Chapter 7

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there
and take a breath and hold on tight
spin around one more time
and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

'cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't want to speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me

"Breathing", Lifehouse

He heard the front door open and knew it was Calleigh from what she said to whichever cat was trying to escape. He was too tired to call out to her; Horatio had brought him home some time ago and he'd been curled up on his bed ever since, just laying limply, hoping his head would stop hurting and let him sleep. It wasn't working.

Calleigh moved through the house. His ears tracked her as she went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, then moved down the hall to her bedroom. She emerged from the bedroom and he saw her glance at his door, then stop. "Hey," she said, coming into the room. "I didn't think you were here. Where's your car?"

"The medical center," he said, in a half cracked voice.

"Is it ok?" she asked, sitting on the side of the bed. He nodded. "Are you ok?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

"What happened?" she asked, stretching out next to him. She looked tired, too.

"I kinda freaked out when it was time to get in the car. H came and gave me a ride. I didn't want to bug you with it," he replied.

"You wouldn't have been bugging me," she said, shaking her head.

"I know. But I didn't figure you needed to deal with me being stupid on top of everything else," he said.

"It's not stupid, Tim," she rebuked him, gently.

"Mmm," he said.

She was quiet a moment. "So that's where Horatio went," she said, finally.

"Hm?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Around lunchtime, he told me he was going to take care of something and he'd be back," she said. "He must have been going to get you."

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Well, good," she sighed.

Tim realized suddenly that it was still awfully bright outside for Calleigh to be home already. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Around 3:30," she replied.

"What are you doing home so early?" he asked, frowning.

She sighed. "Horatio kicked me out and told me not to come back until the 1st," she admitted.

"He did?" he asked, his eyebrows climbing.

"Yeah," she sighed.

"And here I thought I was the only one who got those sorts of orders," he said, looking at her. "Are you ok? What happened?"

"I'm fine. Just tired. He says I've been working too hard and need a break, that's all," she reassured him.

He gave her a skeptical look. "Um, ok?"

She sighed again. "Ok, I lost my temper with Scotty and I guess that was the last straw for Horatio."

"Ah," he said. He didn't ask why she lost her temper. She probably wouldn't tell him. "So you get some time off."

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Are you going to go to Louisiana, then?" he asked.

She sighed. "I don't know. I should, but to be honest, I was really kind of relieved that I had an excuse to say I wasn't coming."

"Oh," he said, understanding.

"My dad is going to be there, and he's going to try and convince my mom to come to Miami, and she's going to try to convince him to come back to Darnell, and they'll fight about his drinking and her spending habits. And then Kenny and Marybeth will be there with their two kids, who are adorable, but they're really spoiled brats, because Kenny is trying to prove something about parenting, but he's really not doing a great job at it. So Mom will get on his case about the kids, and he'll get all stubborn and shirty with her, and the whole thing will be just one huge bickering session," she said, scrubbing a hand across her face. "Honestly, I don't think I have the energy for it."

"So don't go," Tim shrugged. "Stay here and have Christmas with us. My parents were kind of looking forward to seeing you anyway."

"They were?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah, Mom asked if you were going to be in town. I said you'd be working, so yes. She said good," he said. "I don't know exactly how entertaining it'll be, though. My brother wants to go to Ft. Lauderdale to go to a grocery store, if that gives you any sort of idea of what kind of people I'm related to. I doubt you got the full flavor in September."

She laughed. "They don't have grocery stores in Syracuse?"

"They do. Matt and my parents all have a thing about food and he went to this store while he was visiting colleges somewhere and thought it was the best thing ever. He and my dad are having a running debate as to whether it could possibly be as good as this other store in Syracuse, so they're going to settle the bet while they're down here. We'll probably get a good meal or two out of it, though, so I guess it's worth it," he said.

"Are you looking forward to seeing them?" she asked.

"I am, actually," he admitted.

"Then why are you nervous about it? You've been cleaning like a madman," she said.

He sighed. "This…this is only the second time they've been to Miami, not counting September. And the first time was when we were still fighting, and they called the house a pit. So, I don't know, I just want it to be as nice as it can be. Because it's the first time they've offered to come for a holiday, you know?"

"Ah," she said. "But they've seen the house, they know it's a nice place. They said so, when they were here."

"Yeah, but...I don't know. It's a big deal, you know, and I just want them to know that I know that," he said, as he fidgeted with the edge of the pillowcase.

"You don't want to give them a reason to fight with you?" she asked.

"No, it's not that. We stopped fighting a long time ago. There won't be fighting, I promise," he said, looking at her.

"What happened back then?' she asked. He sighed. "You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to," she added.

"No, it's just that most of it was really stupid. All right, here. I went back to New York to finish my degree, right? Well, I refused to go to Syracuse the entire time I was there. They didn't like that very much. And then, I left again and came back to Miami. They didn't understand why I would do that and they didn't understand why I decided to become a CSI. Hell, I didn't understand it, either, so it's not like I could explain it to them. So, they thought it would just be a phase and I'd come back to Syracuse. Except I didn't, and had no intention of doing so, either. I'd been here maybe two years when I decided to buy the house. I told them I was thinking about it, and they came down the week I closed on it to try and stop me and talk me into going home. The whole thing was a mess. The screaming match went on for so long that I showed up at work the next day with no voice and a broken blood vessel in one eye, that's how hard we were yelling at each other. Marianne had to step in and tell them to go home and leave me alone," he said. It almost felt good to explain it to her, to tell someone who would understand messy family situations, so he kept going.

"We didn't talk for about a year. Well, they had a reason to call me, finally, and we started talking again, but probably 9 times out of 10, the phone calls would dissolve into sniping at each other and someone slamming down the phone mid-sentence. My dad finally caught me on a really bad day and started in on something, I don't even remember what, and I snapped. I told them, look, if all you're going to do is fight with me, then don't call me, don't talk to me. I'm tired and I don't want to fight anymore. Leave me alone if that's all you're going to do. So then we didn't talk for another six months, until my dad had to call me to tell me about something that was going on back home. I thanked him for calling and was about to hang up, when he said, "no, wait. You're my son, and I don't know who you are anymore, but I still love you and this is stupid. I don't want to fight anymore either." And that was the end of it," he explained.

"Wow," Calleigh said. "I get it now."

"Yeah. That was probably five years ago now, but we haven't had a serious argument since. They took awhile to calm down about me not coming home for holidays, but they did. It's been a lot of work, but they know who I am now and I know who they are and it's a lot easier. It's still hard sometimes…well, you know that as well as anyone, you've heard me talk to them. But, you know, I'm glad, too. It probably helps that Matt grew up and wanted to go into the restaurant, and I always wanted anything but to take over the restaurant," he sighed. "But Matt loves it. He'll be good at it, too, I think."

"There's a big gap between you two, isn't there?" Calleigh asked.

"Yeah, he's 17. He'll be 18 in February. He's a pretty cool kid, really. He decided all on his own that he wanted to know me- we left him out of it when we were arguing. He was too young to understand most of it, and besides, he hadn't seen me since he was about 5. But he goes to the same high school I did, and about two years ago, he started getting teachers that I'd had when I was there, and between talking to them, and talking to some of the rest of our family, he pieced together some of what happened that no one had really explained to him. The fights and why I left and why I didn't come back, that sort of thing. And then he broke into my mom's email and found my email address and wrote this long email introducing himself. He said he figured I wouldn't really know much about him, so he'd better fill me in on everything. So we've been emailing back and forth, since then. He's absolutely nothing like me; it's amusing. He's the kid my parents should have had when they had me," he smiled. "I gather he was a hell of a lot easier on them than I was."

Calleigh laughed. "I can't imagine."

"Yeah, well," he said. "I'd be jealous, but it's too much effort. He's just too earnest to be jealous of him."

"That's nice," she said.

"So, that's the story," he said, yawning. "You'll probably get more when they get here."

"I was meaning to ask you if you wanted me to go back to my place while they were here," Calleigh said.

He blinked at her. "Why? I mean, if you really want to, but you don't have to. They know you're here. They don't care. Actually, they're pretty glad of it."

"Well, I didn't want it to be awkward for you. And I didn't know where you'd put everyone to sleep if I was here," she said.

He shrugged. "I was thinking that I'd move in with you in the guest bedroom, my parents could sleep in here, and Matt can have the air mattress in the living room. Or if you didn't want to share, I'd take the air mattress and Matt could have the couch."

"I don't mind sharing with you, no," she said. "We do more often than not lately, anyway."

"That's about what I figured," he said, yawning again. It was past his usual naptime and it was finally catching up with him.

"Your parents aren't going to like kicking you out of your bed, you know. Why don't we stay in here and they can have the guest room. I'll move some stuff out of the dresser so they have some room," she said.

"Whichever," he said, closing his eyes.

"Ok, then," she said. They were quiet for a moment. "It's funny, I was just thinking that it would be awfully lonely to go back to my apartment after having lived here with you and the cats for so long. I kinda like it here."

"Then don't go," he mumbled sleepily. "Just stay here. I kinda like it that you're here. No sense in going back and us both being lonely."

If she replied, he didn't hear it. But he felt her hand brush though his hair as he finally dropped off to sleep completely.