I sat up in this hospital bed, the vague pain in my left arm proof of the intravenous drip that was sustaining me. Things were hazy, and the questions assaulted me, 'How long was I gone? Am I free of the Eva?' I looked to my right and saw on the bed a sight that caught the very breath in my throat. A face that screamed of familiarly, a face I never thought I would be able to truly see again. The soft brown hair I remember so well, had I really forgotten so much? I tried not to cry, but I was failing, feeling my tears fall down my cheek as I forced myself from the bed. I fought down the lethargy from the medication, or perhaps the atrophy, I didn't care, I needed to be there. Wrapping my arms around the still form, tears came now faster than before, and I could barely contain the sobs, "Shinji." was all I could say.
Kozou Fuyutsuki was paged and he checked his phone, "Fuyutsuki Speaking... I see... No, I'll give them a little time; inform me when Pilot Ikari is awake." He closed his phone and made some mental notes, as he returned to Ikaris' office to make his report.
Shinji felt himself waking from a fitful dream, but his eyes were closed. He felt... odd. His tried to order his thoughts, these sensations felt... strange. He felt warm, and it was comforting, he could hear a soft melody, one that tickled his memories pleasantly. He felt strangely content to remain there eyes closed and away from the world, that nothing would hurt him. He then realised he wasn't hearing things and slowly opened his eyes, the soft blue light stung his eyes and there was someone holding him, he realised. Thanks to his half-awoken stupor he had no real capacity to react beyond speech. "Ayanami?"
"Shinji?" Asked the strange woman, her voice filled with joy and trepidation, sounding raw as if she were just crying.
'Not Ayanami.' He thought.
"Shinji, are you alright?" Asked the woman again after he didn't respond.
"I think so." He said a little shakily, he tried to move a little, rubbing his eyes with his free arm. 'Who is she, and why aren't I afraid? Why am I so comfortable with her holding me?' His mind tried to process the thoughts with futility.
Fortunately the question was made for him.
"Shinji, do you remember me?" She asked. Her voice sounding like it was holding back more tears.
Shinji reached out to touch her cheek softly and feel it, her Light brown hair.
"I feel... I feel like I should know you, and I want to know why... why I feel so at ease with you..." Was all he could manage to say, his mind racking itself trying to think of a reason? There was one that remained, but he would not entertain it, not even as a slight hope, ever.
Shinji felt a few tears fall onto his cheek, but he saw her smiling.
"Shinji... its Mommy." She said happily, nearly giggling.
Shinjis' mind froze; he felt his heart stop, and his stomach heave, all at once. He asked the only logical question that could apply.
"Did... did I die in the last battle?" Was all he managed to croak out in a desperate whisper. If this was a dream, he would not wake up, ever. If this was a joke, he would end his life because his heart would not accept this torment if it was.
"Yes and no." Was her response. "You left the land of the living for a time, but inside the Eva, ones' soul cannot truly leave it. That's where I have been for all this time."
My throat began to grow dry, my words failed me as they only came out as slight sputtering gasps, and I began to cry. I didn't care, whatever this was it was too good to be true, I sat up in my bed and wrapped my arms around her crying into her chest, letting the tears flow freely, the grief, the relief, the happiness, all of it. I didn't care; I never wanted this moment to end. As I sat in her arms crying like I was only a child again she held me back stroking my hair and telling me to let it all out, re-assuring me, telling me it would all be alright.
I wasn't dreaming. I was sitting in a hospital bed hugging my mother crying in her arms and she was comforting me in a way I have always wanted. She was here, and my heart soared. If I were to die now, I wouldn't care. I was happy. It's what I truly wanted.
Kozou watched as Gendo watched the surveillance camera that was placed in the recovery room his family was currently sitting in. Kozou marvelled as for the first time in a long time Gendo wore a tender smile on his face, his eyes filled with wistful regret.
"Would she ever forgive me?" Was all he said, his voice sounding raw, the threat of emotion filled it.
"I suppose that depends on what you do next. You could always plan your moves with the committee Gendo. But Yui could always read you like a book when you were impassioned with something... such as you are now." Kozou Said with a small smile.
"Hardly the times for Jokes, Professor." Gendo said with a slight amount of irritation
"But a time for reminiscing I think." He replied sagely.
Gendo was silent for a long moment.
"I would like to see them before anyone else does. Make the necessary arrangements." Gendo said standing from his desk.
"Understood Commander." Kozou Said simply.
As he watched Gendo leave his office he began tapping at the keyboard before him to enter a stub program into the Magi monitoring system that would cause it to ignore the Presence of Gendo Ikari and his actions for the next twenty minutes. It would be like he never left his office. They avoided using the program by virtue of the fact that at any moment, the committee, or any member of Nerv would want to confront the Commander. Twenty minutes would have to be enough. As for being unseen by the staff of Nerv, that was Gendos' problem, but one he had well in hand.
One did not learn the manners of espionage, and political manoeuvrings without some capability to remain un-noticed.
Shinji wanted to ask so many questions, there was so much he didn't understand, so much that he wanted to try and comprehend. However, try as he may, he could not summon his voice. So he remained content within his mothers' arms. She too felt it was better they simply enjoyed the moment. She too had many questions her memory of what happened, her time before she was taken into the Eva and the events during were coming back to her, but she wouldn't let this happy moment end, not yet.
For the longest time they remained there, in the soft embrace, the warmth they sorely missed in silent contentment, but this came to an end not long after. The door to the room slid open, and then clicked shut. The snap of the lock falling into place made Shinji turn to face the man who had entered. Wearing a white coat, he for a moment thought it was simply a doctor, looking again he saw otherwise, his father. However, it was not in the manner he thought, his father looked, confused, and scared the movement of his eyes betrayed the contemplation of his words before he spoke them. Shinji looked at his mother who was very clearly, fighting some emotions of her own, but had settled on delivering Gendo a silent icy glare.
Gendo seemed to waver and opened and closed his mouth a few times. Shinji was amazed, he had never seen his father so off centre before. But his shock only grew once his father began to speak.
"I do not have very long," Gendo said, his voice thick with emotion, "but if I say nothing else right now, I need to say this. I do not know if it matters or if you will forgive me..."
Yuis' eyes narrowed as he began, and she looked like she was about to cut him off, but Gendo continued.
"I'm sorry Shinji." Gendo managed to breathe out, his words obviously paining him, as if for the first time he allowed himself to feel the sorrow he had kept all long. The sad look in his eyes mirroring the same look his son often carried.
Shinji gaped. If he did not witness this for himself, he would never have believed it to be true. He needed to know more, but of all the questions only one seemed to matter.
"Why?" Was all he could breathe out.
Gendo nodded, as if he knew it was coming. "I could stand here and justify all my actions, but it would take too long and I have little time. Suffice to say, that I may control Nerv, but there are those who would wish to control me, Nerv, and the Eva series. I needed to make sure that they could not hold anything over me. Remember the day we met at your mothers..." he coughed slightly, "Marker?" he said carefully.
Shinji nodded, also feeling the same oddness at the fact that his mothers' tombstone was laid in her memory, and yet, at this Moment Yui Ikari sat with him in this bed, her arms still around him.
"As I said, I keep all things in my heart, and that was enough. Like any game of poker I kept my hand close to my chest. If Seele believed they could control me through you, then they would have taken you from me, and used you as a pawn, and I think your mother would have resented that far more than the way I used you. I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am Shinji."
His explanations was so very like him, logical, and to the point, and for a long moment Shinji wished he could call them lies, but the emotions in his fathers voice said otherwise. His words were not gruff and distant, but soft, and nearly timid, as if he himself were speaking an apology to anyone else.
"The reason I called you here to do this, was because your mother wanted it that way, and because she was in the Eva, she would protect you, and you know this to be true." He continued, "It has happened on more than one occasion."
"Berserker?" Shinji could only wonder, as he looked at his mother, who was now nodding solemnly. Yuis' eyes did not waver from Gendos' face, but she was no-longer glaring, but looking thoughtful, thought hardly placated in any case.
Gendo stopped a moment to check is watch."I should leave now, before I am noticed missing." He said swallowing a little; Gendo would have been sweating bullets if not for the small measure of self control he could maintain at that moment. He turned to leave before a soft voice called out, "Wait." And indeed her voice made his heart skip, a voice he so much wished to hear. He turned to face Yui who now looked like she had reached a decision.
"Gendo." She said softly, even tinged with anger and hurt as her voice was, it still sent a shiver down his spine, "Come here"
Gendo complied and walked around the bed to stand next to Yui, who let go of Shinji and stood up. He waited calmly, but his eyes showed fear.
Shinji watched in shock as his mother promptly slapped his Father. Hard. Gendo staggered and stood back up, his head bowed in shame. Her next action however cause shock to both of the Ikari men, where she promptly took Gendo by the ears and kissed him quite thoroughly.
After pulling away Gendo wore a look akin to one Shinji was better known for, a deer caught in headlights. His lips worked soundlessly as he tried to say something, but Yui hushed him.
"You should go, we will discuss this at a better time, I think." She said simply.
Gendo nodded and moved back to the door. He shrugged his shoulders slightly and rand his hand over his face to compose himself slightly. As he turned back to his family, gone was the near timid and confused man who stood there earlier, back was the gruff and distant Commander of Nerv who said simply, "I will send Professor Fuyutsuki to check on your condition."
He paused a moment as the door opened and favoured them both with a smile, which disappeared from his face as soon as it appeared and then, he was gone.
Shinji stared at the door for the longest time unsure of what to make of what just happened. In less than the three hours he had been awake; his entire world had been turned upside down, shaken severely and kicked for par. His mind was trying to process everything out, and his hand began to unconsciously close and open as he sat there.
His nervous twitch was stilled by his mother taking his hand and holding it in hers. Looking at her he couldn't help but smile a little.
Yui looked at her son and knew he would be greatly confused from everything that had just happened, but what she would do, was for his sake now, and nothing else.
"Will you forgive him?" Yui asked.
Shinji was silent for the longest time, before answering softly, "Not right away, and not for everything he's done, but for some things, I think I can, I just... I just need to understand him better."
"I think you understand him more than you know Shinji." Spoke a deep voice from the door.
Shinji looked up and Yui gasped in surprise and happiness,
"Professor Fuyutsuki! It's so good to see you again"
The old Professor smiled at his former student, he was happy to see her too.
Shinji spoke out however, "How can I understand him sir? I feel like I barely know him."
Kozou looked back at Shinji and nodded slightly, his expression became a little more solemn.
"After Yui was taken into Unit one, Gendo came to despise Project E and Geherin. But, he knew the only way to get Yui back was to remain. He knew that to keep a step ahead of Seele, he'd need to sever himself from his entire past. And he hated himself most of all when he had to separate himself from you. Doing these things caused him pain Shinji, just as Eva caused you pain, but he did it for the ones he loved most of all."
Kozou explained all as best he could as quickly as he could, the surveillance in the room would only be down for another few minutes.
Shinji bowed his head in thought, and said nothing.
"I cannot stay long, the monitoring in this room will activate soon, and I have many more things to do today. I just came to inform you that you'll be kept a few more days to be monitored, and then you'll be fine to resume active duty. Both of you."
Shinji was surprised, "Both of us."
Kozou Nodded, "Yes, Gendo was able to convince Seele that Yui being back as part of Nerv would only speed their plans, of course, we have more important plans to take care of in the mean time."
Yui smiled and nodded, "That's fine, thank you professor."
Kozou returned the smile, "It's good to see you again Yui. Rest now, things won't be any easier from here."
And with that Kozou left the two alone.
Yui kept smiling after Kozou left and sat back down to Shinji, putting her arms back around him, almost perfectly as they were before, the recording resumed, and none were the wiser. She leaned in close and whispered into his ear.
"I know it's a lot to take in Shinji." Yui said soothingly, "But I promise, no matter what, I'll always be with you just I had been before."
Shinji nodded a little dumbly and smiled back at his mother.
Yui smiled back and was content to hold her son, as was Shinji to be held.
For the First time in a long while, Shinji was happy.
Authours Notes:
In truth I dont really know where I'm going with this fic, but taking it as I go. I suppose the prime focus is that Gendo Ikari isn't the heartless bastard we think he is, simply we don't see anything from his point of view to know what hes been through. This is simply my take on it all. Besides, I always was a sucker for a happy ending, but that doesnt mean it will end well immediatly. I'll see where it goes from here, but there are certainly dark days ahead.
Thanks for taking the time to read. A review would also be nice if you have time :)