"Ponyboy's coming home today, Pixie," Two-Bit told me with a forced smile as he stood in front of the TV.

I grunted in response and waved my arms at him, telling him to move out of the way. He didn't budge. I wasn't talking. What was I meant to say? I'd lost my big brother and my little brother in one night and they expect me to act like normal? I wasn't normal. I was feeling depressed I didn't want to feel happy and I damn well would do as I pleased.

"Pixiedust, you've gotta talk, hon," Two-Bit pleaded with me. "Darry and Sodapop won't be happy if you don't at least try act normal for Pony."

I just crossed my arms huffily.

"Please, Pixie? For Dally and Johnny?"

I just glared at him for mentioning their names like that. "I hate you. Leave me alone." I said sharply standing up and marching to the door.

"Pixie!" Two-Bit groaned loudly. He didn't even take it seriously. Damn him! "Pixie, don't you dare." He warned.

I just scowled even more and opened the door to be faced in the eye with my twin brother who was looking at me curiously.

"Hi, Pixie, you feeling better now?" Sodapop asked me weakly looking pretty crushed himself.

I shook my head and my lip quivered.

"Oh, Pixie." He whispered sadly holing my face in his hands. "You will talk won't you? Not like Mom and Dad again, please don't." He begged sadly.

I nodded and Sodapop looked like he was going to cry.

"Pixie, you can't do this. You have to talk. You can't do this again!" Sodapop said sounding angry.

"I have to!" I snapped pulling away from my brother and running outside. "You don't get it, dammit!" I shouted to Sodapop. "This is all my fault! I did this! I may as well be dead, Sodapop Curtis, I screw up everything. I'm worth nothing! Jason was right all along, I'm useless and worth nothing and I don't deserve nothing, Sodapop!" I shouted venting out every bit of anger inside me. "No one could ever love me, really, they'll just use me 'cause I may as well be trash! It's no wonder Jason tried it with me because I'm nothing!" I screamed angrily as the tears flowed down my face. "You just don't get it, I really am nothing, Sodapop, and he was right and that's why he tried it with me!"

I was crying full out now and my face was red with anger and outrage. Every horrible thought inside of me was just screamed out at my brother. Everything I had wanted to vent out since my parents had died had just come out and Sodapop was staring at me like you'd never believe, and so was Two-Bit who'd followed us out.

"You just don't understand, okay?" I snapped angrily and spun around. "So just don't! Why won't you all stop trying to be all fine like when Mom and Dad were alive! They ain't coming back they're dead, okay? I don't need another mom or dad, mine are dead and I don't want replacements, I just want you all to leave me alone!"

With that I continued down the street barely noticing the fact that Darry's truck was parked in our drive and every person important to me had just heard that as even Steve had been walking down the street.

I was sobbing loudly but I tried to keep my head high as I walked away but Sodapop was the first to break the strange silence that had taken over our entire street. Even the Cades weren't making a single sound.

"What did he do to you, Pixie?" Sodapop asked, his voice sounding strangely calm yet scared.

I turned around, my hair flipped around so fast as my head spun around my focus wasblurry from my tears and my face tearstained.

"He tried to have sex with me, but being me I said no and he wanted it more. You happy now?" I demanded my voice cracking. "Because I'm just good little Pixie Curtis who doesn't talk back and does all her work because she wants to get out of this shit hole." I told him sarcastically.

"Pixie, stop being like this."

"Why?" I demanded. "Aren't I allowed to scream or do I have to keep it all inside like the perfect damn housewife?" I asked him my eyes blazing. "Screw that, Sodapop, just leave me alone! Please?" I said pleadingly. "I don't need this right now. I don't need none of this." I whispered shakily. "Soda, please don't."

Sodapop said nothing and just came down the road and held me as I broke down in his arms. I had nothing left to shout or vent about, it had all come out. I held no anger. Just sadness. As Sodapop held me in his arms I cried my heart out to him and he whispered the thing to me that made it all seem like that it doesn't matter as long as I was withmy brother it would all be fixed itself.

"Pixie, you did what you thought was right and that's all that matters. Not anything else. We all need to shout sometimes. I love you." He whispered in my ear before he made me walk back to the house.

I couldn't meet anyone in the eye. They couldn't meet mine either. Ponyboy wasn't taking his any better than I was but I was slowly beginning to accept the fact that Dallas Winston would never come sauntering in the door again bragging about his latest catch or the shy smile of Johnny Cade at a joke made by one of the guys. It was hard but Sodapop finally told me before he made me have a sleep that one thing was important. That they may be gone for now but one day we'll meet them again, and they'll be looking forward to that but for now we had so much they wanted us to do. They'll be waiting for us at the end. And to reach the end we had to make it through the now.

With that he kissed my head and pulled my blankets over me. As my door clicked shut I didn't fall asleep but instead stared at the ceiling counting the cracks. Every crack told a different story of how it appeared, through someone slamming their door through argument or through excitement. Just like how every smile held a story. Johnny Cade and Dallas Winston would leave us with a smile. Thinking of the story their lives told. That's how I would die I decided there and then. Not thinking of the bad but only ever of the good. Once I made it through the now with Sodapop and my brothers and the gang I'd look forward to the end by thinking of the story I weaved. Because that's what matters isn't it? What you did in the now, not what you did in the end.