Vignette Four (4 months later)

A Future of Promise

Me'rel'irokini stood by a railing before the wall of transparasteel that lined the large hallway outside of the convention hall where her daughter just married a human. She could not believe it when her husband of nearly thirty years came to her and announced that he approved the marriage of Shawnkyr to Captain Jagged Fel. She had only ever met the young up and coming human officer twice before and she had not cared for him. She did not like the fact her daughter had befriended the human who had belonged to the Empire of the Hand and Thrawn's Household Phalanx, but she could at least tolerate that, but now marriage? Not to mention that Shawnkyr seemed convinced that she and the human could have children. Which Merel knew from her studies with the Imperials under Thrawn that genetically it was possible, but to think of her beautiful daughter and the human engaged in the process of begetting a child was enough to make her skin crawl.

As she looked out over the cityscape of Csalpar, she suddenly questioned her wisdom on allowing Shawnkyr to remain with her husband and be raised as a Nuruodo. However, that had been part of their alliance agreement. Their first born would be raised as part of Thevan's House, their second raised as an Irokini. And, since, she had chosen not to have any other children; she forfeited much say in how Shawnkyr was raised. Well, if she had raised her, Shawnkyr certainly would not be married to an alien.

However, it still upset her that Thevan would care so little about her wishes and concerns. She had heard that even the Ruling Council Members were puzzled by Thevan's petition to allow for the marriage of his only child to an alien and even after much convincing, the Council split in its vote three to two to even allow such a union to be legal.

The simple Chiss exchange of vows had just taken place an hour ago. Merel suffered through the shaking of hands and empty words of congratulations, as the 100 or so wedding guests greeted the newlyweds and their families. Although, her husband seemed oblivious to some of the concerned glances and looks of disapproval from their fellow Chiss, Merel wasn't. Most of the Chiss present did not appreciate attending such a degrading exposition. Of course, most of the humans present seemed thrilled by the wedding, but then, she wondered, how many of them would love to make their positions permanent by doing the exact same thing. She could only hope her daughter's farce of a marriage did not set a precedent for more.

Merel would have to say the only thing of this entire day that served not to irritate her was watching the Baroness Syal Antilles Fel almost completely ignore her brother and his family. Now, she thought that would most likely be a tantalizing story. General Wedge Antilles and family only just arrived from Hapes an hour before the ceremony. Apparently, he had attended the wedding of the Queen Mother of Hapes to Jedi Knight Jacen Solo which only occurred a standard week ago. Merel would have thought the old New Republic General would seem out of place at such a gathering and, she had to admit, she almost felt sorry for them. However, even though he was surrounded completely by Chiss and former Imperial officers who served directly under Thrawn, he and his wife surprisingly took the proceedings rather well. Begrudgingly, Merel admired him for it.

The sound of booted foot steps brought her out of her musings but she remained facing the windowed wall.

"Dr. Merel?"

She turned gracefully as the speaker stepped over to stand a respectful distance beside her at the railing, but upon identifying him she turned back to the scenery before her. She finally acknowledged coolly, "Captain Fel."

Jag cleared his throat and said, "Kyrn and I were concerned when you left. Are you ill, Dr. Merel?"

"Shawnkyr," she tastily corrected.

"Excuse me?"

She turned and glared at Jag, "Her name is Shawnkyr, not Kyrn."

"I'm sorry if my nickname offends you," Jag responded calmly. Then he added with a slight smile, "My brother, Davin and I came up with the name 'Kyrn' years ago."

"Why?" At Jag's puzzled expression, she elaborated, "Why did you feel the need to call her by a different name?" Merel honestly did not care, but she was upset that her daughter allowed this man to call her by nicknames; she knew "Kyrn" wasn't the only one. Also, she wasn't happy that Shawnkyr had decided to take on the human custom of adding her husband's name to hers. It seemed to her that he was trying his best to make her more human, and that truly upset her.

Jag simply replied to her question by saying, "We began calling her 'Kyrn' because Davin said all Chiss go by their core names and since Shawnkyr did not we invented one for her. I guess over the years it just seemed to fit and she has never asked that I not refer to her thus. I am truly sorry that my calling her that offends you." Then Jag paused and after a moment added a little more formally, more calmly, the voice of an officer facing down an enemy, she thought, "Of course, it is not my calling her 'Kyrn' that truly bothers you, is it, Doctor? It is the fact she has taken my name as hers."

Merel only stared at him, her red eyes giving away nothing. He was bright and candid, she would give him that.

Jag went on at her lack of a response, "Let me assure you, I had nothing to do with her decision to assume my name. She wanted to honor me and she felt that by observing the human custom of one spouse taking the others name, she would show our true union. Of course, our children will also carry the Nuruodo name along with Fel."

She, wanted to retort that he could have taken her name but instead turned away and asked, "Why did you seek me out, Captain?" She made sure she put an unfavorable stress to his rank.

Jag took a deep breath and said, "I want to understand why you are so against my marriage to Shawnkyr."

Merel turned completely to face him and made sure she looked down at him, she was more than a few centimeters taller than him. "I did not agree to this alliance between you and my daughter, nor did I have any say in the matter, Captain. I feel that your marriage to Shawnkyr will only serve to ruin her chances at success and by extension my family's credibility."

"How can you say that?" Jag began, again in the calm voice of a military commander, but she forestalled any further comment from him by raising her elegant long fingered hand.

"I was not finished, Captain. I will tell you." She stepped away from him and turned back to face him when she was further away to glare at him. She really did not like humans. They were always too impatient, so, she would make this one wait. Finally, she continued, "Not every Chiss sees this marriage as a great thing. Most, I fear, see it as the complete opposite. I do not like humans and most Chiss would agree with me. Thevan and his sensibilities are rare. His years of working with his uncle's Household Phalanx have blinded him. Of course, had it not been for Thrawn, you or your family would not have even been allowed in the Ascendancy." She paused and after turning away from him again she went on, "I married Thevan because I wanted to ally myself with the powerful Nuruodo Family and since Thevan also belonged to Thrawn's Household Phalanx and had important connections to the Empire, I felt it was the perfect match. I was a young, talented scientist who wanted to make a name for herself among the military. I had new ideas for weaponry and ship improvements; hence, I felt could best serve the Ascendancy if I worked for the military. However, to get the Fleet to take my research seriously I needed to marry a Nuruodo. By Thevan's connections to Thrawn and by extension the Empire, I eventually had access to some of the best scientific minds in the Empire as well.

"Of course, By Thevan's alliance to me and the Irokini Family ensured that his family had some of the best scientists working of them. Since my marriage to him, I have created several weapon systems, improved on others and secretly worked with the Empire in the days of Thrawn to improve technologies. I was among the team that invented the cloaking device that nearly destroyed the New Republic, not once but twice. I also worked on the Alpha Red Project." She stole a glance at Jag and was somewhat disappointed that he showed no emotion at all on his face.

After a moment she turned again to face him and asked pointedly, "What, Captain Fel, can you really give my daughter?"

X

Jag stared at the rather attractive older Chiss woman. Shawnkyr had inherited her mother's good looks but Jag was suddenly glad that was all she seemed to inherit from the woman who gave his wife life. Merel was cold and she was prejudiced and Jag knew this. He also knew she had not supported his and Kyrn's union or in Chiss tradition their alliance agreement as worked out between him and Shawnkyr. Merel felt that her daughter was not getting the best end of the deal. Shawnkyr had decided to add Fel to her name and Jag would be completely accepted into the Nuruodo House as a full member, however, he chose not to take the name. Any children that they were to have would be raised as Nuruodo's and would eventually serve the military. Jag however felt that the possible sacrifice of his children was more than anyone should be expected to give. It seemed to him that the Ascendancy was getting a great deal by him giving up his children along with his continued faithful service.

But he also knew Merel could be spiteful, he suddenly wondered if he had been Chiss if she would have accepted him with open arms. He doubted it, simply because Shawnkyr had chosen him for her husband and therefore, did not allow Merel the honor of choosing her daughter's husband. He had found out after their engagement became official that his mother-in-law had wanted Shawnkyr to marry an Irokini whom was not related to Shawnkyr and had began to secretly arrange the alliance with his family. Of course, she intended to do the same thing Thevan had done to her, she would simply inform him that she had arranged an alliance for their daughter and he had no say in the matter. Now, she was the one who was embarrassed because not only did Shawnkyr choose another but chose to fall in love with a human.

Finally, he got his growing anger under his strict control because the last thing he wanted to do was give his mother-in-law the satisfaction of thinking she was intimidating him or angering him. After another moment, he calmly said in his best voice of a commander, "I realize I may not have been the husband you would have chosen for Shawnkyr but I feel that I can offer her and the Nuruodo House a great deal, Dr. Merel. Within the next year I am to be promoted to Fleet Admiral after Admiral Tarskn retires. That will make me the first non-Chiss to ever hold that position and give me incredible influence on the CEDF. Not to mention, I am one of the youngest to be named. I also realize many Chiss do not like the fact that I am a human," With this it was Jag's turn to step away from her and turn towards the window, then he continued, "However, they realize that to lose me would cost them one of the best officers they have in the military. Something they know they cannot afford to lose. I could easily go to either the Remnant or to Coruscant and immediately be given my own command, however, I am choosing to stay with my people and give them my talents."

He paused again then faced her full front, "I am more than capable of providing for my wife and our eventual family, Doctor," he annunciated her title in the same somewhat degrading tone she had been using when she spoke his rank. He paused again and gave her his best steady stare, "Furthermore, I disagree with your assumption that by marrying me Shawnkyr has somehow damaged your family, if anyone has done that it is you." Then Jag couldn't help it as a slight smile tugged at his lips, "Because, it may be me who authorizes those new weapons and ship designs you were talking about someday, Dr. Merel, and I may chose to seek advice outside that of my personal family." He knew that the thought of being related to him was probably more repulsive then Jag's threat.

Before she had a chance to retort any of what Jag said, he quickly continued, "Now, we had better rejoin the festivities because I will not allow you to ruin this day for my wife. Kyrn would be quite disappointed if we are away any longer." With that said he turned with military precision on his heel and headed back towards the reception. The smile finally allowed to play across his features because he knew he had just put his mother-in-law in her place and showed her that soon-to-be Admiral Jagged Fel was not easily intimidated, at least not by her.

XXXX

(8 months later)

Shawnkyr made her way through the corridors with a feeling of pure delight filling her. She stopped and quickly returned the solutes of some junior officers as they passed by her. She was headed to the captain's quarters to wait for him to return from the bridge of the Chiss Star Destroyer Fell Defender. She arrived at the quarters and keyed in the access code and entered.

She looked around the roomy but modestly decorated quarters. There were several holos that hung on the walls, most were of family but as she looked at one in particular she smiled despite herself. It was a holo of them taken on their wedding day. She looked at the handsome human man by her side and let the smile become brighter. He was dressed formally in his dress uniform but for that day she chose to wear a long fitted dark blue gown with her hair piled high only to cascade down again. Her mother, of course, had commented on her choice of not wearing her uniform. But Shawnkyr had wanted to look as beautiful as possible for Jag.

Jag never did tell her what he had said to her mother while he was looking for her outside the hall where their wedding had taken place, but whatever it was, it was enough to earn him her mother's begrudging respect. No, Merel would never like Jag or accept him but she at least now respected him, something she hadn't before. The thought of her mother suddenly reminded Shawnkyr what lay in store for her.

She stepped away from the wall to sit on the couch that was center stage in the private sitting room of Jag's quarters. She did not officially share this space with her husband. That would have gone against protocol. She had her own quarters but she spent most of her off-duty nights here. As she sat down, she gently laid her hand on her still flat abdomen and wondered just what kind of mother she would be.

Then she remembered:

X

"Ailen Mel, are you okay?" Jag said from the doorway of the 'fresher of her quarters. He was standing there shirtless wearing only his underwear and had a concerned expression on his sleepy face.

Shawnkyr did not answer him in words; instead she retched again and vomited more of the unpleasant bile that seemed to fill her stomach the past few mornings. Finally, she was able to stand and she wiped her mouth on a towel. She felt terrible and she knew she probably looked a sight. She glanced at Jag as he stepped further into the small cubical that was made for only one person. He laid a hand on her bare back and guided her out into the bedroom and sat her down on the small bed that they had shared the night before. She knew he would soon have to leave her to sneak back to his own quarters before the rest of their squad awakened but she was glad he was with her now. She had never been one to be sickly, so, to be this way now for over a week was actually beginning to concern her.

As he helped her pull on a robe she said in a rough voice, "I do not know what to think. I have never been this way before, Tako. I am concerned that I may have caught something while we were on Zaria." (Now, as she remembered she could smile at the irony of what she had said.)

They had returned from their monumental vacation only three weeks ago. They returned to Csilla to discover they had being assigned together with a ship that would patrol the border between Chiss space and the Killiks former planets where there were reports of the insects having begun re-colonizing again. They had also made the decision to remain lovers. Both of them knew the dangers of that, but after admitting their feelings neither one of them could walk away.

"I think you should go to medical and have some tests done," Jag said as he brushed her wayward hair from her face. "Get dressed and we will go there now before our tour is to start."

"But you need to get out of here," she protested but she really did not want to be alone.

"No, I'm your friend and superior. We can simply say you called me because you were concerned and did not know who else to turn to." Jag stood and found his flightsuit and proceeded to dress.

She slowly followed suit wondering if she really wanted to know what was wrong with her.

Two hours later they received the news that could have ruined them both.

"Commander," the young Chiss female medic looked at Shawnkyr, her expression one of concern mixed with disapproval. "Your test results are back." Then she turned to Jag who had been staying with her the entire time under the pretence of a concerned friend and her commander, "Sir, if you will excuse us, I need to speak with Commander Shawnkyr privately."

Shawnkyr looked up at Jag as he began to move away from the counter where he was standing. She could tell that he did not want to leave her but propriety demanded it. Her voice stopped him as she looked back at the medic, "Please, Dr. Aliki, Commander Fel is my dearest friend and I do not wish to hear this alone."

The doctor threw a disapproving look at the human then turned her attention back to Shawnkyr. "Very well." Then in a voice that betrayed nothing she announced, "Your tests indicate that you are about a month and half pregnant."

Shawnkyr would never forget the tidal wave of emotions that went through her that moment at that simple announcement. She did not dare look up at Jag, and she was glad that the doctor kept her gaze focused on her. For, Shawnkyr could only imagine the expression on his face; neither of them even realized it would be possible for them to conceive a child, let alone one so soon.

Finally, Shawnkyr quietly said in an unnaturally shaky voice, "I—I'm pregnant?"

The doctor stepped away, clearly, critical of the whole thing, "Yes, Commander, I ran the test twice because I know that you are unmarried."

While the medic's back was turned as she drew up a hypo of some sort of medicine, Shawnkyr finally stole a glance at Jag. He was staring at her surprisingly with an unreadable expression on his face but she could tell by his brilliant green eyes he was totally stunned and amazed. She then turned her attention back to the medic who turned and said rather matter-of-factly, "It is still early enough in the pregnancy to terminate if you so desire. The procedure is rather quick and requires no recuperation time."

Shawnkyr instantly knew she could not do that. This child complicated an already complicated situation but she couldn't in any way terminate it. This child was created out of love and she could tell from that one stolen look at Jag, he was feeling the same as she. "No, Dr. Aliki, I will have to discuss this with the father."

The doctor nodded and replied, "Very well, let me know what you decide. Now let me give you something for the sickness you have been experiencing and I would like to put you on quarters today. By tomorrow you should be back to normal."

Shawnkyr nearly laughed at that last, she knew her life would never go "back to normal" again.

X

Shawnkyr would never forget those next few months. She had never experienced anything as stressful as her first pregnancy. She and Jag were both utterly amazed that they could create a child. Jag insisted it happened their very first time but she wasn't as convinced. He wanted the baby; she saw it in his eyes every time she looked at him. However, she saw it as a burden that neither of them was ready to take on, but she also loved her baby too, it was a part of Jag after all. She did not know what to do and Jag's answer was to send her to live in the GFFA with his uncle, General Wedge Antilles. Which she eventually agreed to but she knew that would ruin him and it would ruin her. She was Chiss and she couldn't believe that she could live in Known Space for the rest of her life. Her years during the war had been enough for her.

She knew she hadn't taken care of herself as she should have. She had lost weight and she didn't sleep. Her anxiety level had never been so high and she had no real methods of coping with it. She had never been so scared in her life. She did not want Jag to suffer what she knew that he would if he was discovered to be the father.

Two months after discovering she was pregnant that first time she lost her baby. Shawnkyr had never experienced anything that both relieved her and grieved her as much. As she looked back up at the picture of the happiest day of her life she thought about one of the worst:

X

"Shh," he murmured into her hair as he held her after returning from the medical bay where she had just miscarried their three and a half month old fetus. The same medic, who first told her that she would be a mother, had examined the baby and informed Shawnkyr that he had been perfectly formed and had seemed to have been progressing on schedule. However, the doctor said that stress and anxiety could cause a lot of problems and she could tell Shawnkyr had been under tremendous stress. If the doctor suspected the child was half human she never said, nor would she, Chiss doctors were bound by the strictest of confidentiality polices. But to be sure, Shawnkyr deigned having any further testing done on the child. She could not afford the doctor learning that Jag was the father and no matter of testing was going to bring her baby back.

She was in her quarters and Jag had stayed with her. He held her and rocked her as they mourned the loss of their son. Shawnkyr clung to him mostly because she felt the torment of so many conflicting emotions and she wondered if Jag did to. She felt profound sadness, pain and disappointment, she felt sorrow and grief, but she also felt great relief and guilt for feeling that way.

They didn't talk, there were no words that could be said. Jag held her and she held him. Then finally after a long time she softly broke the silence, "Tako, I think we should think about not being so physical now."

He pulled away and looked at her, she could see the moisture in his eyes but he did not cry but his voice was full of the pain he was feeling, "I know, Ailen Mel. I do not want to ever put you through this again. I know you did not want to leave the Ascendancy." He cupped her face and gently caressed her high cheeks. She suddenly felt the sting of tears for the first time in years.

"Jag, I don't want to end what we found together but I cannot go on living a lie. The pregnancy was not the only thing that caused me stress." She reached up and began to stroke the soft hair at his temple. "I will always love you, Tako, but we cannot live like this. "

Jag finally let the first of the tears slide down his cheek and she felt her heart break as he whispered, "I know, Ailen Mel. Maybe if you had not become pregnant so soon we could have figured out what we could do. I will always love you, too. But I too think we were better off as friends."

With that said they both let their tears fall and Jag kissed her for the last time until neither of them could stand living another lie: the lie that they were only friends.

X

The sound of the door sliding open brought her out of her reverie and she looked up and smiled at the man she loved more than anything in the Galaxy as Jagged Fel stepped into his quarters.

X

Jag gazed at his wife of eight months and smiled as he joined her on the couch. He reached up and gently stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers and then he leaned in and gently kissed her. As he pulled away he said, "This is a pleasant surprise. I thought you were on the opposite shift and would be sleeping now."

She smiled and said, "I needed to do something today during the normal day cycle. I will start my rotation tomorrow."

Jag then said teasingly, "So, you decided to spend your last free evening with me. I'm flattered, Commander."

She laughed lightly and said, "Well, Captain, it was you who assigned my squadron night patrol. I thought maybe I could persuade you to change the schedule."

He pulled her more into his arms and as he nuzzled her neck he whispered into her ear and enjoyed the shudder it brought to her lithe form, "You know, I could do that but I think it would not go over very well with the other squads." He then kissed her neck at the pulse point and delighted in her sigh. Then he added in her ear again, "Of course, with enough persuasion I could choose to ignore the others."

As Jag was about ready to claim her lips in a passionate kiss, she turned her head slightly. Puzzled and more than a little disappointed he inquired, "Kyrn? You know I'm only joking. I can't pull you off your rotation."

She reached up and cupped his face and as she watched him, she smiled. Her behavior was truly baffling Jag. Then after a moment she said, "I hope our children look like you."

Jag chuckled and said, "I've often wondered what they would look like."

"We will soon be able to find out."

Jag stared at her then she laughed softly and said, "You will make a wonderful father, Admiral Fel."

He smiled, "I won't be an Admiral for another two months and that part about being a father isn't going to happen for awhile."

"True, but you are going to be a father sooner than you think."

Jag opened his mouth to protest but then he actually processed her meaning. Then he just stared at her opened mouthed as a wave of emotions filled him. She must have seen them expressed on his face and in his eyes because she broke into a big smile that lit up her beautiful pale blue face. Finally, he stammered, "You—you're pregnant?"

Still smiling she nodded, "Yes, Tako, I just found out today. I am two months." At his concerned face amidst all of the joy that passed over it, she added as she stroked his face, "Everything is fine. The baby is progressing normally and there seems to be no complications. Jag, we are going to have a baby." She ended with a light laugh of pure joy.

Jag watched her for a moment then he crushed her to him and kissed her with a passion that was brought from the total happiness she had filled his life with. He could not imagine his life if he hadn't fallen in love with his friend and she with him.

Fin

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This leads to where Jag and Kyrn appear in Always Have, Always Will...

Be on the lookout for the next companion vignette that tells of the romance between Tahiri and Valin...The Strength to Go On...

Reviews are always welcome...

Thanks everyone for reading...

Flowerlady