Chapter 2

"I can not go on like this. It's not working any more," she said from the doorway of the 'fresher of the small bedroom she had shared with him for the past six months. They lived here together since returning to the city that was being rebuilt on the ruins of the planet of Coruscant; since their rescue from Unknown Regions and the end of the war that destroyed the Dark Nest Killiks and their bond with it.

He looked up from the bed that they shared and looked at her. Her brown eyes were defiant and determined as she stepped into the room. Fear suddenly flashed inside him. He had asked her to marry him two days ago and she had been distant since and especially since yesterday. He really had not been surprised by her dodging his proposal, saying she needed more time. He had felt her distraction for the past few months. Actually, every since Durron rescued them, she had been spending way too much time with him. He could understand their friendship, even their onetime, questionable Master-Apprentice relationship, but he knew there was more to it than that. And that is what scared him to the bone. The emerald eyes sought hers. As he turned and sat on the edge of the bed, he said in a voice that was suddenly too small, "What do you mean?"

Jaina Solo took the five steps to stand before him. "Zekk, I can't marry you. I really don't want to hurt you but I can't go on living like this. I'm sorry, you will always be my friend but I don't love you in the way I should to marry you," she said quietly and reached out to touch his shoulder but he abruptly stood wrenching away from her. She winced at the wave of pain that flooded her through their Force bond. Which she was glad was getting weaker the more she distanced herself from him. She softly said, "I'm so sorry. I thought that with our bond and with your love it would be enough. But there is something missing with us and I want more. I know there is more out there."

Zekk walked to the small window and looked out over the growing cityscape but did not see it. He ran a hand though his long black hair to grab at the back of his neck. A few moments of painful silence passed between them until he laughed bitterly. After bringing his hand down and examining a hair that came lose and was trapped between his fingers, he said without turning, "Have you ever stopped to realize that you have a thing for black-haired, green eyed men, Jaina?" He turned and faced her, his own green eyes burning from the tears that threatened to fall but he would not give into them. Before she could answer he went on to say with a sad smile. "Oh, don't deign it. The proof is in the past and…" he swallowed, "…the present or should I say the future—Me, Jag Fel, and now as always, Kyp Durron."

Jaina opened her mouth to protest but before she could Zekk went on to vehemently say, "Do you think I'm blind!" He walked past her to stand by the dresser on the far wall. He felt trapped but he needed to face the pain that was welling up inside him. He was not going to give her the satisfaction of breaking his heart without a fight. His pride would not just stand by and let her say meaningless words of how sorry she was to him and then walk out so she could run to him. He turned and faced her when she did not answer his question.

"I see how you look at him, Jaina. I see how your face lights up when he calls you by that stupid nickname. I think that you sometimes really think you are a goddess. Does he make you feel that way?" Anger was growing inside him but he did not care, "I see how easy you get along with him, the easy banter and how you make him laugh or how he makes you laugh. I can't do that. You may argue with me but you don't do so just for the sake of arguing like you do with Durron. I can feel your distance from me and how you try to close yourself completely off from me when you are with him," he swallowed, and went on, "Or when you are thinking about him." He moved closer to her and was only centimeters away from her, their eyes locked. His voice was laced with venom as he said, "That's right, I can feel your desire for him. I've even seen your dreams about him. You wonder what it would be like with him." Before she could respond he spat with a fever that caused her to step back, "Sith, Jaina, I even know that you have fantasized about him while I'm making love to you just so you can respond to my touch!"

Her eyes grew wide as she stepped away from him, he knew that he was frightening her and he felt an odd pleasure in that. He chuckled bitterly and spat, "Or did you forget about our Force bond? You have tried to close me off but you can't completely because I'm open to you. I even know when you've opened yourself to him." He took few deep breaths, calming himself; his anger spent being replaced by pain, he quietly said, "I've actually known this was coming for a while. I only asked you to marry me to see if you would. Because if you did at least I'd still have you even if you didn't love me. But you love him and you have for a long, long time. I don't think you ever loved me. I was only hoping that someday you could love me. But I was the boy you had a girlhood crush on that you easily forgot to chase after Jag Fel. When he turned you away out there in Chiss Space you found comfort in my arms again because I was there. But it wasn't even Fel that you really wanted, it was Durron. I should have known when I looked into your dreams and saw you were dreaming of him, that I was only a substitute just as Fel had been." Jaina's sudden intake of air told him that she was unaware that he knew this but she didn't deign it. "Admit it, Jaina, you never really loved Jag either. I remember all too well the confusion you felt when you sent him away and Durron seemed to be ignoring you after the Yuuzahn Vong War."

He took a deep ragged breath and turned away from her again saying quietly, "I release you, Jaina, go to him. That is where you really want to be." He then turned and added, "Just remember I won't be there when he breaks your heart. And I believe you've run out of black-haired, green-eyed men."

Jaina stared at him. He knew that she could feel his pain but she wouldn't for long. He then severed the Force bond that they had shared since the time spent in the Hive. The abruptness of the severe caused Jaina to gasp. But Zekk ignored her; he could not stand to be so close to her any longer. He walked dismally back to the window to stare out at nothing. She was his first love and he wondered if he would ever truly get over her. But she hasn't loved him for a long time. Even when they were still young before the war that tore the Galaxy apart, before she began chasing Jag Fel, Kyp Durron had always been a shadow. She had always been attracted to his rogue persona and rugged good looks even though he had hurt her and lied to her on numerous occasions. Zekk sighed and thought, I even fought with him then, when he definitely was too old for her. But age meant nothing now. Jaina was a full grown woman who had lived more life than most women twice her age and he knew that now too.

"I don't know what to say, Zekk. Except that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall in love with him. I've deigned it for so long even to myself."

Zekk could hear the tears in her voice but he didn't care. "Go, Jaina. Don't make this any harder than it already is."

Zekk heard her turn and go, she stopped at the door and whispered, "I'll be by sometime tomorrow to get my things. You can have the apartment." He could not help but hear the pain in her hoarse voice, but there was some thing else there too—Relief, as if she was suddenly set free. Then she was gone with a swish of the outer door opening and closing. He was left standing there staring out at nothing with silent tears falling to the beating of his twice broken heart.