Chapter 3

Kyp Durron sat at his desk in the office provided for him as a Council Member at the Jedi Temple and stared into the text of a datapad without seeing it. He was thinking of Jaina again. Since yesterday's run in with her at the gym, he could barely think of anything else. He could not believe how close he had been to giving into the temptation and kissing her. But he knew he'd never be able to stop with just a kiss. He loved her and desired her too much for that. But he would never push her again. He had only allowed himself weakness once before, and her rejection about destroyed him. No, it was much better to let her make any future moves.

He supposed that was what bothered him most. She seemed to want him to kiss her. Should I have followed through? No, because if she refused me again it would have destroyed me.

He remembered back to that kiss seven years ago and wondered what happened. Jaina Solo had broken up with that cocky Chiss pilot Jag Fel after the peace with the Yuuzhan Vong. During the following few months Kyp and she became closer than ever. They had enjoyed a few meals together on Mon Cal after the war and before all the resettling of the Vong to Zonoma Sekot was done from Coruscant. He had thought she was ready to take the next step. So, after returning her home one evening, after what he thought was quite a romantic dinner just for friends, he kissed her. He still remembered the slap that she gave him and the pain and confusion her words caused him.

She had told him that he had gone too far and that she did not consider him more than a friend and a mentor. She never wanted him to touch her like that again. That was the last time he seen her for over two years. He avoided her at all costs. He even neglected some of his Council duties just to avoid running into her again. But when Master Skywalker approached him about his duties to the Jedi, he knew he couldn't let his love for Jaina destroy his one chance to prove that he was worthy of being on the Council. In many ways, the Council was what kept him grounded. He had wanted the Council to be formed a long time before it actually was, mainly to keep Skywalker from making all of the decisions for the Jedi. Ironically, the formation of the Jedi Council was one of the few things Luke Skywalker and Kyp ever agreed upon but for totally different reasons. And, Force, since Corran Horn joined the Council, Kyp definitely didn't want removed from it.

So, he came back but he still avoided Jaina. She had tried to contact him a few times and once during a Jedi meeting she approached him, but he brushed her off with sarcastic remarks that only made her angry. That had always been his defense against her and he wondered why he always did that. He suddenly wandered if he should have opened up to her then. What if she had wanted to…

But he didn't and he would never know. She never approached him again, and then she had gone off into the Unknown Regions with Jacen and the other Jedi who had been on the Myrkr Mission. She, Zekk and others joined the Hive mind of the Killiks. Jacen almost joined the Hive but instead fell to the Dark Side (although, Jacen deigns this) to protect Tenel Ka, Queen Mother of Hapes, when she provided her fleet for the Killiks at Jacen insistence. Several of the others were almost killed in the war with the Chiss that followed, or like Ben Skywalker, Jacen's apprentice, were still having problems adjusting from the effects of the bonding.

When Han, Leia and several Jedi were going after the captured young Jedi, of course, Kyp volunteered without hesitation. He needed to free Jaina and bring her home. He was among the group that destroyed the Dark Nest and freed the Jedi. But he really wasn't prepared for what he discovered. Jaina and Zekk were bonded and were living together as if married within the Colony and had no intention of breaking that bond after leaving.

Kyp couldn't help but smile at the response this got from Han Solo. Kyp thought his old friend was going to shoot Zekk for not wanting to make their relationship legal. Kyp however, was glad when Jaina defied her father's wishes and said she and Zekk did not need a datachip to bind them. Alas, Han may now get his wish anyway.

Kyp threw the datapad on the desk and leaned back in his chair, laying his suddenly throbbing head on the back rest and closing his eyes. He felt totally alone and knew that feeling would never go away. He wondered if the Force was punishing him in some way for what he did twenty-five years before. He then took a deep breath and shunted the headache away.

He opened his eyes and remembered the other aspect of his encounter with Jaina at the gym that had haunted him all night and all day. It caused him to lose sleep and now was preventing him from leaving. It was her near break down at the end before she left. What did she mean by saying she wasn't sure she was really in love with Zekk? And why did she tell me that?

"Ugh!" he groaned and abruptly stood, running his hand through his hair. "Why do I let her do this to me? Why do I let her torture me both physically and mentally until I don't know what to do any more?" he pleaded to no one. He walked over to look at a large holo on the wall above the shelving in his office. It had been taken just after the Yuuzhan Vong defeat and pictured several Jedi including Jaina. He stared at her beautiful, perfect face and said in an anguished whisper, "Goddess, why do I love you so much?"

He had never let a woman or any thing have this much hold on him. She could make him melt with just a look from her deep brandy eyes or a toss of her long chocolate hair. He had once even deigned his feelings for her, hoping that if he pretended they weren't there they would go away. It didn't work. He told himself that he only wanted her to be happy because she was Han's daughter. He tried to convince himself that friendship with her was enough and that as long as she was happy so was he. But he was only kidding himself even then and now it was worse. He knew he could not leave her after he helped rescue her. She needed the support of friends and family more than ever. Only, she all but shut out her family and he became her main support pillar besides Zekk. He had let their friendship grow into something even deeper than it had been before. Though, now the pain of knowing she relied on him, but never would completely give herself to him, was sometimes nearly as unbearable as the pain had been when she rejected him.

He wondered again if he could ever stop loving her because he had for so long. He honestly believed he fell in love with her when he really had no right to even think of her as more than a child. Back when the sixteen year old hot shot pilot beat him at Lando's Folly and freely bragged about beating him to him. No one crossed Kyp Durron, but Jaina never seemed afraid of him even as a child. She could get Kyp to do any thing for her. But at the Folly he realized she was no longer a child and that she was easily the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She unknowingly stole the frozen, battered heart of Kyp Durron and melted it. Only a Goddess could ever make him love after he promised himself he never would again after losing his brother. He had friendships but he never loved any one else again until Jaina. And now the Goddess held his heart and squeezed it by only offering him friendship but never her love.

He turned away from the holo and looked at the chrono on the desk. He really should go home and try to get some sleep. He had a meeting with Luke first thing in the morning then later with the Chief-of-State and Intelligence to go over the data he collected on the mission to the Outer Rim. He met with several contacts out there that he knew from before the Yuuzhan Vong War. Back when he was either loved by the people who he and others like him protected, or hated by the pirates, smugglers and governments that felt his wraith for the crimes they committed.

He made his way back to his desk when he suddenly felt Jaina's Force sense brushing his. He sat down again and frowned; he really did not want to see her now. Then a sudden anticipation and apprehension filled him. Why would she be seeking him out at this hour? He feared that she was trying to find him to let him know she decided to accept Zekk's proposal. But why the need to tell me now, she could vape me with that torpedo in the morning? No, something else must be wrong. Concerned that she may be in trouble, he reached out to find her. He was confused by the feelings he felt through the Force from her. He sensed several conflicting emotions from her, fear and pain, but mostly determination, relief, love and desire.

He nearly pulled out of the momentary bond but didn't when she reached for him again, as if to beg him to stay. He instead stretched his own senses further to get a bearing as to where she was. She was headed to the Temple by way of leaving his apartment building. She was coming to him.

He followed her signature in the Force for the ten minutes from his building to the Temple. When he traced her coming up the turbolift, he stood and went to the door of his office. He took a deep calming breath that did little to quail the sudden tension he felt at seeing her, and opened the door before she could knock.

X

Jaina looked up at him as the door to his office slid open. She lowered her hand and smiled weakly. "I guess you sensed me coming." She felt a sudden fear. She knew she probably looked a mess. She had cried almost the entire way to his apartment and when she didn't find him she panicked causing more tears to fall.

But if he noticed he said nothing only half-heartedly grinned and said, "Yeah." He stepped away from the door and went back to his desk. There he leaned on the front edge and crossed his arms in front of him and his ankles as he stretched out his legs. He looked completely relaxed. He lost the grin and his face became impassive. His emotions appeared completely under control.

Jaina swallowed hard as she moved into the office, the door closing behind her. Jaina reached out to him but he had his iron-tight shields up. However, she still got a hint of the tension he was hiding. Her gaze met his and she suddenly wondered what lay beneath the intense dark green and brown flecked storm that raged in their depths.

"Kyp, we need to talk," she finally broke the thick silence that built between them. She placed herself before him and her gaze never left his.

"What do we need to talk about?" he asked wryly and grinned. "Did you and Zekk have a spat and you couldn't wait until morning to tell me all about it, Goddess?"

Jaina never wavered; she couldn't let her frustration and anger come to the surface. She couldn't let him distract her from what she came there to say. "Kyp, we need to talk about—us."

X

Kyp could only stare at her and finally in a choked whisper he said, "Us?"

"Yes, us." Jaina's brandy eyes bore into his. The intenseness of her gaze caused him to turn away.

He stood and moved from the desk. He nervously combed his fingers through his unruly hair. "What about—um—" he had to swallow the sudden lump in his throat, "us?" He suddenly felt a cold fear that she was about to break his heart without even realizing it.

Jaina sat down on the couch by the wall opposite the shelving and Jedi holo and looked down at her hands. He noticed that they were trembling. He also noticed the puffiness of her eyes and the tearstained cheeks. After a few stretched moments she swallowed and looked up at him, a new determination shown in her eyes that radiated through the Force to him. She simply said, "Sit down."

He could do nothing but comply. He pulled the chair from in front of his desk over to sit before her. After he was seated she took a deep breath and let it out.

"Kyp, I'm in love with you."

Kyp was actually glad he was sitting because her revelation shocked him to the core. It was not what he had been expecting. He stammered, "You—you're in lo—love with me? What about Zekk?"

"I've left him," she simply stated but Kyp could hear the pain in her voice. "He took it pretty hard, but I couldn't go on with him, Kyp. I realized yesterday that it is you that I'm looking for. I can't deign myself happiness any longer." She reached out to lay her hand over one of his which were folded into tight fists in his lap. The gentleness of the touch sent an electric shock through Kyp. He laid his free hand over hers and looked up to meet her eyes.

This time though as their eyes met, Jaina lowered her shields—completely. He gazed into not only her eyes but her very soul. He was flooded with her love, and something that completely undid him—her passion and desire.

"Oh, Jaina…" He couldn't say more. He moved forward at the same time she did. Their lips met and he tentatively brushed hers with his. He then huskily whispered against them, "I love you. I've loved you for so long." He took her into his arms, pulling her onto his lap. She straddled his legs and wrapped her arms around his neck, entwining her fingers into his dark silky hair. He captured her lips fully and kissed her with all of his pent-up passion. She moaned and opened her mouth under his and his tongue ravaged the inside. He tasted her intoxicating sweetness causing his head to spin.

Pulling her closer, he moaned as she couldn't get any closer. He had never in his forty-two years wanted anything as much as he wanted her. He peppered kisses along her cheek to her ear. His hot breath on her ear caused her to shiver. He whispered, "I've loved you for over ten years, Goddess. I've waited ten years for you to tell me that you loved me." She groaned as he nibbled on the fleshy bottom of her earlobe. "I need you, Jaina. I want you. But I know I shouldn't."

She came away from him far enough to look into his eyes. He could see the fire burning in the brandy depths of hers. "Take me back to your place," she said her voice husky with passion. She pulled him to her and kissed him, her tongue flicked inside his mouth. The way she sucked on his bottom lip, sent a shudder through him. The desire he felt pouring off her in that kiss was enough to boil his blood. What she whispered in his ear nearly caused him to explode, "Make love to me, Kyp. Make me yours."

Kyp couldn't take it much longer or he'd need to take her right there in his office and he didn't what to that. It would only cheapen the experience he had waited too long to have. He stood taking her with him. He sat her on her feet but did not let go of her. He needed her for support, his knees felt like jelly. He steadied himself and grinned, "Let's go."