Chapter 5 –Hyding Out

"Yeah, sure Sam. Uh huh. No problem. Sure, you do that. OK, bye."

"Sam's at another convention?" Fez asked Kitty as he speared a piece of bacon off Hyde's plate while he was held captive by the phone.

"Of course," Kitty replied in a loud whisper. "I think she sees this place as a rest stop between her engagements. I would say something to her if it weren't that the house always feels more like a home when she's gone." Just then Hyde hung up the receiver. "Oh Steven, how is your lovely bride?" she chirped.

"Fine," Hyde said, slathering butter on his toast.

"Will she be home for dinner? I need to know how many pork chops to buy."

"No. Actually she just called to say she's leaving me. Fez, did you steal my bacon again? How many times do I have to frog you, man?"

"What do you mean she's leaving you?" Kitty repeated in astonishment. Hyde nodded his head as he munched on his toast. He swallowed and took a sip of orange juice.

"Yeah, seems she ran into her first husband at this Proctologist Convention – hey, Red should go to one of those, he loves putting things in people's asses," Hyde chuckled. Kitty gave him a strange look. "Oh right, where was I? Yeah, they hit it off and decided to give it another try."

"I can't believe her! She broke up with you over the phone? Where's her remorse? What kind of person does something like that?"

"Hey, it's no big deal. These things happen."

"No big deal? I think you'll find divorce is a very big deal."

"That is true," Fez interjected. "I remember my divorce from Laurie – the paperwork alone aged me 10 years. That's why I look so much older than 18."

"That's the best part. Turns out our marriage was never legal because she was still married to this other guy when she married me. So that's a free pass on the alimony," Hyde said, high-fiving his fellow divorcee.

Kitty regarded Hyde with concern. "Steven, I can see you are putting up a brave front to hide your feelings. I just want to say that you can think of me as a safe place." She reached across the table to hold his reluctant hand. "It's alright to admit your pain, Steven. It's OK to cry."

"Aiii," Fez moaned, tears streaming from his eyes. "I will never again see her dressed as a jeanie and spanking herself." He lowered his head into his arms, sobbing as Hyde disengaged himself from Kitty in obvious discomfort.

"Look, I don't need to cry or any crap like that," he insisted. "You don't understand, that was the beauty of our marriage. It was completely open and free, not possessive. Sam was more like a friend than a ball and chain – we said from the start we weren't going to weigh each other down with limitations and emotional blackmail."

"So, the end result of this beautiful marriage is that you can just let her walk away without either of you feeling any hurt?" Hyde nodded in satisfaction. "I'm sorry, Steven, but you were never married in any sense of the word."

Later that day Hyde and Fez were watching TV in the basement, awaiting Donna and Randy's return. The happy couple had been spending the weekend with Jackie in Chicago, the first time anyone from the group had seen Jackie (in the flesh that is) in 4 months. Donna had been so caught up with her friendship with Sam, then her heartbreak over Eric and now her new boyfriend that she had not really had time for Jackie aside from an occasional phone call. Hyde had secretly been surprised that Jackie had not been more pushy in trying to get Donna to visit, considering how starved for companionship she had been the last time she left for Chicago. It was only when Donna was looking around for someone to gush to about how hot Randy is that she felt the need for her "best friend".

Suddenly the basement door was swung open violently as a furious red haired giant marched through. She slammed the door behind her into the face of her new love.

"Ow! Donna, will you quit overreacting! All I did was agree with you," Randy whined, rubbing his nose.

"You weren't supposed to agree with me, dumbass! When your girlfriend says 'Don't you think Jackie is attractive?' you're supposed to say something like 'not compared to you'. You do not say 'Oh my God, yes'!"

"I thought you'd be pleased that I liked your friend," Randy said feebly.

"Pleased? Pleased? Haven't I gone through enough this weekend with Jackie lording it over me that my own boyfriend has to drool over her as well?"

"Hey, time out guys. What's all the commotion about?" Hyde refereed.

"Donna's just jealous because the girl she tells me is her best friend is doing terrific," Randy summarised, flopping onto the couch.

"Jealous? Me jealous of Jackie? That's ridiculous! If anyone was jealous, it was Jackie. She was always 'Oh, I'm the fairest in the land and you're a lowly lumberjack' on the surface, but she was always jealous that I was the one the guys leered over, not her. I'm Hot Donna, dammit!"

"She's mad because everywhere we went with Jackie all the guys were falling over themselves to get next to her," Randy explained.

"Really?" Hyde said, his hand tightening around his beer can. "Wow, they must be starved for female companionship in Chicago."

Donna took the chair farthest from Randy, folding her arms over her chest. "I don't believe her. It's not enough she's taken the career I was meant to have, but she has to steal my boyfriend's attention as well. After the way she acted this weekend, no way am I going to host a reconciliation with Sam."

"What!" said Hyde and Fez.

"Oh yeah," Randy said, rolling his eyes. "Donna was telling me when we were driving to Chicago her brilliant idea to invite Jackie to her house one weekend and have Sam waiting there so they could get to know each other and all be part of the same gang."

Fez looked at Donna like she had grown an extra head. "You thought to throw together Jackie and the woman who got Hyde to marry her in one night when Jackie had spent years waiting for a proposal? That is the absolute dumbest idea in this basement's history of dumb ideas – and that includes all of Kelso's contributions."

"Hey, I was just trying to get the group back to normal again. First Eric leaves, then Jackie and last month it was Kelso. I mean, what's so impossible about Jackie and Sam getting along someday?"

"Well, for one thing Sam has left Hyde for her first husband – that could put a crimp in your plans," Fez said.

"What? Are you serious?" Donna looked at Hyde in shock. "Oh man, are you OK, Hyde?"

"Never better," Hyde answered, swigging his beer.

Donna looked at him suspiciously. She knew Hyde's dislike of betraying emotion. "Aren't you going to miss her?"

"Well, yeah – every night. But there's a couple of easy girls who come into the shop to buy Queen records – one of them will be happy to take her place in my bed."

"You really meant it when you said you don't love people, didn't you?" Donna said with a frown.

"I mean what I say," Hyde said with his best shit-eating grin. With a disgusted huff for the male gender in general, Donna left the basement.

"So, Randy," Fez said, crossing his legs as he turned towards his nemesis. "I note you are pale and there are shadows under your eyes. This is a sure sign that your Andy Gibb good looks have peaked and will steadily decline from now on. Ah, burn!"

"Some cucumber slices will take care of that, Fez. Don't worry about me. This is just because of last night with Donna."

"Donna rode you hard last night, did she?" Hyde asked, his interest caught.

"You have no idea – I've never known her to be so – "

"Sexy?"

"Insatiable?"

"Competitive," Randy finished. "We could hear Jackie and Nick making out in the bedroom next door and Donna decided there'd be at least one thing that weekend she would do better than Jackie. I had to do it with her three times – on demand! You know how hard it is to perform when your girlfriend is hissing at you to make her scream with pleasure at once!"

"Yeah, bummer. So… who's Nick?" Hyde said.

"Oh, that's Jackie's boyfriend," Randy answered. "He's also her producer – that's how they met."

"Well now, good for Jackie," Hyde said, absently twisting the pull ring of his empty can. "Good for Jackie. Nice to know she's moved on so fast – I suppose she fell into his bed within a week after leaving here. Little miss deep-and-undying-love just couldn't wait to give it up – and what a coincidence that she picked someone who could advance her career. Oh yeah, no wonder she's doing so well in journalism." The pull ring snapped off with a noise like a gunshot.

Randy looked at Hyde weirdly. "Actually, they've only been together for a month and he's not her boss, they work together – it's an equal partnership. They seemed like a great couple."

Fez looked at Hyde's clenched jaw with trepidation. "Er, I think Hyde needs some alone time now, Randy." With the grace of a startled rabbit, Fez exited the basement.

"Yeah, I'm gonna make myself scarce before Donna thinks of some more names to call me. Later, man." Randy followed Fez.

At first Hyde did not realise they had left but stared into his beer can, lost in dark thoughts. Unluckily for Donna, who had just re-entered the basement to retrieve her coat, at that moment Hyde hurled the offending can as far away from him as possible – in her direction.

"Oooow!" she howled, holding her shoulder in pain.

"Oh man, Donna – I - I didn't see you there," Hyde stammered. "Are you OK?"

"What the hell is wrong with you, you idiot?" Donna screeched.

"Here, sit down. Did it cut you?" He rolled back her sleeve anxiously.

"No, but it's going to bruise. What were you trying to do?"

"I'm sorry, I just felt so full of rage, like I had to find some release for it or I'd explode," Hyde admitted.

Admissions of any kind of emotion were such a rare thing with Hyde that Donna forgot her own grievance. "I guess losing her finally caught up with you, didn't it?" she said more gently.

"Yeah, I guess," Hyde said, more to himself than to her.

Donna thought for a moment. "Look, Hyde, if you want to be with her you have to go to her and tell her that. Be completely open for once in your life and stop protecting yourself."

"How the hell can I do that, Donna? She's in love with another guy – she's happy with him."

"You don't know that," Donna said, stepping in front of him so she could look into his miserable face. "You won't know that until you lay your heart on the line and let her know how you feel and what you're willing to offer her if she'll come back to you."

"You really think she'd give everything up to come back to me?" Hyde asked hopefully.

"Well, sure. I mean, she did marry you – she must have strong feelings for you," Donna encouraged. When she noticed Hyde's blank expression, her eyes widened. "You weren't talking about Sam, were you?"