I rolled toward the clock just as the digital readout changed to 5:00am. Before the alarm clock started, I had my hand on the snooze button. It made no since to wake up this early but I did everyday so I could be up, dressed and out the door before anyone else got up. The sun hadn't even crawled over the horizon yet as I made my way to Jessica's house. She usually met me outside so we could walk to school together and I really need to talk to her about the dream I had last night. Usually I try to sneak past Chad's house so he doesn't try to walk to school with me. For some reason my mother let it slip during one of his oh-so-frequent visits that I leave for school around 5:30, so I started leaving earlier. I mean, I know he's my boyfriend and he wants to spend time with me but sometimes I just need a break away from him. A break away from the constant pleading in his eyes for me to sleep with him. I keep telling him I'm not ready. To tell you the truth I'm not sure I'll ever be ready, not with him anyway. He's tried his hardest to change my mind though telling me that every other couple in our school has done it already and how its "no big deal". It's to the point now that I won't let him touch me at all anymore because I know that's all he's thinking about when he does. He was so much different when we first got together. he was sweet, romantic, compassionate, thoughful. Now he's just another one of the guys and it only gets worse when he's around his friends, talking about whos fuckable and who's not. Who they fucked already and who they wanted to fuck, it was tiring. And then there was the not so quiet whispers about me. How I must think I'm too good for Chad and that's why I won't have sex with him. How I'm probably already fucking someone else and Chad was just my "In public" boyfriend. I'd spoken to him about it a few times and he claimed he believed me that I wasn't cheating on him but I could tell by the way his face got red everytime they talked about it that he didn't. I got by Chad's house fine and pretty much spinted to Jessica's house. She was already waiting outside so I guessed she had stayed up again last night reading or something. She had the biggest grin I'd ever seen plastered on her face as I walked up but Immediately let it fall as she started in on the questions that signaled the beginning of our early mornig ritual." What happened to you? You look like hell." It took me a minute to answer, staggered as I was by Jessica's usage of profanity. "When did you start cursing? Trying to empress the cool kids, are you?" She just laughed and told me to answer the question. " I had a really messed up dream last night."" Messed up like the principal in a two piece bikini or messed up like maggots in your food?" I must have turned green because she started laughing, right up until I ran into the bushes and threw up." I'm sorry. I didn't know you were that grossed out by maggots or I wouldn'd have..." " N-n-no, it wasn't that." "Then what was it?" I could hear how upset she was so I just cracked a joke," No, I pictured Mr. Woods in a two piece." That really got the laughter going so I decided to wait until after school to tell her. No reason to start the day thinking about post apocalyptic landscapes, desicated dog corpses and ghostly noises. No need to think about that girl with those silver eyes and that snow white hair, that beautiful smile. The kiss. But the more I tried not to think about it the more I did until it was all I could think about. It wasn't so much the girl herself as the feeling I got whenshe looked at me, touched me. It felt like I'd traveled for an eternity and finally come home. I felt safe, loved. Not just loved, cherished, adored. Like I was the be all, end all in her world. Just her kiss made me feel things an hour of making out with Chad never made me feel. Just her smile made me feel more love than I ever felt from Chad the entire two years we'd been together. Being with Chad felt forced like I was in a play, performing a role, waiting for the curtain to close. With her it felt like second nature. The familiarity, the intimacy. It scared the hell out of me. I decided to not say anything. Atleast until lunch. Unfortunately fate waits for noone and it quickly reminded me of that in first period. " Class, we have a new student with us. She joins us all the way from New York. What's your name sweety?" I felt my mouth go dry even before I looked up but when I made eye contact with her, even Jessica could see the tension build up instantaneously." Ez? What's wrong?" I sat there frozen, totally unable to speak. From the looks of things she was suffering from the same problem until the teacher tapped her shoulder to get her attention for the tenth time, but by then everyone in the room has seen us staring at each other. " I-I-I I'm sorry. My name... My name is Lilith. Lilith Peretti." It was the girl from my dream.
to be continued
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