CHAPTER 8
Malcolm broke out in a cold sweat as the abbess halted in front on him. The preliminaries over and done with, the actual ceremony was about to begin, and he had yet to see anything indicating how he was going to get out of this mess.
The abbess studied his face carefully. Malcolm stared back, trying to keep his face expressionless. He wasn't certain, but he thought he saw a glimmer of amusement in the old woman's eyes. He was assuming she had agreed to help, but what if she hadn't? That thought was so appalling that it temporarily dried up his drippy sinuses.
Without warning, the abbess bowed to him. She took a step to the side and came to stop before Silver, the first of the D'nini lined up next to him. The abbess took Silver's hands in hers and began chanting something in their native language. At intervals, Silver responded, her voice high and clear.
After several minutes of this, the abbess moved over to Neon Blue. The chanting was repeated with bride No. 2, and then with each of the other three D'nini. By the time the abbess finished up with Green, Malcolm was light-headed from dreadful anticipation.
The abbess slowly made her way back to Malcolm. Taking his hand, she led him to the podium where Jon, flanked by the underwear-clad Trip, was waiting. Malcolm looked searchingly at their faces for some clue as to what was to happen, but to no avail. Jon's face was carefully blank, and Trip was too preoccupied with his own embarrassing dilemma.
Jon cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, officers and crew. We are gathered here today to join this man and this...I mean, these...women in matrimony. As you have already noticed, the ceremony has aspects of both D'nini and human cultures. What you just witnessed was the D'nini admonition to new brides to be good and faithful wives."
Malcolm closed his eyes. He couldn't believe this was happening. Then, as Jon continued speaking, his eyes snapped open as he realized he might miss whatever it was that was supposed to save him.
"The next part of the ceremony is a traditional human custom. I must ask the age-old question: Is there anyone here who believes this man and these women should not be wed? Speak now, or forever hold your peace."
As the groom, Malcolm was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to object. But he didn't care. He most certainly objected. He'd never been more certain of anything in his life. This must be the opportunity Hoshi had hinted about. He opened his mouth to speak, but before any words could come out, a voice from the front row rang out.
"He can't get married to them because he promised he'd marry me!"
Surprised gasps filled the cargo bay. Hoshi had jumped to her feet, her fists clenched and her body stiff with outrage. Malcolm's first thought was that he was never going to be able to repay Hoshi for putting on such a convincing act. It was quickly followed by another: He'd never asked Hoshi to marry him! What the bloody hell was going on?
Another voice rose over the murmurs coming from the audience.
"He promised he'd marry me, too!"
All heads swiveled toward the back of the cargo bay where Liz Cutler stood near the door. Malcolm's jaw dropped as she strode to the front and stood beside Hoshi.
"He promised he'd marry both of us," Liz said.
Hoshi nodded vigorously. "That's right. We've been talking about a group marriage for some time."
Malcolm risked a glance at the five D'nini. He couldn't see the slightest hint of worry on their faces. The abbess didn't appear upset, either.
"Malcolm?"
That was Jon. Malcolm looked dazedly at the captain, who seemed to be waiting for some sort of confirmation in the wake of Hoshi and Liz's declarations. Malcolm's mouth moved but no words came out. He had absolutely no idea what to say. Then he was distracted by the sight of T'Pol getting to her feet and gathering her robes around her.
"I believe now is the appropriate time to announce that Lieutenant Reed and I are also betrothed," said the Vulcan.
This statement was greeted by louder murmuring from the crowd and, even though he was nearly in a state of shock, Malcolm was aware of Trip's muttered, "What the hell?"
Trip took a step toward Malcolm but was stopped when Jon gripped his arm. "Calm down, Trip," Jon said. "We don't want any fighting at a wedding ceremony, especially between the best man and the groom. What kind of example would that be?"
Jon firmly pushed Trip back and walked over to the abbess. They conferred in low tones for several moments, the buzz of the seated crew members growing all the while. Jon had to ask for quiet when he returned to the podium.
"The abbess has informed me that the declarations by Ensign Sato, Crewman Cutler, and Commander T'Pol have no effect on the wedding," he said. "Only if there is an equal number of contestants...that is, potential spouses who contest the wedding...will the ceremony be considered invalid."
Malcolm was beginning to get an idea of how T'Pol and Hoshi planned to get him out of this. Two more female crew members would stand up, say that he'd proposed to them, and that would be that. His gaze darted around the cargo bay, seeking the next person who would come to his aid, even as he marveled at the beauty of the plan. They'd managed to find a way to keep this farce from going through without affronting the D'ninis' sense of honor. In a short time, the five alien women and their abbess would depart, and his life could get back to normal.
Or not. Jon's next words were accompanied by the return of the icy fingers that had been running up and down his spine ever since the D'nini had started carrying on about seeing his blood.
"Even if there is an equal number of potential spouses who have reason to object," he heard Jon say, "a challenge may be issued by those who were to be married in this ceremony." He indicated the five D'nini standing off to one side.
Sure enough, the D'ninis were gazing confidently at the three female Enterprise crew members standing in the front row. Of course, they probably didn't know that T'Pol could wipe the deck with them, and that Hoshi was no slouch in the self-defense department, either. And it was five to three. The odds were in the D'ninis' favor.
Malcolm groaned. There was no way around it. They were going to cause an interstellar incident as soon as two more women came forward. He supposed he should be flattered -- so many women fighting over him -- but he couldn't find it in himself to feel that way.
As Jon called for quiet one more time, Malcolm's heart sank. No one was stepping forward. That could mean only one thing -- in a few short moments, he was going to be married.
"All right," Jon said. "If there are no more objections--"
The door to the cargo bay crashed open. Everyone jumped and looked in that direction. Malcolm wished he could melt through the deck and disappear when Corporals McKenzie and Cole stepped in. Not only were they dressed in their standard camouflage fatigues, but they were each carrying a phase rifle. They marched confidently up the aisle to the front row where they took up position on either side of the three standing female crew members.
As he forced himself to take deep breaths, Malcolm wondered if the late Major Hayes was rolling over in his grave.
"We object!" yelled Cole.
"You too, Amanda?" Malcolm heard Trip's anguished whisper before the crowd erupted.
Travis came up behind Malcolm as Jon called for quiet yet again. Malcolm didn't know if Travis was there for moral support or to keep him from running. It didn't matter -- he believed it entirely possible that Travis would wind up catching him when he fainted in shame.
Why had they picked Cole to do this? Everyone knew the female MACO and Trip had been interested in each other a while back. It was bad enough that T'Pol was standing up for him. She and Trip had had an on-again, off-again relationship for several years now.
Trying to look on the bright side, Malcolm told himself that, at the very least, Travis could help protect him from Trip if the engineer's ego was bruised any more.
Shouting over the commotion generated by the female MACOs' appearance, Jon asked, "Did Lieutenant Reed ask you two to marry him as well?"
Cole said something, but her answer was drowned out by the excited crew members. Without warning, McKenzie lifted her rifle and fired off a shot in the direction of the overhead bulkhead.
The response was immediate. The assembled crew fell silent. All the D'nini except the abbess cringed.
"Thank you," Jon said to McKenzie.
"No problem, sir," she responded crisply.
Shifting his gaze to Cole, Jon said, "You were trying to say something?"
"Yes, sir." Cole straightened until she was at full attention. "Lieutenant Reed has not asked us to marry him, sir."
Malcolm caught a glimpse of Jon's expression as he stared down at the MACO. The captain hadn't been prepared for that answer. Malcolm had to admit it was perhaps a bit much to expect the D'nini to believe that he had proposed to five separate women.
"Then what is the basis for your objection?" Jon asked.
"Corporal McKenzie and I were planning to ask Lieutenant Reed to marry each of us in a joint ceremony," Cole responded, adding in a surly tone, "We just hadn't found a romantic way to do it yet."
Jon raised his hands, quelling the laughter coming from the audience, as he asked, "But, you mean you two want to marry Lieutenant Reed...without the other three women that he's proposed to?" He looked over his shoulder at the abbess, who emphatically shook her head. Apparently it had to be five at once or nothing.
McKenzie shifted the rifle to rest its stock on her hip. "That was the plan, sir. But then this came up and, well, if we have to share Lieutenant Reed with three other women, so be it. We don't want him to get away."
"Yes, sir," put in Cole. "We decided that a piece of him is better than nothing at all, which is what we'd have if they--" She jerked her head toward the D'nini. "--get a hold of him."
Malcolm felt the blood rush to his face. Maybe he could get a rifle away from McKenzie or Cole and just shoot himself. Then it wouldn't matter if the plan to get him out of this insane marriage worked or not.
So wrapped up was he in his humiliation that he almost missed it when the captain turned to him and said, "Well, Malcolm. What do you say? Do you accept their proposal?"
He could feel the eyes of all five D'nini on him. He dared not look at them. Instead, he gazed at the five women from Enterprise standing before him. They were all exceptional women. McKenzie and Cole were competent MACOs whose skills he valued. T'Pol, for whom he'd once harbored a secret crush, was now a trusted superior officer. Liz Cutler...well, he didn't know her very well, but she had more than pulled her own weight over the years on Enterprise, not only in her area of expertise but taking on duties in sickbay as well.
And then there was Hoshi. Of the five, he knew her the best. She'd proven herself talented as well as capable in her chosen field once she'd gotten her space legs. On occasion, her abilities had meant the difference between success and failure for their missions. Of all the people on Enterprise, she was one of the few whom he could honestly call a friend. So why was she glaring at him right now?
He started as he realized everyone was waiting on his answer to the captain's question.
Travis, still standing behind him, leaned forward and asked, "Are you okay?"
Malcolm nodded and thrust the flowers he'd been holding into Travis' hand. He wet his dry lips with his tongue and said, "I accept."
All the Starfleet personnel as well as the MACOs in the cargo bay went wild. Cheers and whistles echoed off the bulkheads, and the sound of clapping was deafening. This time, Jon didn't try to stop them. He just stood at the podium, a bemused expression on his face, as the furor went on and on.
It was all very well for the crew to applaud, Malcolm thought, but it didn't solve the larger problem which was looming here. He looked anxiously at the captain, knowing full well what was going through the man's mind. If the D'nini decided to issue a challenge, any chance of Earth developing a good relationship with their planet would be shot down just as surely as if he'd launched a torpedo at their homeworld himself. Although, from his perspective, that would be preferrable to being married to five women.
Wallowing in his despair, Malcolm watched through bleary, allergy-irritated eyes as Jon left the podium to confer with the abbess again. After a few moments of hushed conversation with the captain, the abbess gathered her little flock around her. Malcolm had no idea what they were talking about.
Trip took the opportunity to sidle over to him. "I never screwed things up this badly when I got involved with an alien woman," he said disgustedly.
"You're one to talk," Malcolm muttered. "We all know who got pregnant -- without the benefit of a wedding."
Trip's eyes narrowed, and Jon stepped between the two before more angry words spilled over. "Let's keep calm, gentlemen," Jon said. "This is the only part of the ceremony over which we have no control. It's up to the abbess now."
Casting a dubious glance at the D'nini listening to their abbess, Trip asked, "What if they decide to challenge? Any one of our gals, including Liz, could probably whip their--"
Jon cut him off. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."
Several minutes passed as Malcolm nervously awaited the D'ninis' response. At last the abbess turned and approached them. But instead of stopping to speak with Jon, she went straight to the podium. As she gazed out over the crew of the Enterprise, her countenance gave no hint of what she was thinking. Then her gaze came to rest on Hoshi, T'Pol, and the other women who had contested Malcolm's marriage to the D'nini.
McKenzie suddenly twirled her rifle around in a manner fitting an Old West gunslinger, the stock coming to rest snugly against her hip and her finger on the trigger. A gasp came from the crowd. The barrel was aimed straight at the old woman at the podium. For several moments, McKenzie and the abbess locked gazes.
This was way out of hand, Malcolm thought. Much as he appreciated the gesture, shooting the abbess was definitely the wrong thing to do if they wanted to maintain good relations with the D'ninis. McKenzie was a MACO, true, but he'd thought she'd had been on board long enough to realize that sometimes it wasn't a good idea to shoot first and pick up the pieces afterward.
A new ripple of despair ran through him as he realized he was one of the pieces.
To everyone's surprise, the abbess began to laugh. She laughed so hard that tears streamed from her eyes. When her laughter began to fade away, she reached up and wiped the tears from her face.
"There is no need for that, young woman," she told McKenzie. Gesturing toward the huddled group of D'nini, she said, "They have decided not to pursue this marriage, as they believe they are no match for a challenge with you and your friends. I took great pains to tell them about the training each woman with Starfleet receives, particularly physical training and self-defense. And so, they yield Lieutenant Reed to you and the others." She smiled at the MACO. "If they had not decided to renounce their claim, I'm sure your little demonstration would have gone a long way toward convincing them."
Malcolm's knees almost buckled in relief. Only Travis' strong grip on his upper arm kept him from staggering.
"Whoa there, Malcolm!" said Trip. "This isn't over yet. As long as everything is set up and all the guests are here, why don't ya ask the captain to perform a wedding for you and the winners?"
Feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, Malcolm looked over at his friend and smirked. "Trip? Sod off!"
(A/N: One more chapter to go. What? You thought I'd leave it like this? There's still more embarrassment for Malcolm.)