The sun had long disappeared as I stared out of the window. I bit my lip and my stomach growled again. It had been growling at me to feed it for the past few hours but I'd refused to go downstairs yet. I hadn't eaten in over a day and I felt ill because of it.

But I knew Ponyboy wouldn't have wanted me to starve myself. In fact I imagine if he knew exactly what I was doing he'd probably be dragging me downstairs and force feeding me. You know, it probably was possible now. I smirked. It actually was. My little Ponyboy is growing up, and well isn't exactly little anymore, or a boy really.

Sighing to myself I finally gave in to my stomach, besides starving myself was plain stupid. I didn't care if they all stared at me I had picked up a colorful vocabulary over the years, I never used it but it didn't mean I couldn't use it. I just needed the perfect moment, even if my brothers and my friends could become the targets.

Slowly creeping down the stairs I walked into the lounge and they all glanced up at me. By all I mean my two brothers and Steve. Who knew or cared where Dallas had gone, and well like Two-Bit wouldn't not go out on a Saturday night. Some things would never change.

Darry opened his mouth to say something but I walked straight past them all and into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. They were all talking quietly and I'm going to swing a guess that it was about me or Pony. I'd say me though, not to sound too self occupied but that was just the most likely.

I took a bite of my sandwich when Darry finally came in. I refused to meet his eye at first but when he sat across from me at the table I unfortunately kind of had to meet his eye, since staring at a sandwich was just a little boring.

"You're hungry at this time of the night?" Darry asked me curiously.

I glanced at the clock. Woah it was almost ten. I'd been up there for quite a bit longer than I had actually thought. I looked back at him and nodded.

"I haven't eaten anything since dinner yesterday Dar," I told him with a slight smile. "I don't like starving myself, its really painful you know."

"Please tell me you're kidding." Darry said staring at me with slight anger.

I forced a bit of a smile. "Um sorry I'm not,"

"Pixie," he moaned.

I giggled slightly. "I just didn't well, remember."

"Pixie," he said again, but Darry was grinning slightly as he shook his head. "You're really one of a kind."

"No I'm not!" I protested loudly as he stood up. He turned and looked at me. "Soda's the same as me!"

"Yeah but he'd never not eat," Darry laughed.

I laughed too. "Oh so true."

He just smiled at me. I smiled back then looked to my sandwich and then to him.

"Unless you wish to see me eat then go away I'm hungry," I told him with a grin. I'm amazed I managed to smile you know considering every possible bad thought about my little brother had been running through my mind the whole day. "Scoot!"

It didn't take me long to polish off the sandwich. Cleaning up my plate I wandered back into the lounge and squished myself inbetween Soda and Steve. Steve grunted in annoyance and Soda gave me a sad smile and put his arm around me, pulling me closer to him.

I think he'd been thinking the same things as me the whole day. And he knew it. I hated my thoughts, I felt bad for thinking them but then I'd feel worse at the thought it could actually be happening. And Soda would understand the best since I was sure he was thinking and feeling the same things. It's funny how alike we are when it comes to those things. And scary too to know someone else has to feel those awful feelings along with you.

"Pixie are you okay?" Steve asked me.

He broke the nervous and worried tension in the room. The TV was on but no one was watching it. The three of us were staring at it but we weren't watching it. Darry was trying to read his newspaper but I have a feeling he hadn't taken in a word. As I stared at the TV and as the pictures changed my thoughts were on my younger brother and I was crying. I'm guessing Steve saw. Well I wasn't exactly hiding them so I imagine it wouldn't have been that hard.

"N-no," I stammered. "And I'm not going to be until P-Ponyboy comes b-back."

I heard Soda begin to cry. I was a bit shocked. Last time he cried was when our parents died. That was weird enough. Then I had guessed I'd never ever see him cry again. But if he really did feel like how I felt it was about the only thing I knew I could do without screaming out in pain that my little brother was missing. Crying actually helped with something.

"Aw don't you two cry," Steve muttered from next to me.

I began sobbing into my hands. I felt like it was all my fault. I mean it was. If I hadn't fought with Ponyboy he never would have gone off with Johnny and he would have come home before curfew and him and Darry never would have fought with him and my little Ponyboy would be home with me now, laughing or something. Not missing. I began sobbing even louder. I really began to hate myself.

"This is all my fault," I finally wailed standing up.

"Pixie," I heard Darry sigh. Looking at me his eyes looked so sad and lost. "No it's not, its mine."

"Its mine if I hadn't fought with him he never would have come home late and then you never would have," I was totally rambling on and I was sobbing hard, I barely understood what I was saying.

I just left the room. Shaking I slowly walked up the stairs to my room. I didn't bother to close my door as I threw myself down on my bed. My tears soon dried up as I laid there taking shallow breaths. Each one as if it was my last. I stared at the stars until I felt my eyes begin to blur. I wished on each star for my Pony to come back. I lost count at how many wishes I had made after fourteen and I slowly drifted into a restful sleep.