Chapter 6

I shook my head ruefully at the mental pep talk and retrieved Linda's heavy medical case, wondering just what all she had in there. And of course, then I realized that I was probably about to find out.

Taking the time to knock before re-entering the room, wanting to make sure that I didn't barge in if they weren't ready, I still hesitated.

Linda called me in, though, so I bucked up and stepped inside. I was surprised to see her sitting on the bed, alone.

"Where's DeeDee?"

"Bathroom," she answered with a nod.

"Is – uh – everything okay?" I wasn't exactly sure how to phrase my question.

"Well, she's two centimeters dilated."

(She says like I should just automatically know what the hell a centimeter is,) I thought, exasperated.

"What does that mean?" My voice sounded harsh even to my own ears, so I tried to take it down a notch. "Is a two good or bad?"

"It means that we have time to get her to a hospital."

"Hold on," I said with a start. "I already told you – it's not safe out there. I have no idea where Lloyd Perry is – "

"Look, Rick," Linda cut me off. "I already told you – we don't have to go to L.A. But delivering out here is not in DeeDee's best interest. Or the baby's. She's at a two, the baby hasn't dropped down far enough – it could be hours! And, she's – " Linda verbally stumbled and broke off.

"Wait a minute," I said, holding up a hand. I stared hard at Linda, trying to get a read on her. "And she's what? What aren't you telling me?"

Linda sighed heavily. "Settle down, dear cousin. The additional risk factor is the size of the baby versus DeeDee. I don't know if you noticed, but she's small and the baby is full-term and obviously a pretty good size. DeeDee's taken good care of herself – it look's like it's mostly baby at this point, but the need for a C-section is a definite consideration.

I felt my heart sink down to my feet. A C-section? Surgery?

"That's what my doctor said."

Linda and I both jerked our gazes over to see DeeDee standing in the doorway, her hands at the small of her back to balance the weight of her belly pulling her forward.

Instantly, I moved over to her and reached for her arm, intending to help her to the bed. I took a moment to get a really good look at her.

DeeDee noticed my scrutiny. "I'm starting to think the baby might outweigh me soon, " she said with a sad smile.

"I'm sorry, DeeDee. For everything. I honestly had no idea what was going on."

I really felt like I should apologize, I should have seen the signs earlier; I should have done something to prevent this. Whether the guilt I was experiencing was warranted or not, it was weighing heavily on my mind and on my shoulders.

DeeDee gave my hand a squeeze. "I know you didn't, Rick. Please, please don't blame yourself. Steve admitted everything on the way out here. I cried, I begged, I pleaded, but he –" She abruptly broke off, using her free hand to cover her face and hide her tears. "Oh, God, I just can't believe he's really gone!" She cried. "What am I going to do without him? The baby – "

Before I could say anything, she suddenly sank down to the floor, sobbing. Instinctively, I reached out to support her, controlling her descent and then knelt down next to her, awkwardly putting my arm around her shoulder to pull her close. DeeDee tilted her head onto my shoulder and continued to cry softly. I glanced up at Linda for help.

"Let her get it out," she mouthed at me silently.

I nodded once in understanding, my own heart breaking.

Without warning, another contraction hit. DeeDee groaned, ducking her head as she attempted to get her breathing under control.

"I – I need to get up – I need to –" She gasped as the pain peaked.

Relieved that I could do something to help, I positioned myself in front of her, grasped her forearms and eased her to a standing position. Linda got behind and murmured words of encouragement. DeeDee clutched both my arms firmly. I could feel the incredible size of her belly, snug between us. She pulled her arms away in order to put her hands up on my shoulders, hanging her head down and panting slightly.

I barely listened to Linda and with her eyes closed; I couldn't tell if DeeDee was truly hearing her either. My eyes were drawn again to DeeDee's large, round belly and my hands followed: tentatively, hesitantly, and using only my fingertips, I touched her.

I was awed. I could feel the tightness of the contraction through the thin material of her blouse and then the contraction was over. I felt it end.

And it hit me. Really hit me. DeeDee was going to have a baby. A baby was going to enter this world and there wasn't anything I could do to delay or stop or affect the process in any way. A new life to replace its murdered father, and I wondered if it was a boy or a girl?

I was pulled from my thoughts by the sight of DeeDee staring up at me; her brown eyes wide open and filled with tears. I stared back at her and froze at what I saw in those luminous brown orbs.

Fear

Pain

Sorrow

Anger

Desperation

I could see the emotions and I could feel them and it took my breath away. She blinked the tears away, but kept her focus on me.

"Help me, Rick. I don't want to lose my baby. I already lost Steve, I can't lose my baby, too. Help me, help us – please." She pleaded.

My chest was tight. I couldn't breathe. Looking down at her and feeling the full force of her words, the sheer magnitude of the responsibility being given to me overwhelmed me. And in that instant, I realized that this was what Steve had wanted. Take care of DeeDee and take care of his baby. I didn't know if I could, but I knew right then and there that whatever it took, whatever it meant, I would do it.

I reached up and took her face in my hands. "You're going to be okay, DeeDee. I'm right here and Linda and I are going make sure you and the baby get through this." I felt the enormous weight of my promise and felt as afraid as I ever had in my life, but when I saw the ray of hope shine in DeeDee's eyes, it didn't matter. Only DeeDee and the baby. That was my focus - my mission and I intended to see it through.

Chapter 7

We all stood frozen; no one exactly sure what to do or say.

(Enough of this,) I thought suddenly. Steve was dead, there was nothing I could do to bring him back and I needed to focus on DeeDee and her baby. Grieving was a luxury I could not afford right now.

"All right," I said brusquely. "Let's go – let's get out of here."

The relief was evident on Linda's face as she gathered her bag and a pillow and blanket for DeeDee.

"My suitcase –" DeeDee said, pointing to a dark blue carry-on in the corner.

"I got it," Linda announced, veering over to pick it up.

I kept one arm around DeeDee and we started out to the jeep. Linda had hurried ahead and had the back door open, laying the pillow across the opposite door. Another contraction hit just as I was helping DeeDee in. She stopped abruptly and reached a hand out to the door and used her other to clutch at her belly as the pain took over.

I put my hands on her shoulders as a gesture of support, but she shrugged them off with a grunt of pain. Linda immediately moved in with a quiet voice and soothing words that DeeDee seemed to respond to.

I was desperate to help and her rejection sent a stab of pain through me, as I shuffled my feet, feeling helpless and out of place. I didn't have the first clue what to do or say and I could feel my frustration building. Then I reminded myself that it wasn't like I'd ever been to any child birthing classes and that was the whole reason that I had brought Linda here in the first place.

I saw that the contraction must be over as DeeDee pulled herself to a standing position and took a deep breath. Without thinking, I started to reach out my hand, but then when I realized what I was doing, I quickly jerked it away. Linda saw me and encouraged me with her eyes.

Struggling against my fear of rejection, I tentatively moved closer. DeeDee eased my fears by taking my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry," she said softly, and suddenly a wave of guilt washed over me. With everything she was going through, with all that she had lost and could still lose, she was trying to comfort me!

Quickly I shook my head. "Don't apologize. You don't have anything to be sorry about. Just tell me what I can do, okay?"

DeeDee crooked her finger at me and I leaned in, thinking she had something to whisper. She surprised my by chastely kissing my cheek.

"Just be here, okay?"

Without waiting for an answer, she turned and got in the jeep unassisted. I simply gaped.

Finally, Linda nudged me out of my reverie. "Come on, Rick – time to get a move on. You want to drive or should I?"

"I'll drive – you take care of DeeDee. You can't coach her through the contractions and drive at the same time."

Linda nodded and moved in to settle herself and DeeDee for the trip. I walked around to the driver's side, feeling one hand drift up to touch the spot that DeeDee had kissed just moments ago. I felt a flush of warmth go through me and smiled.

I backed up down the long dirt driveway. At the end, I had a decision to make. Go right and head back the way we came and end up on the highway headed towards L.A. Go left and we'd be headed south, towards San Diego. It was a no-brainer. San Diego it was.

We hadn't gone a mile, when I heard a soft moan from DeeDee. I was just about to turn my head to see what was wrong, when Linda ordered me to stop the car. I hit the brakes and as soon as the jeep stopped, the back door flew open and DeeDee and Linda piled out. With one hand covering her mouth, DeeDee took one step then dropped to the ground, retching. Linda pulled out some tissues and waited for DeeDee to finish, as I hovered anxiously behind them. Finally it was over and DeeDee sat back and gratefully accepted the tissues as Linda brushed DeeDee's hair back.

"Are you gonna be okay?" I asked after they were both back in the jeep. I peered back at them, wanting reassurance before I drove off.

DeeDee nodded and sank back on the pillow, obviously exhausted. Linda nodded, too, and I put the car in drive, more anxious than ever to get to someplace where I could get help. I rounded a corner and picked up speed on a down hill slope.

There was no sign. No warning. Immediately ahead the bridge over a rain-swollen creek bed was out. I slammed on the brakes and prayed for a miracle.

"Hang on!" Was all I could get out as I jerked on the steering wheel and the jeep battled for traction and failed miserably. The only thing that kept us out of the water was the huge trees on the sides of the road and the impact caved in the front passenger section with a bone-jarring crash.