April 25, 2006

Dear Journal,

I hope you don't mind that I call you "journal", but I'm not much for diaries. They just sound too…I don't know. They just don't sound like me. YOU don't sound like me, period.

Anyway, I reluctantly accepted you as a Christmas gift from Lucy. We've never been especially close, and her marrying and moving out has just made us even more unfamiliar to one another. In other words, she hadn't a clue when she bought this that I hate diaries and have no desire to keep one.

Nonetheless, I'll try to make this first – and probably last – entry interesting.

My name is Ruthie Camden. I'm fifteen years old. Yes, I know…a bit too old to be keeping a diary. But remember: spacey sister. Okay? Okay.

So, I'm in high school, obviously. I don't really have any favorite subjects at school, but I like to see my friends there. Not that I could choose not to go if I wanted to, but I like to make it seem that way when my parents ask how my day was.

Writing about school is boring, time to move on to friends. I have a lot of friends. Not to brag, but I do. I'm just one of those people, I guess. I like to listen to people's problems and give them advice. Because of that, people flock to me. I'm like our school guidance counselor, except I get more business than he does. He just tries to advertise for the school, anyway. "Maybe joining the chess club…" "Well cheerleading…"

Everyone prefers me. I actually care. Again, not bragging! But then, you're just a journal, right? You don't understand. You probably aren't even offended in the slightest. You're not even a "you"! You're just a flowery, girly diary for some eight-year-old to write down her deepest, most troubling of thoughts in.

But this dia-JOURNAL is supposed to be about me, enough about you.

I have a boyfriend named Peter. He's okay. He's kind of insincere, in a way. I guess he's just been through so much that he doesn't really feel that he needs to contribute anything to our relationship. It's just all me – talking, buying lunch, writing e-mails, considering his feelings – I do enough for the both of us. It wasn't a problem at first, but now it's getting kind of old.

He's just too needy. He's outspoken and has very strong opinions, but I just don't think he's ready for a relationship. Now Martin…Martin is a totally different story.

We've known each other since I was about twelve. He's kind, caring, and supportive of everyone. He lived with us for a while and never failed to pull his weight. All of us have actually talked before about how much we miss him. He moved out a while ago. Now he's got a pretty girlfriend named Sandy and a baby boy named Aaron. I personally preferred Cecilia over Sandy, but she's dating Simon again. They'll probably get married.

But until that day, it's me, Simon, Sam & David, Mom, Dad, and Happy living here at home. As I said above, Lucy is moved out and lives in the house next to ours' with her husband Kevin and their baby, Savannah. We see her a lot though, whereas Matt and his wife, Sarah, and Mary and her husband, Carlos, live farther away. Matt and Sarah want to have a baby, Mary and Carlos already have one, a little boy. I don't understand why they're all so obsessed with babies.

Yep…so…that's my life. That's my boring, uninteresting life where all I do is give people advice, try to make Peter happy, watch all of my SIBLINGS live interesting lives, watch Martin make a big deal over his baby and some other girl, and write in this stupid diary – uh, journal. Isn't that pathetic?

Well, first and last entry, I guess. I don't know. It kind of felt good to let my feelings out. Maybe I'll see if I feel like writing again tomorrow. It's Simon's birthday so I'm assuming that it will be at least somewhat interesting. Okay, I'll write. But then that will be it, because I hate diaries. I'm still confused about why I'm even CONSIDERING writing tomorrow but I guess that's part of owning one of these stupid things…

Hate you lots!

Ruthie Camden