I felt someone move from underneath me and I groaned slightly. What the hell? I curled closer to the couch and I heard someone speak I groaned again in annoyance and put my hand over my eyes and someone laughed and said something. I moaned loudly and opened my eyes.

"Okay seriously I was sleeping there!" I snapped. What can I say? I'm not really a morning person.

Sodapop smiled slightly and I remembered why I was on the couch. "Sorry Pixie but we're going out to go look for Ponyboy,"

"Oh." I said simply seeing Two-Bit and Steve there with both my brothers. And I was asleep. Grr! "I'm coming," I said simply standing up, "Gimme a minute,"

"Pixie you sure," Darry begun.

"Yes." I snapped to him. "He's just as pissed with me as you, and if you're going so am I."

For once he didn't protest. I ran upstairs and pulled on my shoes, I had totally forgotten that I must have looked like a freak wearing one of my brothers' old jumpers and my hair was a mess but oh well. I came back downstairs and followed them out the door.

"Hey Pixie you know what it looks like you've just done?" Steve grinned at me.

I glanced up at him and saw Two-Bit snickering. "What?"

"Looks like you had a fun night," he grinned.

I watched Soda hit him over the head again and I glared at him. "Okay seriously you and the perve are in your own little perverted league now."

"Creeps," Soda said loudly putting his arm around me.

"Uh huh, perhaps you two and Jason ought to start a club," I suggested and Soda gave me a look. "What!"

"You reckon he'll be at Johnny's?" Darry asked before Soda could respond.

Soda snorted loudly. "He'll be with Johnny, but there? I doubt it,"

"Check the lot," Steve suggested.

We basically walked in silence all the way to the lot. Soda never left my side once. He was keeping something from me. Well that was my twin instinct at the very least. I'd ask him later perhaps. They weren't at the lot so Two-Bit put in that they could be at the park or even at Shepards, that we doubted but well I thought the park was pretty smart of Two-Bit to say, I mean I never would have thought of it myself.

As we got to the park we began walking towards to the playground area by the fountain. I personally didn't quite understand why he'd come here but well I suppose he didn't exactly want to come home and the lot was much too obvious to run away to.

"Hey do you see something?" Steve suddenly demanded.

I shaded my eyes from the sun and looked in the direction he was staring at, "Where?" then I saw a figure lying on the ground. "Is that a person?" I cried out.

My mind raced I was freaking out bad. As soon as I cried that out the guys all ran over. Well Darry was the first to start running but Two-Bit and Steve weren't very far behind. Sodapop glanced to me and then to them and started running. My mind was at a blank but I saw them all stopping and I suddenly started to run over. Inside my brain was a blur of thoughts and feelings.

"Pixie!" Sodapop shouted and turned around. "Pixie don't."

He grabbed me and just stopped me metres away. He blocked my sight completely, but then again he towered over me, which really isn't that hard. He stared me in the eyes and held my arms to my side.

"Soda move!" I cried out to him with irritation.

Darry came over to one side of Soda, he wasn't smiling, "Come on Pixie lets go home,"

"Darry!" I cried out my eyes getting wider. "What is it?" I demanded, this was just getting more annoying and when Two-Bit came over, minus the quirky smile and he reached for my hand I freaked out and pulled away. "Stop trying to protect me!" I snapped to them.

But then my eyes widened my whole body went into shock and I let out a scream. Soda clamped a hand over my mouth. My green eyes were wide and they were slowly filling with tears. I raised my own hand to my mouth and Soda removed his. I felt like I was going to throw up, I must have paled, I'm sure of it.

Lying in a heap was a boy. One of the soc's from last night. He was lying in a pool of blood. I was in someway relieved it wasn't someone I know but as I stared I felt myself get more upset and I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Pixie," Soda whispered putting his hand under my chin so I'd meet his eyes. "You shouldn't of."

I nodded and I felt the tears well over my eyes and I whispered. "He was one of the socs. Ponyboy was here," And then I began sobbing loudly and Soda pulled me towards him and hugged me, I closed my eyes, the tears sliding down my face I felt so sick. "I'm going to be sick." I whispered shakily.

"So am I." Soda muttered. He did look rather green. He'd never been one for blood.

I closed my eyes again. My head was pounding. I opened my eyes Darry was looking at me with total worry. I must have looked such a wreck. Oh god. This was doing nothing for my stomach.

"Let's get out of here, we can't be seen here," Darry told us.

We all started to walk away. Soda was still trying to hug me as I walked but I was stupid enough to glance back and that was it. I ran to the nearest group of trees and I threw up. I just wanted to collapse there. The feelings that were running through me were just so confusing, I felt so many things at once I'm amazed I had the strength to get up and walk the rest of the way home.

As soon as we got home I grabbed clean clothes and locked myself inside the bathroom. As soon as I stepped in the shower I started crying to myself. They wouldn't be able to hear me through the running of the water. Eventually the tears ran dry. I was crying over everything. My parents dying. Not protecting Ponyboy. Jason trying it on with me. Fighting with Pony. Him running away. That soc…dead. Everything. When the tears died I heard banging at the door and I stepped out of the shower.

"What?" I called out shakily.

"Pixie you alright?" Soda demanded.

"Y-yeah," I stammered.

"Promise you're not doing something stupid?"

I bit my lip to keep from crying and managed to whisper. "Promise."

I think he never left the door. I changed into a clean pair of jeans and I put on a violet t-shirt, my favorite colour. My hair was dripping wet. I slowly brushed it and it lay long down my back, my bangs sitting on my face. I cleaned my teeth straight after, my mouth just felt so gross. Throwing my dirty clothes in the basket and I opened the door and Soda was sitting right besides it.

As soon as the door opened he stood up and looked at me for reassurance, but over what I'm not too sure. That everything would be alright maybe. But if that's what he wanted I'm telling you it would have died after looking at me. I had this feeling that my eyes would never again hold that spark of hope, I think that had died once I saw that boy, because I couldn't see that when I looked in the mirror just minutes ago.

"Pixie are you okay?" he asked me.

I shook my head. "No I'm not. Are you?"

"No."

I gave him a sad smile. "Sodapop remind me never to not listen to you again." I whispered as I felt myself begin to cry again. "There's some things you never should see. That was one of them."

"Oh Pixie," Soda said softly as he began to hug me. "Pix promise me that you'll let me protect you and Ponyboy. You two can't keep seeing all this stuff. Or you're both going to crack."

"It's too late for that" I told him sadly walking away from him and down the stairs.

I could feel his eyes on me until I got downstairs. I think I'd rather my twin staring at me than what met me there. Dally was here, Steve and him were talking about Dal being hauled in this morning as it was a murder and they always think it's him. But everyone stopped whatever they were doing and stared at me. I don't understand why I had to be the person to stare at but I suppose it was more to do with the fact now Dallas knew my reaction they all thought I'd cracked. You know I think I have too.

"You okay kid?" Dally asked me.

I glared at him and sat on the couch. For once Two-Bit didn't try to grab me and pull me down. "I am not a kid Dallas." I told him angrily. "So don't call me one."

"No she ain't," Two-Bit put in, hmm I was curious to know what he was gonna say. "She's not a kid she's just plain old magical Pixiedust,"

I felt myself smile. That was what Two-Bit called me. No one else. When I'd read that Peter Pan book as a kid Two-Bit told me that I reminded him a bit of Tinkerbell, because she's surrounded by all those boys and she hates it when Wendy comes along and one of her boys begins to like her. He said I'd be like that when I'm older and he called me Pixiedust after Tinkerbell. No one knew the meaning but us and I refused anyone else to call me that.

"You remember why you called me that?" I asked him softly.

Two-Bit grinned, "Yeah I do."

"You were so right." I smiled.

I saw Dally, Steve and Darry share a confused look. They'd never understand so I'd never tell them. Besides it was just something between Two-Bit and I. And I wanted it to stay that way.

"Pixie, Ponyboy and Johnny were definitely involved," Darry told me grimly.

I closed my eyes slowly and opened them. "So they killed that boy?" I asked.

I must have looked distressed because Two-Bit reached for my hand and squeezed it. Weird but I didn't feel like freaking out again.

"Most likely," Darry said sighing. "They thought Dally did it."

I glanced to Dally, my eyes studying him. "You ass." I said shaking my head and smiling grimly. "You know."

"What are you talking about?" Dally said sneering.

I smirked. "You know I know and you're denying it. You know where they went Dallas don't bother lying, they might believe you but I won't, you know where my little brother and Johnny is." I said my eyes not moving from his face. "You can pretend you don't but you hid them somewhere Dallas Winston and I know it."

"Pixie shut up!" Darry cried out sounding irritated. "You don't know,"

"Don't tell me to shut up!" I cried out with irritation. "You saw that boy like I did Darry! They were involved, who else would you run to if you did that? Him."

Darry shook his head and the others to wouldn't meet my eyes. I knew Soda had entered the room, I mean I didn't know for sure but I could almost feel him there. Dally's eyes were on mine. They weren't giving me away any clues but I knew I was right, I don't know how I did but somewhere deep down I just knew I was right.

"Pixie just lay off it," Sodapop told me.

I turned around and looked at him. My face grim I walked past him and went upstairs to my room. Shutting my door angrily I sat on my bed and hugged my legs close to my chest and stared out my window.

I had really seen way too much way too soon. It was just so much easier when my parents where around. When I turned thirteen and I got my period my mother was the first I turned to. We squealed excitedly over my womanhood, she was so proud. I'd told Sodapop but he never quite understood our joy but he was happy for me, but it just wasn't the same. My mother and I could talk about boys and I'd tell her about who I liked, it was wonderful. Dad and I would talk about school. He really understood my dreams; he was just there for me. He couldn't talk girl things but my dad really cared about me, when I came home crying about my first boyfriend breaking up with me he comforted me instead of mom.

When my parents died I had two huge voids in my life. Sodapop tried to fill moms void and told me I could talk girlie with him and he'd be all girlie with me. But it would never work. I knew that before I even tried, he'd never understand, he wouldn't want to know who I liked, well not in the way mom did. She always wanted to know why and would gush with me. Darry tried to be like dad but that failed. He could never talk to me like dad. He would just be Darry talking to me, not daddy. Then I had Jason.

I fell back on him a lot during those first few months. I really relied on him. You know I even believed I loved him. I told him that. Then he tried it with me. I refused. I realized what he was like. He only comforted me because he wanted one thing, and that wasn't me. He just wanted sex. I cried so much when I realized that. I'd lost three things. My parents and the guy I thought I loved. That boy's body today showed something to me, life is too short. I wish I'd realized that long ago instead of wasting all this time trying to figure out life without my parents, just life altogether.

As I stare out the window I see Johnny's house. His parents were so evil. They hurt him so bad. They didn't deserve life. I can see every house on our street. Everyone's house has a story to tell. Every family is different. But we're all here just struggling to live our lives and get somewhere in life. I wiped a tear from my face. I didn't want to live here. My parents and Darry have done everything for all of us just to live. I could grow up here. I have grown up here. But I've seen too much. If I ever get married and have kids I don't want them growing up here. Because I don't want anyone to ever have to see the things I've seen in the past year, what I saw this morning. I only wish I could have protected Ponyboy. That's my only wish.