Chapter10 I want you but it hurts to be with you

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Cry Baby wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to leave her in the state she was in. He didn't want her to think he was walking away from her with no concern to how she was feeling if he left her now.

He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by staying either. He bit his lip wishing he knew what to do for the best. "I'll do anything to make this up to you. I know I have hurt you…" he trailed off. He didn't even want to listen to his ramblings never mind what she must be thinking.

She sighed. She started to say something but then trailed off lapsing into fresh tears. "What is it what is it that you want baby?" he whispered.

"There is one thing I really want right now but I know it's not possible…no matter how much I wish otherwise," she answered her voice trembling.

"How do you know that? I'll do anything just tell me," he begged.

She looked at him her eyes shining with tears. "You can't turn back time," she stated.

He sighed sadly. "No…no I can't. All I can do is tell you how sorry I am. I was so stupid I don't like her it's you I love baby. I hate myself for doing this to you baby. I hate knowing I've caused you to spill even one tear. I want to make this up to you. Nothing like this will ever happen again, I promise. I know my word or promises can't hold much if any weight to them right now but I do mean it," he said earnestly.

Allison watched him. "Why now? Of all times why now?" she demanded.

"Allison I never wanted it to happen anytime. I…I know it must be worse now…"

"It would have hurt anytime that you did this to me but right now Cry Baby. This things with my parents my sister…you were what got me through all this. You provided me comfort and love, an escape from the pain. I tried to help you when I saw you were hurting and…and you repay me by kissing Lenora…LENORA! Have you forgotten all that happened before?" she asked very close to shouting.

"I know…Allison I know all this…" he muttered guiltily.

"Well I'm just telling you again. I want you to understand just how much this has hurt me, how much you have hurt me!" she screamed.

Cry Baby was silent he didn't know what else he could say to her right now. He watched painfully as Allison sat on the couch sobbing violently.

"Do…do you know what makes this hardest of all?" she finally asked raising her head so her bloodshot swollen eyes met Cry Baby's.

"No, tell me," he whispered regretfully.

"I'm…I'm not even sure that I am that angry," she said quietly. Cry Baby looked at her a little confused but was silent waiting for her to explain what she meant by that. "I am hurt…you have just hurt me…I know I should be angry but I'm not, well when I say not angry I mean I am nowhere near as angry as I know I should be. I am mainly hurt…I never knew you could hurt me like this,"

"I…" Cry Baby started but Allison raised a hand to silence him.

"I always thought if a man cheated of my then that would be it over no questions asked. It's quite a different situation when it happens to you. I also didn't know it would hurt like this. Of course I knew it was hurtful but I never knew it hurt like this," she said shaking her head as she spoke.

Cry Baby watched her silently trying to work out what she was trying to say. He didn't want to push her into anything. He just sat silently giving her all the time she needed.

"I…I don't think I want to give up on this. There's just this part of me that keeps telling me there is something there that I can't give up on…" she whispered searching his face.

"Are you sure…this is what you want? You know how much I love you, you do know that right? I just don't want you to do anything that doesn't feel right," he said gently.

"I want this to work…I don't want this to be over. I know it might be a little difficult to start with but I think if we are both willing to work at it…" she said.

"Thank you. I know I don't deserve this," he said.

Allison raised a finger to his lips silencing him. "Sshh. I know you are sorry but I need you to know how difficult this is for me and that If this ever happens again that's it. I can't go through this again. I can't forgive this again," she sobbed. "So please don't ever do this to me again…" she whispered a few moments later.

Cry Baby nodded "Never again baby never it's you only you Allison," he whispered moving slowly towards her. Allison hesitated at first then went into his arms. Cry Baby held her close. stroking her hair.