I know that if I talked to anyone or saw anyone they would try and
persuade me that he's not worth it, he's only a guy. But Jesse is not
just some guy, he's different he got a second chance at life and I
blew it for him and this time he didn't have another chance, Jesse
was gone, no one would understand though, they don't know how
long we've known each other they don't know what we've been
through and they don't know what it's like to love Jesse, you can't
just forget him you can't just get over him he's one in a million and
he was my one in a million, getting used to it or getting over him
isn't an option, living like this isn't an option, and you know what
I really think, living isn't an option, I have to end this torture that's
become my life. I run into the kitchen and pull open the drawer
where there's meant to be a knife, but it isn't there I look
everywhere but I can't find that damned knife, then to make
matters worse the voices are screaming at me 'If you look at the…'
'shut up' I scream 'just shut up' I shout running back into my
bedroom and looking for something to end my constant misery,
when I remember the window that looks over the busy street
road hundreds of feet below me I make a dash across the room
towards the window, I try to force it open but it wont budge I push
it harder and harder until my knuckles turn white but it won't move
at all. I lean against it as tears start streaming down my face 'why
won't you let me go? This isn't your life let me live it how I want to
go away leave me alone why don't you just let me die?' I scream
shouting over the top of the voices over everything that you could
possibly hear but when I finally do shut up I hear a voice in my
head, but it's not the same voice as usual it's a different voice
a familiar voice but not exactly a calming voice but I leaned my
head against my apartment wall and listened 'hey Suze it's me Paul'