orokid/disclaimer: Practically, I still have no rights to the Harry Potter empire (dammit… grrr…) and I still don't own any other rights to make me even feel happier about not having it. I've been busy, and I think that… lost my train of thought. Nor do I own this song, which is owned my Musiq. I don't own anything on this fanfic except the plot, and that's just barely, so don't asking me for anything.
Warnings: It's kind of a little weird. There's more flashbacks than before (so more than one) and there's talking to a dead friend (you know who I mean). I was getting a little bored and hyper at the same time, so this is a little better… than my other little hobbies. Laughs evilly. Gets smacked by all of my friends at once and laughter fades out into the distance as I fly away.
lyrics
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flashbacks
Chapter Three
Love
Harry watched her as she slept, him unable to fall into his own wet dreams that always consisted of her, this girl that laid next to him in a bra and jeans. He could have laughed at himself as he laid there, two inches from being too close to her, if there wasn't the possibility that she could awake. The last thing that he wanted to do was wake his sleeping angel.
His? Since when? Yeah, he loved her. More than he should, really. So much that he couldn't say a thing to the woman he called his best friend.
Love
So many things I've got to tell you
But I'm afraid I don't know how
He knew that, friends aside, she would look at him differently. There was the chance that it would ruin their long friendship. And there was a chance that she would maybe leave him alone.
And that's what he would be- a man traveling in the jungles of lovelorn worlds alone.
Cause there's a possibility
You'll look at me differently
His fingers inched forward, him tempted to move her bangs from her perfect, at-ease face. Slowly, his hands snapped back to his sides as a smile cascaded across his face, his scar flashing in the dim moonlight. He remembered the beginning.
The day he first saw her, spoke her name, he knew that things were going to change. Back then, he thought that the change had already occurred after the mountain troll incident. He thought that since he had a real friend, one that wouldn't jump the gun at every time he became more world renowned, he would be at least a little bit normal- something that he's never had since he was a year old.
Love
Ever since the first moment I spoke your name
From then on I knew
That by you being in my life
Things were destined to change cause
Memories flashed through his mind- Ron and his childish way of saying that he cared for her, when she comforted him after Sirius's untimely death, and… Cho. Cho had said that she had fallen in love with him, that she was his girl forever and for always.
She had been a liar. She only wanted him for his looks (although he never knew he had any), money, and fame. It had always been the same with every girl who said that she "loved" him, that she would never leave him. But…
The only girl who never had wanted him as someone other than personal bank account or trophy boyfriend was… Hermione.
Love, so many people use your name in vain
Ron said he loved her as any man in love would, that he'd love her forever. Harry had nearly killed him when he found out that he had cheated on her with Luna Lovegood.
The next day, his two best friends broke up, thinking it for the best- for Ron's health or some other reason Harry never got the chance to find out. The two of them had seemed fine with the decision, because it meant that neither of them would become the weakest link once the enemy invaded. That's just what they had told him at the time, even though Harry was still angry for Ron's lies to the most kind, most gorgeous woman to ever exist, not to mention to him.
Love those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love, through all the up and downs of joys and hurts
Harry allowed the memory of his and Cho's first and only fight. And even then, although he had been hurt by her saying that he didn't like her as much as she thought he did, he had chosen his best friend over the older woman.
Love, for better or worse I still will choose you first
Carefully, his fingers moved her bangs away from her eyes. God, it was painful to him to see her in emotional pain, to watch as she grieved for her ex-boyfriend and close friend. She stirred lightly but didn't wake, only turned over to face him, those two inches now crossed.
By God, she was beautiful.
Almost scaring him out of his wits, he felt her move even closer to him, her back to his chest, lying on top of one of his arms. If anyone had told him that she would ever be this close to him a couple months ago, he would have laughed at them although he would secretly wish for the chance.
Slowly, his other arm wrapped around her in a soft embrace, holding her to him. For a moment, he had thought that he had heard a sigh of content escape her lips as she curled up into the mold that seemed to fit just for her called his body.
Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
"Harry…" she whispered in her sleep, snuggling closer into his embrace. His face reddened as he had noticed that he had watched her lips say his own name. He realized something- he wanted to kiss her, to tell her everything, to tell the whole world that he cared for her, to calm her grief.
He never wanted her to stop saying his name ever in that content way she spoke right then.
But if he told her anything, that would bring him crashing back to reality with her simple disagreement of her own feelings for him. He wanted to know how she really felt for him, if anything at all other than the normal friendship.
Longing for your kiss
For your kiss for your touch
For your answer
He held her tighter, the more worse of his memories surfacing inside his mind.
"Harry, what if one of us dies?" Ron questioned in the middle of the night, knowing full well that his best friend was awake. Harry Potter, the future savior of the world, never seemed to sleep anymore. He thought too much about what could happen while every wizard and witch alive would fight for the annihilation of Voldemort, the most feared and powerful dark wizard known to be alive. "Harry?"
"I don't know", he finally answered after what seemed to be an eternity of silence to Ron. "I guess… I guess we'll have to live on", the nearly adult wizard said, almost as if he was trying to convince himself that he could do such a thing if any of his friends died.
Every one of them remember how he was like after his Godfather's death.
"Harry", the red haired young man whispered into the bedroom, staring straight into the ceiling of their bedroom. "What will you do if-" He stopped, as if afraid to continue with the thought. "-if Hermione dies?"
The question scared Harry. He didn't really know how he would survive without her. If she left him during the most challenging time in his life, he wasn't sure how he would tolerate the world's most vile man. Without even his knowledge, a tear escaped his stronghold. "I'll… I'll survive, Ron."
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
His heart seemed to split in two the more he thought about losing her. If she did die, he would too. That's all he seemed to understand about the whole thing. Hermione was the one who always found a way to make him smile in the worst of all times. If she wasn't there to do that anymore…
"I'll survive", he whispered, trying to convince himself that he would.
But every image that flashed through his head throughout that whole night seemed to tear him into pieces, to destroy him slowly while Voldemort seemed to aim for the same effect.
Nothing would ever seem to be right if she left him.
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
Harry relaxed his muscles, knowing that if he held any harder, she would most definitely wake and ruin the moment they had gotten themselves in. And that was just something that he wasn't willing to risk.
Having her asleep in his firm arms seemed to make him realize something- that she was alive, that the memory didn't kill his heart as he had thought it would, and that she wasn't in any means of danger. She was perfectly fine. And he couldn't help but wonder if the memory was making him more cold hearted.
As he took one short look at her sleeping from, he knew that she had a complete opposite affect on him. It made him feel alive. He didn't need to question the warmth that he felt inside of himself as his gaze remained upon her, nor the fact that his arm was going numb as she laid on it. She was real. Hermione wasn't going to die anytime soon, and he was glad to know that. He was happy to know that she was always going to be safe because Voldemort was dead and gone.
I know that you're real
With no doubts or no fears
Or no questions
'I love her', he thought to himself, his smile small yet bright enough to show his joy to have her in his arms, to know that she wasn't going to leave him.
All those people who believed that love was a bunch of kisses and a feeling you can't describe as anything other than lust was just overly wrong. This was how love felt. He was content to stay this way forever, her in his arms and him watching her closely as she breathed.
If only they could.
Love, so many people use your name in vain
Harry held her closer to him, wondering if his parents had gone through this, the pain and pleasure of being the best of friends, before finding out that they belonged together. It would make him feel a whole lot better to know that someone else was going through the same that he was.
His nose smelled her soft hair, smelling her sweet scent.
He shouldn't be this close to her. He could confess everything if he didn't move. Yet, he couldn't. His body, his heart, wouldn't allow him to move from his current position.
Love, those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love, through all the up and downs of joys and hurts
The Boy-Who-Lived smiled inwardly. 'From now until the end of my life, no matter how short or long it will end up being, you'll always be the first one who will have my heart wholly', he thought, closing his eyes, hoping to drift off into sleep.
Love, for better or worse I still will choose you first
His memories took hold of his dreams once again.
He watched her, unsure why other than he was just doing it. Maybe he was keeping a watch on her for his git of a friend Ron, who was currently hoping that she wouldn't decide to hate him after all they (he) had done. They had saved her life only a couple days ago from that troll.
"Harry, what are you doing?" Neville asked, kneeling under the table the Boy-Who-Lived was under, joining him. He was confused about their savior, and rightfully so. Who would have ever believed that The Harry Potter was underneath a table in the library? The other young boy followed his intense gaze, seeing who it was upon. Somehow, this didn't surprise him as much as he thought it would. "You gonna ask her out Harry?"
"No!" the dark haired young boy shouted softly, looking around to see if anyone had heard him. "I'm… I'm doing this for Ron", he lied, keeping his voice soft. Harry himself truly didn't understand if that really was the case. Was it for his best friend? Or him? What about the bookworm make him feel uncomfortable? Was it the fact that, since he never really knew how to act around girls, let alone other people who cared at all for that matter, she just was a girl, a member of the opposite sex?
Neville's confused gaze didn't waver, as if sensing the lie.
"He wants to know if she still hates us", the young wizard tried, being as serious as he could. "You know how Ron is."
"Yea, Harry", the other boy said before getting out from under the table, leaving one confused Harry alone underneath. "See me in seventh year and tell me if that's still true."
At first you didn't mean that much to me
Harry pulled one startled Gryffindor from the pack of students at the beginning of the first official school day, which was going to start any moment now. He had been excelling in everything he could since the incident with Umbridge and losing his beloved Godfather two years before and knew that only a couple pounds of homework awaited him as soon as his first class started.
"Neville", he breathed as he pulled the student into an empty classroom, glad to finally be away from the thousands Harry knew they had just passed. "Do you remember that day in the library?"
"Which one?" asked the confused young man.
"Back in the first year of school", the dark haired wizard prompted, hoping that his forgetful friend hadn't forgotten this little memory.
"Wha- Oh", was his only response to the hint. He nodded, looking at Harry as if he had remembered something without the help of some magical device. "Yeah, Harry. Of course I do."
"Its seventh year and you had told me that I had to tell you the truth", Harry reminded, even knowing that Neville knew what he was talking about. "Well, between you and me…" Harry gulped, knowing that he now had to admit this to someone else besides himself. "I can't stop thinking about her. I need her to be with me, but I can't allow that until Vol- I mean, You-Know-Who is dead and gone."
"I knew it", the usually fumbling wizard stated proudly. "I knew it. I just knew it, Harry. You don't stare at someone, underneath a table in the library might I add, and not feel something."
"Oh, stuff it, Neville", muttered the potential assassin of the world's worst villain.
"What are you gonna do, Harry?" The question stumped him truthfully, not that he was going to tell him that. He had been asking himself that, and he still hadn't come up with any real answers. "When are you going to tell her?"
"After he's gone", was all he could answer with. "When the world is clean of his evil, I guess. That way, there's no real threat for her to live in fear of."
But now I know that you're all I need
'The world's alright now', his own voice told him as the memory ended. 'You can tell her.' Flashes of the peaceful world came to his eyes. Children no longer scared of mentioning the name that brought fear to all those who heard or said it, and adults no longer had to hide in fear of being killed because they had crossed the wrong person, and… him.
Harry Potter, savior of the wizarding and muggle worlds, no longer had to pretend to be okay while everything around him fell apart. He was now, and would be forever. Even though his best guy friend was gone, he was still loved inside of Harry's heart, like Hermione would always love him like a brother and/or boyfriend.
Ron told him, right before falling dead in both of their arms, that he should love her, and he thanked him silently for not using her name when saying this, and not be afraid of anything. The only thing Harry should ever fear was death itself-
-And the wrath of Hermione once he would tell her from beyond the grave.
The world looks so brand new to me
Now that I found love
"You live for the day to tell her, so do it", Ron's voice told him, laughing slightly as he appeared inside of Harry's dream. "I've watched over you two love-birds, and I will always. You know that, you git." He paused, his smile fading to be replaced be a look of horror. "Oy, man, you do not want to know about Hermione's dreams. It was-" He shivered. "Well, I had to press the pause button to talk to her because there looked to be no way that it was going to stop, or slow down for that matter." He shivered again.
'No problem', he thought with a chuckle, glad to see him again after seeing him die, wondering what his friend was talking- and shivering- about. 'What's up, mate?'
Everyday I live for you
"Harry, you need to tell her", the red headed seventeen year-old told him, sounding a little frustrated. "You've been doing everything you can to help her with my death. I know you love her, mate, and she needs to know that too. It would make a lot of people turn over in their graves, and you and I both know that sometimes people just need it." Harry gave a mental laugh. "So, do it", he told his friend again.
'I'll try, Ron', the dark haired young man thought with a smile smiling curling his usually straight mouth. 'That's all I can do.'
And everything that I do, I do for you
What I say is how I feel, so believe it's true
You got to know I'm true, Love
"All I want", Ron told him with a happy smirk, turning his back from his long time friend, his body slowly disappearing into a holy light. He stopped midway, turning back. "And tell Luna that I love her, and not to be scared. I want that too." Once again, the smiling figure disappeared from his sights.
'I will', Harry said, hoping at he was giving his best friend the best send off he could while still asleep next to the woman he loved, still in his uncomfortable position. No matter, he enjoyed the way he felt, positioned as he was with her in his arms.
His long time grief for Ron was eased only by her presence. He wanted to tell her that, but he had no idea how. He did promise his dead friend that he would fess up to her, that he would go on a bended knee someday and love her forever, that he would finally know what her lips tasted like on a fresh new day.
But that day was a long time ahead of them. He wasn't ready, and Ron would just have to live with it.
Love, so many people use your name in vain
Love, those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love, through all the up and downs of joys and hurts
Love, for better or worse I still will choose you first
Harry slowly opened his eyes, greeting the new day with kind and soft eyes, the painful sunlight creeping through the closed curtains somehow. His emerald eyes strained to see her face, which had somehow gotten to face him during the middle of that night. The soft glow that had been produced by the dark curtains gave her a look of an angel, halo visible in the early morning, sleeping in the warm comfort of a loving embrace- and it was by far the most loving embrace he had ever seen or been found in.
God, he wished that he knew how she felt about him right then. At least then his promise to Ron wouldn't be so hard to think of actually doing. He wished with all of his heart that she loved him too, and that she wouldn't flee the moment he would confess, whenever that would be.
Love, so many people use your name in vain
Love, those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love, through all the up and downs of joys and hurts
Love, for better or worse I still will choose you first
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orokid: Don't kill me. I was just feeling a bit too sappy for my own good and my friend is ready to kill me because I offed her favorite character, and that would explain why I made Ron appear even though he's dead. On a side note, there is a reason Ron asked Harry to tell Luna not to be scared, and it isn't because she's without our favorite Weasley son. I'm not telling what's up, but that's my only hint. Laughs evilly. Sees a squad of people wearing 'Ron Rawks' t-shirts.
Other people (-chanting-) : Kill the author! You killed him, you bastard!
orokid: Well, sorry guys. The mobs here. Gotta do my three laps around my town so I can still live by tomorrow. Looks back at the mob, which is advancing Heh heh… Ummm… Bye. Runs.
Other people: Get them!