good morning i guess chapter 25
Tap tap tap. Bone on bone. To the beat of a song. What was it? Felt like he knew it by heart, but he couldn't recall.
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The world was soft and warm, mostly. Felt stagnant, though. Boring. Sans opened his eyes a crack and waited through bad focus and weird pixels of colour until he could see again in the low light. A ceiling. Not his. Not Papyrus's.
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His eyes cast to the side. Computers and cables and a pink comforter. The lab. Weird. The tapping got him again. He scanned himself, and turned out the tapping was him. His own finger on the back of his palm. His hand was wrapped in wires. Looked medical. It felt sluggish and heavy. He thought he heard music in the back of his head, a hum that felt like his own but absolutely wasn't. He rolled his shoulders and sat up slightly. He was surprised to see his ribcage was fully exposed and more wires were entangled with his bones. Definitely medical. He carefully began to unfasten anything non-critical and his mind slowly came unfogged. Oh right, he'd fainted. Just like his kid had warned. He sighed and laughed tiredly. Hoped it hadn't been too long.
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No sooner than he began to get his bearings, he heard a high-pitched shriek, and he was abruptly pulled into the boney arms of his brother. It was warm and overwhelmingly comfortable.
"Nyeehhhhh, are you okay?! You're up?! How are you?!" Papyrus demanded.
Sans smiled at him groggily and let himself go limp. "Not bad." His voice was raspy. "You?"
"Much better!" Papyrus's eyes were alight and shimmering with tears, and he wore a big, goofy grin on his face. "B-Brother, you gave us quite the spooking!"
"Ah. Hah. Sorry 'bout that," he said. "Don't cry, huh?"
"I'm not!" The skeleton quickly wiped his eyes. "Everyone's going to be so happy to see you."
"What'd I miss?" he asked.
"Not much, honestly." Papyrus loosened his grip and took his hand, gently helping to unhook wires from around his fingers. "Us moping and dad working a lot. Not very interesting but highly emotional anyways!"
"Hm. Sounds about right. Sorry to give you guys such a hassle," he said.
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He peered past him and around the room. There was an odd hectic sense about the place, despite it being so still. Reminded him of when his kid'd been out for a few days after getting blasted in the CORE. He guessed he knew how she felt. Weird that she wasn't here, as far as he could see. Maybe that was good, though. Knowing her, they'd probably had to drag the poor little dork away for her to get any sleep at all.
"Hey, uh, where's the kid?" he asked.
"Which kid?" Papyrus asked.
"You know. The kid," Sans said. "Kiddo. Y'know?" Her name was slipping from his mind. Must've been more out of it than he thought.
"Ummmm…" Papyrus tapped his teeth.
Sans raised his brows. His soul's pulse sped up just a fraction of a beat. "You know. Kiddo. Squirt. Short little nerd. Our sister. Where's she at? She get some rest at least?"
"Uhhhh, Ssaaaans?" Papyrus frowned worriedly. "We, um. We don't have a sister."
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Sans stared at him blankly. A chill sunk through his bones. "What?"
"What what?" Papyrus asked.
The short skeleton couldn't keep the incredulous frown from his face. Couldn't be a joke. That wasn't anywhere in the realm of Papyrus's sense of humour. Flummoxed, his eyes flicked around the room. No little human kid. No sister. No kiddo. "No. Nope. That's not… Hm…" His soul ached, pulsing hard against his ribs. "Gotta be dreamin', right?"
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Papyrus looked down at him with wide, worried eyes. "N-No, Sans, you're awake. Finally awake, after, um… I actually don't know how long it's been, but I guess it was long enough to be a worry? Would you like some tea? That might help."
"That's… This… Nah, it can't be real, right? No way." A sick chill rattled him. His voice caught. "We have a sister."
"Sans, we don't—"
"No. Nope." He raised his hand and he tried to get up, though his body was stiff and weak.
Papyrus hurried grabbed him and gently helped him up. He looked around for any sign— a hint of blue and pink, or red, or anything.
"Paps. Listen. I dunno what's goin' on but this ain't right, she's supposed to be here," he insisted.
"Nyooo, brother, I'm sorry but I… I really don't know who you mean," Papyrus said apologetically.
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Sans looked like he'd been slapped. His grin became strained and he huffed out an exhausted, disbelieving laugh. He stumbled away from the bed, dragging wires with him. Papyrus quickly slapped them away from one of the monitors they'd been hooked up to. Sans put a hand to his brow, his shoulders sagging.
"It's a dream. It's gotta be a dream," he muttered under his breath, eye sockets darkening except for a distressed flicker of blue in the left. Every inch of him ached. "This ain't funny. She's not… He… He needs her." He took a deep breath. "Fine. It's fake. I gotta wake up."
"Sans? Sans!" Papyrus grabbed tight to his shoulders, eyes beaming like warm sunlight. "Sans, snap out of it!"
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Sans stared at him. The wide-eyed, earnest worry on Papyrus's face stunned him still. His mind flipped, trying to piece it together. How could she be gone? It was a nightmare. He grimaced and then whirled around, heaving in a deep breath.
"My shirt around here somewhere?"
"Um! I'm sure it is, but Sans, what're you—?!"
"If she's not here, she's gotta be somewhere else," he said. "Maybe I… gotta play it out in here, then I'll wake up? Shit."
"Sans…" Papyrus said softly.
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"S-Sans?!" Alphys screeched into the room, eyes wide, glasses fogged. Her jaw dropped and she sprinted, stumbling, for the skeleton and she wrapped him in a tight hug. "Thank g-god you're o-okay! How are you f-feeling? Do you n-need anything? Are you h-hungry? Thirsty? Can I g-get you anything?!"
"You know where my sister is?" he asked.
"…Uh. What?" she squeaked. She held his face gently. "Oh, S-Sans, are you okay?" She turned to look at Papyrus. "Is he okay?"
Papyrus shrugged sheepishly.
"I'm fine," Sans said. "I just gotta find my kid."
"Y-Your kid?" she repeated.
"My kid sister," Sans said, only to receive a blank, startled stare. "C'mon. This is nuts. Neither of you…?" He sighed. "Whatever, it's fine. Shirt?"
"Oh! Um…!" She reached into his ribcage. "L-Let me get you unhooked first and then—"
"This is a friggin' terrible dream," Sans muttered.
"You're awake," Alphys said gently.
"Sans, we've been waiting for you for…! For days!" Papyrus insisted, pushing in closer. "You're awake. We promise! I wouldn't lie to you, you know that!"
"Then why don't you…?" His head throbbed. Why wasn't her name coming back to him? He rubbed his temples. "This doesn't make sense."
"Let me call dad," Papyrus suggested.
Sans's eyes went wide. He held out his hand. "Give it."
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Baffled, Papyrus pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it over, and Sans turned on the screen and swiped through the contacts. It was all completely legible. Not a word was gibberish. His bones began to rattle, the cold returned, and a sinking, heartbroken nausea permeated every note in his soul. He could place every phone number Papyrus had in there. None of them were his kid. Fingers shaking, he dialled hers and put the phone to the side of his head. It only rang once, and then disconnected with a strange, soft note saturated in white noise. Sans held the phone back and stared at it, the blue from his own eye reflecting back at him off the casing.
"Can't be," he breathed. "It's… No. No. She's… She can't be gone, we're still here, and she's…" He held his skull, heel of his hand pressed hard into his brow. "I'm… here. I'm awake."
"I tried to tell you," Papyrus said gently. He put a hand on Sans's shoulder. "Let me make you something, okay, brother? Spaghetti and ketchup? Hmmmm?"
"Your dreams must've b-been really vivid, right?" Alphys said sympathetically.
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Sans couldn't answer. He rattled and tears pooled in his eye sockets until they began to leak. That was his kid. His sister. Part three of his soul. He'd lost her all over again. He put a hand to his mouth and buckled. Alphys cooed worriedly, cheeks flushing, and Papyrus let out a shrill caw. He bent to hug Sans tight.
"It's okay! It's okay. I promise. I super duper promise," Papyrus said.
"What did I do?" he muttered.
"Do? What do you mean?" his brother asked. He gently took the phone back. "Look. I'll get dad over here and he'll make you feel a lot better, I'm sure!"
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Sans's mind raced. He brushed his eye sockets with his knuckles, patted Papyrus on the shoulder, and then walked off. There was a pile of folded clothes shoved up on top of a keyboard near one of the computer sets. Might be his.
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Alphys chased him over, hurriedly picking up the wires that trailed behind him. She fretted over him, gathering them into bundles until he picked up a grey hoodie and threw it on. There was a tuft of white fur near the pocket. He plucked it off and stared at it with an incredulous frown. His heart sunk and he grimaced. There was another kid. Looked a lot like Toriel; was usually around his sister. He was important. They'd fought hard for him. He was supposed to be here.
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He looked at Alphys and Papyrus. Though his brother was pacing and chattering urgently on the phone, Alphys was still close, staring at him with worried expectance.
"I-Is everything okay?" she asked.
"Nah, not really. And where's…?" The name was slipping his mind. This was getting more serious than he'd thought. "The…? Ah, damn."
"Where's what?" Alphys asked.
"Don't suppose you've seen a goat kid around here?" he said.
"N… No? No, I don't, um…" Her eyes were wide and swimming with guilt. "I-I'm sorry, S-Sans, I just don't… I don't know what to tell you."
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Puffing out a sigh, Sans nodded and leaned back against the table. He wondered where he had to start. Maybe back home. Or back in the Ruins. Maybe not even that far. Maybe deeper into the lab? Or maybe in the CORE? Then again, the underground wasn't all there was. She could be shoved out onto the surface somewhere, like when the goat kid had messed up her grasp on the world. What the hell could have yanked them from everyone else's memories? He hardly noticed Alphys plucking wires out from between his ribs.
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Though his soul stuttered, he picked the Ruins. If this was some kind of weird, soft reset, it seemed like the most likely place to find his sister.
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He was about to shift, but a heavy, potent nausea shot through him and black sparks flickered through the few wires still inside his ribcage. Alphys squeaked and jerked back as he held a hand over his soul spot.
"AAAAH! SANS! ARE YOU OKAY?!" Papyrus called from across the room. "DON'T WORRY, DAD AND MOM ARE ON THEIR WAY AND THEY WILL DEFINITELY HELP SO JUST RELAX."
"I, uh… I don't have time for this," Sans said under his breath. He barely got a step towards the door before Alphys held his shoulders to stop him.
"Wait, w-wait, where are you going?!" she asked.
"Guess I'm walkin'," he said.
"Nooo, no no no, please w-wait," Alphys said quickly. "Please. Y-You just woke up f-from a coma or something, your d-dad is going to want to check on you and—"
"He can wait. Gotta find my sis."
"But Sans, you don't…" Alphys took a deep breath."I'm j-just worried about you, okay? I mean… I mean, I'm sorry, I don't know how else to say this, but… but you don't have a sister. You n-never did."
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Sans sighed. He reached into his ribcage and tore out what was left of the cables and, though Alphys winced, Sans handed them to her gently and stepped around her. He peeked at the floor. Couldn't see any of his stuff anywhere.
"Bro, got my slippers?" Sans asked.
"As always!" He whisked them from his phone with a snap of his fingers and a sparkle, a proud smile on his face. He tossed them over like pink, fuzzy frisbees. "I always carry a couple extra pairs, you know!" His expression switched to suspicion as Sans put them on his boney feet. "Heeey, wait, are you going somewhere?!"
"Just, uh, slippin' off," Sans said with a wink.
"To where?!"
"There's some kids I gotta find, s'important," Sans said with a shrug.
"BAAH! Right away with this again!" Papyrus cawed. He bounced over and held his brother's shoulders. "Brother, pleeeease, wait here! Dad's on his way! And he will be happy to see you and hopefully he will help your poor head."
"My head's alright," he said. "Not worried about that."
"But you haven't made sense since you got up!" Papyrus said. "Which, I mean, admittedly is only a few minutes, but they were clearly very distressing for you to think we have a sister when we don't and—"
"Look, I get it," Sans said, raising his hands and carefully sliding away. "You, uh… You don't remember." Hurt his soul more than he thought it would to say it aloud. "S'fine. Somethin' screwed up. Probably my bad. I just gotta find them and we'll fix it. Might take a bit of walkin' but I guess I'll deal."
"Find…?! Oh, brother, come on, please. You're really worrying me with all this. And now you want to go where?!"
"Ruins, I guess," he said.
"R-Really? The Ruins?" Alphys asked sheepishly. "That's so far, though…"
"You can't go all the way there on your own in this state! You've been unconscious for literally days and you want to walk…?! Wait. Why do you want to walk?"
"Eh, shiftin' ain't cooperatin'," he said with a shrug. He winked. "If you're so worried, come with me."
"Out. Of. The. Question!" Papyrus insisted sternly. He plucked Sans up in blue magic with a twirl of his finger. "You just want me to carry you. You should sit down and let me make you a nice big plate of pasta instead of this other weird stuff. Honestly."
"Look, bro, I appreciate it," Sans said, "but finding our sis is kinda more important than—"
"Then why have I never met her?!" he said with shrill insistence.
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Sans winced. His soul flickered pitifully. Papyrus's jaw dropped and he fumbled for words for a second before he pulled his brother into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry! I am! Really," he said quickly. "You're so upset and I can't help you if you're looking for something that isn't there."
"How am I gonna know if I don't look?" His voice came out weaker than he would've liked. He touched his brother's skull with blue, hoping that any bit of his memory magic might trigger something. "You really don't…?"
Papyrus sighed. He shook his head. "I was so worried about you, you know," he said quietly. "I actually missed you quite a lot, so… So, let's not fight."
"We ain't fightin'," Sans said.
"Oh good! So you'll sit down and relax?" he asked hopefully, plunking him gently into a chair near the bedside.
"I wish." The short skeleton leaned up and out of his seat, only to have his head spin in response. Black spots and chunks of colour blurred in his vision and he swooned.
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Next thing he knew, Papyrus was holding him upright in his chair and Alphys had a cold compress squished in a dishtowel up against his forehead.
"I'm okay," he said.
"Shhh shh shush, you're okay," Papyrus said hurriedly.
Sans laughed wearily and rubbed his palm against his eye socket.
"I-I mean… You have energy, I guess that's something," Alphys said with a weak smile. She put a hand against his skull and patted him consolingly. "We'll make you something to eat. Just rest. Don't, um… Don't stand up too fast."
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She went over to the table beside him and popped a hotplate out of her phone, and plunked a pot on top of that. Sans sighed and massaged his temples. His brother patted his back gently and then stood up straight, hands on his hips.
"What is taking him?" he grumbled, tapping his foot swiftly. He looked back at Sans. "Oh! Your eyes…! You're not actually okay at all, are you?"
"You know I don't like lyin' to you, bro," Sans said with an apologetic smile, wishing faintly that his own face wouldn't betray him like that. "I just, uh… I really should get lookin', though."
"Sans please!"
"Paps please."
Papyrus groaned. "Sans, I don't want to be harsh, but this is really impossible! I mean. I'd know if we had a sister, right? I would! I'm sure I would. But we don't." He tapped on his palm. "Dad only has two holes, not three. Where would she have even come from?!"
"His soul," he said.
"His s—?! How?!"
"You know, when he died in the CORE and stuff." Sans shrugged.
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Papyrus's jaw dropped and his eyes seemed to bug out. "D-DIED?! WHAT?! That… What?! He grabbed Sans's head in both hands and started to feel it over quickly. "D-Did we miss a spot?!"
"Don't remember that either, huh?" Sans tapped his teeth. "Interestin'…"
"How could I remember…?! SANS! Oh my god." Papyrus rubbed his face and whipped around to Alphys. "Is the something nearly ready? He is not doing good."
"I-I was m-making it fresh, should I use a packaged something?" she asked shrilly.
"Guys, I'm fine." He wasn't, he felt sick and there was a frozen ache in his bones. He had to find those kids. "So… If dad didn't…? What about the barrier?"
"What about it?" Papyrus asked.
"It's down, right?"
"WHAT?! No, of course it isn't!" he yelped.
"Really?" He pointed at Alphys's fingers, where there were some little orange scars he knew she'd gotten from the goat kid's soul. "How'd you get those?"
"What?" Alphys looked at her hands. "Oh. I dunno, I h-have a ton of magic burns, t-to be honest. B-But what does that have to do with—?"
"I'd take a look at it later, if you want, just, uh, don't faint." He got to his feet despite his head spinning. He stuck his hand up and then strolled towards the door. "Alright, I'll be back eventually."
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Blue grasped gently to Sans's soul, freezing him in his tracks. He sighed.
"Dude," he said.
"I can't let you just wander off when you're like this!" Papyrus insisted worriedly. "What kind of irresponsible, good-for-nothing brother would I be? And the great Papyrus is the most responsible, good-for-everything brother, in fact."
Sans winced. Though his soul hurt, he pulsed it gently and his brother's magic detached. He rubbed the back of his head. "Gotta find the kids, sorry."
"But there is no…! Sans!" Papyrus ran over to park himself in front of him again. "I'm so sorry, but there's no kid! There's no goat kid and no sister kid; there's no kids."
"There is, it's just some weird time crap. It's gotta be," he said.
"Time…?! Saaans, I don't understand."
"That's fine. When I find her I bet she'll fix m—"
"There's no her!"
"Look, I get it, you don't remember—"
"There's no sister to remember, Sans." Papyrus grabbed his shoulder tight, brows bent with worry.
"There is, but—"
"We don't. Have. A sister."
"We do."
Papyrus frowned. "Sans. I'm serious. We don't have a sister."
"Listen, I'm not arguin' this with you," he said. "But I need to find her and if I gotta teleport and pass out from it to get around you, bro, I'm gonna do it."
"But…! But! Fine!" He glowered and pouted. "What's her name, then?!"
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Sans froze. His mind raced back— she'd told it to him through sniffles over the phone for the very first time, but he still couldn't recall. He'd said it a hundred times. Papyrus had, too. The memories had big, black voids in them.
"It's… Ah…" Sans's bones rattled and his eyes glazed. Panic sunk through him. He put a hand to his brow. "I…"
His memories were clear and precise otherwise— when he met the kid for the first time, outside the Ruins, back when she was nervous to be there but excited to see him. How she and Papyrus had bonded; how she'd settled into the family. Grabbing the kid when she revealed herself to be his anchor. Normal stuff like snowball fights, cooking dumb hotdogs, and watching bad TV. Big stuff like their fight to save that goat kid and their never-ending stream of conjoined dreams. He remembered the moment, that night she'd first fully remembered the "shadowman", as she slept in his arms, that he'd realized exactly who she was. They'd shared souls. He knew everything she ever knew as if it were his own. He remembered everything, except her name and something about her face.
"I…" The words stuck. "I can't… Why can't I…?" His sockets welled up again as blue flared in his left eye.
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"Ahh! Oh no! Oh no no no, Sans?! I'm sorry!" Papyrus dropped down to hug him tight. "I'm so sorry, I thought maybe tough love would snap you out of it but that was clearly not the right way to go."
"S'okay," he said quietly.
"Noooo, no not really." He gently bumped his brow against his brother's. "We will get you sorted out. Okay? I promise. And I l—"
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The kicking in of a door announced Gaster's arrival; he was at the skeletons, pulling them both into a crushing hug before anyone had even said hello. He mumbled frantically in Creatlach, too fast and low to catch, before pulling back and beaming at Sans. His eyes were glittering bright.
"Welcome back," he said.
"Uh. Thanks," Sans said.
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Gaster's brow furrowed slightly. He brushed a hand under the younger skeleton's eye. "I heard you were having some troubles. Are you alright?"
"He's nooooot," Papyrus whispered loudly.
Sans frowned. "Troubles? Yeah. My little sister. Where is she?"
"Wh…? What?" Gaster asked. "Sister? Wh…? Are you…? Are you alright?"
"Are you kiddin', I feel like I'm losin' my mind," he said. "They keep tellin' me I don't have a sister." Sans stared at Gaster with certainty in his eyes but faint desperation on his face. "I have a sister."
Gaster gulped. He put a hand on Sans's shoulder. "Come. Let's talk, just you and me, okay? You're still a little dazed, aren't you?"
"Don't you dare say she's not real, too." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "I can't handle this right now, I'm serious."
Gaster grimaced. He nodded. "It's okay. You're going to be okay. Come."
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Sans allowed Gaster to guide him into a quieter section of the lab— a room mostly disused, though it could serve as an examination room. There was a counter and two chairs, and a golden flower in a clay pot sitting on a cabinet. An old-fashioned radio was buzzing incoherently; Gaster reached over to turn it down. Other items had been packed away into cardboard boxes. The shorter skeleton all but collapsed onto a spinning chair, holding a hand to his head. Gaster pulled up the other chair and sat down across from his son. He tilted his head inquisitively.
"An bhfuil pian ort?" he asked gently.
"Course I am. Head's splittin'," he said. "Look, I don't care about that. Seriously. The kid's missin' and I can't just sit here anymore with people tellin' me she ain't real."
"Relax. Breathe," Gaster said. "Tell me everything."
"I thought it had to be a dream," he said. "Another timeline or somethin'. But it's… not. My sister's gone. That other kid, the goat one; him too. I remember 'em but…" He looked up hurriedly. "You remember, right? You, of all people…"
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Gaster stared back at him blankly for a few seconds.
"You don't," Sans said disbelievingly. "Welp. Shit." He rubbed his head. "You probably think I'm losin' it, too, huh?"
"Explain it for me," Gaster said gently. "Start with your sister. How old was she? Quite young?"
"She'd tell ya eleven, which is technically accurate 'cause of time loop crap, but she's ten. Looks about five, though: she's as short as I was at that age," he said.
"And her…" He put his hands on his head. "Skull shape. Much like mine, or yours, or…?"
"I'm, uhh… not totally sure, to be honest," he said. "She's not a skeleton."
Gaster tilted his head quizzically.
"She's a human," Sans said. "You made her by accident."
"I…?" Gaster stared back at him, taken aback. He put a hand over his soul spot. "How on earth…?"
"She was the red line. M… Our anchor," he insisted. "She was born on the surface and came to us. Look, I know it sounds nuts, but—"
"It does, but it's…" He looked at the palms of his hands. "It's familiar, I…" He shuddered and put a hand against the side of his head. His soul let out a miserable chime, unpleasant to the ear and static in its touch. He jerked and peaked down the front of his shirt. "…Cnámha m'anam."
"It's weird, right? Black? Because you were out there. Out in that messed up time void place," Sans said. "You died. In the CORE, ten years ago. She came outta you. Do you remember any of that?"
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Gaster shuddered. His fingers ran up the crack above his eye. "It's… The void, I… remember that. I… was lost and you pulled—"
"No. It was her," he said. Sans held out his hands, shimmering blue in his fingertips.
His father nodded quickly and Sans tapped his temples. The cool, seeping energy touched something. Gaster choked. Tears came to his eyes and he wiped them quickly.
"I… Oh. My god." His jagged soul sung a heartbroken song so strong it made both their eyes water. He lurched forward and pulled Sans into his arms. "I-I'm so sorry I didn't… I didn't doubt you, but I… chuaigh cos, I can't believe I forgot."
"You remember her," Sans insisted.
"I… I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry, Sans," he said quickly. He sat back quickly and wiped his face. He looked, somehow, paler and gaunt, like he hadn't slept in weeks. "But her name, it's—"
"Gone," Sans said, nodding quickly. "Yeah, exactly. Her, too." He frowned. "This is real bad, huh?"
"It might be," Gaster said weakly. "The others don't… Not even Papyrus?"
Sans shook his head, baffled. "She can't have left. She wouldn't. This doesn't make sense. No reset. She has to be here. Right?"
"I don't know," he admitted quietly. "I've… I've only heard of one way for this to happen aside from that."
Sans frowned. "You don't think she's out in the void, do you?"
"That is all I can think of," he said.
"Then we gotta go." He got to his feet and stumbled. He put a hand on the counter to steady himself. "C'mon. We gotta check."
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"Sans, wait!" Gaster grabbed his shoulder and held him still. "Wait. You're still not well, you're—"
"I don't care." His voice was steady but there was something frantic in his eyes. "There's someone else, too. A kid. I mean. Heh. Literally a kid. A goat kid. My…" He clenched his fist over his soul. "I don't know. Brother, maybe? I think I didn't like him. But now I do. Now he's, uh… He's family."
Gaster's brow furrowed. "Wh…? Him too?" Panic shook his bones. "I've known that child since he was born and still, somehow, I can't…" He shook his head.
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Sans grimaced. He tried to go again but Gaster held him still.
"Please, wait. Stay. You're still weak."
"I'm always weak," he said.
"You know what I mean," he said. "Please. Let me deal with this. I… I'm sure this is my fault. I'll bring them back."
"Not lettin' them just get stuck out in the void," he said, shaking his head. "So. Just gotta find a way in and—"
"Sans, please," he said desperately, grasping his hands. "Please let me handle this. We don't know if that's the answer. And it could kill you. I can't bring you back without her."
Sans's brow furrowed. He looked down at his feet. His energy bristled and Gaster sighed and pulled him into a hug.
"Stay. For Papyrus. He needs you," he said.
"He needs her."
"He doesn't even know her."
Sans winced and his frown deepened. He huffed out a harsh laugh. "That's low."
"I know. I'm sorry. There's nothing for you to do but rest and heal. Let me deal with it."
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The short skeleton didn't answer, but didn't protest either. His father snuggled him gently, bumping his brow on his.
"I know. I know. You're heartbroken," he said softly. "I am as well. It's okay. I'll find them both. Can you endure this for a few days?"
"Have to, right?" he said quietly.
"Go home with Papyrus and Toriel. Just… Relax. Take a breather. Focus on feeling better," he said. "And before you know it, we'll… We'll remember their names and they'll be back home with us."
xXxXx
Sans was numb, his eyes dull. He let his chattering brother take him back to the house— let Toriel gently massage his skull with healing magic after she'd come home and they'd settled him back in on the couch. He was freezing and nauseous. None of that mattered, though.
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His soul ached. The pain wasn't intense, but it was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. He did his best not to look at the others incredulously as they walked around like nothing was wrong. They were so happy, in fact. Happy to see him. That didn't make sense. This was his fault somehow, he knew it.
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His father texted him a few times. Listed some things he was trying. Testing the void; maybe building a tracking device. Sans didn't answer. He felt like the hours were crushing him. He could barely even pluck up the energy to stand anymore.
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"Sans. Sans… Saaaaaaans."
It was creeping through late afternoon when Papyrus edged over to Sans and sat beside him, resting his hand on his head. The short skeleton could hardly raise his hand to wave in greetings.
"Brother. Do you need anything? You haven't eaten all day," he said.
"Can't," he muttered.
"What's wrong? Can I help?" he asked.
.
Before he could answer— or even decide if he wanted to or not— Toriel appeared with a cup of tea. She dragged over the small nightstand that was usually wedged up near the window. She put the tea down and knelt, stroking his head.
"It's okay, sweetheart. Take your time. You've been through a lot," she said.
Sans couldn't make his eyes focus. He clenched his fingers into the cushion. Toriel's magic injected a little bit of warmth through his bones.
"Your dreams must have been very disturbing," she said softly. "Does your head hurt, my child? Is there anything I can do for you?"
"…Nah," he said quietly.
"Well. Drink if you can get up." She kissed him gently on the head. "Don't forget. We all love you very much."
.
Sans's skull felt heavy. He forced himself up on his elbow. "Hey."
"Yes, hun?" She looked back at him with sympathetic eyes.
He didn't know what to say. He wanted to ask her if she remembered her own kids. That seemed needlessly cruel. He forced a smile and grabbed the mug of tea. "Thanks."
She smiled and nodded before moving away and up the stairs.
.
It took a lot of effort for Sans to take a sip. Papyrus hugged him proudly and bumped his brow against his head.
"You're going to be just fine, I promise," he said.
Sans held that cup of tea tightly in his hands. His fingers traced over the old cracks in the surface. He lifted it and took a good look. A white mug emblazoned with a red heart. One had broken it, the other had fixed it. That meant something. That had to mean something.
.
His eyes began to leak. He grimaced and slumped forward, putting a hand on his face. His chest hurt. Papyrus squeaked with alarm and held him tight.
"Oh no no no, don't cry! Don't cry…" He held his face gently, eyes glowing. "My gosh, I don't think I've ever seen you look this bad ever, brother. What's wrong? Come on. It's okay. You're okay. Aren't you?"
Sans didn't know what to say. He felt like a chunk of his soul had been taken out. He wasn't crazy, right? He shook his head. Papyrus cooed sympathetically and held him tight.
"You look exhausted from all that sleep," he said. "Why don't you take a nap? Nobody would blame you. How about I go set up a bed for you?"
He shrugged. Papyrus gently bonked his brow onto his brother's.
"Are you still feeling sick? Can I help?" he asked.
"You really don't remember them at all, huh?" he asked quietly.
"What? Oh! Nyeh… Brother, I am really sorry, but I don't know what to tell you," Papyrus said.
Sans choked out a laugh. He rubbed the tears away from his eyes, but he still felt like he could shake apart at any moment.
.
Papyrus pouted. He drew back. "Okay, maybe we can talk this out? How can I help you feel better? Can you think of anything at all?"
"…Sorry, kiddo." He smiled tiredly. "Dunno what to say."
"Wow. That's new." Papyrus folded his arms tight and he drummed his fingers. He clacked his teeth. "Well! How about this! I'll get everything all nice and cozy! Hold on just a little, okay?" He hopped to his feet and ran upstairs. "Don't worry, we can talk all about this after and maybe we can get you feeling better!"
.
Sans sighed. He put his mug down and leaned back against the arm rest. His head was heavy. He felt like he'd only blinked for a moment, then he was staring up at a different ceiling. His chest felt tight and he laid his hand over his soul spot. It ached. The house was deeply silent.
.
It took him too long to heave himself out of blankets where he'd been tucked in. He was in a bed, but it wasn't his. No, this is where the kids were supposed to be. It hit him like an anvil, and the quiet wasn't helping. He pulled a book from the shelf and opened it. Words were clear. He sighed. Wished they weren't. Wished they hadn't been before, either.
.
He tried shifting up to the attic, but a sickening chill shuddered his bones before he'd even moved and he decided against trying again. He slowly dragged himself up there to the shimmering starlight still glowing in the unfinished bedroom. He stared at it questioningly. He cautiously extended a hand. Skimming it with his fingertips sent a jolt through him like nothing he'd ever felt and he recoiled quickly. He flinched. He wanted to try again but just the thought of it gave him such a heavy sense of foreboding that he was left standing there, clutching his hand.
.
"What are you doing up here?"
Sans turned, startled, as Toriel came in close, putting her hands on his shoulders. He hadn't even heard her approach. He didn't really have an answer for her, either.
"What time is it?" he asked.
"Just a bit past six," she said. "Why don't you go back to bed for a while? You're looking awfully grey." She smiled. "And you didn't answer me."
Sans cast a look back at the light. He shrugged. "Checkin' somethin', I guess."
She cupped his head and a gentle, healing wave seeped through his bones. "How's your head? Papyrus mentioned you might be a little delirious."
"Nah," he said.
"But you had a hard time believing you were awake, did you not?"
He shrugged. She had a contemplative look on her face. She knelt down and hugged him tight.
"You can always talk to me, honey," she said.
He knew. He felt faint even so. "S'okay," he said quietly. Didn't feel right. Didn't feel quite like himself. "Y'ever…? Ever lose someone you were supposed to take care of?"
"I have," she said.
"I'm havin' trouble dealin'."
.
The huge monster sat down on the floor and pulled him firmly into her lap. She cradled him against her shoulder, holding him like a child. The world was warmth and white fur. Sans didn't have the energy to protest, nor to regain any composure. He wilted into her. She started to hum the tune that belonged to her vanished son like a lullaby, and the skeleton lost it. He hid his face in his hands as his shoulders shook, and Toriel cuddled him gently.
"You feel like you failed, don't you?" she asked softly.
"I'm used to that," he said. "This is like… a whole 'nother level of… boneheadedness."
"I'm so sorry you're feeling that," she said.
"But you don't believe me either, huh?" he muttered.
"It's irrelevant," she said softly. She kissed his head. "Your hurt is as real as anything." She lifted his face in her huge hand and brushed the tears away from his eyes with her big, soft thumbs. She smiled at him fondly, warm sympathy in her gaze. "I know you're grown, but rest with me a while. Let me help you."
"C-Couldn't get up if I tried," he joked.
She chuckled. "Then there's no need for it."
xXxXx
Sans woke up completely disoriented again. He couldn't see a thing, but he could hear quiet, conspiratorial whispers nearby. He rolled just enough to let dim light in. Of course, he was on the couch again, his head stuck up against the back cushions. No wonder.
.
"Calm down, sweetheart," Toriel said— her voice was soft, but she didn't sound very far away at all.
"I want to!" Papyrus was shrill and a little too loud. "I do. But he's just… In and out and weird and he keeps wanting to go to the Ruins and I'm just…! I'm just really worried, still." He sighed heavily. "I thought everything would be better once he woke up, but now I'm nervous every time he even moves!"
.
Sans rolled onto his back to see the two monsters at the threshold to the kitchen. He sat up slowly, rubbing his face. Though his brother's back was to him, Toriel caught his eye and smiled faintly.
"I don't think you need to be too concerned," she said.
"But what about all this "sister" stuff?" Papyrus asked, making dramatic quotes in the air with his fingers. "I have no idea where that came from. It's not like him to get so upset about a dream like that."
"Mm. Maybe it's real enough to him," she said. "Be gentle with him, alright?"
"Alllrighhht…" Papyrus pouted and folded his arms tight. "It's just… I missed him a lot. And he was just so upset that we couldn't really celebrate that he was awake again and all."
"Aw, jeez, Paps, sorry 'bout that," Sans said.
.
Papyrus whipped around at the sound of his voice and broke into a smile. He bounded over on bouncing feet and squished Sans's shoulders. "Are you feeling much better?"
"Sure am," he said.
"And your head?" Papyrus's eyes glowed faintly as he put a hand to the side of Sans's skull.
He knew what his brother meant. He nodded. Papyrus beamed and hugged him tight. Sans weakly grabbed him in return.
"Sorry to worry you," he said.
"It's okay." Papyrus leaned back and grinned. "Alphys and Undyne and the King said they wanted to come see you, so now I can tell them they can, right?!"
"Yeah. Sure, Paps," he said.
"EEEEE! Good! I'm so glad!" He leapt up, whipping out his phone. He pranced around the room like he'd had too much coffee. "I'll call them right now! This is going to be so great, and I'll reheat the pasta, and I'll make some hot chocolate, and—! Oh, right, I have to call, nyeh heh heh!"
.
As his brother rambled on, Sans sat back and rubbed his head. He caught Toriel staring at him, thoughtfully chewing a claw. He shrugged weakly.
"I'll make you more tea," she said.
He wasn't sure he could handle even that much, but he was going to do his best.
xXxXx
Determined not to spoil Papyrus's day any more than he already had, Sans shut up about the missing kids for a while, though they were all he could think about. Asgore and Alphys arrived just a little later, and they were all hugs and cheerful platitudes. Alphys brought more of the ramen she'd made at the lab and said that Gaster was fervently back to work again, though she wasn't sure on what. The King brought tea and flowers, and Toriel was tepidly pleasant with him.
.
It wasn't hard at all to put up a grateful, but tired, front— he was both of those things. He let Alphys check his bones again, forced down some soup; zoned out watching whatever TV thing the others wanted. He could have gone for some Under Ground Hearts but it didn't feel right without his sister there to dunk on it with him.
.
They stayed until around ten at night, when the short skeleton legitimately started to doze off. Papyrus saw everyone off before tucking Sans in and then heading to bed himself.
.
Sans's dreams were vacant and dark. When he woke again, it was to the sound of the front door. He blinked. Undyne was squatting in front of him. She grinned wide.
"Heeeeey, dude. Sorry I'm super late. I got you this." She held out a red milkshake for him, which he sat up and took with a grateful nod. "How you feelin'?"
"Is, uh, just totally wrecked an option?" he asked with a sideways smile.
"Guess so." She sat down beside him. "Need anything?"
"Nah." He looked around— house was quiet. "Hm. Late, huh?" He sipped his milkshake.
"Yeeeeah, I, uh, was sorta on the surface when Paps called. Some Tem dispute, ended up just bein' one lost its hard-boiled egg and thought another one ate it, big load of nothin'. But, hey, good for community relations or whatever," she said. "Good to see you. Everyone was real freaked out, y'know? Glad you're alright."
"Thanks," he said. "I'm, uh… I'm… not, though."
"What's up?" she asked.
"You sure? Everyone already thinks I lost it."
She shrugged. "Eh. Whatever. I'm here for it."
Sans smiled tepidly. "My memories are messed up, but it's not just me," he said. "It's everyone."
"Okay…" she said somewhat skeptically. "Explain, or…?"
.
He looked her up and down. Actually, maybe she could recall more than nothing. Determination was burned into her in a way that it wasn't even in Toriel or Asgore.
"Surface, huh? What about the barrier?" he asked.
"What about it? It's been down for months," she said, raising her brows.
Sans nodded. "Does anything feel missin' here to you? Like… someone else should be here?"
"Uh… Not Paps, though?" she asked.
"Not Paps."
"Hmm." Undyne folded her arms. She tilted her head from side to side. Her ear fins lifted and she shot a cautious glance back up the stairs. "I'm not… sure."
"That's better than nothin'," he said.
"Why, who are you missin'?" she asked. "And where's she at?"
Sans's eyes went wide. "Why'd you say she?"
"…Uh. I dunno," Undyne said. Her eye darted back up to the bed room. "Hm." She got up, folding her arms tight to her chest. She thumped her foot on the floor in a rhythm that matched a hum neither of them could quite place. She grimaced, then stomped off towards the kitchen. "You mind if I make tea?"
"As long as you leaf some for me," he said.
"Pffff. Bad." She paused. "I'll see if anything comes to me."
.
It took a lot of effort for Sans to shove himself to his feet. He slouched into the kitchen as well. The much taller monster was supporting the counter, frowning at the wall as the kettle blurbled behind her.
"To be perfectly honest with you," he said quietly, "I feel like I'm goin' nuts."
"I figured. Sorry. You tell your dad about this junk?" she asked.
He nodded. "He knows what I mean. So… That's better than nothin', I guess, but stuff's still… wrong. If that makes sense."
"Sorry," Undyne said. She patted his shoulder.
.
An uncomfortable, heavy chill rattled his bones. He put his chin on his fist. "Hey, uh… You busy?"
"Not really," she said.
"I gotta check the Ruins for somethin'," he said. "Paps is… bein' kinda overprotective. Keeps stoppin' me."
"So teleport," she said.
"I, uh… I can't," he said.
"Oh shit. Still not good. Gotcha," she said. "This about your missing whoever?"
"Yeah," he said.
"Okay. Drink your junk first though." She laughed. "Sorry to mom at you."
She was right, though. Milkshakes made for strong bones, or so the saying went.
xXxXx
Snowdin was dark, peaceful, and quiet. No monsters were on the main road with the exception of the big blue fish and the short, lethargic skeleton, crunching their way through a thin layer of fresh snow. The sight of those golden, shimmering stars hovering in spots they passed made Sans sick with nostalgia. None of this felt right.
.
"So." Undyne shoved her hands deep into her jacket pockets and shot Sans a cautious look as they ambled. "Who you missin', anyway?"
"Sister," he said.
"Huh. Didn't know you had a sister," she said. "Older, or…?"
"Younger," he said. "Also, there's another kid. I think he's, uh… Tori's."
"Huh?! Okay, now that's messed up," she said. "And nobody remembers these kids?!"
"Seems like it," he said. "My, uh, dad does. And I do. But not their names. I don't get it."
"And you think you'll find something in the Ruins?" Undyne asked, raising her brows.
"Dunno. Probably not. It's just… my sis has kinda a… weird connection to that place," he said. "I honestly got no clue if this'll help even a little bit, but I'd like to look."
"Feels better than just sitting around doing nothing. I gotcha," she said.
.
Sans cut his eyes at the fish monster. "So, uh… You believe me?"
"Well… I mean. I dunno, exactly." She scratched the back of her head. "I think so. I mean, obviously it's important to you either way. I don't get this time stuff, though."
"Yeah, seems like everyone forgot that," he said. "Which is, uh, kinda a pain in my tailbone, if I'm honest. Haven't even bothered tryin' to explain that part again 'cause it sounds even more nuts than just, I have a sister nobody remembers."
"I bet." She folded her arms, frowned ahead, and bit her lip. Her ear fins drooped. "I dunno, I just… I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't remember any of these mysterious kids or whatever, but something… I dunno, something for sure feels off, y'know?"
"Tell me about it," he said.
xXxXx
There had never been a time before when Sans's power to shift where he pleased had made him sick. It was odd to trudge through the puzzles out on the dark cliffs entirely on foot. Slippery, too, but he wasn't opposed to being dragged.
.
Undyne hadn't been to the Ruins much aside from Toriel's old house. It was now occupied by colourless frogs. They followed the river through, though she was particularly preoccupied by the red and orange leaves fallen from dark trees. She acted as if she'd never seen them in her life.
.
Sans wished he could somehow pick her mind about what she remembered and didn't. What Alphys and Papyrus had said about the barrier was bothering him, but it also meant that the memories of living on the surface for almost a year had to be gone again as well. Maybe they were just transposed to an equivalent underground version. He couldn't be sure how much had actually changed, or if it were just the memories that were different. He hoped he wouldn't have time to check.
.
The deepest cavern in the Ruins was a field of golden flowers. They sparkled and glistened as if dewy and touched by moonlight, though none reached them from above. The opening in the rock was deep and black, revealing nothing.
.
The air was fresh with a floral scent, strengthening its sweetness when the two monsters stepped into the field. Undyne walked around curiously, a little more careful with her big, stomping feet than usual. Little yellow puffs, glowing faintly, kicked up behind her. Sans walked slow, eyes down, searching.
"See anything?" Undyne called.
"Not yet," he said. He tilted his head back and squinted at the top of the cavern. "Kid? You there?" His voice bounced coldly around the stone.
"Yeah, kid, you here?!" Undyne called. "Uh, would she answer to me?"
"Yeah," Sans said. "Kiddo?"
"Why you lookin' up?" Undyne leaned back and squinted up at the opening high up in the roof. "Somethin' up there?"
"She might be?"
.
Undyne frowned. She rolled up her sleeves and walked to the wall, cracking her knuckles. She grabbed the rock in a big bear hug and dug her nails in. With a grunt, she hefted herself off the ground.
"That's brave," Sans said.
"Yeah, well…" She grunted and heaved herself up with her big burly arms. "I figure maybe I can scale it."
"Didn't know you were into that kinda scalin'," he said with a sideways grin. "Just, uh… Don't fall, huh? You might be fin-ished."
"Man, that's a stretch." She huffed and growled and clawed her way upwards.
"Need any help?" he asked.
"NGAAAAH I GOT THIS!" she yelled back.
Sans stood back, hands in his pockets.
.
The rock wall was pretty forgiving at first, but soon went vertical, and Undyne lost her grip and slipped back down into the flowers. She leapt up again with a roar, scattering petals, and jumped up the wall again with increased fervour.
"How's it goin' up there?" Sans asked.
"I could do this all night!" She fell again and grumbled the whole way down. Her claws left deep streaks in the rock. She kicked off her boots and then jumped the wall again, digging in and scrambling up with a grumpy, scowling energy.
.
She was making good time and getting quite high up, but still lost her grip once more. She yelled at the wall and ran at it, using her own gouges to help her get farther.
"Need a boost?" Sans asked. He held up a hand that glittered with blue.
"Man, why didn't you say that sooner?!" she called down.
"You looked like you were havin' fun," he said. He lit her soul in his magic. He was still weak— he could feel her weight straining on him. Even so, he could gain her a little extra height, past the part that had been lacking in grips.
.
"Yeeeeeah!" She clambered up higher, far off the ground though still not even close to the top. She grappled for a handhold and then looked around. "Son of a—! It's gettin' slippery!" She leaned her head back. "HEY KID, ARE YOU UP THERE?!"
Sans waited, eyes fixed on the opening. Hoping beyond anything to see a little face peek down at them. His breath caught in him.
"KID?!" Undyne called again. "IT'S, UH, UNDYNE! IF THAT HELPS?! HELLO?!"
.
They were met with only silence. She looked down at Sans, brow furrowed.
"Hey, I don't think anyone's there!" she said.
Sans wilted. He slumped and rubbed his brow. "Guess not." He turned to look over the field once more, rubbing the back of his skull.
The cavern suddenly seemed so small and enclosed. Not many places for a kid to hide. Heavy heartache struck him again. He clutched one hand with the other and took a deep breath through the sickness that roiled through his ribcage.
.
Feet hit foliage behind him and Undyne traipsed over, the pollen dusting the air drifting and shining like little gold and white sprites around her.
"Hey. Sorry," she said.
He shook his head. "I shouldda known better."
"Well…" She thumped his shoulder. "Anywhere else you wanna check?"
Sans's brow furrowed slightly. He wasn't sure he saw the use, and lethargy was starting to set in again. He shifted his weight and the glittery specks puffed into the air. Some of them were a bright, vibrant red. He held out a hand as they floated around, watching that fleck of colour sparkle over his stark white palm. He nodded.
"Maybe just a couple places," he said.