CHAPTER 9

Malcolm was unsure what to do now that the crisis was past. He was still standing near the podium. The D'nini were keeping their distance, as if they were afraid to approach him after losing him to the Enterprise women. He couldn't tell for sure, but he thought the blood-induced lust that had been in their eyes every time they looked at him was gone, thank goodness.

Off to one side, the captain was in conversation with the abbess. Trip, he noticed, was standing behind the podium, using it to shield his state of undress from the crew out in the seating area.

Maybe he should apologize to his five former bride-wannabes. Maybe he should thank the abbess for her assistance. Or maybe he could just make a run for his cabin and hide there until he died from the overdose of embarrassment to which he'd been subjected.

Hoshi and her four co-conspirators took the decision-making out of his hands. Approaching him en masse, they surrounded him, cutting off any chance of escape.

"All right," he said as he slowly spun in a circle, seeking but not finding a way out as they closed ranks around him. "I suppose I need to thank all of you for standing up for-- What are you doing!"

Several pairs of feminine hands had grabbed him, and he felt himself being lifted. The next thing he knew, McKenzie and Cole, along with Hoshi and Liz, had hoisted him up until he was above their shoulders, his body parallel to the deck.

"What is happening?" he heard a voice ask. Letting his head drop back, he saw Silver take a step toward him. Malcolm couldn't tell if she was concerned for his safety or merely curious. It's hard to judge a person's expression when viewing it upside down.

"This is another Earth custom," Hoshi said.

For soccer and rugby matches perhaps, Malcolm thought. This latest indignity didn't have a bloody thing to do with weddings. The winning goal-maker was sometimes carried in triumph off the field, but what they were doing to him was more like the spoils of war going to the victors.

He didn't resist as they carried him off. His pride wouldn't let him. A struggle on his part would only add to his embarrassment.

T'Pol, carefully maintaining her dignity, was following the small procession as it moved down the aisle, cutting off his view of the D'nini as well as the captain and the abbess. To make a bad situation worse, Trip fell into line behind T'Pol. Trip either had forgotten that all he had on as he strutted after the motley group was a T'shirt and a pair of bright orange boxers, or he didn't care. Knowing the engineer, Malcolm figured Trip was so used to being caught in his underwear that it didn't bother him. That, or he wanted to gloat over Malcolm's latest precarious situation.

Cheers and whistles broke out from the assembled crew in the cargo bay as Malcolm was carried to the door. There were a few awkward moments as he was "woman-handled" through to the corridor.

"Hey!" he said, feeling a hand encroach on a private part of his anatomy. "Watch it!"

"Sorry," Hoshi said. "Just trying to find a better grip."

Malcolm was manuevered out into the corridor and carried for a few meters before the procession slowed. He was lowered until his feet were on the deck and he was able to stand. Straightening to his full height, he dusted off his dress uniform and tugged the jacket back into proper alignment. All the while he glared at his saviors.

"What exactly was the purpose of this last stunt?" he demanded.

Four smug smiles and one raised eyebrow were the only answers he received before Hoshi said, "We were rescuing you."

He saw Trip, standing off to one side, grinning so much that it looked like his face would split. Shooting the engineer a look that said to stay out of the discussion, he addressed the women. "I could have made it out of the cargo bay under my own power," he said.

"I'm sure you could have, Lieutenant," T'Pol said. "However, a 'snatch and grab' seemed the best way to expedite the situation, leaving no time for second thoughts or protests on the part of the D'nini."

Malcolm felt himself start to flush at the reference to "grab," and he looked quickly at Hoshi, who stopped snickering.

McKenzie hitched the phase rifle up higher on its strap over her shoulder. "We were just making sure there were no attempts to interfere with you leaving, sir," she said.

Malcolm harrumphed. Tugging on his jacket once again, he said in a low voice, "If any of you ever try anything like that again, I will use you for target practice -- no matter what your rank." This last was directed at T'Pol. She'd been around humans long enough to realize that he needed to express his emotional discomfort after what he'd been through without the threat of her adding a charge of insubordination against him. At least he hoped so. "Understood?"

The women responded with a chorus of "ayes," except for McKenzie, who asked with a straight face, "Promise, sir?"

He narrowed his eyes and stalked off, but not before he heard Cole say, "That's more like the Lieutenant Reed we know and love."

Feminine laughter followed him until he turned the corner at the end of the corridor.

The group broke up to go their separate ways. McKenzie and Cole left to go to the MACO quarters. Liz strolled off toward sickbay. T'Pol and Hoshi went back to the cargo bay, but not before both women stared at Trip. The engineer had watched the conversation with Malcolm with barely concealed glee, but the grin left his face as he realized he was still standing around in his underwear. Blushing almost as brightly as his orange boxers, he hurried off down the corridor.

As they made their way back into the cargo bay, T'Pol told Hoshi that Doctor Phlox believed the D'ninis' compulsion concerning Malcolm most likely would be negated by the outcome of the wedding. While Hoshi found that to be a relief -- although nothing compared to what Malcolm must be feeling, she was sure -- it also raised another question: Would the D'ninis now be susceptible to another man?

The sooner the D'nini's were off the ship, the better for all concerned. With this in mind, Hoshi accompanied T'Pol against the tide of crew members who were leaving the cargo bay. Soon only the D'ninis, their abbess, Jon, and Travis remained.

Hoshi and T'Pol neared Jon in time to hear the abbess say, "Your offer of hospitality is appreciated, but we must leave."

"You're certain?" the captain asked.

"Yes. Quite certain," the abbess said. Turning toward her charges, she motioned for them to come closer and said in a stern tone, "Your ship is repaired and ready to go. We have wasted enough of these people's time. And you have learned a valuable lesson about traveling without proper chaperones."

All five D'nini looked ashamed. Hoshi felt a sudden rush of sympathy. "Things didn't turn out so badly," she said.

"That's right," Jon put in. "We got a chance to meet representatives of a new culture, and there are often misunderstandings when that happens. But everything worked out all right."

"That is correct," T'Pol said. "Misunderstandings often result when humans in particular first encounter a new species." At Jon's outraged expression, she added grudgingly, "This incident was relatively mild compared to some."

The abbess snorted in a very unabbess-like manner. "Perhaps. But never again will I allow myself to be talked into allowing novices as young as these to travel on a pilgrimage alone."

Hoshi glanced around at the D'nini. She remembered when they'd first come aboard and she'd been struck by their timeless quality. She hadn't been able to tell if they were twenty or one hundred, or somewhere in between. "If you don't mind me asking," Hoshi said, "how old are they?"

"Not old at all," the abbess replied. "From the data about your species that you so kindly sent to pass the time on my journey here, I believe their age and maturity is analogous to approximately fourteen of your Earth years."

T'Pol raised at eyebrow at this information. "Had we realized this, a marriage would have been out of the question. Earth has certain laws regarding minors and marriage."

"As do we," the abbess said serenely. "However, I thought it best if these young ones found out the folly of their actions first-hand."

As the captain started to lead the abbess down the aisle of the now deserted cargo bay, he said, "You never did tell us your name."

The abbess stopped and looked up him. "There is a reason for that, Captain," she said. "If I told you, I'd have to marry you."

The captain blanched. After a stunned moment, he held out his arm, "By all means, then, let's see you on your way."

They resumed walking, followed closely by the five disappointed D'nini. T'Pol moved off after them, and Hoshi found herself walking with Travis at the rear of the group.

"They're only fourteen years old," Travis said with a chuckle. "I can't wait to see Lieutenant Reed's face when we tell him that!"

Hoshi had to agree. She wanted to be there when he found out he'd almost been married to jail bait.

Everyone else had passed through the doorway to the corridor when Hoshi put out a hand to stop Travis. "You might want to be careful if you plan on helping escort the D'ninis to the docking port where their ship is," she told him.

"Why?"

"Since they didn't get their wish with the lieutenant, who knows what the sight of a man's blood will do to them now. You better make sure you don't cut yourself and start bleeding around them."

"You're kidding!" he exclaimed.

Hoshi shook her head. "We don't know much about them," she said seriously. "If they see a man's blood again, after being frustrated the first time, they might have an even worse reaction." Travis stared at her, and she added, "And their abbess is here. There wouldn't be any reason to delay the ceremony. I don't know if I could come up with five women to stand up for you on such short notice."

Travis stared searchingly at her, but Hoshi had her poker expression firmly in place.

"Maybe I ought to go to my cabin," he said at last. "I, uh, really should get out of this dress uniform."

When they stepped out into the corridor, Travis turned in the direction away from the docking port. Hoshi, smiling broadly, hurried to catch up with the D'ninis, the captain, and T'Pol at the other end of the corridor.

Within fifteen minutes, their guests had departed. The abbess, who had arrived in an even smaller ship than Silver and the others, was an accomplished pilot in her own right. Her departure from the launch bay was smooth. The ship of the five younger D'ninis, with repairs completed days ago, detached from the docking port a few minutes later. Hoshi had made sure that the instructions for that procedure had been downloaded earlier into the D'nini navigation computer.

Pilgrimage my ass, Hoshi thought. Those five girls were out on a joyride when their ship malfunctioned. No wonder they hadn't known much about their ship and had to be talked through the docking procedure.

Jon looked down at Hoshi after the ships had departed and smiled ruefully. "That had to be one of the weirdest first contacts we've ever had."

"But one of the most entertaining," Hoshi said with a laugh.

"Lieutenant Reed may argue that point," T'Pol said as they walked away from the docking port.

"Probably," Hoshi agreed. "I should let him know it's safe to come out now."

---

SEVERAL DAYS LATER

Hoshi and Trip were seated at a table in the mess hall. They'd both worked long into the evening -- Hoshi finally finishing the upgrade to the UT with the D'nini language, Trip tinkering with some maintenance work in Engineering. Few of the crew were around, as the dinner hour has passed some time before.

They were eating in companionable silence when the door to the mess hall opened and Malcolm walked in. He went over to the food cabinet, picked out a dinner, and went to the beverage dispenser. After getting a cup of tea, he turned around to find Hoshi and Trip watching him.

Neither Trip nor Hoshi said anything as Malcolm came over and sat down without being invited, but they both knew If he'd tried to sit anywhere else, they would have called him over. This was the first time since the D'nini had left that either of them had seen him outside of his regular duties. Their introverted friend had become a recluse in the days following his narrow escape from the tender clutches of the D'nini.

"So," Trip said after Malcolm began eating, "I see you've pried yourself out of your cabin."

Malcolm glanced warily at Trip but continued to eat.

"Yes," Hoshi said. "It's good to see you out again. Over your embarrassment?"

Malcolm sighed and put down his fork. Looking first at Hoshi, then at Trip, he said, "For the most part."

Trip picked up his glass and swirled the water around in it. "How are your new wedding plans going?" he asked, the twinkle in his eyes belying his straight face.

Malcolm snorted dismissively. "You both well know there's not another wedding. I'll thank you to just let it drop."

"Are you being teased a lot?" Hoshi asked curiously.

Picking up his fork, Malcolm stabbed at a piece of chicken. "Actually, no. All I have to do is stare down anyone who looks like they are going to bring up the subject, and they back off." He lifted the fork to his mouth, but paused to add, "Well, at least the male members of the crew back off."

"So the women are teasing you?" Trip asked in amusement.

Malcolm shook his head as he chewed. He swallowed and said, "No, they haven't said a word to me about it. I think they're afraid."

"Afraid that you might use them for target practice?" Hoshi asked, earning a chuckle from Trip.

"It's possible," Trip said. "It's not every day that somebody threatens a superior officer with shooting them and gets away with it."

Malcolm shook his head again. "No, that's not it. They're not afraid of me. They're afraid of you, Hoshi," he said, pointing his fork at her for emphasis. At her surprised stare, he added, "And Liz Cutler. And T'Pol. And especially Corporals McKenzie and Cole."

"So the other female crew members don't want to be seen talking to you because they're afraid McKenzie and Cole will come after them?" Hoshi asked.

"Exactly," Malcolm said, and resumed eating.

"Wow, Malcolm," said Trip in mock admiration. "I'm impressed. Not only did you have women fightin' over you, you've got 'em fightin' off any competition."

Malcolm rolled his eyes. "There is no competition. I did not propose to anyone, and McKenzie and Cole are not going to propose to me."

Hoshi pushed away from the table and stood up. "Don't worry, Malcolm. It will all die down eventually." She leaned down close to him and whispered, "Don't forget -- we still need to pick wedding colors."

Malcolm turned bright red as Hoshi sauntered off. "I wish she'd stop that," he muttered. "They're all doing stuff like that. Well, except for T'Pol, and who'd believe her if she did? Anyway, it's no wonder nobody believes that nothing is going on between me and any of those five women."

Trip snorted. "Those five women saved your butt," he said.

"I know, but I'm getting a little tired of the way they're acting. I suppose they think they're entitled to tease me since they..." Malcolm grimaced as if what he was about to say was distasteful. "...rescued me. In the meantime, it's caused another problem."

"What could possibly be wrong now?"

"Movie night is coming up," Malcolm said in disgust.

"So?" Trip said. "It's supposed to be a real action-packed adventure. You'll love it!"

"That's the irony of it," Malcolm admitted. "I would like to see the movie. But..."

Trip frowned. "But what?"

Malcolm sighed heavily and took a sip of his tea before answering. "Remember when you gave me that advice on how to handle the D'nini? You said that after they were gone, I'd never have trouble getting a date for movie night."

Trip nodded. "So what's the problem?"

"The problem is," Malcolm said in exasperation, "I can't ask any of the 'five' to go with me. People would think something really is going on between me and whoever goes with me to the movie. And no one else will want to go with me because they're afraid McKenzie and Cole will beat them up."

Trip, who had been taking a drink of his water, choked when he tried to swallow and laugh at the same time. Malcolm reached over and slapped him on the back.

"Damn, Malcolm!" Trip spluttered out. "Maybe ya just ought to surrender and ask the MACOs to go with ya."

"I don't think so," Malcolm said icily.

"Well, then, I guess you're stuck with me," Trip said affably. "Wanna go with me to see that movie?"

"I don't think so!" Malcolm said again but more emphatically. "The last thing I need is to show up in public with you after you pranced around in your underwear at the wedding. Everyone would think you were my date! I can hear the gossip now. 'No wonder Malcolm didn't marry any of those women. He likes men.' What little good reputation I have left would be totally ruined!"

Trip chuckled and stood up. "Have it your way, Malcolm. Ya can't say I didn't try to help you out." He started to turn away but stopped and turned back. "Oh, by the way," he said. "I've been meaning to ask you about whether your name or mine should go first on the wedding invitations."

"Don't you start!"

Trip made a quick exit, his laughter floating back to where Malcolm was sitting and shaking his head.

--the end--