Sorry it took so long for this to be put up. I got real lazy and frankly have no idea how to continue this. Seriously...give me a suggestion and I will do my best incorporate it into the story. This was always more of an exersice in developing a character through journal entires, not really a Johnny story.

Sunday (3:00-ish am) - I had Johnny dye my hair for me.

He was still real angry for most of yesterday, even angrier that I wasn't cowering in corners anymore when he would sweep through a room, waving around that knife that he must have superglued to his hand for the last 24 hours. When he got bored with that thing, he sat down in the kitchen, crossed his arms, leaned back his chair, and stared at nothing and didn't blink for longer than is healthy for a human to keep their eyes open. I thought maybe he was trying to dry them out and go blind, but after a good couple of minutes (you try keeping your eyes unblinking for more than 3 minutes) he sighed very loudly.

So I went out and brought back a box of pink hair dye.

"You sure you wanna do this?" he asked me when I finally dragged him away from the kitchen table.

"Yes," I said firmly, "because my mom never let me dye my hair anything but blond and brunette."

"But pink? Its like...a very vibrant highlighter." And it was. It wasn't the light red of bubble gum, as sometimes pink is called, but it was the highlighter florescent pink that will draw a lot of attention. I have long blond hair that in one hour, will be the most neon shade of pink I have ever seen.

I got the idea from the purple haired girl in the club. She was snooty and aloof, but I kinda had the hankering to do up my hair like that too...

Anyway, it calmed him down, and it burned my scalp nicely.

I am now the coolest person in the whole fuckin town.

Monday (Midnight) - Me likes hugs. Nny hates hugs. I gave a hug and he like...whats that word that begins with "w" and means to stand back? Well that's what he did, and then claimed it was because I smelled like peroxide and it made his nose burn. I told him to go to hell. He laughed at me again, the first real laugh Ive heard out of him in like...forever.

Tuesday (I don't know nor care what time it is) - When I was downstairs in this torture chamber, I heard a lot of noises, lots of crying and screamed and pleading...and this morning I hear Nny in the other room, yelling obscenities, and then I heard crying. I recognized the sound and I realized that half the time...it was HIM I was listening to.

Wednesday (1 pm) - He's asleep. I feel kinda bad for him...worse that I can't do much to help other than stay out of his way, as he's kinda cowering every time I go near. I don't think he likes being touched.

Thursday (4:23 am ) - I decided to snap Mr. Moody out of his self-pity by being as wicked bouncy and happy as possible. I even bought a new bag of rainbow pony beads, those cheap plastic dealies? And made a bracelet out of them. Rainbow jewelry gave me a project to do and thus, made me temporarily happy. Thruthfully...Ive been down as Johnny lately. I just don't have the heart (or guts) to go on a killing spree.

Friday (6:33 am ) - My gifts weren't appreciated. I threw a bracelet on Johnny while he was asleep and he wore it for a full hour upon waking before noticing. Then broke it in half and threw the beads at the wall. I started crying and kicked his leg really hard and sulked on my mattress all day. I didn't mean to kick him, I just call it payback. He didn't even try to defend himself, or retaliate. He just limped back on the sofa and has been asleep for the last three hours.

I hate my life.

Saturday - Fuck it.

Sunday - ...

Wednesday (4:29 am) - Ho-hum. Still loath life. Very muchly so, in fact. I'm over eating now and may have gained 10 pounds in the last 3 days. Johnny hasn't spoken to me once. My hair is still pink as all hell though, so that's REAL cool. I guess. He brought home another victim and I'm listening to him be himself now...motherfucker. Argh.

Later ( 11:55 pm) - Stole some money out of his shoe box of cash and am now sitting in the small but trendy café across town with his piece-of-shit car parked outside. I am noticing some of the guys walk by and am realizing that I really like Nny. from the back he looks really good. He's got long arms, long legs, long torso, so he's well proportioned. He moves like someone who is complete control of his body and knows exactly how every limb moves so theres like, almost zero awkwardness. I have been realizing that sort of thing lately because...I don't know. He's cool.

I love boys. They are so cool. I wish Johnny was more huggable though.

Friday (3:33 am) - Hugged Johnny yesterday and didn't let go until he made some move back. He patted my back wearily. I told him I loved him. Casually though. Like "...Man. I love you." I told him he was my hero. I think I confused him because he was calmer all night. Even slept some during the day. He didn't get mad about me taking his car (with no license) or the money, which I spent on some vampire novel and a movie poster for "The Devil's Rejects". I hung that up in my corner of the living room. I kinda want to whine about having my own room but not so far down that I have to walk for more then 20 minutes to find it.

I think I want a cat.

Sunday (6:36 pm) - So I justf ound out that miss high and mighty Purple Hair was Johnny ex. Well, they never actually DATED except for this ONE time that he wrote about in the diary that I didn't read because I was not snooping around his room/closet-with-a-dresser. But he has lingering affections for her. In a weird way I feel very...I don't know. Sad? Threatened? Feeling that maybe I wish he had never met her so that I wouldn't have to worry about completing with her for his attention? Not that I want to be on the same level of affection that she was. No way. Not me. Nope. There's gotta be word for that though.

LATER: I am NOT jealous.

Monday: (8:14 pm) - His diary is a very jumbled mess of thoughts coupled with random doodles and the word "Devi" written idly throughout. It has some inspiring words of wisdom on some pages and just spiraling scribbles on others. And he has about 20 of them, all unmarked on the covers aside from a strip of masking tape, yellowed and crinkly, with the word "die-ary" written on it in red or black marker.

In English class last year, my teacher made a big deal about being able to ANALYZE the essays we were assigned to read and I'm doing the same process on Johnny die-aries except I know that if he catches me, he's going to tear out my fingernails and then...I dunno, maybe eat me. Which might not be a bad way to go, really.

Tuesday (3:00-ish pm) - Okay, the genre is "diary entries". The language is casual, free-form, spontaneous and by the same-ness of the handwriting and the color of the ink, I'd say all entries are written in full all at once. No pauses in between to go back to an entry and improve upon it.

Situation is a bit convoluted. He writes about his affection for Devi (which makes my stomach hurt, kinda. Like...makes me a bit sick.) He also mentions how he feels around people in rambling sentences blaming them for whats wrong with the world. All very emo/goth but also very evident of his insecurity around other people. He repeats himself often, sometime writing out a full page that says everything exactly the same as another entry, word for word. He has one page with "noodle boy" written over and over. One die-ary has a stab through it that reaches all the way through, like he sat there and stabbed the cover with a knife until he finally penetrated it. Some of the pages have very inappropriate pictures that involve the stab hole. Most are stained brown. Can't tell if its blood or not.

For the most part, any deductions I make are based on what a normal person would say. And I say he's nuts. BUT, I also choose not to dive too deeply into his musings because I think it would make my brain hurt. My brain hurts right now and all I did was try to decipher his shitty handwriting.

But I did kill a good three hours on this project while Johnny was out doing something. He came back with tacos and brain freezies (I got a blue one) and we watched television.

Wednesday (2:49 am) - Had Johnny clean out the carnage in the tub. Scrubbed for hours. Its now clean enough to bath in. Have stopped sniffing Johnny. Have not asked him about Devi. Have not really spoken much to him at all. I have a really gross taste in my mouth. I need a new toothbrush.

Thursday (5:33 am ) - Yes. I like him. I don't know why it was my fate to develop a crush for a psycho, but its in the stars because I for some reason want to pounce him whenever he walks by me now. It makes me a little sick sometimes if I stop to really think about it. When that realization hits me like a ton of bricks that we would never be safe since he's committed multiple crimes and would be found guilty and sentenced to death if ever caught. I wonder how he gets away with it. I wonder how no one's gone looking for me.

I hate people. I hate myself. I hate Johnny for not making me hate him. Most of all...I hate red ink. I need a new pen.