Swing123: I'm sorry that Socrates isn't himslef in this story. To make up for it, I'm going to make another story after this wth Socrates narrating it. And I promise, I won't make stories where he's not in character, like this, anymore.

And Now back to HAVE YOU SEEN THIS TIGER? On Calvin and Hobbes: The Series

Calvin and Hobbes zoomed past the mailbox, and headed north.

Hobbes broke the silence.

"You don't suppose we might see any wild animals, do ya?"

"Are you joking?"

Hobbes started laughing. "Yeah. I was only joking."

"Well, that was a good joke, Hobbes. Because bears and mountain lions are as thick as hair up there!"

Now get this. Suddenly, Hobbes suffered a blow out on his right leg.

"Oops! There goes my leg! I knew I never should have pushed it so hard."

He was beginning to lag behind.

"COME ON, HOBBES! WE HAVEN'T A MOMENT TO SPARE!"

Hobbes called back, "You better go without me, Calvin, I'll just slow you down."

Calvin didn't have time for Hobbes' nonsense.

He went streaking towards Sneer Hill.

Calvin went roaring up the mountain.

At four hundred feet above the ground, Calvin called for him.

"SOCRATES! SOCRATES! GET OVER HERE, WE'VE COME TO RESCUE YOU!"

No answer.

Calvin rushed along the ridge of the mountain, and continued to call the cat.

Calvin then came to a cotton wood tree about three kilometers from the summit.

He was just about to give up looking, when he heard voices.

Behind the giant rock that Calvin had planted himself.

Since he didn't know what he'd find behind it, Calvin tiptoed around the side, and peeked around it.

There Socrates was. But he wasn't alone.

There were two wild animals in front of him.

They looked a lot like... Yes they were. They were bears.

And it had sure been nice knowing old Socrates, andCalvin was kind of disappointed that he was going to loose him since he ran all the way up Sneer Hill, but NO ONE takes cats away from bears!

And so, Calvin just stood there, and watched, as Socrates was about to be eaten alive by...

That was odd.

He bears weren't jumping Socrates.

In fact, they were just sitting there.

Calvin squinted his eyes, and it was then that he saw the whole scene.

Socrates was sitting in the dirt, and seemed to be studying the ground between him and the bears. And the bears were doing the same thing.

Staring at the dirt.

One of the bears was looking over the other bear's shoulder, while the other bear stared at the dirt, too.

That was odd.

Just then, Socrates extended his right paw and tapped the dirt in four different places.

He turned a grin on the bear sitting in front of him.

"Hmm, sorry, Rex. But you sure that one slip up on you."

The other bear laughed.

"Uh HA HA HA! He lost again! He's so dumb! Maybe now, we can stop and eat!"

The other bear's eyes shot around to Socrates.

"Cat soup?"

"Uh." Said Rex.

"Hmm, let's not rush into anything." Socrates said. "Now let me see. I played Rex, and won. I played Scraunch, and won. But Rex and Scraunch haven't played."

"UH!" Said Scraunch. "I'm not going to waste my time playing chesterless chester with my brother. cause my brother's just a big dumby!"

Rex's head shot around to Scraunch, and he growled, "Uh."

"Oh, I'm not too sure about that." Socrates said, flicking his tail. "And if you just watch the tail, back and forth, back and forth, to and fro, lullaby and goodb..."

WHAM!

Scraunch clubbed kitty over the head with his paw.

"Don't try andfool us with your stupid cat tricks!" Scraunch growled.

Socrates lifted himself out of the dirt, and said. "Hmm, I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about you trying to cheat!" Scraunch snarled. "Now get out of our way, while we play the game!"

Scraunch swatted Socrates out of the way, and sat down in front of Rex.

"You go first!" Scraunch said.

"Uh." Rex replied.

And suddenly, we had two bears staring down at a blank area of dirt and giving complete concentration to... hmmm...

Total concentration.

Hmmmm...

Calvin extended his arm, and grabbed Socrates by the scruff of the neck, and flung him over the rock, and in front of him.

The second he landed, he humped up and hissed, and threw a wild punch of claws at... but then he caught himself.

"Hmmm, my goodness. the cops are here."

"That's right, cat. I've come to save your worthless skin! But before I do, I want to hear you say, I'm sorry I was such ajerk to your face!"

Socrates stared at Calvin.

"I'm sorry I was... Well, you know, Calvin, I usually don't..."

"SAY IT!" Calvin spat. "Or I'll throw you back with the bears!"

"Hmmm, this is sounding better all the time. I'm sorry I was such ajerk to your face. I'm sorry I pranked you, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Now let's get out here."

Calvin and Socrates then started zooming down Sneer Hill.

They hadn't gone far when Calvin stared hearing yelling and screaming.

"HEY! STOP! YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE NOW, KID!"

Oh boy.

Calvin looked behind him, and saw the grizzlies roaring towards them, with lethal looks.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, Socrates turned his head, and started mouthing off to them.

"You big lugs couldn't catch a flea on a grandpa's knee! And ha, ha, ha! And ho, ho, ho! And hee! Hee! Hee! And I'll bet your mothers wear old tow sack drawers."

The result of this was like throwing gasoline on fire. And Rex and Scraunch made a solemn oath to stomp a mud hole in Socrates' back.

"Socrates, maybe if it isn't to much trouble, maybe you could shut up!"

By then, Calvin and Socrates had come to the bottom of Sneer Hill, in which a train track was located.

Calvin and Socrates dove across the track just as a huge train cut across.

They had just beat death by a train.

By then, they were both panting, and watching the train go by.

When it had left, the bears were gone.

Calvin and Socrates sighed, and turned to go back to the house.

It was if two soldiers were marching home from battle.

Even Socrates caught the sense.

"Well, Calvin, you've certainly put me in an awkward position."He said. "Since you saved me from the bears, I might be forced to say thank you."

"Yup. You sure might."

"Which, I don't like to say.

"I've noticed."

"And I might even start thinking of you as a friend, which really depresses me."

"I know what you mean, Socrates. I mean, just think of all the years we've invested in a lousy relationship."

"Hmm, I know. All the nasty tricks and terrible names."

"Right. And all the great fights we've had."

"And now it's finished, Calvin. All gone."

"Exactly. Wiped out by one thoughtless act of kindness."

"Well, Calvin, we can always hope it wont last."

With heavy hearts, Calvin and Socrates walked home.

They met Hobbes at the tree house.

"Hi Calvin." Hobbes said.

He glanced at Socrates.

"And, you got Socrates! That's good."

"yup." Calvin said.

Hobbes stared at Calvin and Socrates.

Socrates had his arm around Calvin's shoulder.

"Well, that's weird." Hobbes said.

"You see, Hobbes, it was..." Calvin started, but Hobbes cut him off.

"No, no. I'm not sure I want to know."

Hobbes walked away.

Calvin and Socrates sighed, and continued down the trail towards the house.

As they past the house, Socrates' head shot up, and he went, "HMMMMMM!"

"What?" Calvin asked.

"Oh nothing, Calvin. Thanks for everything. And maybe you'd like to go play Calvinball or attend some gross meeting or something."

"Well, I am kinda in the mood for..."

Calvin sniffed the air.

Peanut butter, honey, and tuna?

"On second thought Socrates, why don't you go prank someone and rub up against someone's leg!"

"Those sandwiches are mine, Calvin, because I saw them first!"

"Uh uh! No! Incorrect, and wrong! Those are my snadwiches!"

Socrates humped up and hissed.

Calvin screamed.

Socrates drew back his claws, and punched Calvin on the face.

Calvin made a death grab to Socrates' neck.

Socrates bit Calvin on the ear!

Calvin pulled Socrates' tail!

Socrates slapped Calvin across the face with his claws, again!

And all at once, Calvin remembered why he wanted to destroy Socrates to begin with.

And everything was back to normal. And everyone was happy, again.

I guess.

To what Calvin has to say on the subject, "Guys, if you can figure out what happiness is in this old life, you're better at it than I am. I quit."

The End

Voice work:

Pamela Segal: Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Ryan Stiles: Socrates

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom

Bill Murray: Rex

Tom Kenny: Scraunch

Dee Bradley Baker: Miscellaneous voice work

Coming up Next: Confessions of a PrankLovingTiger