"Ready to rumble ladies?" Two-Bit shouted when we got home as I flopped onto the couch.

"Hell yes!" Sodapop shouted.

Steve grinned. "We're gonna show those damn socs not to touch any greasers anymore!"

The boys all whooped and I groaned slightly. But I was ignored. Much like usual. I closed my eyes and pulled acushion over my head. I didn't need to see to know that they were all walking around our house getting ready. Two-Bit would be eating, Darry would be showing off his muscles, Ponyboy and Sodapop would be styling their hair and Steve would be getting all hyped up. I groaned again and squeezed my eyes shut tighter they really were gonna rumble weren't they? I cursed inside my head. I wish they wouldn't but I knew my thoughts may be voiced but not heard. I wish my parents were here. They'd stop them. Or maybe Emily…but I doubt she'd come over. She left us. Remember that, Pixie.

"Ponyboy, you don't look so hot," I heard Darry say and I threw thecushion off my head and sat up right. Maybe one would be stopped at least. "Maybe you shouldn't fight." Darry said warily.

"Aw, Darry, let him!" Sodapop moaned. "He'll be fine,"

Ponyboy nodded eagerly and I narrowed my eyes. "Yeah I'll be fine, Darry."

"Do you have to do this?"

"Yes." Came their voices, yes even Darry, I groaned louder and Darry just rolled his eyes. "Pixie, just understand."

"I don't want to!" I snapped. "And I don't want to have to cover for you either! You're all like a bunch of god damn hoods fighting!" I told them angrily. "You think Mom and Dad would've encouraged this?"

They all looked pretty offended when I called them hoods but Darry turned a nasty shade of green when I mentioned our parents.

"Pixie, maybe they wouldn't of," Darry began coolly. He was pissed. "But Dad always said a little fight won't hurt,"

"Little?" I exclaimed snorting. "Dar, when you lot come home with black eyes and broken ribs do not expect me to help, after all they're only little!" I sai angrily standing up. "Idiots," I muttered walking into the kitchen to get away from them.

"Aw stop being a moody cow, Pixie." Two-Bit said walking over to me and ruffling my hair. I scowled at him. "We'll be fine don't you worry."

"I'm not." I said crossing my arms.

Two-Bit raised his brows. "You're lying. Just cut out the storminess, 'kay? It doesn't go over too well with your brothers, who you nearly gave heart attacks yesterday so cool it."

I mumbled something and Two-Bit smiled at me.

"Thanks, Pix."

I rolled my eyes and went back into the lounge room and walked over to Darry hesitantly and he just looked at me curiously, I think he wantedto know what I was going to say.

"Darry, can I please have the keys to the truck?" I asked him in a low voice.

He looked me in the eye. "What are you going to do, Pixie?"

"I need to say goodbye," I whispered sadly. "Please Darry just let me. I can't stay here. Not alone, I want to. Please."

"You think its that bad?"

I nodded and bit my lip. "I don't want the others to know…not yet, I'll tell them. He'll be good for awhile maybe, but Dar I just need to do this for myself. For him. You gotta let me."

"Fine, bye, Pixie," he murmured handing them over and walking me to the door. "Just...Pixie, just stay safe, okay?"

I nodded and smiled sadly. He nodded and I quickly walked down our porch. I don't think my absence was yet noticed I didn't want to make it a big deal. I quickly started up the truck's engine and pulled out onto the street and drove down the street. Glancing in the rear view mirror I could see Darry's eyes still on the truck before he disappeared back into the house.

Sighing to myself I made my way through Tulsa to the hospital. The sun was disappearing and it was soon pitch black. I glanced up to the stars and sighed at the thought maybe he'd never see them again…I held back my thoughts as I parked the car and got out. I quickly ran into the building as the skies began spitting out rain and as soon as I stepped inside it got heavier.

I shook out my hair and asked the woman at the front desk politely if I'd be able to visit Johnny Cade as it was very important and she let me, even though it was after hours. As I went upstairs to his floor I saw that doctor again and he just gave me a sad smile and my heart began pounding faster as I reached his room and pushed open the door.

"Hey, Johnny," I said softly closing the door quietly. "It's Pixie."

"I know," his raspy voice whispered and I could see him smile. "They all at the rumble then?"

"Yeah," I sighed pulling up a chair. "And you know me, I'm not a fan,"

Johnny chuckled slightly then coughed and my eyes widened with worry.

"Johnny, are you okay?" I asked him reaching for his hand. "That cough don't sound too good,"

Johnny just gave me a sad smile, it looked so forced. "I don't look very good do I, Pixie? It's really bad ain't it?"

I nodded and I felt my lip tremble and my face began to dampen and Johnnycakes squeezed my hand and I began sobbing quietly to myself but it became increasingly louder.

"I'm sorry," I whispered nervously trying to wipe my eyes.

"Don't be. I know I'm not going to make it,"

"Please don't say that," I begged tearfully. "Oh Johnny, I love you so much you can't leave us."

"You've seen me." Johnny whispered his voice sounding even raspier. "I can't. Even if I do I can't do nothin',"

I nodded and sobbed again and didn't bother to wipe the tears away. "Johnny, I really love you so much, you're like my other little brother even though I never told you that. You are such a sweet kid really, you are the sweetest there is, you deserve so much even though you got so little," I said as my voice started to choke up. "You are the best kind of person there I, you are worth so much, Johnny," I whispered in his ear. "J-Just always know that you are worth your weight in gold, Johnnycakes. You have that golden halo on your head. It'll guide you to the best places. You'll see the most beautiful things."

Johnny smiled at me, her was crying too.

"Rainbows and you'll get to see all those clouds and see what they taste like!" I said with a sad laugh. "And my parents are gonna see you, Johnny, and they'll love you even more so than before, and they're gonna take you in their arms andhug you and kiss you and love you like you deserve. You're going into the best place in the world, Johnnycakes." I whispered the wet tears streaming faster and faster.

"Thank you, Pixie." Johnny coughed out. "You're like my sister too. I love you like one too." He flushed and I smiled at him.

"You're such a beautiful person," I whispered squeezing his hand.

I couldn't say anymore. I just watched his body slowly move up and down with every struggled breath he took. He just looked thankful that someone was there. His black eyes meeting my green ones and for once in his life his fearful eyes weren't there but ones of peacefulness.

"I'm going somewhere great." Johnny gasped. "Thank you."

I nodded with my sad smile. I was still crying. "The best of places. Say hi to my mom and dad please."

"Yeah."

"I love you." I whispered kissing his cheek.

"I want to do this alone." He said struggling over the words and my lip trembled as I nodded. "Goodbye, Pixie Curtis."

"Goodbye, Johnny Cade. I love you with all my heart." I told him as the tears formed thicker down my face as I kissed his cheek again. "I'll tell the boys you love them. Goodbye, Johnny." I said in a whisper as I walked away. My eyes meeting his once again and they were at peace. His mind was finally at rest with what was going to come.

As I closed the door I broke down in tears and was sobbing loudly. No one said anything as my body shook with sadness and my hands and every bit of me trembled with hysteria. As I stumbled outside I sat down behind the wheel of Darry's truck and leaned back against the seat and crawled up against the door and cried to myself in deep despair. Johnny was going to go. And he was going out alone. Sobbing I closed my eyes and took a calming breath.

I love Johnny Cade. But why did he have to do it alone?