Summary: Calvin tries to find a job.

And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series

Help Wanted

Calvin sat in the living room watching TV.

Dad came in just then.

"What a bunch of junk!" he said as a commercial came on.

"What junk?" Calvin asked. "This is good wholesome television!"

Just then another commercial came on.

"Are you 100 to 500 pounds overweight? Then get the brand new Fat-away! This amazing new formula burns fat in up to two days!"

Calvin and Dad stared at the TV.

"I once weighed 935 pounds." Said another man. "Since using Fat away, I am now down to 26 pounds! Girls notice me now!"

"That's the brand new Fat Away! Order now!"

"See?" Calvin said. "Good wholesome TV."

Dad rolled his eyes.

"You are hopeless!" he sighed. "HOPELESS!"

Dad left the room.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Hobbes." Calvin said. "We have to go outside."

"We have to?" Hobbes asked.

"Yeah, Dad's getting that attitude again."

Calvin and Hobbes walked outside.

"How about a new comic book?"

"I'm with you." Hobbes grinned.

Calvin and Hobbes walked down the block to the comic book store.

Calvin shifted through all the comics.

"Darn." He said. "The latest Captain Nitro comic isn't out yet."

Calvin and Hobbes walked over to Wal Mart, which was across the street.

Calvin searched the toy section.

"Here's that brand new Videonow Color thing!"

Hobbes looked up.

On the top self was a red CD player like thing with a picture of Spongebob on it.

"72 dollars." Hobbes said. "Where are you gonna come up with that kind of money?"

"TO THE CLASSIFIED SECTION!" Calvin rushed out of the store.

As soon as Hobbes caught up with him, Calvin was sitting on a bench with a newspaper in his hands.

Hobbes sat down next to him.

HELP WANTED!

Now hiring at Taco Bell Great pay!

Job at IGA. 5 dollars an hour

free job at Crazy Mike's Video Call for information

"Not very many jobs." Hobbes observed.

"There's enough." Calvin said. "Look, a job at Taco Bell! Home to the Mexi-nuggets and bean burritos!"

Calvin and Hobbes rushed off.

Calvin stopped in front of Taco Bell's huge logo of a bell.

Calvin walked into the restaurant dragging a stuffed tiger along with him.

"Hello." Calvin said to the woman at the desk. "I'm here for the job application!"

The woman stared down at him, with slight amusement.

"How old are you?" She chuckled.

"27, why?"

"Kid, you have to be 16 to get a job."

Calvin narrowed his eyes.

"Really? See if you ever get my business again!"

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes exited the restaurant.

"Sixteen, eh?" Hobbes said. "That'll be about another decade of tireless waiting"

"shut up!" Calvin spat. "Maybe I can't get any big jobs like all those other morons, but I can still get a job!"

"How so?" Asked Hobbes.

"Remember, Calvin," Hobbes said. "Like every good salesmen, stick your foot in the door as they close it."

"But my foot will get hurt!" Calvin yelled.

"In that case you may stick your head in the door." Hobbes said.

Calvin slammed his fist into a screen door.

"Yo! Get your lazy bottoms out of your chairs, and give me money!"

A woman opened the door.

"I give out insults for one dollar." Calvin said.

The woman stared at him.

"insults?" she asked.

"Right." Calvin said. "And for another dollar I'll give you an insult in an Asian accent!"

The woman stared at him, and prepared to slammed the door in Calvin's face.

Calvin then shoved his head into the door.

CRASH!

"OW! MY LITTLE HEAD!"

Calvin screamed.

Hobbes then began his insane monkey laughter.

Afterward, Calvin sat on a bench with Hobbes

"this is serious, Hobbes!" He said. "I gotta get that handheld TV thing. But how?"

"How kids of six usually get money?" Hobbes asked.

"Lemon ade stand, why?" Calvin asked.

"And what do we have here?" Asked a woman coming up to a cardboard box that had "Calvin's never before eaten foods" written on it.

"Like the sign says, lady." said Calvin from behind the box.

"Can I interest you in anything?"

"Well," the woman said . "I'm awfully thirsty. What do you have to drink?"

"A great selection, ma'am!" Calvin reached into the cardboard box, and pulled out five pitchers of different colored liquids.

"I call this, day-old bath water! Only one dollar" Calvin said pointing to a pitcher of dirty water with bits of soap in it.

The woman curled her lips.

"What else?" she asked.

"Well, I have this." said Calvin pointing to the pitcher of red fluid. "Calvin's Retch! Four bucks."

"What else?" the woman asked, now looking disgusted.

"You might try my Fabric Softener Smoothie." said Calvin pointing to a pitcher of blue stuff. "Or my Infectious Fluid Frappe! Or maybe my Sewer Soda!"

Before Calvin could continue, the woman ran off.

"Hmph." grumbled Calvin "I never get any customers!"

Just then Hobbes walked up.

"How's business?" he asked.

"Terrible." said Calvin.

"That's hard to believe." Said Hobbes rolling his eyes.

"I thought I would get millions of costumers selling food that noone on Earth has ever eaten before."

Hobbes' eyes fell on a stack of toast.

"Hmm. Never?"

he reached in and studied the toast for a trick.

"It appears to be Jelly toast with raisins on it. Yum."

Hobbes took a bite out of the toast.

"Hobbes," Calvin said. "My Slab-o'-Scabs is two dollars! Pay up."

Hobbes' eyes bulged, and he spewed the so-called "toast" all over the ground.

He ran off.

"YEAH!" Calvin called after him. "PUT ME OUT OF BUSINESS WHY DON'T YA!"

"Who are you talking to, Calvin?" asked a voice.

Calvin turned around.

Susie was standing in front of the box.

"Can I interest you in anything ma'am?"

"No." said Susie. "I know what YOU sell. You put sewer water in a pitcher and say it's an eternal youth drink."

Calvin blinked.

Susie walked away.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Calvin kicked the box across the street.

Just then, a car hit the box, and Calvin's Liposucktioned Lard landed splat in his face.

"So much for that idea." Hobbes said.

Calvin muttered to himself.

"Well, Hobbes, how else could we get money?"

Hobbes thought.

"Well," He said. "You might try putting a thing up on the message board."

"Great idea!" Calvin said.

The next day at school, Calvin tacked a message to the message board.

Calvin and Hobbes' Pet Care

Are you going on vacation?

Can't take your pet?

Well give 'em to us.

We groom, and take care of your feline/canine for as long as you like for the right price.

Does anybody else do that?

So gimme... I mean call us.

555-6846

Call us

or else!

Calvin and Hobbes spent days waiting for the phone to ring.

When it didn't happen, Hobbes sighed.

"Well, I guess we tried."

"I'm not giving up!" Calvin said. "I refuse!"

Calvin tried several other stuff for a very long time.

He tried bookbinders, computer experts, drawing contests and more.

Of corse, no kid ever answered Calvin.

Finally, Calvin gave up.

"There's nobody who wants their money scammed." He said.

"How surprising." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

Calvin sat down on his bed.

"Well, I guess we won't be getting that VideoNow thing." He sighed.

"Heartbreaking." Hobbes said, sitting down next to Calvin.

"you're really not too broken up about this, are you?" Calvin asked.

"nope." Hobbes said, patting Calvin on the back. "But there's more to life than handheld TVs."

Obviously, that was the wrong thing to say.

"Hey Hobbes! Your right! They're making this new thing now, where you can watch TV in the bathtub!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"The bathtub?" He snorted.

"Yeah!" Calvin said. "If we could get that for my baths, then they'd actually be enjoyable! We've got to get one!"

And so, Calvin rushed out of the room, Hobbes rolled his eyes, and followed.

"Another day another dollar." he said to himself.

The End

Voice Work:

Pamela Segal: Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Bill Murray: Dad

Dakota Fanning: Susie

Tom Kenny: Taco Bell guy

Dee Bradley Baker: Miscellaneous voice work

Coming up Next: The Black Turning Funnel PART 1