"When I remember him, I cannot eat or sleep, since no one laboured like him — Odysseus. His destiny was suffering, and mine the endless pain of missing him." — The Odyssey
Itachi wakes up during their trip.
Shisui can tell by the slight wavering of his breath and the twitch of his calloused hand; actions so familiar they still skewer Shisui's heart despite Itachi being right there, feeling the other's skin on his neck, goosebumps littering Shisui's exposed nerves.
"I can run," Itachi hoarsely whispers into his ear, tickling Shisui's neck with his loose hair. Shisui doesn't argue, jumping down into a clear patch of grass. Itachi pauses as he disembarks, hands minutely trembling as Shisui dreads what Itachi is going to say.
"Shisui, I remember—," Itachi pauses then, cutting himself off from saying anything further. Shisui waits for a beat, expectant, but Itachi says nothing else. He doesn't need to. Shisui understands.
"We'll talk once we're in the village," Shisui firmly establishes. He wants nothing more than to stop and rant and be anywhere than in Konoha right now, but even he can't logic himself out of realizing just how badly they needed extensive chakra rest, their exhaustion acting like a sprain that would be further pushed if they stayed to hunt and sleep within enemy territory. Besides, there were no guarantees that Fugaku wouldn't push for a search team to go and retrieve his heir.
Itachi finally looks up at him, black eyes surrounded by blue and purple, giving them a sunken appearance. He nods, as if drawing the same conclusions as Shisui.
Shisui runs off into the increasingly taller treeline, leading them back to Konohagakure.
Shisui won't give them the satisfaction of seeing him nervous as he stands before the Hokage and his advisors, armor singed and face bloody from the nails dug around his eyes. A blank mask was hastily pushed into his hands as he walked in, courtesy of Cat guarding the front gate. Even if most recognized him by his semi-rare curls, it was the principle of the rule that made him put it on.
They all look at him in silence, faces carefully neutral save for a furrowed brow on Koharu's face. Shisui knows the prolonged vacuum is an intimidation tactic taught or learned by all experienced shinobi, but that doesn't stop the discomfort from creeping into his bones as their eyes bore into his bowed form.
"Bear-san," Begins the Hokage. Shisui mentally winces at the lack of a -kun suffix, "We understand that your mission was unsuccessful. Please give us your report."
Shisui allows himself a shallow exhale before beginning, letting their gazes wash over him.
"We received intel from Crane-san and Hound-san at the agreed-upon spot, and I fell under Weasel-san's lead as we approached our informant. The informant displayed nervousness before giving intel described in the scroll," He nods to the aforementioned object on the Hokage's desk, "The informant was then killed by Hoshigaki Kisame, who was partnered with another Mist nin later identified as Ameyuri Ringo. She ambushed Weasel-san and split us off. Weasel-san dealt her severe injuries before escaping, and I was unsuccessful in making any permanent injuries towards Hoshigaki. Due to this, I decided to take the informant's corpse for Konoha's inspection, but Hoshigaki placed an explosive tag on it without my knowledge. My identity has been compromised, as has Weasel-san's during the events mentioned. We escaped with minor injuries before settling down in enemy territory to tend to our wounds, which influenced the mission's time parameters back to Konoha."
"You couldn't have sent a summons?" Koharu interjects.
Shisui turns his kneeling body towards her. "Utatane-sama, solitary crows are suspicious, especially when our enemy knew we used them to our advantage during the battle. I didn't want to arouse suspicion in our weakened state."
She leans back in her seat, satisfied with his answer, although Shisui still can't shake the feeling of disappointment flowing throughout the room.
"Thank you, Bear-san. That will be all, unless there's something else that you wish to discuss," The Hokage gives no indication of his thoughts on Shisui's report, the other three remaining silent as they stare at him.
For a moment, Shisui considers telling his Hokage everything. About falling to his knees and pleading for forgiveness for his lies and pulling out his blade towards Danzo and—
He reigns himself in, scolding himself for his weakness. Now wasn't the time, especially not with fucking Danzo in the room. I need to get to Itachi, he reminds himself.
"No, Hokage-sama," Shisui answers.
"Alright. Dismissed," The Hokage nods. Shisui completes his bow and steps out of the room, dashing back towards the ANBU medical facility on shaky legs as he weaves past the complicated maze of unlabeled rooms and confusing corners.
Shisui practically drags his body to the healing ward, new Bear mask uncomfortable on his battered face. The steps upward feel as if they go on forever, the bland gray walls doing nothing to stop Shisui from wondering if the center for ANBU was designed by Ibiki himself on a particularly unsatisfying day of torture. His meandering thoughts almost make him miss the passing figure on his left, their frame stiff and clean of dirt and dried blood.
Itachi doesn't say anything as he passes by him, face unblemished and out of the Mist ANBU uniform, now sporting the familiar Uchiha clothing, white and red fan stark against his back.
Shisui pauses and lets himself have a quick glance at Itachi, letting his eyes trail the dark figure. He knows that neither of them have the luxury to stop and talk, not when he knows for a fact that some of his comrades have the ability to listen through walls. Still, that knowledge doesn't stop the pang in Shisui's heart as he sees that familiar ponytail swish down the stairwell.
I'll see him later, he desperately promises to himself. This is temporary.
The thoughts are a bit too pitiful, even for Shisui, but they provide the much-needed drive to stumble up the stairway to hell.
Healed and cleaned, Shisui is sent home with no more than a few bruises and scrapes the medics don't waste their chakra on. The moon overhead provides enough light for his feet to guide him on the familiar path. Shisui resists the urge to irrationally scowl up at it, feeling the irony of the moon only coming out once he was safe in Konoha.
Shisui immediately snorts at the thought. Safe. In Konoha.
He stops on the front steps of his house, quietly contemplating the wind chimes dancing around his front door. It had been a long time since he had contemplated the grain on the wood this deeply or listened to the soft rustle of the shrubs and trees in the distance. Shisui had half-heartedly hoped that Itachi would be waiting for him on the front steps of his porch, but the empty space mocks him for his thoughts.
The wind picks up, blowing around the neck of his shirt as he steps onto the familiar porch. He pushes the shoji aside but doesn't dare announce himself, feeling as if some sort of repercussion would be due for breaking the silence. Quietly, he takes off his sandals and puts on his house slippers, padding silently across the tatami.
"Shisui-kun?" A voice says.
Shisui jumps, not expecting his dad to startle him. Fuck, he was so wound up he didn't even notice his own father in the background.
"It's proper to announce yourself once you get home," His father softly chastises him, voice low and unhurried. Shisui tries to give a small smile in return.
"Kaa-san?" He asks, voice soft. The atmosphere feels fragile, as if the very air would break if he spoke too loudly.
"She's… out," His dad answers, tone equally quiet. "Shisui-kun," Hideyoshi starts to say, hesitancy present in every syllable, "Is there something you want to talk about?"
Shisui stares at his father with tired eyes. He should say something, anything to cut the wrongness pervading the corners of the familiar room. He realizes his father had never asked him that question before.
Looking back, his father had always seemed too large for Shisui to handle, too tall to reach with open arms even as he surpassed his father's chunin rank years ago. Shisui happily performed his duties as a son, and Hideyoshi perfectly performed his duties as a father. Nothing more, nothing less.
He now stands across from Shisui in the dim light of the room, pain subtlety expressed in the shifting of the cane propping up his body. The hands that Shisui thought to be calloused and tough now show thinning skin and delicate veins.
With faint wonder and horror, Shisui now knows he has taken on more than his father ever has. That he had died before any of his parents had. That there's a chance he's now older than both of them. That something so horrible, so twisted and deranged happened to his clan that it would eventually lead Shisui to try and fail to impose the worst deed you could do to anyone, no matter their position or rank.
The complete eradication of free will.
"I just wanted to say thank you for making my bentos and cleaning everything when Kaa-san and I are on missions. We really appreciate it," Shisui decides to say. He swallows.
His father shuffles his body, silently communicating embarrassment rather than any sort of physical pain. "Ah, you don't have to tell me that, Shisui-kun. It is what a father is supposed to do, when he can do no else." A faint edge of bitterness colors the ending remark.
Shisui makes himself give a wry smile copied exactly from his mother's lips. "I'd say I'm happy to take your place and cook here while working at the precinct, but Fugaku-sama scares me more than any enemy nin I've ever encountered."
His father barks out a loud laugh before abruptly stopping, clearly surprised at his own reaction. "Well, there might be some truth to that," Hideyoshi smiles, face wrinkling the scars around his lips, a gift from the last war. "But you didn't hear that from me." He winks, and Shisui's shoulders relax, both of them getting into the flow of familiar banter Homare had steadily shouldered more and more of at home.
"Well, I should head to bed," Shisui starts to say, passing his father.
Hideyoshi grabs his bicep, both of them looking at each other at eye level. Shisui carefully slips his hand out of the holster.
"Shisui-kun, you are a good son," His father says, determination lining his eyes. Shisui blinks, not expecting the exclamation. "But I worry about you sometimes."
Shisui smiles, and the furrowed brows on his father deepen. Crap, wrong angle, Shisui thinks and subtly relaxes his eyes, letting a hint of true tiredness come through.
"I understand, Tou-san. Please trust me," He grips the hand on his bicep, "I won't let you down." The words taste like ash in his mouth, and it's all he can do not to bark out an ironic laugh.
The stern expression on his father's face doesn't let up. "Just be careful, Shisui-kun. Don't do anything hasty."
Shisui looks Hideyoshi in the eyes.
"I'll stay out of trouble," He lies.
Shisui scowls from his spot on the window perch into Itachi's bedroom.
Itachi's empty bedroom, to be more precise.
It had been two weeks since they last came back from their disaster of a mission. When Shisui tried to make contact and couldn't confirm a private meeting with Itachi, Tomodachi and then Ahō squawking out a negative, he felt nothing but sympathy and let Itachi have his space.
That was a week ago, and Itachi was nowhere to be seen.
It was time for a more dangerous approach.
"Mikoto-obasama, could you please let me know immediately when Itachi comes home today?" He asks with a winning smile, hands huddled behind his back.
Mikoto gives him an amused smile, eyebrows pulling up in a delicate quirk. "Itachi-kun will talk to you when he feels ready, Shisui-kun. He's just starting his teenage years, after all. You know you should give him his space."
Shisui resists the urge to scowl. "It's important," He argues. Mikoto gives him a Look and Shisui quickly backtracks, "I mean, thank you for your advice, Obasama. I will trust your judgment when it comes to your sons."
Mikoto hums. "Your flattery needs more subtly. Well," She says, continuing to fold the laundry. Shisui can see Itachi's clothes in the pile, and it's driving him crazy knowing Itachi has been at his house enough for laundry, but quick enough to evade Shisui. "I can let you know you aren't the only one who has been asking that question. Perhaps common ground can be found," She finishes, voice serene.
Shisui frowns as Mikoto turns away from him, dismissal clear. It's cryptic, but good enough to go on. He gives a shallow bow. "Thank you for your words, Obasama."
Mikoto turns to him again, giving a small, but genuine smile. "You're his closest friend, Shisui-kun. I'm sure you both can resolve anything," She finishes. Shisui's throat tightens at the proclamation. He doesn't trust his voice to respond, so he gives a nod and jumps into the trees, mind whirling.
Time for an even riskier approach.
Sasuke scowls at him. So cute, Shisui only barely resists the urge to coo out. Despite Shisui's grand proclamations about being his favourite relative, Sasuke was decidedly not happy seeing the smiling figure waiting for him at the academy gates. Even all the clan babysitting foisted upon Shisui's early days did not negate the fact that he loved those brief moments of responsibility and care.
"Why would I know where Nii-san is? After all, he only hangs out with you," Sasuke accuses before clutching his backpack and stomping off. Shisui blinks, not expecting so much anger in such a tiny body.
Shisui jogs over to Sasuke, not fearing any of Sasuke's wrath after having to deal with the neuroticism of his parent's personalities for years. Seriously, Itachi was quite mild-mannered compared to everyone else in the main branch, and wasn't that a terrifying thought.
"I'll let you ask anything of me, within reason, if you let me know where and when you see him," He tempts, quick to add the caveat. Mild-mannered or not, Itachi would skewer him if he gave Sasuke a real sword.
Sasuke tilts his head towards him in interest. Shisui grins. "Anything?" Sasuke asks.
"Within reason," Shisui hastily repeats.
Sasuke hums, slowing down his walk. He gestures for Shisui to lean in closer, which Shisui does, despite his better senses ringing warning bells.
"If you'll give me whatever I want," Sasuke whispers, "Then how about you LEAVE ME ALONE!" He yells directly in Shisui's delicate ear. Nearby, a flight of birds startles out of a tree towards the safety of non-insane children who don't have the lung capacity of whales.
Shisui blinks and puts a finger into his ear canal, unsuccessfully trying to establish any volume of sound back into it. Sasuke hurries along in front, blissfully stewing in all the rage an unrepentant, brother-lacking six year old can have.
Shisui sighs. He needs to find Itachi, and not just for his own sake.
The frustration of the day follows him as he gets ready for bed, bypassing the halls free of parents due to his father's night shift rotation and his mother's increasingly mysterious absences. Shisui once thought of trailing her out of sheer curiosity, but ultimately reminded himself that even parents deserved some semblance of privacy. For now.
Shisui walks over to the bathroom and starts to methodically take off his sweaty clothes and scrub himself with a damp cloth, skin reddening as he works out his frustrations into his undeserving skin, bath tap running in the background. The steam is thick enough to coyly waft up into his face, obscuring his vision just enough for the unnoticed figure to spring onto his back.
Shisui gasps, face thudding onto the tile with a loud thwack as he desperately activates his sharingan, fear and adrenaline coursing through his veins faster than any soldier pill. The intruder presses up against his bare back, hands grabbing and twisting Shisui's limbs unmercifully backwards as their legs link over Shisui's own, rendering escape and jutsu impossible.
Shisui desperately tries to wiggle out of the hold, body flailing in a pitiful parody of a fish on a hook.
"What's wrong, Shisui?" A mocking voice whispers next to his ear. Shisui stops, mind halting at the damning voice overcoated with an unfamiliar baritone, "I thought you wanted to see me?" Itachi finishes.
"Itachi- what—" He tries to choke out. The heat in the room is oppressive, and his skull still rings from the sudden blunt force trauma, making him half-wonder if he was hallucinating everything.
Itachi suddenly twists him to the side, hands still circling his wrists in a painful grip that shoots up to his shoulder, already delicate from old dislocations.
The lines on Itachi's face are the deepest Shisui has ever seen them, his jaw lengthened and hair long enough to reach the end of his back and drape across Shisui's shoulders. Itachi is smiling down at him, the expression so horribly cherished and at odds with the situation that Shisui can't help but gasp out a small, "Kai," As Itachi simply looks down upon him, clothed in pristine ANBU gear.
The image doesn't disappear.
"Don't you want me, Shisui-chan?" He says, voice sickly sweet, "Don't you love me, Shisui?" He grinds the wrist bones underneath his hands, the patronizing smirk turning downward with unconcealed disgust, "Wouldn't you do anything for me?" He hisses, nose to nose with Shisui's fearful expression.
"Itachi," He gasps, face pale. "You're scaring me. Let go." He whimpers as the hands tighten. "Please."
"And why would I do anything for you?" Itachi whispers back, "You've only hurt me, after all."
Itachi's face draws nearer to his throat, mouth opening before biting down viciously on the soft flesh of Shisui's neck as he gurgles out apologies and—
Shisui wakes up.
He sits up in his futon, panting. Sweat makes his sleepwear stick to the back of his neck uncomfortably, and Shisui is loath to feel the rest of his bedding soaked as well, sharingan darting around his room in a panicked haze. He checks the wards with his chakra, silenced intruder seals confirming their inactivation. He plops back down into the futon with a sigh, grimacing at the damp cloth.
He wonders about the uneasiness curling within his stomach, body shifting as he tries to find a comfortable spot until the alarm bells in his brain go off in response to noticing an extra-damp spot in the front of his briefs.
Shisui lifts the band of his underwear and groans in embarrassment. "Yeah, we're… we're not gonna think about that." He mutters to himself. The room remains silent, but Shisui can swear the air has turned judgmental.
He needs to find Itachi. Stat.
Notes: Chapter next week! Also, I thought emojis worked on FF, but I guess not. I've added some more web-friendly emojis instead :)
If you're a shy reader or just don't know what to say, please feel free to express yourself with an emoji in the comments:
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(๑ˊ͈ ॢꇴ ˋ͈)〜 - Please have them talk in the next chapter i need more drama
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