May 9, 2006

Dear Journal,

Simon and Cecilia told my parents last night about Cecilia's pregnancy. My dad handled it much the way a pastor should – he sighed heavily before forcing an accepting nod. My mother just sat there, looking completely stunned. It was a very awkward moment, despite my parents' best attempts at not falling apart.

Then Simon and Cecilia talked about how they had been planning to get married before they found out that they were going to have a baby, and how they were ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead. Their little speech was so convincing that my parents actually started to look pleased.

The rest of the evening was spent looking at ultrasounds and deciding if Cecilia's stomach was any bigger. It was totally boring, to be honest.

Mom said that the wedding will have to be within the next few months, before the baby is born. Cecilia said that she hoped it could be before she lost her figure. They both laughed at that.

I wasn't planning on calling Martin, especially since I didn't want to be the one to tell him about Cecilia's pregnancy (considering how he took the news that she and Simon were getting married) but he called me, so I didn't really have a choice but to break the news. Once again, Simon had said it was okay for me to tell. Everyone would figure out by at least the wedding that she was pregnant, anyway.

R: Hey, Martin.

M: Ah…you have caller ID, I assume?

R: No, I'm psychic. Why is caller ID such a big deal? This is 2006!

M: I'm guessing you get that question a lot.

R: I get it from Peter, yeah. He's waiting for me to remove him from my address book.

M: Ha, ha…

R: So is your dad there?

M: Yeah. He went on a date with Roxanne.

R: That's right…he promised her that he would see her again when he came home.

M: Yep. So what's been up with you?

R: Um…Martin…you're not going to want to hear this, but…

M: Cecilia's pregnant?

R: How did you know?

M: Whoa, whoa…I was just kidding. Are you serious?

R: Yeah, she just announced it tonight!

M: Oh…wow…

R: Yeah, she's about 3 months.

M: Wow.

R: She still looks pretty much the same, though.

M: Wow.

R: Is that all you can say?

M: I'm just shocked. Cecilia, of all people!

R: No kidding.

M: So she and Simon are still getting married, right?

R: They pretty much have to, by my parents' rulebook.

M: Do they want to?

R: Yeah, they said that they were talking about it before they found out.

M: Well, it's good that they care about each other.

R: Yep.

M: Because I know what it's like to be in that situation and NOT care for each other.

R: Yeah…

Martin and I talked for a lot longer. I can't remember the rest of the conversation, though. He was mostly just talking about how he's still sad, and he still misses Sandy and Aaron. I know that the Cecilia thing has been hard for him, too. I just wish that he would see in me what he sees in those other girls, because unlike them, I would never hurt him. I really do care about him, and I would never break his heart or build him up just to tear him down. He means so much to me.

Peter called right after I hung up with Martin. Talking to him wasn't as painful, because he actually had good news.

R: Hi, Peter.

P: Caller ID?

R: I'm not answering that question anymore.

P: Listen, Ruthie…I'm sorry for everything. I took you for granted, even as a friend.

R: Apology accepted.

P: No, I'm not finished. I'm really, really sorry, Ruthie. And I miss being with you.

R: Peter…

P: I don't mean as a girlfriend, I mean as a friend! Can we do what you said?

R: Uh, what did I say?

P: You said that you wanted us to be just friends.

R: Okay, I can do that. I've missed talking to you.

P: I've missed talking to you, too. And I promise that if I start seeing someone, they won't control our relationship.

R: Yeah…

P: I mean, they won't control when and when not we talk.

R: Okay, Peter. That would be…great.

P: So listen, I have to go, but I'll call you tomorrow.

R: Alright. Bye, Peter.

P: Bye, Ruthie.

It was a short, but great conversation. I realized that I never wanted Peter back as a boyfriend, just as a friend. We've known each other for too long just to give up on our friendship. I feel fantastic. I feel wonderful. I can't wait to spend more time with Peter!

Now if only Martin could be my boyfriend.

Ruthie Camden

May 10, 2006

Dear Journal,

Simon and Cecilia went out to lunch this afternoon. They're both so excited about the baby and getting married. It's a guarantee that Cecilia is going to have to have a maternity wedding dress, but she said that she's starting not to mind anymore.

Peter and I went out to lunch too, but as "just friends". He was very polite, and he paid for his own food rather than looking to me for money. I think he's changed a lot since we broke up. Maybe he was getting tired of being my boyfriend and wanted to be just friends all along!

Martin called and he is coming over in half an hour. His dad is going out with Roxanne again. He said that he hopes his dad and Roxanne decide to get married, mostly because he'd like to have someone else around the house when his dad is away. He told me that he secretly hopes that if his dad and Roxanne get married, that his dad will just come home altogether, though. I feel so badly for him. That's why I invited him over. That and because I want to see him again.

Mom is fixing a really nice dinner of salmon, French bread, mashed potatoes, cooked vegetables, and assorted fruits. It's making my mouth water just thinking about it! I can't wait to eat! I hope that Martin is hungry, which I assume that he will be.

Maybe Martin and I will bond over this meal. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I've kind of taken for granted all of the extra time we've been spending calling one another, and the fact that he has been coming over a lot lately. He may not like me in the way that I like him, but still. At least I have more opportunities to see him and talk to him. And maybe, someday, when we're both older, he'll realize how much I care about him and how much I want to make him happy. He's been so miserable lately.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I have to confess, having a diary hasn't been half bad. It really is a place to let everything out. I talked to Lucy on the phone earlier and, much to my dismay, I found myself thanking her for the diary and telling her how much I've been writing in it. Maybe, one day, I'll even get to the point where I can write "Dear Diary" instead of "Dear Journal"…or maybe not. But either way, I'm glad that I didn't put you up on the shelf of my closet and never touch you again. The same goes for the fuzzy pen.

Ruthie Camden

Ruth,

Yes, I read your diary…or at least that last entry. And I know you're probably going to be totally humiliated, or either you'll hate me forevermore, but I want you to know that I think the fact that you care so much about me is really sweet. Obviously! I mean, how many other girls do I take the time to write for? You know how much I hate writing!

Really, please don't be angry at me. I liked it. And maybe sometime we could go out. It's funny, but I never thought of you in that way until I read what you'd written, and then I realized what a good friend you've been to me and how much I'd like to spend more time with you.

Once again, PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! I just couldn't resist. And I'm glad that I didn't.

That's the most I've ever written in my lifetime…wow…and this whole reading and writing in your diary thing is really out of character, eh? But that's how I feel…so…yeah.

Maybe call me? We could go out sometime.

Gosh, I wish I hadn't written this in ink. I wish I could erase it. I know you're going to be so humiliated but please, don't be angry at me.

Martin

BOOK #2: "DEAR DIARY…I LOATHE YOU!" – COMING JUNE 2006

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