"Don't do anything stupid," warned a deep voice. Mr. Ollivander blinked at the wand being brandished half an inch from the tip of his nose and studied it for a moment. His face showed the merest trace of amusement amongst the well-carved network of wrinkles.
"Ten and a half inches, oak and giant blood," he observed dryly. "I rather doubt that I will be the one to act foolishly, Douglas Sophocles Crabbe." The man holding the wand jerked backwards in alarm, collided with the overloaded bedside table and collapsed, swearing, onto the floor where Ollivander's false teeth had exploded out of their glass beaker and were waiting to sink into his ample backside. Crabbe rocketed upwards with an agility which belied his bulk, bellowing even louder as he collided with the wardrobe, a chair, and finally, the little upholstered perch where Ollivander's pet spider-monkey, Kevin, had been fast asleep. Kevin was not noted for his sense of humour. Whereas the wand-maker had barely raised an eyebrow at being woken in the dead of night by three masked Death Eaters, Kevin seemed to take great exception to the visitors, and enthusiastically set about trying to rip Crabbe's ears off while screaming at the top of his little voice.
On the other side of the bed, another brawny Death Eater was having difficulty trying to conceal his wand whilst keeping his white mask and hood from slipping. A third figure, this one slimmer and more graceful than his colleagues, sighed deeply from his position in the doorway. What did Lucius see in those two? Surely they were even too incompetent to laugh at his jokes? He stunned the shrieking monkey and placed it carefully on the end of the bed.
"Are you quite finished?" he demanded, voice silky smooth but dripping with a kind of disturbingly gentle menace. Goyle was helping a grumbling Crabbe to his feet. The teeth were hopping in crazy circles around them, apparently looking for their next meal now that they had tasted blood. He rolled his eyes behind the mask and turned to the elderly wizard sitting up in the bed, placing his own wand in plain view. "Mr. Ollivander. There is no need for this evening to become more unpleasant than necessary. If you would accompany us without fuss there will be no need to cause you any distress."
The rheumy old eyes ignored the wizard standing before him, preferring to study the wand. He recognised it perfectly well in the dim firelight. A wand of extremes. A wand with many strong qualities, both for the bad and the good. He decided he was either perfectly safe, or in mortal peril.
He pulled on his dressing gown, inserted his false teeth and gently tucked the immobile Kevin into a pocket.
"Shall we go now, Severus, or do your apes want to do another routine?"
Snape sighed. This sort of thing never happened to Malfoy.
…….
It had been a trying day. Severus was dying to get home to a long bath with a long book. Lavender oil would be most relaxing, he thought, and perhaps a drop of essence of violets to help him sleep. To Snape, a bath was like a large cauldron, requiring meticulous preparation of just the right ingredients to achieve the required state of mind. He liked to spend hours there, reading, inhaling his herbal concoctions, perhaps taking a glass of something illegal or the ultimate indulgence – chocolate treats from Honeyduke's. There was so much fun to be had, he often forgot the more mundane aspects of bathing, such as washing one's hair.
He was just calculating the temperature which would be required to produce the precise consistency of vibrating massage bubbles when a hand on his arm made him whirl round, immediately springing forward to curse his assailant.
Bellatrix frowned at the wand sticking up her left nostril, but said nothing. Snape muttered and removed it with rather ill-grace.
"What?" he demanded, sounding irritable, even by his standards.
"A little jumpy tonight, Sevvie?" she batted her eyelids at him.
"Sleep deprivation," he muttered, stalking towards the door. "And over-exposure to the donut brothers."
"The Dark Lord is pleased you managed to get Ollivander," she smiled, then grimaced again, looking around to make sure on one could overhear. "Though he keeps eating those muggle sweets. And he won't let me have the monkey to play with. Something's definitely wrong with him. We have to keep going with the tests." Snape sighed heavily. He had rather hoped she would give up after Pettigrew came up negative for every blood-ailment imaginable. His personal theory on Voldemort's odd behaviour was that after all those years of darkness and evility, the freak was finally losing his gobstones and going senile. On the subject of mental wellbeing, Snape made a silent note that it wouldn't hurt to strengthen his occlumency, to be on the safe side. He couldn't have thoughts like that sliding through his barriers. Merlin knew what damage the Potter brat had managed to inflict last year, crashing about inside his head like a herd of hippogriffs. Yet another task on his copious to-do list.
"Tomorrow, Bella," he pleaded wearily.
"OK, if you're going to be a spoilsport," she pouted. "But I think we were looking at the wrong wizard. We need to investigate the other person involved in the resurrection."
Snape's brain whirred through Lucius' description of that fatal evening. How did the incantaion go? Blood of the enemy...? Oh no. Not him.
"Bellatrix! I am plagued by Potter's presence every day for ten months of the year! You CANNOT expect me to seek him out during the summer! I don't even know where he lives!" And I certainly wouldn't tell the Queen of Cruciatus, even if I did, he added privately, trying to tamp down the wicked little voice which was suggesting how much fun that would be. The petulant teenager would probably squeal and twitch charmingly. She patted him gently on the shoulder, the way that Weasley woman did when her husband started getting overexcited by waffle-irons.
"Get some sleep, dear," she smiled condescendingly. "We'll think of something."
…….
A/N: Wow! So many reviews! Thank you so much, it was great to get such a good response for this mixed-up little idea! Glad you enjoyed. Lemon dropsss for everyone x.
The two main quibbles seemed to be:
1) When do we get to the ice-cream part? Soon, I promise, am just setting the scene. I will get there, eventually.
2) The first chapter was a bit rubbish. I know. I will re-jig it when I get the chance. Sometimes it's hard to see where you're going until you start the journey. Thanks for sticking with me regardless.