May 7, 2006

Dear Journal,

Cecilia came over for dinner tonight. As Mom was clearing the table, Simon announced that he and Cecilia had finally decided to get married. Of course, there was a lot of gasping and crying and stuttering, even though everyone already knew that they were discussing it. Mom was practically floating, she was so happy.

I wonder what it's like to love someone that much. So much that you would want to get married. Do I like Martin that much? I know that he doesn't have the same feelings for me that I do for him, so I guess the chances of us ever getting married are pretty slim. But still, a girl can dream, can't she?

Mom let me call Martin after dinner, and Simon gave me permission to tell him about his and Cecilia's decision. As usual, you are going to want the dialogue of our conversation, right?

M: Hello?

R: Hi, Martin. It's Ruthie.

M: Hey, Ruth.

R: Guess what?

M: What?

R: Simon and Cecilia are getting married!

M: Oh…really?

R: Yeah. Why don't you sound excited?

M: Hey, I've still got feelings for Cecilia.

R: You never told me that.

M: Well, think about it. She broke my heart. I'm still getting over that.

R: Were you hoping to get back together with her?

M: No. If she doesn't care that much about me, then it would never be sincere.

R: I'm sorry, Martin. I mean for everything that's happened and…

M: Don't be sorry. Everyone has tough times like these.

R: I should have known that you wouldn't be excited, though.

M: If I'd still been together with Sandy, I probably would've been.

R: Yeah.

M: She was ditzy and annoying, it's true. But at least she was…I don't know…someone.

R: It's just that feeling of needing somebody to love, isn't it?

M: Exactly. Do you ever feel that way Ruth?

R: What?

M: You said it like you've felt that way before.

R: Well…I'd take Peter over no one. It's just…lonely.

M: You should get back together with him.

R: No, it wouldn't be worth it. We're just not made for each other.

M: Ha…love stinks, doesn't it?

R: Yes it does!

M: Well, I'll talk to you later, Ruth. Dad's flying in tonight.

R: Oh, Martin! You didn't tell me that! That's great!

M: He was originally flying in to see Aaron, but you know…

R: Yeah. Well hopefully I'll talk to you tomorrow?

M: Sure. Bye, Ruth.

R: Bye, Martin.

I was trying to drop hints to Martin, but he didn't seem to get it. I guess it's just as well. I'm fifteen and he's nineteen. My parents might trust me with him, I'm not really sure. No matter how accepting and supportive they are, Sandy getting pregnant definitely lessened their opinion of him. Still…why do I do this to myself? I'm thinking about things that don't even apply to my situation or to any future situation, for that matter. Martin could care less about me. I'm just this kid that he talks to sometimes. He'd never dream of going out with me.

Ruthie Camden (NOT Ruthie Camden-Brewer)

May 8, 2006

Dear Journal,

You won't believe this! I don't believe this!

Okay, let me calm down. I'll start from the beginning. This is what happened…

I was home with Simon and Cecilia while Mom, Sam, and David went grocery shopping and Dad went to the church to hold a Bible study. Simon and Cecilia were downstairs while I was up here painting my nails out of pure boredom. After I painted them a glossy blue color, I decided to go downstairs and see what they were up to. As I was walking down the stairs, I heard Cecilia crying, and I listened closely. Oh, gosh…I still can't believe this…this is what I heard:

S: Cecilia, it's going to be okay.

C: No it's not, Martin! Things are so messed up now…

S: But did you see how happy my parents were last night?

C: Simon – that's because they don't know!

(Here my eyes got wide and I hardly breathed as I hoped they would mention what my parents didn't know.)

S: Cecilia, we'll tell them in time.

C: Simon, I want to tell them tonight!

S: Why tonight?

C: Because they're your parents, for crying out loud! They deserve to know!

S: But Cecilia…

C: What! Are you afraid they won't accept me into the family!

S: I never said that. And anyway, it's not their decision. This is our family.

C: I know, but they're going to notice anyway.

S: How?

C: Simon, don't be so dumb! Unless I starve myself, which I'm not about to do…

I didn't even hear the rest. It all clicked and I tiptoed back up the stairs, out of earshot, before gasping.

CECILIA IS PREGNANT!

Ruthie Camden