Summary: When Calvin is framed for water balloon attacks on Susie, Tracer Bullet and Tiger Eye open up a full scale investigation.

And now the Calvin and Hobbes: The Series SEASON FINALE
Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie

The Case of the Rouge Water Balloons

It was July.

Calvin and Hobbes were attending a G.R.O.S.S. meeting.

"Today is a very special day for G.R.O.S.S., Hobbes." Dictator for Life Calvin announced.

"How so?" Asked President and First Tiger Hobbes.

"Today is special for two reasons." Calvin said. "One reason is because of our anniversary. Two whole years of G.R.O.S.S.nes. And the second reason is because today will be the one millionth water balloon attack on Susie."

"The one millionth time you've failed at a water balloon attack." Hobbes muttered.

"What?"

"I said, Dinosaurs lived a million years ago, but McDonald's still fail to make water balloon Big Macs."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Oh. Yes of course."

Calvin turned away, placed a hand on his forehead, and shook his head.

"Hobbes?" he asked. "Have you ever felt that you might be going insane?"

"Not really."

"That's because it's already happened." Calvin said. "What I said had nothing to do with Dinosaurs or McDonald's."

"Really?" Hobbes asked. "What did you say?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SAID!" Calvin yelled. "YOU HAVE ME SO SCRAMBLED UP I DON'T KNOW IF I'M COMING OR GOING! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!"

"I love scrambled eggs."

"Shut up, and let me think."

It took Calvin three minutes to remember what they were talking about.

"OK, now I remember. We were about to plan our one millionth water balloon attack on Susie. Are you ready for action?"

"Nope."

"WHAT!"

"I said, Oh joy. Wonder. Uncontrollable excitement."

Calvin rolled his eyes, and then grabbed a bag of water balloons that were laying in the corner.

"Alright. Let's go fill these up."

Calvin and Hobbes climbed out of the tree house, and rushed over to the faucet on the side of the house.

Calvin attached one of the water balloons to it, and started to fill it up.

Calvin looked behind his shoulder to see that Hobbes had vanished, the little weenie.

Calvin grumbled to himself, and proceeded to tie the balloon up.

Then, he walked over to Susie's house.

Susie was playing in her yard, completely oblivious to the danger around her.

He was fifteen yards away from Susie's house, when there was a SPLOOSH and Susie screamed.

"AAAAA CALVIN! I'M TELLING!"

HUH?

Calvin's mouth dropped open, as he watched Susie rush into the house, sopping wet.

He looked down at the water balloon in his hand.

What the...

At that very moment, Mom burst out Calvin's door and stormed over to him.

"CALVIN!" She screamed. "SUSIE'S MOM JUST CALLED! She said you just threw a water balloon in Susie's face!"

Calvin was still shocked at what had happened.

"Wait! Wait! I didn't do it! I was going to... but that wasn't me!"

"Then why are you holding another balloon?" Mom demanded.

Calvin's eyes went to the water balloon in his hand.

"Uh... adds to the, uh, drama?"

The next thing Calvin knew he was in his room.

Hobbes was already there, reading a comic book.

"Hobbes!" Calvin said, leaping up. "Something really weird happened."

"Your kidding?" Hobbes asked, not taking an eye off his comic book.

"Someone other than me threw a water balloon at Susie! I'm outraged!"

"I'll say."

"I DEMAND A LAWYER! I DEMAND A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH! I DEMAND JUDGE JUDY!"

Hobbes blinked, still not taking his eye off his comic book.

"And by the way, Hobbes!" Calvin spat. "Where were you when I was being blamed for everything that went wrong in the history of man kind!"

"Here."

"You're unbelievable!" Calvin yelled. "Every time we have an important mission to attend to, you just seem to vanish into thin air! EVERY SINGLE TIME!"

"Yep." Hobbes said, turning the page. "That running takes it out of ya."

Calvin glared at him.

"We need to open up a full scale investigation!"

"Uh huh."

Calvin walked up to his MTM, and opened up a list of "suspects"

Suspects for totally ridiculous crime

1. Socrates

2. Sherman J. Hamster

3. Moe

Hobbes walked up, and studied the list.

"What's this?" He asked.

"List of suspects." Calvin said. "We're opening up a full scale investigation!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said. "We don't seem to have very many suspects.

"Well, there's only one culprit, Hobbes. It doesn't matter how many suspect we have, all that matters is that we have them."

Calvin then grabbed a brown hat, and said in a tough voice.

"Let's go, Tiger Eye. We need to find clues."

Tracer Bullet looked behind him.

Tiger Eye had vanished.

"GET OVER HERE!" Tracer screamed.

Tiger Eye emerged from the closet, and walked back to Tracer.

"Come!" Tracer yelled. "Let's go investigate the scene of the crime! Then, we'll interview our suspects."

Tracer and Tiger Eye ran out the door.

The first place they stopped was the sidewalk.

Calvin studied it.

And found nothing of any particular interest.

"OK." Tracer said, standing up. "The villain has covered up his tracks! The clever rogue!"

"Calvin, you were the one on the sidewalk." Tiger Eye said. "The suspect couldn't have done it from here."

"Oh yeah." Calvin considered. "Didn't think of that. TO THE BUSHES!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin and Hobbes rushed to the bushes, and Calvin quickly turned back to Tracer Bullet.

"Tiger Eye, hand me my magnifying glass."

"We don't have a magnifying glass." Tiger Eye said.

Tracer stood up.

"Hobbes, what kind of detective doesn't have a magnifying glass?" Calvin demanded.

"I don't know." Hobbes shrugged.

"A dumb one!" Calvin shot back. "There is no smart detective on Earth that doesn't have a magnifying glass!"

"I guess that fits."

"Right! Now give me my magnifying glass!"

"We don't have one."

Calvin stared at him.

"Hobbes, you're useless. And I'm afraid this will have to go into my report."

"Fine with me."

"WHAT!"

"I said, Oh darn."

"I'm sorry, but I am forced to throw the book at you."

"You couldn't help it."

"Thanks."

"Your welcome."

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin blinked, several times.

"Uh... what is the point of this conversation?"

"You threw a book at me." Hobbes replied.

"I did?" Calvin asked. "I don't remember doing that."

"Neither do I."

"Then how do you know I did?"

"You said you did."

"I did no such thing!"

"You did too. I heard you with my own ears!"

"Hobbes! I didn't throw any books at you!"

"Why did you say you did?" Hobbes demanded.

"I DIDN'T!" Calvin screamed. "AND IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD, I'LL THROW AN ENCYCLOPEDIA AT YOU!"

"Okay."

Calvin's eyes narrowed.

"You just said one more word."

"I did?"

"Yes, you did! You said 'Okay'. For your information, okay is a word."

"I thought okay was only two letters."

"No! It's one word! And I forbid you to say one more word!"

"OK."

"That's better."

Calvin looked around.

"Why are we in the bushes?" he asked.

"Beats me. I was happy in bed." Hobbes said.

"Huh." Calvin said, scratching his head. "I could have sworn we were here on a very important mission..."

"I'm drawing a blank." Hobbes said.

Calvin thought for a while

"NOW I remember!" he said, snapping his fingers. "We were here on The Case of the Rogue Water Balloon."

"Oh yeah."

"Let's get out of these bushes, and go into Susie's yard."

"But there's a fence in the way." Hobbes said.

"Right. Jump the fence. The fence doesn't matter, Hobbes. Now let's go."

Calvin stood out of the bushes, and proceeded to climb over the fence.

When he was over, he called, "OK, Hobbes, I'm over! Now you jump it!"

Hobbes coiled his legs, leaped over the fence and...

CRASH!

Landed right in the middle of Calvin, the little dunce.

Calvin shook Hobbes off, and screamed, "DON'T LAND ON ME, BONEHEAD!"

"Well, you were in my way." Hobbes said.

"It's my world, Hobbes! And I'll stand wherever I want! We have an entire planet, here, and you're welcome to land anywhere on it, but my head! Got it!"

"OK."

"Good."

Calvin turned back to Susie's yard.

"OK, let's go examine the scene of the crime!"

Tracer and Tiger Eye rushed over to the fragments of a blue water balloon in the grass.

Tracer took out a Ziplock bag, and started putting the fragments inside.

Tiger Eye waited.

"OK." Tracer said, holding the bag up. "Here's the evidence. Who do we know have blue water balloons?"

"Calvin, water balloons come in several different colors." Tiger Eye said.

"Shut up. The last time, he attacked me, Socrates was the one with the blue water balloon! WE HAVE OUR CULPRIT!"

"Calvin..."

Too late.

Calvin was already rushing off for Socrates' mansion on the other side of town.

Hobbes sighed, and followed.

Socrates was reclining on his bed when he heard a knock on the door downstairs.

"Somebody get that!" he shouted.

But then he remembered that no one was home.

And he didn't have a butler.

Strange.

Here he was with all that money, and no servants.

Sad life he lives.

Socrates sighed and made that long walk…

…to the elevator.

Once the elevator reached the bottom, he opened it.

Calvin was standing at his door wearing a trench coat and hat, and he also had bag in his hand filled with a broken balloon.

"Oh, hey, Calvin," Socrates said. "What's up?"

"THAT'S TRACER BULLET TO YOU! AND NO USE BEGGING FOR MERCY, CRATESO!" Calvin yelled. "I'M ON TO YOU!"

Socrates sighed.

"Okay, what did I do now?" he asked.

"You threw a water balloon at Susie and I got blamed for it."

Socrates stared.

"Wait, what happened to the catapult?" he asked.

Calvin stared at him.

"What catapult?" he asked.

Suddenly, off in the distance, there was a loud BOOM!

Calvin and Socrates watched in surprise as suddenly, Hobbes came soaring through the air, screaming his lungs out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!" he shrieked.

And he landed in the swimming pool in Socrates' back yard.

SPLASH!

"Oh…that catapult," said Calvin. "Well, criminal, make yourself useful, and help me get Tiger Eye out of the pool."

"Sure."

Calvin and Socrates saw Hobbes swimming towards the edge of the pool.

"Sorry, Hobbo," said Socrates, pulling him out. "That one was meant for Calvin."

Hobbes glared at Socrates and went to dry off.

"Anyway, Socrates," Calvin said. "What do you make of this?"

Calvin shoved the Ziploc bag in Socrates' face.

Socrates observed the contents.

"Hmmm," he said. "What's this?"

"Water balloon fragments that were found in Susie Derkin's backyard this afternoon, only fifteen minutes after she was attacked. They're the same color as the balloon you threw at me just last week."

Socrates stared at Calvin.

"What kind of logic is that?" he asked.

"Good logic," Calvin replied. "Now fess up. You framed me."

Socrates pondered.

"Gee, Mr Bullet," he said. "That does sound like something I would do, but today, I was hanging out in my room all day planning pranks."

Calvin scoffed.

"A likely story," he snorted. "Do you have any proof?"

"Sure. Come with me."

Socrates led an unsure Calvin into the mansion.

Socrates took him through a giant wooden door.

Odd. You usually don't see wood on a mansion door.

Calvin and Socrates approached a wall of security monitors.

Socrates pointed at the one of his room, and then he pressed the rewind button under the screen.

It rewound all the way through the day.

Calvin saw Socrates napping, reading, dancing, and sit at his desk planning out pranks.

But never once did he leave the room.

In fact, it go so boring that Calvin glanced at another wall of video screens, and then he saw something strange.

"Huh," said Calvin. "I could've sworn…"

"Its okay, Calvin," said Socrates. "If I had been you, I would've suspected me too."

Calvin hadn't been planning to apologize, but he figured he'd best not say.

"Thanks, citizen. Well, Tiger Eye, let's get going. We have to move on to the next susp…"

Calvin and Socrates then realized that Hobbes wasn't there.

"Tiger Eye?" shouted Calvin.

"Hobbo?" called Socrates.

As they were leaving the mansion, they heard a loud noise come from down the street.

KASPLOOSH!

"CALVIN! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"It's the Derkins Dame!" Calvin shouted. "The criminal has struck again!"

"Yeah," said Socrates. "But where's Hobbes?"

Just then, coming from a different direction, Hobbes came running up.

"Oh, hey guys!" he shouted. "I was heading home to get that magnifying glass, but then I heard Susie, so I figured I'd better come back here."

"Good thing you did," said Calvin. "Let's get going."

They said their goodbyes and apologizes to Socrates.

And Hobbes threatened to kill him if he ever had to fly again because of him.

"Okay," said Tracer. "Next on the list is Sherman J Hamster."

"Why Sherman?" asked Tiger Eye.

"Because he doesn't like either of us, and he'd like to see us get in trouble."

"Hmmm," said Tiger Eye. "That one actually makes sense. Let's go."

A bit later, Tracer and Tiger Eye approached a with a fancy satellite dish on top of it.

Only it didn't wasn't exactly a satellite dish. It was more like a radar.

Anyway, Tracer knocked on the door.

Andy answered.

"Oh, hey Calvin," he said. "Hey, Hobbes."

"Enough small talk, kid," said Calvin.

"Calvin, I'm older than you."

"Whatever. We need to ask a certain rat a question."

"Sure. He's in the kitchen."

Andy led Calvin and Hobbes into his kitchen, and there on the counter top was Sherman, eating some pellets and watching C-SPAN.

What did you expect?

Calvin and Hobbes approached the genius hamster.

Sherman glanced over his shoulder.

Then he resumed his program.

"Calvin," he said.

"Sherman."

"Hobbes."

"Vermin."

There was a pause.

"A-hem!" said Andy.

"Andy," they all said.

"Thank you."

"Sherman," said Calvin. "The name's Tracer Bullet. This is my assistant, Tiger Eye. We are investigating a perilous crime, and you are a suspect."

"And the crime was…?" Sherman asked, still not taking his eyes off the TV.

"Susie was just creamed by water balloons. Twice. And I've been framed for it. I've already ruled out Socrates because he had video evidence, and Andy is a goody-goody, so it wasn't him either."

"I take offense to that," said Andy, who was going to the fridge.

Calvin turned back to Sherman.

"So that leaves you. Mainly because you hate me."

"Indeed I do," said Sherman.

"So that would motivate you to go and frame me for a crime I didn't do: THROWING A WATer balloon at Su…,"

It was then that Calvin actually went back through that sentence and figured out what was wrong with it.

"Uh…"

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"I think you've made a big enough idiot of yourself. Please leave me be. I'm trying to watch my show."

Calvin and Andy glanced at the screen.

"…Mr Hagle…Mr Harkin…Mr Hatch…"

A man was reading off a list of names on a show called ROLL CALL VOTE.

And Sherman was enjoying apparently.

"I've seen the ending to this one," said Andy. "It's Whiten from Oregon."

"Oh, thanks a lot, Andy," Calvin said. "I had it Tivoed at home."

Sherman ignored their sarcasm.

"So…," said Calvin. "We can check Sherman off the suspect list. It clearly wasn't him."

"Who does that leave you with?" asked Andy.

Calvin pulled out the piece of paper.

"Moe."

"Figures."

Calvin gulped.

"Okay, Tiger Eye, let's go."

But when Calvin turned around, Hobbes wasn't there.

"Guys? Did Hobbes come in with me?"

"He called me Vermin, so, yeah, he did," said Sherman.

Just then, there was a noise outside.

SPLOOSH!

Calvin, Andy and Sherman looked out the window.

"AGAIN!" Susie shouted, dripping wet. "CALVIN, I AM SO GONNA GET YOU!"

And she ran off, leaving a trail of water behind.

And wouldn't you know it, right at that moment, Hobbes came downstairs.

"Hey, you guys got at least five remotes for your TV up there," he said. "Don't you ever get them mixed up?"

"Forget that, Tiger Eye!" said Calvin. "The perpetrator has just struck again! And we have our culprit: Moe!"

"Figures."

"My word exactly," said Andy.

Calvin and Hobbes ran outside and left.

Moe's house wasn't far away, so Tracer and Tiger Eye made it there in about five minutes on foot.

"Okay, Tiger Eye," Tracer whispered. "Here's the plan. I'll kick the door open, and you jump in and secure the place."

"Whatever you say, Mr Bullet," Tiger Eye muttered.

Tracer took a karate stance.

Then he jumped up and kicked the door.

BAM!

"OW!"

Tracer jumped up and down, holding his sore foot.

Tiger Eye watched with amusement.

"Okay, on second thought," Tracer said, "let's knock on the door."

Tracer knocked on Moe's door.

"Okay," said Tracer. "Get ready, Tiger Eye. This guy is a tough guy, and when provoked he can be—"

It was at that moment that Tracer turned around and noticed that Tiger Eye had vanished again.

"One of these days…," he muttered.

Just then, Moe answered.

"What do you want, Twinky?" he demanded. "I'm not supposed to deal with you during summer."

Calvin glared at Moe.

"That's Tracer Bullet, to you," he said. "And I'm here investigating a case: Susie was bombed by three water balloons today, and it wasn't me. You're the only suspect left, so that means that it was you. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to run you for questioning."

Moe stared at him.

"Huh?"

Calvin ignored him.

"Okay, first question: do you admit to it?"

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" Moe shouted angrily.

Calvin was nearly blown off his feet.

"Do you have anything to back up that statement?" Calvin asked, without losing his cool.

WHAM!

Calvin went sailing through the air the second that Moe's fist came in contact with his nose.

Calvin crash-landed just as a noise was heard.

SPLASH!

"CALVIN!" a now-soaked-again Susie shouted.

"Again!" Calvin shouted.

And then he realized that, in this case, Moe was innocent!

"But…but…but…if none of my suspects were the balloon-throwers, then who…?"

Then Calvin thought for a second.

Every time that Susie was pelted by another water balloon, Hobbes had disappeared.

Then Calvin's eyes grew wide with shock and anger.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBEESSSS!" he shouted.

Everyone in town heard it.

Susie heard it.

Mom and Dad heard it.

Moe heard it.

Andy and Sherman heard it.

Even Socrates heard it in his mansion across town.

And Hobbes heard it as well…

…as he was filling up a water balloon at the faucet.

"Uh-oh," he muttered.

Just then, a hurricane of fury stomped up behind him.

Calvin, now out of his Tracer Bullet outfit, was standing there, growling at him.

"So…what's my best friend doing?" he grumbled.

Hobbes gulped and hid the water balloon.

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," he said nervously.

"What's behind your back?"

"Umm…"

"Show me your paws."

Hobbes held forth two empty paws.

"Show me your tail."

Hobbes stared.

"Why should I—?"

"SHOW ME!"

Hobbes jumped, and his tail shot out.

A yellow balloon filled with water was in it.

"IT…WAS…YOU!" Calvin shouted. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! MY OWN BEST FRIEND WENT AND GOT ME FRAMED! YOU TRAITOR! BENEDICT HOBBES! I'LL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!"

Hobbes backed away.

"Uh…Calvin?"

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! I WELCOME YOU INTO MY HOME! I LET YOU EAT MY TUNA! I LET YOU POUNCE ME AND ATTACK ME! I LET YOU BE FRIENDS WITH SOCRATES! I EVEN LET YOU BE PRESIDENT OF G.R.O.S.S! AND YET…YOU DO THIS! YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T THROW YOU OUT ON YOUR FURRY BUTT ON THE SIDEWALK FOR THIS!"

"Okay, calm down," said Hobbes.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? EVER SINCE I LET YOU INTO MY HOUSE, YOU'VE GIVEN ME NOTHING BUT TROUBLE! I USED TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE! BUT NOW MY LIFE IS COMPLETELY TOPSY-TURVY, FILLED WITH POUNCES, FIGHTS, CUTS AND BETRAYALS!"

"Take it easy."

"BUT THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE! YOU DELIBERATLY TRIED TO GET ME INTO TROUBLE! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND! BUT I WAS WRONG! YOU'VE CROSSED THE LINE, STRIPES!"

By this time, Socrates, Andy and Sherman had come to see what all the yelling was about. They were staring with wide eyes and gaping mouths as Calvin continued to shout and holler and scream at Hobbes.

"YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE, HOBBES!" Calvin snarled. "I AM GOING TO TEACH YOU A LESSON YOU'LL NEVER REMEMBER: NEVER BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU!"

Hobbes closed his eyes and prepared for the worst.

He didn't see it coming.

He only heard Socrates say, "What th—?" and then that was it.

Suddenly, he felt something cold hit his face.

SPLASH!

Then he felt something just as cold hit his stomach.

SPLOOSH!

Then three more hit his shoulders and his face again.

KERSPLASH! SPLAT! SPLASH!

Then Hobbes realized he was soaking wet.

And then he heard four people laughing at him.

Hobbes opened his eyes.

Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were all rolling around on the grass, laughing at him.

Wait, what?

Hobbes looked at himself.

Fragments of water balloons lay at his feet.

"Uh…Calvin?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes, Hobbes?" Calvin asked, finally calming down.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not!" Calvin said.

"But…but…but…how did you get those water balloons?"

"Socrates and Andy brought them. Sherman just wanted to laugh at you."

Hobbes stared.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman laughed some more before standing up.

"But how did they know to throw them at me if you didn't know I'd thrown those balloons at Susie until just a minute ago?"

"Well, thanks to Socrates and his security cameras, I noticed that you were holding a water balloon outside the mansion, and that tipped me off, and so we had time to prepare."

Hobbes stared at Socrates.

"You have a security camera in our room?" he asked.

Socrates just started laughing hysterically again.

"Come on, Hobbes," said Calvin. "Let's get you in the dryer."

Calvin led Hobbes into the house.

Socrates went back to his mansion.

Andy and Sherman went back to their house.

Later on, Hobbes found the security camera in his bedroom, and he disabled it, much to Calvin's amusement and Socrates' great disappointment.

Also, this story does have a happy ending.

Andy had spoken to Calvin's mom about how during some of the attacks on Susie, he had been with Calvin, and he'd been innocent

Mom trusts Andy, so she let Calvin off the hook.

They never figured out that it was Hobbes.

But Calvin got back at Hobbes.

During breakfast, he hid Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs in Hobbes' tuna, and you can imagine that Hobbes was fit to be when he found out.

It was worth it to Calvin.

But Calvin and Hobbes were still best friends, and that would never change.

No matter how much one ticked the other off.

The End

Voice Work:

Pamela Segall Adlon: Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes / Tiger Eye

Bill Murray: Tracer Bullet

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom

Dakota Fanning: Susie Derkins

Elizabeth Daily: Moe

Ryan Stiles: Socrates

Andrew Lawrence: Andy

Colin Mochrie: Sherman

Coming up next: The third Calvin and Hobbes TV movie, TIME TERROR (Please see Calvin & Hobbes: The Series SEASON TWO)