or, "How I learnt to stop worrying and love the bad romance fic"
by tikitikirevenge.
Disclaimer: Nintendo owns all of the characters in this story, except where otherwise stated. I own me. You can't stop that, can you? Mwa ha ha ha – oh, you can. Curses.
The chapters herein each depict a romance story. They are as plausible and well written as all the other stories of this genre about SSB characters (that is, don't read this without having a large bucket nearby).
Each chapter is completely unrelated to the previous, 'cept where I say so. Oh, and if you have any suggestions for future doomed romances, drop by www,hoogi,brickfilms,com/forum (full stops instead of commas), where you will find, hidden among the implied obscure bean pockets, stuff.
STORY 3
"The Relatively Perfect Pair"
Just a brief note: the ending is something which I have done before, but I think I'd like to reinforce how much I dislike certain pairings and would much prefer others be written more frequently. Anyway...
"I like cheese," observed Ness.
"That," said Mewtwo psychically, "bears no relevance whatsoever to anything, including this conversation, our current situation, and this story."
"Yes," said Ness, "do carry on."
"Wow," said Marth, more to himself than anyone else, though, of course, his friends Link and Roy were standing beside him. "What's so amazing?" said Link, who had managed to hear Marth's whisper, which had barely been above a million decibels in volume.
"Her," said Marth, motioning across the common room.
"Ooh," said Link, understanding. "I see."
"The princess looks as beautiful as ever today," mused Marth. Roy and Link nodded quietly in agreement.
"Hi!" said Peach brightly. "Are you all planning on eating cupcakes with me?"
The three swordsmen exchanged wistful smiles.
"It'll be fun!" said Peach. "We'll have scones with jam and maybe some sugar-coated poison toadstools and we can all be such good friends!"
"Yeah..." said Roy. "Of course... Peach, why don't you go ask Zelda to come over here? To, er, discuss cupcakes?"
"Oh, okay!" said Peach. She smiled secretly - she knew what they really meant by 'cupcakes' - they were planning on discussing apple pie!
Glad that she knew what they were up to, Peach went to fetch Zelda.
"I still like cheese," said Ness.
"Please shut up," raged Mewtwo.
"You shut up."
"You shut up."
"So anyway," said Roy, leaning heavily over his glass, "I think I'll go and propose to that chick someday."
"Roy," said Link, leaning on a table for support (he wasn't much of a drinker and two drops of cola had already made him lose balance), "she isn't your type; she's not even your species-"
Zelda shook her head angrily. "Of course he can date a mon- a parrot if he wants to!" She then laughed randomly, presumably because she and everyone else in the household was drunk. Marth put his arm on her shoulder and laughed too, presumably because Zelda and everyone else in the household was drunk.
"I'm not drunk," said Ness.
"I suppose this is because you like cheese?" said Mewtwo, annoyed.
"You're a meanie cat!" said Ness.
"Well, maybe I am," said Mewtwo.
"So," said Marth, looking Zelda in the eyes.
"So," said Zelda, conversely looking Marth in the eyes.
"So can I go now?" said Link, who was now seeing stars - and it wasn't even morning yet! Wait... that can not be right...
Link and Roy left.
"So," said Zelda, blushing.
"To heck with this," said Marth, "let's kiss."
"Nah," said Zelda, "I'd rather kiss this piece of wood." She held up a piece of wood to demonstrate.
"Oh, fair enough," said Marth.
Zelda went about kissing the piece of wood.
"I'm not a piece of wood!" said the piece of wood. "I'm Donkey Kong!"
"Well, so you are," said Zelda. "I guess we must be in love, then."
"We are?" said DK. "Uh, okay..."
TEH EDN
Once again, I am completely open to suggestions; just send in an e-mail. I think I'll revisit chapter 1 now, except with an all-too-obvious twist...