Eventually, I got one off and on but my right ear hurt too bad. Which didn't stop Johnny, who had been asking me if I "needed help" for 10 minutes. I finally let him do it for me and man, it's a good thing that he doesn't let a little thing like severe ear pain stop him or id be stuck with mismatched earrings for 4 weeks. Its cuz my index fingernail broke and I couldn't grasp the back of the earring properly.
In any case, that was the first time id let him touch me for...over a month now. Last week I lay on the couch upside down with my head hanging off the edge for a half an hour before he asked me if I was still conscious. We had been watching some tv show or something, I dunno, after a while I started to see those annoying flying light spots in my vision, like when you rub your eyes too hard for too long. Our relationship has deteriorated to a simple acknowledging nod once a day. I had developed a case of kleptomania and have stolen from almost every store in town so far, except the fancy clothing place because the cheapest thing there is a 200 dollar suit which I have no use for nor the skill to get away with it.
I talked to Devi a while ago. Just a little conversation at the bus stop. She look preoccupied, holding a brand new set of special, professional-looking paint brushes and a sketch pad to her chest, with her coffin-bag slipping down her shoulder. Her hair, I noticed, had gone blue now and she had cut it real short. Like, pixie cut kind of short. We discussed the weather, the local sports team, some politics, and some recent movie. That was it. I didn't mention Johnny though I really, really wanted to. Instead, I watched her give me an insincere goodbye smile as she stepped onto her bus.
And that's it for my update...
Monday (3:28 pm) - I made a new friend last night. Johnny and I were feeling that old cabin fever and since, for once, we were both in the same mood, we decided to go down for some social interaction. We got into his piece-of-shit car and drove (I drove, thankyouverymuch) down to this local goth club. I was just old enough to make it in, and Johnny got us both drinks. Why is it that at goth clubs, all the drink are either purple, or red, or else green? They all taste like sour burning rubber anyway.
My hair had faded out a lot a while back so I simply bleached it out...it was then a very light platinum blond and really frazzled. No conditioner on earth would be able to save it now...but the point is, I didn't look nearly dark and brooding enough, yes not 6 minutes after finding a teeny table, I was approached by this dude.
Johnny was scribbling more nonsense into his "die-ary" and I was sketching something into my notebook...because the alternative was to dance and I didn't like dancing. I didn't know how to dance like they did, anyway. And my pink shirt would draw too much attention anyway.
This guy came up to our table and sat down next to me. He has nice eyes that, if they werent overshadowed by black shiny liquid liner and grey eye smudge, would have been stunning. Now they just look ridiculous.
"Hello," he said in a deep rumbling voice, "my name is Ash." He smiled at me with pink tinged fake fangs; they tell you not to drink red liquids when wearing those nylon fangs, because they get stained. Someone didn't tell Ash though.
"Hello, Ash," I say, batting my eyelashes, "My name is..." 2 second loss of words, "My name is BatGirl." Johnny raised and eyebrow but continued scribbling.
"May I buy you a drink, my dark lotus of the night?"
I didn't mean to crack a smile. I simply didn't believe that people actually talked this way. He seemed perfectly serious though. Here I sit, miss Blond-hair-and-Pink shirt, my rosy cheeks, my glitter eyeshadow and lip gloss, miss half-tanned from the spring sun, miss smells-like-apricots-and-sea-air, and yet I attract a waking corpse wannabe. And am offered a drink that tastes like sour burning rubber. I was just ASKING for it.
"I'm sorry, Ash," I say sweetly, "but my boyfriend here already bought me one." Johnny stopped sketching at this point, keeping his eyes low. "Johnny, I think Ash here would like to treat us to some drinks. "
Ash's fanged smile faltered slightly, but got the hint. He dipped his head at me and stood up.
"Farewell then, maiden."
"Buh-by." I waved.
"I'm not your boyfriend." Johnny said to me when Ash was slinked away, dejected.
"I know that," I said, "but Ash believed me, didn't he?"
He frowned but didn't say anything else.
"You aren't upset are you? Cuz If the thought of being my boyfriend disgusts you so much.."
"Its not that."
"What?"
"...you wouldn't understand."
He sighed and closed his book. He looked at me with those large grey eyes.
"Sure I would," I say a little harshly, knowing I was getting myself into a fight, "you just want to leave yourself open for your precious goth-y ex!"
If Johnny had never looked surprised in his entire life, he did now. Eyes wide, mouth a straight line splitting his face in half. Pupils contracting. My alarm went off and I stood up fast.
"Go to hell," I said and turned to walk away.
And I could, that was great. The doors opened to me, and I stepped out from the clouds of clove cigarette smoke into the sweetly polluted city night-air. The waning moon shone down in a purple horizon dotted with flickering stars. I kinda wanted to cry a little bit. I wanted to march around and back inside and smack him. I wondered if he was still staring blankly at the spot where I had been sitting.
I felt a little sick too. There was a knot in my stomach. It was made worse when Ash suddenly approached me form behind and hit me over the head with something heavy. I didn't fall under exactly, but I knew that if he did it one more time I would. Instead, I went down hard and he caught me under the arms and dragged me over to the alleyway next to the club. I saw red and yellow spinning stars in front of my eyes.
"Shut up," he said raggedly when I moaned a little, "just shut up and you wont get hurt."
Fuck that noise, I remember thinking in my head. I felt him lift my shirt up. I kicked hard and he fell down on top of me in his own little bubble of pain. The next second I saw the night sky again as he rolled off me. He rolled off because he had just been hammered with a metal pipe to the head.
"Fuckin' perverted, pathetic, asshole," said a faulty voice echoing above the stars, "filthy pig, beast," the voice crooned out more adjectives. In a few seconds, I was over the stars and could see straighter. Ash was on the ground, and not moving. I didn't know if that meant he was dead or simply unconscious but Johnny was standing over him with the pipe in hand. I thought how stupid he was because he didn't even know how to tell me that he didn't hate me, he could only follow me around a save me when I was in danger. Like a pathetic ass-tick. I told him so once I was able to form the thought in my head and move my lips and tongue.
"I beg your pardon?" Johnny said when I had whispered it.
"I said, 'you're an ass-tick'", I told him again. My ear hurt and I remembered my sensitive piercing. I would kill Ash myself if he ripped out my earring.
"I'm the ass-tick?" he said shrilly. "I just saved you and I'm an ass tick?"
"Go to hell," I said, sitting up. My head exploded.
Friday (5:something pm) -Ate Ash for lunch. I had an Ash burger. With ketchup and lettuce and a Mountain Dew because no other soda on earth is nearly as good. Ground human meat on a bun.
I hate everything and everyone on the face of the planet. I think I'll kill myself tonight.