everything about it, including the answers he might have gotten from it." It was his turn to sigh, now. "Sirius told me that the riddle was structured to make sure that if Snape understood how to get to the Shack, he'd also knew what was in there. So I suppose he really thought it was safe… for everyone."
They stayed in silence for a moment, sipping at their butterbeers and thinking about it, until Harry finally asked "Okay. It was meant to be safe. Where was the flaw?"
Remus pondered the question for a second before replying "Human psychology. And a horrible timing." He grimaced. "Sirius gave his perfect little riddle to Snape, telling him that he only had twelve hours to find out my secret before it burned in his hands, and that he wouldn't be able to write it down nor share it with anyone. I remember seeing him all the day with his nose on a piece of parchment… Prongs wanted to know what it was about, but Sirius gave us that knowing look, telling us he would tell us the next day, so we dropped it. Well. I did. I suppose we'll have to thank Prongs's stubbornness, for once… He asked once and again until Sirius got tired of hearing him and told what he had done. Apparently, he was hoping that Snape would only understand the first part of the riddle and got badly injured while trying to discover how to enter the Willow."
Harry was staring at him open-mouthed. "But…"
"Yes, I know. It's horrible. But that's the nature of the feud between Snape and us. Actually, when Sirius did this, Peter was in the Hospital Wing, recovering from Snape's latest hex. He made him sprout an extra arm. Very painful."
Harry didn't seem impressed. "Ever heard of 'an eye for an eye and the world will turn blind'?"
"I never said I agreed with them!" tried to defend himself Remus, blushing guiltily. "It's just how things are!"
"Okay." Scowled the other. "I already said I don't blame you for it. But I'll have you know that our Slytherins are good people and I won't tolerate any pranks or insults or whatever on them!"
The werewolf actually giggled at him "Protected species?"
"Yeah." Scowled Harry defiantly, sending his father's friend into another fit of stupid giggling. Not happy with this reaction, Harry raised is voice and asked again "SO. What happened with Snape?"
"Sorryyy…hihihi" said the werewolf, not really listening to the other. He composed himself (for he had rolled in the bed and was now lying on his side) and sat back facing the green-eyed boy again, whipping away his tears of mirth. "Ejem…" he cleared his throat merrily "What was your question again?"
"Snape"
Unfortunately, the boy's curt answer and scowl were enough to set the werewolf into another fit of giggling (and that was the third one in a row). Harry took the empty goblets from the bed and set them back on the tray.
"You're annoying when you're drunk" he informed.
"hihihi!"
"And you're way too cheerful"
"Pfffff…. HAHAHA!"
"Remus!"
"Sohihihihihi!"
"REMUS!"
But it was hopeless. The werewolf kept laughing and giggling alternatively during what seemed like hours, until with a final "aaaaaaaaaah!" of satisfaction, he said "sorry cub" and standing for a moment, he took him on a bear hug and plopped them both back on the bed.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
They had been lying this way for a long moment, Harry hiding his face on the werewolf's chest, holding tightly onto him, and Remus with his arms loosely around the boy's waist, absentmindedly rubbing his back.
It was strange. He was holding a guy of his same age and yet it felt like it was a child who was lying in his arms. A child with the power to spread warmth and comfort through him just by holding onto him. It made him feel needed and he realized with a smile that he would be there to give whatever it was that he was being asked for. Because, even with the inexistent age difference, the boy that was lying on his arms was a child of his own.
He sighed contentedly and kissed Harry's forehead, earning a shy little smile from the cub.
"Wanna hear what happened with Snape?"
"Yeah" said Harry with a small voice, disentangling himself from the other and moving upwards on the bed so he could face him. Remus turned to rest on his back, and Harry propped himself on an elbow.
The werewolf remained silent for a moment, collecting his thoughts, and finally explained "Why Snape decided to go to the Willow, we can only guess. Dumbledore thinks that he solved the riddle, but had been on the other end of too much death threats from Sirius to take the menace seriously. I think he's right. But we'll never know, now, will we?" he asked himself. He got lost in his musings again, and Harry waited patiently while the werewolf's amber eyes got lost in a cloud of sadness.
When Remus spoke again, his voice was tired and old, unnatural for a teenager, but so familiar that it send a shiver down the other boy's spine. It was the voice that he had used in Grimmauld Place, the voice that had accompanied him every single day since Sirius's death to his own.
"The only thing we know is that at ten thirty that night, the memory spell activated. Snape found himself on a tunnel, not knowing where he was nor why, and did the logical thing: he took the way up. When James came after him, he found a daisy-haired Snape heading to the Shack. He tried to convince him to go the other way, but Snape, of course, refused to do anything that a Marauder told him. So, they saw me. And that's it. They barely escaped, Snape had to be taken to the Hospital Wing completely hysterical, Dumbledore found out, etc."
Remus went silent again, and Harry decided to lay his head on his chest again, hugging him. A hand came to rest on the small of his back.
"How did Snape know it was you?" wondered Harry more to himself than to the werewolf.
"Oh. That was James's doing" replied Remus with an uninterested voice. "When they saw me at the end of the tunnel, he said 'shit, Remus'. Always so opportune…" His voice trailed into nothingness as he got lost in his thoughts once again. All of a sudden, he stood up, throwing Harry out of him on the process, his eyes flaring with anger. "You know what really pisses me off?" he growled "Sirius. After all that's happened, he still finds the nerve to get frustrated because Snape solved his stupid riddle. 'I can't believe he actually solved the riddle'" he mocked in a girly voice "I DON'T CARE A DAMN SHIT ABOUT YOUR FUCKING PRIDE!"
Harry was completely taken aback by the werewolf's sudden outburst. He tried to put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down a bit, but Remus batted it away. He was far from finished.
"Do you know what it was like?" he said, more to Sirius than to the boy that was with him. He spoke quickly in his anger, panting and growling at such a speed that Harry had difficulties to understand what he was saying. "I don't remember, oh no, I don't. I don't know the appearance I had when you took me back to the Hospital Wing, 'poor boy' they say, 'what he has done to himself' they say, but they don't know, they don't know how it feels like, the need, the hunger, the hunt, they don't understand the smell of human flesh, the call of blood, they don't know, nobody knows, I know, I know the madness inside when the beast feels his prey, I was there, I saw it, I felt it happening, and I saw them, I saw Snape trembling like a leaf, I saw James pissing of fear before his survival instinct kicked in and he dragged themselves out of there, I was there as afraid as they were, when the beast played with it's food, running and stopping, circling them, throwing James to the ground and giving him the time to get up before pushing him again, I was there when he told Snape to run to safety while he stayed behind, and I didn't felt safe until he was out of sight and I felt Prongs's antlers on me, and I was there when the beast fought his friend, and when he managed to run away, I was the one it paid it's frustration with, I was the one who felt all the injuries it inflicted on us, I was the one who got our tail uprooted with our own teeth, I'm the one marked forever with the memory of the killer instinct of the beast rushing through our veins, I'm the one who saw it all happen unable to do anything to refrain my own body! And what does he say? 'I can't believe Snape solved the riddle'" He managed to growl a girlish whine at his imitation of Sirius and finally stopped his rant. Harry was staring at him with his green eyes wide open, making him feel suddenly very conscious. If his face hadn't already been red in anger, he would have felt the blood rushing to his cheeks. His eyes shied away from Harry while he tried to recover his breath.
Harry, on the other hand, was completely flabbergasted. Never, in all the time he had known the werewolf (even if that wasn't so much) had he seen him in such a state. He had never really heard him talk about his curse, never more than the academic facts, when referring to the nastier parts of it.
He knew what he had to do now. He knew that Remus wanted him to say something in his chosen mate's defence. But what? A memory came creeping to the front line of his thoughts, pushing him into a whirlwind of emotion.
Remus watched as the most diverse feelings came to show up in the green eyes of his new friend. Shock, sadness, rage, fear, disbelief… if it wasn't cheerful, it was in Harry's face. Finally, the boy decided to speak. He opened his mouth, trying to take a sound of it with poor success, and closed it again. He looked at Remus with teary eyes, chuckled, and managed to croak: "Wormtail"
"What about him?" frowned Remus. That surely wasn't what he was expecting to hear. Not that he was expecting something concrete, but Harry's previous display of emotion had lead him to dread some kind of earthshaking revelation. Good old Peter was somehow anti-climatic.
"Wormtail…" tried again Harry. He stopped again, seeming to have difficulties to breath. Remus handed him a fresh new goblet of butterbeer that the other drank in one long gulp. He took a deep breath, strengthening himself to say whatever it was that putted him in such a state. And finally, looking at his crossed legs, he let go "Wormtail told me once that Sirius's biggest fault was to underestimate the others"
He looked up at Remus, as if expecting the werewolf to throw a fit, but the amber-eyed boy did nothing but blink.
"Well…" he pondered "I hadn't think of it that way, but now that you say it, he does have a problem in the judging people department…"
"He said" cut him off Harry through grinded teeth. He was clenching his fists, his eyes flaring with anger. He looked positively murderous. Instinctively, Remus felt a wave of protectiveness for poor little Wormtail rush through him. His eyes narrowed, but Harry didn't even notice, and continued in a harsh voice "He said that underestimation made him loose his love, then his family, his freedom, that it made him risk the welfare of those he loved, and in the end, it cost him his life."
Remus scowled at Harry and crossed his arms in a defensive gesture. He knew the look in his eyes, and he didn't like it. "Your hatred for Peter seems completely deliberated to me." He said in a slow, calm voice, glaring at the other "There's nothing in what you've told me that could cause such a reaction from you, but I…"
"HE HAD NO RIGHT!" shouted Harry with all the strength of his lungs.
"Of course he!…" started to counter Remus, raising his voice too.
"HE'S THE REASON MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!"
Silence.
And then…
"You'll better choose well your next words, Harry." Said the werewolf through closed eyes. "Because son of Prongs or of Merlin himself, if you dare insult my friend again, I'll hex you to next year"
Harry stayed silent for a while. Despite the angry werewolf that was currently sitting at the other side of his bed, he suddenly felt very calm. The time had come for the big truths to come out.
He wondered briefly if that was the way Dumbledore felt at the end of each year, when Harry came to his office after yet another victory on Voldemort and he had to select which part of the information he should share with him. Thinking of his old mentor, he decided to follow his usual strategy. After all, he had seen the Headmaster in all his manipulative glory enough times as to know what he had to do. He leaned back on the headboard, sitting comfortably, and helped himself with an Ice Mice.
"Ice Mice?" he offered. Remus opened an eye to glare at him. "No?" He pushed the tray strategically at one side, making sure that it would be on his background every time the werewolf looked at him. He then ate his Ice Mice slowly. Once this was done, he sighed sadly and said "He was their Secret Keeper"
This revelation had the desired effect. He could nearly see the thoughts as they came to Remus's mind: Harry's reaction at the mention of the Fidelio charm, his reluctance to say more about it… A piercing look in his direction and…
"Explain"
Harry Dumbledore 1 – Wormtail Warriors 0
Harry put a mask of serenity mixed with sadness on his face, while thinking furiously of the best way to turn Remus against Wormtail. Well. At least to convince him of what his 'future self' had done. He finally settled for a classic.
"Dumbledore suspected there was a spy in the Order of the Phoenix" he said, nearly repeating word by word what McGonagall had said on his first Hogsmeade visit four years ago. "So, when one of his own spies told him that Voldemort was after my parents, he suggested them to use the Fidelio charm"
Remus scowled, but nodded nonetheless.
"They were going to use Sirius" he added, knowing that the animagus's fate because of Wormtail would be a most valuable weapon for his cause.
"Sirius?" repeated the werewolf, throwing his head forward in a gesture of alert. Harry smirked smugly, but inwardly.
"Yes. Of course: Sirius. He was my father's best friend, wasn't he?"
Remus nodded again, but looked at Harry suspiciously.
Well, yes, my dear thought Harry this story is leading exactly where you don't want it to. It's it's sole purpose, actually.
"But Sirius thought he was a too obvious choice, so he suggested to use Wormtail instead. Nobody knew it except for them three." He said, ignoring the glares he was receiving "So, when the morning after doing the charm my parents where found dead, Sirius took all the blame."
"I don't believe you" said Remus with the quickness of those who won't listen.
At least he's not looking murderous anymore… Change of strategy!
"I understand" he said. Highly infuriating statement, but probably useful, as it was one of Dumbledore's favourites. Shit! Now I have to understand! …Think, Harry, think!... Gotcha! "But you have to understand, too, that the Peter Pettigrew I'm talking about is not the same that is sleeping in this room with us. As you were saying before, people change, Remus. Unfortunately, it's not always for good"
A flicker of doubt in the amber eyes.
Waoh. Dumbledore would be so proud of me! Annoying Hermione (a little voice that wandered the Hogwarts minds) told him that in his little tirade he was accepting the possibility that his father changed to become a better person, but, as so many people before him, he choose to ignore her. Okay, another sigh. Aaaaaand… Now!
Harry sighed sadly. "It happened during his seventh year" he began, but had to stop a moment to replace his 'wise headmaster' mask. His disgust at Wormtail's poor excuses was too big for him to remain calm. And now Remus was looking at him suspiciously. Shit!... Okay: regain his trust… Okay. Harry, you can do it. Say the name! He gathered all his will to remain in a neutral voice and said "Peter had most of his lessons alone with the Slytherins."
Remus nodded, his eyes narrowed.
"Most of this Slytherins became Death Eaters" continued Harry. Remus glared fiercely at him, so he added quickly "They cornered him between classes, threatening to use him to practice their new Dark Arts spells"
"And then he told us." Said Remus, clearly defying Harry to tell him otherwise.
"He told Sirius" scowled Harry, forgetting about his Dumbledore strategy.
"And so?"
"And so," repeated Harry darkly "Wormtail told me that Sirius did him a little speech about Gryffindor courage and left him alone to face the Slytherins. Can you believe it? The man actually blamed Sirius for every single bad thing he did!" The last part was said in a furious mutter, and Remus didn't even listen to it.
"What about us?" he asked, giving Sirius reaction as valid (much to Harry's dismay) "What about James and I?"
"He said that dad was Head Boy, and he didn't want the story to reach Dumbledore's ears" replied Harry, nearly pouting "And that he was too busy fawning over mum to notice anything else."
"And I?"
Once again, Remus had confirmed Wormtail's words as plausible, and Harry felt like he was going to explode. "He said that he was afraid you'd become overprotective at someone attacking your pack, and that you'd do something that revealed your secret!" he said, completely outraged.
"That sounds like Peter" said the werewolf, smiling fondly.
That was more than Harry could cope with. "HE HAD NO RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT YOU!"
"Peter is my friend" challenged him Remus, glaring.
"From my point of view" answered Harry in a low voice, glaring back to take the challenge "Wormtail is the rat who sold my parents to Voldemort. Actually, from everyone's point of view, Wormtail Silverhand is the man who lead the central wing of the Dark Army on the Battle of Hogsmeade, where he found his death fighting side by side with Voldemort. And don't look at me like that! Read the papers!"
Remus looked ready to kill, so Harry made an effort to calm down a bit, and tried to reason. "Look" he said "I'm trying to give you the 'nice' story. The whole story, as Wormtail told it to me. You can either listen to me, or wait and hear the story from someone who won't care to try to explain how he get to that point. So, it's your choice: stay here and listen (and please, do refrain from killing me), or get up and go to sleep"
He made a significant pause, waiting for the other to decide. When Remus didn't move, he continued.
"All right." He breathed "All right. Wormtail told me that, as Sirius did nothing to protect him" he said with a voice that transmitted all his despise for the rat and his excuses "the Slytherins hexed him and he ended up in the Hospital Wing."
"And then we must have done something" stated Remus, very sure of himself.
"Actually, Wormtail said that you were all too busy looking at your bellybuttons at the moment, and that you just hexed Snape in retaliation. And don't look at me like this!" he added, outraged at the murderous glares Remus was throwing him again "That's what Wormtail told me, word for word!"
"All right." Said the werewolf, taking deep breaths to calm down "Let's suppose you're telling the truth"
This earned him a death glare from the green-eyed boy.
"Let's suppose you're telling the truth" repeated Remus, who had gone to school with Snape, after all, and wasn't easily impressed by death glares "That doesn't explain the supposed treachery."
"Well. Here comes the best part of the story." Replied Harry, leaning back on the headboard again, though this time his intention was to piss off the werewolf (quite successfully) "After the attack, one of the Death Eaters, Rosier, the one who cut off Moody's nose… Though you knew Rosier and have never seen Moody without his nose, so the explanation is pointless…" he mused.
"He cut off his nose?" asked Remus, curious despite himself.
Harry nodded, frowning at his own thoughts. "Well" he said "Rosier went to see Wormtail and offered him a trade. He would teach him the Cruciatus curse in exchange of your Arithmancy notes"
Remus blinked.
"And Wormtail said yes. After all, your notes were easy to obtain, and the Cruciatus curse would come handy when fighting the Slytherins"
"I don't believe it"
"Neither I" replied immediately Harry, raising from his position in anger "I'd rather think that Wormtail was a bad person since the beginning, but I told you I would tell you his version of the story"
A throwing daggers glare fight followed, until Harry decided to keep going with his narration and made the effort to calm down. Remus followed his lead and went to sit leaning on one of the posters of the bed, trying to relax.
"The notes were just the beginning" said Harry looking at his knees "Rosier was a clever guy: he never asked for information, just for him to bring him little things. He taught him the Dark Arts like he would do with a friend, and introduced him with some people from the lowest circles of the Death Eaters. They talked about politics, and Rosier convinced Wormtail with his way of thinking… I suppose he kind of brainwashed him…" he added, more to please the werewolf than really believing it. Remus didn't answer, so he kept talking. "Rosier made his way to the Inner Circle quite easily, and arranged a private meeting for Wormtail with Voldemort. Very few knew he had received the Dark Mark, and he became his best spy. He was in the Order of the Phoenix, and even better than that, he was a friend of my parents."
"Why would that matter?" asked Remus mind-absently. He was trying to process the information from a neutral point of view.
"There was a…"
"Incident?" said Remus, arching an eyebrow.
"Prophecy" blushed Harry.
"A prophecy?" repeated sceptically Remus, lowering his eyebrow so he could arch it again with more enthusiasm.
"Well…yeah" replied Harry, who by now had acquired the colour of a nice fresh tomato "It said that either Neville or me would kill him"
"Oh." Said the werewolf. "Then it came true…" He frowned "Though, of course, if you've been told all your life that you have to do one thing, the most probable thing is that you end up doing it."
Harry shrugged. "Dunno. Her trances seemed real to me…"
"Maybe…" conceded Remus, and then he stated "But I still don't like divination"
Harry chuckled tiredly "Yeah, I know, crystal balls…"
Remus shuddered.
They stayed in silence for a while, thinking. Harry moved towards Remus and hugged him tentatively. Despite the fight they had just had, the werewolf accepted. Finally, when Harry was nearly asleep, he told him:
"All right, little saviour, tell me your story. And this time, I want to hear it since the beginning."
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
I'm assuming that the small of one's back is the lowest part of the back, not the backside. If Remus has just putted a hand somewhere it shouldn't be, please, tell me. And excuse me for it, it would be so WRONG!
AN: Okay, now I can say it: this chapter started well enough, but, as I said at the beginning, it was really tiring. I feel I could have done much better than this, especially the last part… Anyway, I got to one point in which I just wanted to post this chapter and get done with it.
You'll have noticed the emotional rollercoaster they go through in this chapter. I personally think that it is possible, in the conditions they are, to change moods in such a quick way… I just hope the transitions were well written enough.
So, next chapter: The morning after… Well no, make it "day 2". It could be called "compilation of random silliness"…
Before I leave, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, review! (and read, Sesiliá). And be nice to me. I'm feeling so insecure about this chapter… :(
I write for fun, but I post for the reviews (adapted from my sisters thought of the week)(I'm trying to convince her to draw a fan art for my fic :P)
Poor HHr quote of the week:
"platonic: please, erase this word from all the dictionaries!"