Thank to my reviewers (from Ch 3): Rachel, Lindy, and I Die

This one is up almost exactly 12 hours later. Does that make the cliffhangers alright? I'll update often. Good compromise in my bood.

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Chapter 4 – Oblivion

Her eyes slowly opened. She was unsure of her surroundings. She rolled over to look at the clock. She'd been asleep for 15 hours she quickly realized.

She knew panic should have been settling it. She never called Richard to tell him she wouldn't be in. She never called anyone; except the phone company. She didn't want to hear from anyone; didn't want to find the voicemails. She never even technically decided not to go to work.

She let herself shutdown. She was numb. She hadn't cried yet. She hadn't felt anything but shock. She felt no guilt, no remorse, and no fear. She was nothing. She was a void.

She knew people would be worried about her. Well, maybe not people. Richard would worry about her. Bailey might even be concerned.

She couldn't think about that. She couldn't think about anything. She wasn't ready.

She pulled the covers over her head. She almost felt like she had ceased to exist. That the world under the covers was someplace safe and invisible.

She had never felt more alone. When Derek left, she knew she couldn't stay there. Not with everything said and unsaid hanging in the air. She'd considered going to Mark. That was a whole other can of worms however. She knew exactly how Mark would react, he'd hold her, tell her everything would be alright, that he'd protect her and take care of her. Addison wanted two arms around her; she wanted a deep voice to assure her that there was still something left in her life to hold on to. But she didn't want it from Mark. She wanted Derek. Maybe that was selfish, but she didn't care. She didn't exist under the covers.

She was starting to feel guilty. She had patients. She has responsibilities to the hospital. And Richard would be concerned about her as more than one of his surgeons.

She rolled out of the bad and landed on the floor. She sat there for a second, considering her next move.

She slipped on shoes and a hooded sweatshirt. She grabbed the motel's room key off the table and walked out. She had remembered seeing a pay phone at the gas station next door. It didn't look like a place Addison Forbes Montgomery Sheppard would normally frequent, but neither was the roach kingdom she was temporarily staying at.

She pulled some change out of her pocket, deposited it into the phone and dialed a familiar number. She was relieved that he was the one to answer.

"Hey, it's Addison"

- - - - -

He was in shock.

"Addison, where are you? Are you alright?"

Chief Webber sounded panicked, and desperate. Addison felt guilty for being the one who caused that fear. But she also knew he wasn't going to like what she had to say.

"I'm sorry I haven't called sooner-"

"Don't worry about that; just tell me where you are and what I can do to help."

"I need a couple of days, Richard."

He paused.

"Addison," he began, his voice filled with concern, "where are you?"

"I can't tell you that Chief," her voice was starting to crack. She knew she wasn't ready to talk to anyone.

"I'll be back in a couple of days."

"Addison, your patients-"

"-Will be fine. Stevens is fully briefed."

"But Addie, you're their doctor."

"I can't be their doctor right now. I can't be anything. I'll call you in a couple of days."

"Addison, wait," he paused, wishing he could keep this conversation going, "is there any way to reach you."

"No," she responded quickly, "goodbye Richard."

And before he could get anything else out, she was gone.

She practically ran back to her room. She threw herself under the covers and cried. Now the feeling was returning, as she knew it would. The only thing she didn't know was if she could survive it.

- - - -

Derek walked into the trailer, defeated. He'd been to every single spot he knew of that she'd ever been. When he saw the light blinking on the machine, he walked over to it and hit the play button, expecting to hear nothing but people begging Addison to pick up the phone.

"Addison, it's Richard, I don't know if you noticed but you haven't exactly shown up to work yet. Are you there? Ok, well, I'll try to call your cell. If you get this before I find you call me."

"Addison, it's Dr. Bailey, since you've decided to go MIA, I'm stuck with your patients. Stevens seems well-versed enough, but it'd be nice if I could talk to you about your patients."

"Hey, Dr Sheppard, it's, um, Izzie Stevens. No one has heard from you all day. Mrs. McQuaid's test results are back and I think we could do the cesarean early like you had wanted. We just need your say. And, um, I don't know what happened with you and the other Dr. Sheppard….but I hope you're okay. You can call me if you need to talk, about anything. Seriously."

"Addie," Derek flinched at the sound of his own voice, "are you there? Please pick up. I don't know how to find you if you aren't at home. I'm sorry for running out on you last night. Everyone at the hospital is really worried. I'm really worried. Please call me, call anyone. I just want you to be okay."

"Addison, it's me. I really doubt you're gonna pick up if you can hear this, but I know you'll listen. Your husband called me and told me what happened last night. I'm proud of you. You needed to tell him the truth. I'm sorry for his reaction. I decided not to leave Seattle just yet, under the circumstances. I still love you Addison," Derek shot daggers at the machine, "I'm here if you need me. Please call me, just so I know you're alright."

"Derek," his head shot up, "it's Savy. Mark just called me. I haven't heard from her. I went by the brownstone and she's not there. There's no sign of her. She hasn't been seen anywhere. She's not registered at any of her favorite hotels. Listen, I don't think she left Seattle. I know she wouldn't leave you like that. I know you're hurting and I am truly sorry. I'm gonna run out to your place in the Hamptons tomorrow and check there. It's quiet this time of year. She might have gone there. But like I said, I think she's still in Seattle. Good luck, Derek. If you need anything else, Weiss and I are here for you."

"Derek, it's Richard, if you're there pick up…" Derek looked curiously at the machine, "…she called me. I don't know if she's alright or where she is. She said she needs a couple of days. She seemed to think Stevens could handle her patients for now. There was something in her voice though Derek, it wasn't her. It was empty and dark. I tried to trace the number but I couldn't. I'm sorry Derek. If you need anything, please let me and Adele know. I'll see you tomorrow."

Derek stood there staring at the machine. He didn't know what to do. She wanted time and space. Who was he to deny her that? It didn't sound like anyone could find her.

He decided to give up for the night. He walked over to the fridge to grab a drink and noticed a new edition on the door.

He pulled the envelope open and dumped its contents on the table. A slew of papers slipped out and something shiny that skated onto the floor. Derek barely beat Doc to it. His knees gave out when he realized what he was holding.

He pulled himself up to look at the scattered papers on the table. His heart broke in an instant.

In his hand, he held her wedding rings. Before his eyes were the divorce papers she'd had sent for months ago, upon them her unmistakable script was displayed.

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