Chapter 22

(9 months later)

Jaina Solo stared at her reflection in the full length mirror and smiled. She had to admit she liked what she saw. The two handmaids had just finished their magic with her hair which was down and had Hapan violets woven throughout the long wavy locks. The chocolate traces were held back from her face with the diamond and white gold tiara her mother had surprised her with. It had been given to Leia by the New Alderaanian government after she helped establish the new world nearly thirty years ago. It was a reproduction to replace the one she had lost with the destruction of Alderaan. Jaina was more that honored to wear it because Leia had worn it at her own wedding to Han; even though, the New Alderaanians had given it to her as a gift because they were sure she would marry Prince Isolder.

The fitted white gown she wore flattered her figure. The scalped low cut, off the shoulder, short sleeve bodice was delicately embroidered with shimmering pale lavender and silver Hapan roses. The satin skirt was fitted with a slit up the back that allowed for easy waking. At the waist was attached a removable over skirt of velvet that created the train. Her shoes, which peeked out from under the scalped bottom edge that mimicked the neckline with embroidered roses, were delicate heeled slippers of silvery satin. Her lightsaber necklace and earrings of Mon Cal teardrop pearls which were a gift from Aunt Mara completed the vision.

She couldn't believe today was her wedding day. Nearly a year had passed since that night when she stared at herself in a different mirror gathering her courage to end her relation with Zekk. Eleven months—and so much had happened.

Kyp took nearly five months to completely recover from the poisoning. The toxin that had stopped his heart and lungs, shut down his kidneys and paralyzed his muscles was eventually counteracted by Kyp's will to live and Jaina's never failing love. Jaina still remembered the overwhelming joy she felt when Kyp's dark green eyes finally opened, but he had a long, hard road to a complete recovery.

Jaina remembered those first few months with a shudder. Jaina had moved back in with him after his release from the medical center three weeks after he awoke. He was unable to walk and did not have much movement of his arms. The poison had destroyed much of Kyp's muscles causing weakness and lack of control.

Kyp went through a terrible period of depression. He was not patient with his therapy and he felt she was smothering him with the care she gave him. Then there was the event that caused Kyp to question his manhood and he began to lash out at her. He repeatedly tried to get her to leave him. He nearly as much as told her that he didn't love her any more, that she would be better off with someone else and that he didn't want her. It was probably the most difficult period in her life. In many ways she felt totally alone. She finally went to her father for advice and he helped her by reassuring her that the best thing she could do was fight him and hang in there. Kyp was stubborn, independent and prideful; Han explained that Kyp wasn't lashing out just at her but at the situation. She in a way was a reminder of what he had been like prior but he needed that reminder to ensure he continued to fight and not give up.

She could not lose Kyp but she felt like he was battling her. She refused to leave him and she eventually proved to him that he was more than deserving of her. By the time he recovered five months after waking up, they discovered that they loved each other more than they ever did before.

By the time Valin and Tahiri were married on Zonoma Sekot, Kyp was nearly completely healed and was regaining his muscular strength back. They attended the wedding that truly was a time of healing itself. It was pivotal to witness Jedi, GFFA military, ex-smugglers and Yuuzhan Vong all gathered together for such a joyous event. Tahiri and Valin had an informal Jedi ceremony which Corran nervously officiated. Not only was it his son getting married but it was also his first wedding. Harrar who had adopted Tahiri/Riina while she was on the planet before the Killik crisis, also said a few words for the newly married couple. The Yuuzhan Vong didn't have a marriage ceremony parse but what the priest said regarding happiness and good fortune was more than appropriate.

Jaina was very excited and very happy for her friends. Tahiri truly looked blissful; the first time Jaina had seen her in such a way in a long, long time. At the reception which was also held out of doors in a meadow not far from one of the villages, Jaina began to mingle. Kyp had gone off with Luke, Jacen and her father. Han was thrilled to be the one to walk Tahiri down the aisle and many there did not miss the larger meaning of that. Tahiri would always be considered a member of the Solo family, but it truly was a sign that she had moved on.

As she was talking with Gavin Darklighter, Zekk, who had been avoiding her, approached and asked her if he could talk to her. They had walked away from the boisterous wedding guests and headed down a path that led to a pleasant brook. Zekk was the first to speak, "How are you? Valin had told us about how bad Kyp's recovery was." Although, no one but her father knew just how terrible of a time it really was, not even her mother, most still knew it was very difficult for the independent, stubborn Jedi Master to be so incapacitated.

She looked at him searching his face for the right words, when none came she said, "I'm okay." Then she smiled when she saw the flicker of concern in his green eyes, "That sounded lame, didn't it?"

"Yeah, it did," Zekk let out a light chuckle when he saw her smile then waited for her to start again.

She looked away and said, "Zekk, I've never been happier. It's been hard for the past five months, I'll admit. The thought of almost losing him frightened me like nothing ever did. And his recovery was an emotional asteroid ride for both of us. But through it all we came out of it more in love and more committed than ever before." She met his eyes and quietly added, "I'm truly sorry for what I did to you, Zekk. I never wanted to hurt you. I did love you, just not as deeply as I should have. I miss our friendship. One can't spend nearly two years joined to someone else's mind and not miss the companionship that comes from that person."

He looked away and up at the clear blue sky that peeked through between the boaras, even Sekot was at the wedding in its own way by providing a most beautiful day. Zekk then said, his voice low, "Jaina, I know that I'll never completely get over you. A part of my heart will always belong to my first love." He then looked back at her, "But I know we were never meant to be. I came here hoping to rebuild on the relationship that I had with Danni before the mess with the Colony and," he smiled as he said the rest, "I have."

He turned away from her and was silent for a few moments as if he was debating what to say next. Finally, he turned back and his face broke with a bright smile, "Danni's pregnant. We haven't told anyone yet, she just found out and I think I'm still in shock but we are planning on getting married."

"Oh, Zekk, that is wonderful news!" Jaina hugged him tightly around his waist.

He put his arms around her shoulders and hugged her back, laughing, "Yeah, well, don't plan on a wedding like this one," he pointed back in the direction of the festivities, "Or, like what I hear you are planning on Hapes." He let her go and continued to smile at her as he draped his arm about her shoulders; she still had an arm around his waist.

She smiled back up at him and said, "Well, I am a goddess, I can't disappoint."

He laughed, "Why does he still call you that? Even the Yuuzhan Vong know better."

She shook her head, "Only Kyp knows for sure why he calls me Goddess, but I think he truly believes I saved him. Not just from the poisoning but from wherever he was headed during the War."

Zekk looked over her head and said, "He is one lucky man."

"And Danni is one lucky woman," she countered as they started back up the path towards the sounds of the reception.

"I love her and we can't wait to get married."

"When and where are you planning this quiet, little wedding?"

He chuckled as he related, "We are going to head out for Commenor to meet her parents in a few weeks and are hoping to get married there." Zekk was quiet for a few moments then laughed as he added, "Although, I really hope her father is nothing like yours."

"Why?" Jaina somehow knew where he was going with this.

"Because, when we tell him about the baby, I really don't want to have to defend myself against his blaster. The memory of your father threatening me because I wouldn't marry you is still a nightmare I really don't ever want to relive." They both laughed as they rounded the edge of the tree line and saw the first wedding festivities.

She assured him, "Don't feel bad, I've saved Kyp more than once." They were both laughing when they found Kyp and Danni.

X

"I'm getting married," Kyp said in a quiet, awestruck voice as the Hapan valet finished with the complicated Hapan neck tie of violet.

The older man stood back to inspect his handiwork with the tie, grinned and said, "That is at least the fifth of sixth time you have said that. You say it as if you are trying to convince yourself it is true."

Kyp looked at the royal house servant and smiled, "I am." He turned back towards the mirror and stared at himself. He was wearing a black tuxedo of Hapan design with a double breasted high collared white shirt. The violet tie and a single amethyst colored rose boutonniere completed the outfit. His hair had been trimmed and hung to just below his ears in long wavy curls. He continued by saying, "I honestly never expected to see this day come." Kyp then looked at the old man by way of his reflection. "It almost didn't."

Kyp turned his gaze back to himself and remembered. It was painful to remember those months after the mission. After Jaina's love saved his life, his pride nearly caused him to push her away—

X

"Get out, Jaina, I don't want you here," Kyp said as he stumbled into their apartment after a grueling day at the Medical Center's rehab ward. He had awakened nearly two months before and, although the doctors all said he had made an amazing recovery so far, Kyp still was no where near as strong as he should be for the amount of therapy he was doing. There was actual concern that the Jedi Master may never completely regain his muscle tissue back. That he would never be able to do the things he had done before.

The medical team still could not figure out the poison that the cyborg Marolosa injected him with. It seemed to be a combination of several different substances but nothing could counteract it. His heart and other organs were all improving rather quickly, but it was his muscles that seemed not to respond to any treatment. However, with healing trances and daily physical therapy, Kyp soon regained enough strength to walk again and near full range of motion of his arms and hands. The problem for Kyp was that the progress seemed so slow. He was never a patient man and he wanted better now not months from now. He wanted to be able to walk with Jaina and do the other things they did together like sparring and personal combat. Not to mention, all the other things he wanted to do with her.

She moved in with him the day he was released back home, with her parents' blessing and encouragement, which should have made him ecstatic and at first it did. Until Jaina became his nurse and maid, she did every thing for him. She cooked his meals, while desperately trying to learn to cook; she cleaned up after him; she made sure he made it to all of his appointments; she even bathed him those first few weeks until he was able to do it for himself. At night she would make sure he went into his prescribed healing trances. It all became very frustrating for him, she was everything but what he wanted her to be. But worse, he felt like a complete burden to her.

After about two months of rehab he was able to walk completely on his own and he had control over most of his body. It was their sixth month anniversary; Jaina had prepared a rather decent meal of roasted nerf and baked tubers. They ate by low light and candles like they used to when she would have diner with him before the mission. Afterward, they sat on the couch and cuddled. But all too soon, their desire began to take over. He led Jaina to their bedroom and he wanted nothing more than make love to her. But his body just wasn't ready. It was probably the most embarrassing event in his life. The disappointment he saw in her beautiful brown eyes, which to her credit, she covered so fast he wondered if it had been there at all, haunted him for several months after until he was finally completely recovered.

That event caused Kyp to doubt everything and he wanted nothing more that to save Jaina from what he had become. But he felt the only way to get her to leave was to lash out at her and hurt her enough to make her go away. To leave him alone to what had become a retched existence. Two days after what he felt was his failure as a man, he decided he had enough of Jaina being his nurse and maid.

He was weak from the hard day at therapy and Jaina reached out to help steady him as he stepped down from the entry into the living room but recoiled instead from the viciousness of his words. "Kyp, I'm not leaving you."

He unsteadily turned after stepping down, "Why? Do you feel that sorry for me?"

"Kyp?" Jaina's tone was pleading; she didn't understand why he was saying these things. Finally, she swallowed and said as she headed for the kitchen, "You're upset about today, that's all." She was referring to the seemingly lack of progress over the past week. She turned before stepping into the kitchen, "Why don't you rest and I'll get lunch." She was desperately trying to hide the tears that were glazing her eyes. She quickly disappeared into the kitchen.

Kyp moved slowly to the edge of the island counter. Jaina's back was to him while she was preparing some ground nerf for lunch. He could feel her hurt and he almost stopped, thinking that he didn't really want to hurt her but then it was better to cause her some pain now instead of a lot later, he reasoned. He bitterly declared, "Jaina, I don't want you to be my nurse or my maid. And since," she turned and he choked a venomous chuckle, "I obviously can't be your lover, what else is there?"

Jaina's eyes were glazed and red from both the unshed tears she was holding back and from the millions, if not billions she had already cried. She softly replied, "Our love."

"I don't—" Kyp stopped and swallowed. He was about to say the words that would break not only her heart but his as well, "I don't want your love."

"Kyp, stop!" Her restraint broke and the dam that held her tears in broke. It only hurt him more to see this. He quickly turned and headed towards the couch. He took several steps, he himself fighting tears, when he nearly fell.

Jaina caught him before he went down and he pushed her away almost causing her to fall. "Get away!" He slowly stood and eventually made the last few steps to the back of the couch. Leaning against it, breathing heavy from the exertion, he seethed, "This is what I'm talking about! I'm not a man any more; I'm a shell, Jaina. I used to be able to run at top speed for twenty-five klicks and not even break a real sweat or need to breathe hard." He turned to look over his shoulder at her, "Now I can't even walk two meters."

"But it's only been two months," she started forward but must have sensed his warning because she stopped. "The doctors all say it may take months to get back your strength."

"Or I may never get it back," the resigned look in her eyes admitted to the fear. He went on, "I know the medics aren't telling me every thing, Jaina. I know there's a really good chance that I may never recover completely." Finally, feeling like he could stand again, he did so and completely turned to face her. In a voice filled with the self-loathing he had not felt in over twenty-five years he said, "Am I what you want to spend the rest of your life with? An invalid. A shell of a man. You are a passionate woman, Jaina, you need a man who can satisfy you. Don't you see? I can't be that man. Isn't that why you left Jag and Zekk because they weren't passionate enough for you?"

Jaina blinked and then stared at him; she looked as if he had just hit her. In a way, he probably did. After a moment, she swallowed and stepped closer and then proceeded to slap him across the face, leaving a red hand print. She nearly screamed at him, "I left them because I love you! Yes, there was something missing with them and yes, I called it passion, but it had nothing to do with my sex life with them. It was the depth of feeling that wasn't there. The depth of truly unconditional love. That's what I feel for you." She reached out to touch the red hand print, he tried to turn away but her fingers touched his cheek anyway. He felt her use the Force and immediately the stinging stopped. "I don't care if you ever recover, if we never have that again. It's you I love," her voice shook from the pain she felt and from fear. She more calmly added after taking a ragged breath, "I'm here because I want to be. Yes, I cry a lot. I'm not going to lie to you and say that I wish this," she made a gesture with her had as she waved it in front of him, "never happened. But Kyp, when I almost lost you just outside Corescant and then when the Council decided to remove the machines it crushed me." Her tears were streaming like a river, and it nearly broke his heart to see her this way. She whispered, "I don't know what I'd do without you in my life. Kyp, I love you and I always will."

X

Kyp closed his eyes against the painful memory. That was only the first fight they had, more followed, some more hateful than even this one. For nearly a month and a half, he told Jaina nearly every day that she would be better off without him. But Jaina never wavered. She never stopped loving him. He had stopped calling her "Goddess" but she proved to him that she truly was one because it was her love and determination that saved him from himself. He would never be able to completely prove to her or show her how much she meant to him. And he wondered every day, what would have become of him if she would have walked away.