Genre: Dark Comedy/Drama
Mary Robinson's Story…leading up to Vexie Pan 2
Mary Robinson had been a courteous young woman in her time. She had been a great beauty and had married the rich and handsome Christopher Lumbus who had travelled the seas and found his fortune by discovering China and a whole new race of people. In their day, they were a five-star couple, turning up at every A-list event, going to the Oscars, the Grammys… etc. They were the prime time… Then, they had Milsome.
Milsome, (or Millie as she was later known) was their first born and they both adored her immediately.
Then Millie turned three…and Dill came along. Dill, (or Dillie as he became later known) was their second born, and was almost as cute and cuddly as Millie was. But the Lumbus's were not done yet.
Their last and final child was Vexie. Vexie was just Vexie. No Abbreviated form or nickname. Just Vexie.
If you looked back at the scene, you could say Vexie was nothing but trouble, trouble, and more trouble. You see, there had been a fight on what to name Vexie. Christopher wanted to call her Vexin. But Mary had wanted to call her Eggsmin.
In the end, Christopher won most of it and she was name Vexi, part of Christopher and E part of Eggsmin. So she was Vexie. Mary never got over how she lost to Christopher. Later, she would call it feminism.
Anyway, Vexie was more trouble than she was worth. Even before she was born, she caused rows between her parents which would eventually lead to their estrangement. When she was born however, there was a short period where everyone said how cute and little she was… standard baby stuff.
Then…Vexie turned three. By now, Millie was eight and Dillie was five.
Vexie had started the "tantrum" stage in life and threw a tantrum for everything she wanted… which was everything.
Mary Robinson did not know what hit her when she stepped into bed that night. It had felt warm and squishy, she looked down, saw brown, and for a second there she had really thought it was...
It was only after Vexie yelled
"I SAID I WANTED WHITE ICING NOT BROWN ICING!" did she realise how much more trouble Vexie had really been.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
Ding! "Mary!" Dong!
Ding! "Mary!" Dong!
Ding! "Mary!" Dong!
Someone was yelling her name. It was Christopher who had forgotten to take the house key when he went back to good ole' China and couldn't get back in the house.
This was the last straw.
"I'm sick of your yabbering and amnesia!" she yelled. "I'm keeping you out!"
That was the end of their marriage. No one ever saw Christopher Lumbus again. Some say he suicided, others say he married a French woman and had a boy named Jesus.
However, he never touched Mary Robinson's life again, except of course to pay for the occasional child-care etc.
The three children grew up to be near-perfect children. (the near part of 'near-perfect' was all Vexie) They got the traditional As at school (well, mostly, Vexie mostly got Es) and joined the occasional extra-curricular activity (Vexie joined Squash but was sorely disappointed when she realised it wasn't where you could squash people).
However, Vexie was still troubled because the life she led was just too untroublesome for her. And Vexie's middle name was Trouble. Literally!
Because when she had turned the ripe age of nine, Vexie got the chance to choose herself a couple of names. She had befriended a clown from the travelling circus who just happened to be a name-changer.
Vexie, thinking as nine-year-olds do, decided that as everyone called her trouble, one of her names should be Trouble, and as she adored the fairy-tale of Peter Pan so she chose her last name Pan. So there she had it: Vexie Trouble Pan.
Her mother was nearly in tears when she realised that her daughter's name was legally Vexie Trouble Pan. Her mother had tried to squish the trouble out of her troublesome daughter when she was a small child and named her all the rest of the things which were good and holy. Her name had been Vexie Maria Jesu Virginé Robinson. (Mary Robinson was a devoutly religious lady) It was too bad Vexie didn't fall for all that religious voodoo.
One particularly gnashing day, Vexie had been playing football with a few of her friendly chums when Mary Robinson received the phone-call which changed EVERYTHING.
As it turns out, Vexie had been suspended from school for misbehaviour and misconduct during class. Mary Robinson was horrified! "My daught… MY DAUGHTER IS SUSPENDED!" she yelled down the old-fashioned phone at the poor receptionist! "UNBELIEVABLE! SHE IS NOT GOING TO BE SUSPENDED BECAUSE…WELL BECAUSE I AM TAKING HER OUT OF SCHOOL BEFORE SHE CAN BE SUSPENDED! NO DAUGHTER OF MINE WILL EVER BE SUSPENDED DO YOU HEAR ME!" The poor lady really was a bit frantic.
There is one thing you should know about Mary Robinson. When she was mad, she really went bonkers! She would gnash her teeth together, pull at her hair and clench her fists all at the same time.
But Mary Robinson had had enough with her troubled child. One stormy day, the wind whistled sorrowfully, the light drizzle of rain came and went continuously. Mary Robinson took exactly twenty-three dollars and seventy two cents out of the Robinson's emergency safe behind the painting of the bowl of fruit and slipped on her black-fur coat. The good children were doing their homework but Vexie (the wild one) was swinging outside on a tree.
Mary Robinson sneaked out without making a sound.
When she returned, the house was frighteningly silent. It didn't smell as if Vexie had been playing with the fertiliser again and it didn't look as if Vexie had spilled eggs on the wall again. It was nearly as if Vexie had become good but Mary didn't get her hopes up, (she was not a hopeful person just waiting to be disappointed). Instead, she walked cautiously up the wooden stairs not daring to make a sound.
"M-m-millie? D-dddillie? V-v-v-vexie!" she squeaked.
"Yea What Ma!" Vexie popped up suddenly and loudly and startled Mary so much that she fell down two steps and said "oooo," in the depressing way when you hear a crack and you know you've broken something. Then being a lady, she promptly fainted when she saw some red liquid on her arm. Little did she know that it had just been a bit of tomato sauce which Vexie had spilled accidentally but we all know what she thought it was.
When she woke up she was in a white room. She was dressed in a poker-dot thing. Her right arm was numb and then she remembered… The weapon! Oh no! Oh no! she thought. She located her clothes at the side of the bed, dug into the 'big' pocket and pulled it out… "Oh no, it's squashed!" she sighed… "well, nothing I can do about it now!" she put it back into the 'big' pocket before anyone could see it.
Thinking questions for Years 11-13:
What is the relationship between Vexie and Mary Robinson like so far?
What do you think the 'weapon' is?
What do you think will happen next?
Where is Mary Robinson? (this one is so obvious)
Vexie had panicked when Mary had blacked out. First, she contacted her best friend Felinocity then when she was told to call one-one-one, she did so and managed to get Mary to hospital in a blue ambulance.
After, when she was certain her dear old mother was safely locked up, sorry, taken care of in the hospital, she buried herself into her work. The question that many of you have failed to ask, was vital, what had Vixie been suspended for? Sure, she had burnt down the school hall, and maybe, she had accidently manslaughtered a few, no, a number of poor unsuspecting teachers... But overlooking these few minor incidents, she was really quite an innocent young girl.
Night prevailed on the silent Robinson household.
Something was missing.
Vexie cocked her head to the side, and popped a vein on her head. What was missing? Why did she feel... so... strange?
Then it occured to her,the thought smashedher on the head like a baseball bat aiming at a watermelon.
Of course, why hadnt i thought of it before? Vexie grinned. The Robinson household was missing its ...
Tinkie Winkie.
Thinking questions-
1. What is "the Tinkie Winkie?"