Summary: Hobbes says ghosts don't exist. Calvin says they do. Who is right? The answer lays in Calvin's cellar...
To Garfieldodie: Yes, Socrates will be a returning character. He comes up once in here,as a matter of fact.I think useing him in RETRO CHILL is a great idea! I can just see him pranking and clawing up all the aliens and Retro.
And now back to Calvin and Hobbes the Series
Full Moon: Full Baloney
Three little 4-year old kids who dressed as pumpkins, and one with a white sheet over his head like a ghost walked up the sidewalk to a big yellow house.
There were four pumpkins on the front porch of that house.
One had the word "character" carved into it.
Another had a tiger face carved into it, one had an ordinary grinning face on it with two teeth, and the last had some monster on it, with a finger carved up its nose.
The three kids rang the doorbell.
A kid that was about four inches taller than them opened the door.
He had spiky hair, a red T-shirt, and black pants.
"TRICK OR TREAT!" the three kids shouted.
Calvin grinned, evilly.
"Ah, so you've come for your candy?"
"YEAH!" the kids called.
"Don't you know that the candy is cursed?"
The kids stared at him.
Calvin had obviously planned this out.
"At night," Calvin said. "Candy comes to life! It'll have sharp teeth, and long claws! It will grab ya by the shoulders and EAT YOU!"
Just then, a furry hand with claws grabbed one of the kids' shoulders.
"AAAAAA!" The kids panicked, and ran off.
Calvin chuckled, and Hobbes climbed down from the tree.
"Scaring those little kids is sure a lot of fun!"
"You really shouldn't do it." Hobbes said, munching on a Kit Kat.
"I would have used Werewolves and vampires to scare them out of their limited wits, but I was stopped by my... something. My sense of self wonder, or something like that."
Hobbes ate down another Snickers, and went into the house.
"It's a full moon tonight." Calvin observed.
"Big Deal." Hobbes said. "I don't believe in that junk."
"What? You don't believe that ghosts and goblins come out now?" Calvin asked.
"I don't believe in ghosts." Hobbes yawned.
Calvin raised his eyebrows.
Just then the doorbell rang.
"There's more kids!" Calvin snarled. "Here for my candy! Hobbes! Go outside and hide in the tree again!"
"Judging by how long it is before the next kid comes I might as well just sit that tree all night." Hobbes sighed.
He ran out the back door.
The door bell rang again.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Calvin opened the door.
Behind it he saw... GOOD GRIEF THERE WAS A BIG HAIRY BLOODY CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON THERE!
The creature roared, and dove for Calvin.
"AAAAA!" Calvin screamed. "DON'T EAT ME! I'M HIGH IN CALORIES!"
The monster pounced Calvin.
CRASH!
Calvin and the monster landed in the wall.
It was then that Calvin heard... laughing?
Calvin opened his eyes.
Hobbes was leaning against the door frame for support and was laughing his head off.
And beside Calvin was... HUH!
What a dirty trick. What a rotten, dirty, lousy trick! Do you know who the so-called "monster" was?
It was Hobbes' tiger friend Socrates.
Socrates lived next door with another kid.
Calvin had never met him, but he assumed that he was some kind of maniac, for teaching his tiger to pounce on the first thing it sees.
Hobbes was still laughing like a maniac.
"HA HA! Great trick, Socrates!" He laughed.
"Man! Halloween is my favorite time of year!" Socrates yelled. "All these little kids to scare out of their limited wits!"
Calvin grumbled, and got up.
"I knew it was you all along, Socrates!" He snarled. "I was just playing along with your game."
This made Socrates and Hobbes to laugh harder.
Then Socrates sighed and said, "Well, Hobbes, gotta run! There's still twenty more houses around here with kids in them! Bye!"
And with that, the Socrates rushed past Hobbes and ran down the street.
"whoo." Hobbes sighed. "I wonder if I'll ever start breathing, again! HA!"
"Shut up." Calvin spat. "And get into the house, before I decide to slam the door in your face!"
Hobbes walked in, and Calvin slammed the door.
WHAM!
Just then, Calvin heard something.
He looked up.
"Hobbes do you hear that?"
Hobbes listened.
Music?
"Do they have Halloween Carols?" Hobbes asked.
"I don't think so." Calvin said.
"Come on, Calvin!" Someone said.
Calvin spun around it was Mom.
"Come on." She repeated. "If you want to go Trick or Treating, we have to go, NOW!"
"Oh." Calvin said.
"Oh yeah."
Calvin and Hobbes were starting up the stairs when, all of a sudden...
Calvin lifted his head, and listened.
There it was, again.
That same eerie music coming from outside!
Oh we are very happy where we are.
We have many things to do.
This song is the result of very hard work
Listen to the song, from very far.
It was spooky.
Very spooky.
Calvin didn't know who was out there singing in that cold, but never would he have guessed that it was a bunch of ghosts!
"Well." Calvin said, after a while. "Are we ready to go on our Great Halloween Heist to get more candy?"
"Sure." Hobbes said. "But we don't have any costumes. How are we going to go?"
"Relax, Hobbes." Calvin said. "I have everything worked out."
Calvin rang the doorbell to the first house.
The resident opened the door and stared down at Calvin.
"Trick-or-Treat! Translation: Give me candy, and I won't destroy your house, one room at a time."
The woman looked down at Calvin.
"Where's your costume?" She asked. "What are you supposed to be?"
"I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my ironic and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak!"
The woman stared at Calvin, shrugged, then threw him and Hobbes a couple of Kit Kats.
"Am I scary, or what?" Calvin asked, munching down on the Kit Kat.
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
Calvin and Hobbes walked past several kids.
One was dressed as a goblin, another was a witch, and then there was... HUH!
Calvin ran into Susie.
She was dressed as a fairy.
"What are you supposed to be?" Calvin asked. "Some kind of pink vulture?"
"NO!" Susie growled. "I'm a fairy, you dope!"
"In that case, I wish for a cool ten billion dollars."
"What are you supposed be?" Susie asked. "You don't even have a costume!"
Calvin cleared his throat, and said, "I'm yet another resource-consuming..."
"Forget it." Susie said. "I don't even want to know."
"Yeah well you should!" Calvin said. "It would probably give better view in costume taste!"
Susie glared at Calvin, and walked past him.
"Can you believe that?" Calvin asked Hobbes. "Dressing up like a fairy on Halloween? Can she pick a less scarier costume?"
Hobbes didn't answer.
"Halloween is for scary stuff! Not Cinderella!"
Just then Candace walked past Calvin. She was in a Cinderella costume.
"Girls have no taste in costumes!" Calvin muttered.
"Maybe Susie will find Candace, and grant her a wish." Hobbes said.
"I'll bet." Calvin muttered.
After Calvin and Hobbes returned Home, they sat down and started to eat their candy.
"Well, Hobbes," Calvin said, afterward. "It's been a fun day."
"Indeed." Hobbes sighed. "I liked the Butter Fingers the best."
"Yeah, me too."
It was then, that Calvin realized that his parents had gone to bed without him!
They were obviously so pooped out from the trick or treating that they forgot about Calvin.
Just then, something sounded from the basement.
A kind of creak.
Calvin and Hobbes panicked, and zoomed outside.
There were still a few people trick or treating, but otherwise, the streets were empty.
In mass panic, Calvin and Hobbes were separated!
Calvin rushed into the root cellar, and hid under a gunnysack.
Just then, something came inside the cellar.
It was walking toward the gunnysack.
Calvin panicked, but then gained control of himself.
"Whooooo!" Calvin said in a deep, ghostly voice. "Who's in my cellar!"
The footsteps stopped.
Calvin heard a gasp.
"Oh my gosh! Who's there?"
"It's meeeeee!" Calvin said. "The ghost of the cellar! You are disturbing my sleeeeep."
"Oh. Ohhhhh. OHHHHHH!"
It was a ghost alright!
Calvin had one!
Now what was he going to do with it?
"What are you doing in my cellar?" Calvin asked.
"I'm hiding." The ghost said.
"What are you hiding from?"
"From ghosts like you."
Hm. That was odd. A ghost hiding from another ghost?
"Tell me, spirit," Calvin said. "Why should you be hiding from a ghost?"
"Because I'm scared." Said the ghost.
"Why should one ghost be afraid of another ghost?"
"I don't know." The ghost said.
"Tell me spirit! Was it something in your former life?"
There was a moment of silence.
"I've never been a farmer." The ghost said.
"I said, FORMER not FARMER!" Calvin said.
"Oh."
Calvin was getting nowhere.
Either this ghost didn't want to tell Calvin anything about his former life, or he really stupid.
"Another question, Spirit." Calvin said. "Do you eat kids?"
"I ate a Kid's meal once at McDonald's." The ghost said.
"But do you eatkids?"
"No."
Suddenly, It occurred to Calvin that he recognized that voice.
"Spirit? Do you have a name?" Calvin asked.
"Yes, but it isn't Spirit."
"I see. Well, we've eliminated that as a possibility, haven't we?"
"Yes."
"But instead of going down that long list of names, why don't you just tell me your name?"
"Well, OK. Only if you promise not to eat me. My name's Hobbes."
HUH?
"Hobbes! Listen to me! This is Calvin!"
"Calvin!" Hobbes gasped. "Oh my gosh! The monsters got you! Calvin, I tried to save you but..."
" I know you tired, Hobbes. But, I'm sorry of all the bad things I said to you."
"Yeah, me too. Now please don't haunt me!"
"Yes, well, that's exactly what I was going to say to you, Hobbes. Please don't... Wait a minute! You're afraid I'm going to haunt you?"
"Yeah, and I promise not be bad again!"
Calvin rubbed his chin.
"Uh... Hobbes?" Calvin asked. "Are you a ghost?"
"Not that I know of." Hobbes said.
"Mmm-hmmm. So, uhhh... What are we doing here?"
"I don't know. But I want to know why you called me Spirit?"
"Never mind that. The bottom line is, is that I'm not a ghost."
"Oh. Well, that's a relief." Hobbes said.
"And do you know what this means?" Calvin said, lifting himself from the gunnysack. "It means that we can now stop believing in ghosts, and get on with our lives."
"Oh goody day." Hobbes said.
"Yep." Calvin crawled down from the gunnysack. "A ghost is just a figment of our... What are looking at, Hobbes?"
Hobbes was staring wide eyed at the back of the cellar.
"Calvin." He whispered. "There's a man standing over there."
"Impossible." Calvin said. "there wasn't a man when I came in here, and one certainly didn't come in after I went in the door. Hence, there is no man there."
"But I see him. He looks like a ghost."
Calvin chuckled.
"A ghost, Hobbes? Why don't you look closer. Maybe he's a pirate. Or a witch. Or maybe even a fairy! Hobbes when will you learn? What does it take to..."
Hobbes was backing up for the door.
"Calvin, I'm getting out of here, That guy doesn't look natural to me."
"Hobbes. Only a dope could be duped twice in one night. I've tried to explain..."
At that moment, Calvin heard voices.
Someone was singing.
...the same mysterious...
I turned and looked towards the... HUH?
There stood an old man, wearing a black coat.
He was holding a music book in his hands.
He glowed in the dark.
He looked a lot like a...
"Ya know, Hobbes, I think we should leave. It's getting kinda stuffy in here, and maybe we should step outside for a breath of fresh..."
THE DOOR SLAMMED SHUT!
Uh-oh.
Calvin and Hobbes were trapped inside the cellar with a...
Man, the longer Calvin looked, the more convinced he became.
That thing looked a lot like a...
GHOST!
In the darkness, Calvin and Hobbes listened to the song.
I mean, they didn't have much of a choice, did they?
It started out with just the old man singing, but then a whole bunch of voices joined in, until it was an entire chorus of voices singing.
Here's how it went.
Oh we are very happy where we are.
We have many things to do.
This song is the result of very hard work
Listen to the song, from very far.
We have eyes and ears and toes.
We have quite a lot of foes
Beware us when we are mad.
For what will happen will be bad.
We have brothers, sisters, and Mothers.
We have also a many Fathers.
Oh we are very happy where we are.
We have many things to do.
This song is the result of very hard work
This has been the song, from very far.
When the song was finished, the cellar fell into an eerie silence.
Then, Hobbes said, "Calvin? Do you know what I see?"
"I'm afraid so." Calvin said. "Did you hear what I heard?"
"I'm afraid so."
"Have you ever heard that song before?"
"Yeah. This evening."
"Hobbes? Do you believe in ghosts?"
"Yes."
"What are we going to do now, Hobbes?"
The ghost looked up from his music book, and stared at Calvin and Hobbes.
His right arm rose, and he pointed a skinny finger at them.
His lips moved, and he said, "Children! C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!"
He started towards them- floating above the floor instead of walking!
Calvin's eyebrows shot upward, and became in danger of disappearing into his hair!
"Hobbes, I don't know about you, but I'm about to make a new door in this cellar! IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!"
Calvin turned toward the wall, hit full turbo, and roared toward to the wall to knock it...
CRASH!
Uh.
Uhhhh.
UHHHHHHHH!
Snork murk, that wall seemed stouter than Calvin had thought and well, He decided to leave it standing.
Calvin looked up.
Hobbes had disappeared.
Dumb cat.
Calvin turned around, and aimed for the door, this time (Probably, a smarter choice).
Right before the ghost got him, Calvin roared toward the door.
CRASH!
Calvin probably fractured his skull.
But the good thing was that the door fell over, and Calvin escaped right before the ghost had him.
"TAKE THAT!" Calvin yelled after the ghost that was staring after him from the doorway. "YOU CREEPY, FLOATING, GLOWING PIECES ECTOPLASM MIGHT BE HAPPY IN THAT PLACE, BUT I'M HEADING AS FAR FROM HERE AS POSSIBLE! SO THERE!"
Calvin rushed into the house, zoomed up to his bedroom, and dove under the covers.
Hobbes was already there.
"How'd you get here, so quick?" Calvin muttered.
"Sorry. Classified information." Hobbes shivered. "nighty night."
Calvin didn't know how he fell asleep that night.
But he did, eventually.
The next day, on November first, Calvin was awakened by the screaming of Mom.
"HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO THS DOOR TO THE CELLAR! WHAT IS MY MUSIC BOOK DOING HERE! WHY IS THERE A DENT IN THE WALL! CALVIN!"
Calvin and Hobbes woke with a start.
"Well," Hobbes said. "You're getting blamed for somebody else's action. I'm going back to sleep."
No matter how hard, Calvin tired to explain it, Mom would believe that a ghost took her music book, and started singing.
Calvin lost his candy.
Hobbes had complained on how he had lost his candy too, even though he didn't do anything.
Although, the ghost never returned to Calvin's cellar.
And a sense of normal returned to Calvin and Hobbes household.
Tracer Bullet went and expected the cellar a week later, but found no evidence of a ghost.
Calvin never did find out what was in the cellar that night, on October 31st, 2005.
The End
Voice Work:
Pamela Segal: Calvin
Tom Hanks: Hobbes
Ryan Stiles: Socrates
Dakota Fanning: Susie
Tom Kenny: guy at the doorways/the ghost
Bill Murray: Dad
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom
Coming up next: A CALVIN AND HOBBES TV MOVIE: Calvin's Batman Adventure