or, "How I learnt to stop worrying and love the bad romance fic"
by tikitikirevenge.
Disclaimer: Nintendo owns all of the characters in this story, except where otherwise stated. I own me. You can't stop that, can you? Mwa ha ha ha – oh, you can. Curses.
The chapters herein each depict a romance story. They are as plausible and well written as all the other stories of this genre about SSB characters (that is, don't read this without having a large bucket nearby).
Each chapter is completely unrelated to the previous, 'cept where I say so. Oh, and if you have any suggestions for future doomed romances, drop by www,hoogi,brickfilms,com/forum (full stops instead of commas), where you will find, hidden among the implied obscure bean pockets, stuff.
STORY 2
"Pride and Juice"
Kirby sat glumly, watching a few of his new friends duke it out in a smashing fight (hee hee hee… smashing… heh heh…)
"Why?" he asked himself, as though self-pondering would help him at all. And no, it didn't.
Roy and Yoshi, who were sitting on either side of him, seemed not to have heard. He wasn't sure if that was good or not, anymore.
Sipping slowly from a glass of lemonade twice his size, Kirby gave a slow sigh.
Zelda and Peach continued to brawl as they held tightly to the balcony of Peach's pretty castle.
"DIE!" screamed Zelda, somehow managing to swing through the air and kick Peach in the chest.
Peach gasped. "Ow! You hit me in the body!" Her annoyingly high-pitched voice rose in fury. "Now you will feel the wrath of Peach!"
Peach made a vague clawing motion in the air, fainted, and fell down into a row bush some two storeys below.
"Yes!" shouted Zelda. "Take that! That'll teach you to wear pink! It's my colour, you hear me?"
Peach didn't hear her, being a teensy bit comatose.
"Peach…" murmured Kirby. "Soo… sweet…"
"Hey!" said Roy. "Did you say that Peach is sweet?"
"Uh, well-"
Roy's eyes narrowed. "Are you planning to eat Peach?"
"What?" Kirby jumped up, putting his hands to his face. "No! Of course… not! Why would… I want… to eat her? When I said… that she was sweet and tender… I didn't mean… heh… would never eat a friend… unless it was Yoshi…"
Yoshi noticeably moved away.
"Oh, so now she's sweet and tender, eh?" said Roy. "I bet you were planning on cooking her!"
"NO!" shouted Kirby.
"Are you secretly in love with her, then?"
"Uh, yes," said Kirby.
"Oh, okay," said Roy, getting up and walking over to the crash site where Mario was treating Peach. Yoshi had already fled, screaming "Ararararar…" for reasons obviously unrelated to any comments Kirby had made about friends and food.
It was then that Kirby realised that he really was secretly in love with Peach. "Well, I'm in a bit of a pickle," he said. All the talk about food made him hungry, and he decided to eat Link.
"Uh…" said Peach. "I thought I was dead, but now I'm not so sure anymore, Mister Doctor Mario."
"Yes-a," said Mario carefully. "I completely understood-a that-a."
Peach giggled. Then she leaned in close, and whispered, "I have a secret to tell you."
"What is-a it?" said Mario.
"AUGH!" screamed Link, running past. "IT WANTS MY FLESH!"
"I'm in love," said Peach.
Oh-a my!, thought Mario. So she really does-a love me?
"With-a whom, may I ask-a?"
"Well… he's not super-big…"
"Go on," said Mario excitedly.
"He's real cute…"
I'm cute, though Mario.
"He's pink…"
Uh… my skin is-a pink-ish, thought Mario.
"And he's certainly not Italian or a handyman!" finished Peach cheerily.
Mario looked to the ground, his hopes shattered. "I see-a."
"Do you know who it is?" said Peach.
Mario didn't respond. There was only one male in the tournament who was blatantly pink.
Kirby made a fierce lunge for Link, but somehow the elf managed to dive out of the way at the last moment. Kirby crashed into a wall, bumping his head. Luckily, he was soft and bouncy, and kind of used to landing into things head-first.
While Kirby was incapacitated, Link pulled out a bomb and set himself on fire, being tired with life.
"No!" shouted Kirby. "Don't do it!"
Link died.
"Well, that did heaps in the plot development department," said Kirby sarcastically.
Peach ran through the wall like sarcasm flying over Captain Falcon's head. She collided with Kirby, and stopped, shocked.
Kirby didn't take it too well. "AGH! PEACH! EMOTIONS! I'M TOO PINK FOR YOU! WAIT! YOU'RE PINK! NOOO!"
"I'm in love with someone small and pink," said Peach cheerily.
Kirby ran around in circles and started frothing at the mouth. Screaming loudly, he accidentally inhaled a brick to become Building Kirby and fell through the floor.
"Interesting," said Peach. It was then that her true love entered.
"Hello, Peach, my sweet…" said the small, floating pink anthropomorphic and hallucinated tulip.
"I love beans too," said Peach romantically.
Ooh… so unsatisfying… and I left it open for a sequel… or continuation… not implying anything… please review and ignore the rest of this paragraph…