I'm standing in the rain that hides the tears that are streaming
Down my face, all because of a guy, I never thought I would be this
Upset about a guy not loving me, but just as I'm about to turn back
To my house I see him in all of his glory appear before me he runs
Towards me 'I'm sorry querida I'm sorry I love you' and then I melt
As we kiss.
I wake up breathless again it's that dream again that same
recurring dream, but I know that how ever hard I wish that dream
to come true , it won't, ever it's impossible. Plus when I think about
the whole situation I always come round to the conclusion that
Jesse's death was entirely my fault, because if I hadn't sat there
next to him in the car that day and been yelling at him he would
have been paying attention to the road and seen the other car,
then I wouldn't be sat here by myself wishing, just wishing that he
was there holding my hand. But the room is empty apart from me
and it is dark and I can't help feeling that this is the end of the line
for me. I haven't left my room in days I hardly eat or drink anything
no ghosts have come to me in ages and worst of all well I think I'm
going mad, I keep hearing voices in my head saying stuff, weird
stuff, things that don't really make sense stuff like 'hmm it's not
looking to good is it' and I just want to scream what are you talking
about? But I don't, I stay alone in my room waiting for something
to happen, anything except carrying on living like this, not that I am
really living just watching the world go by. Because a life without
Jesse doesn't count as a life to me.